Raise Your Glass
by A Loving Fist
Summary: Love at first sight is easy to understand it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. TidusXYuna AU
1. Chapter 1: Where she catches his eye

**We'll Run Until She's Out Of Breath****  
****She Ran Until There's Nothin' Left**  
**She Hit The End-It's Just Her Window Ledge**

One headlight- _The Wallflowers_

* * *

**Yuna**

"To love in the year to come, cherishing the memories we've made and have yet to experience." my cousin's champagne flute rises. Rikku's gaze drifts around the room, appreciating each of her guests, her husband, Gippal, pulls her close to his side.

"A toast to reunions." I smile, tilting my glass to Gippal's contribution, "To our friends who so graciously made it out to celebrate with us tonight."

We drink. I scrutinize the environment, the people I once knew well. Despite everything he's gone through Tidus hasn't changed. I watch him carefully in my peripheral vision, the way he laughs with every fiber of his body, how he exaggerates when he tells his stories. I know I'm being unreasonable, inflexible at my post against the wall. Familiar faces take turns approaching me, their questions are all the same.

Two years and an ocean had separated us. The space numbed me; I thought I was getting better, moving on. I thought I'd be prepared for _this_. I dropped ten stories at first glance- to think what might happen if he looked back.

While helping me sort through my luggage, Rikku said that she noticed I've changed; I was the one somehow _different_. I took this as a compliment because she said it with a smile. She hoped this weekend would patch things up—insisting Zanarkand wasn't the same without me. I doubt that in our years growing up and attending school together that I'd ever made much of an impression, sticking strictly to the sidelines, accustomed, but never quite comfortable.

However, with Tidus I was once at ease, he had a way with me. We grew up together playing on the same street. For so many years he was my refuge, my best friend. But school… school brought sports, girls and other interests.

Despite the heartache left by the hands of his first love, Adrianna, Tidus seems sufficiently satisfied with a new toy. Her name is Dona Arturo: a journalist, a new pair of vacant eyes- I notice her studying me with cruel dissatisfaction. I heard he met her at one of his games, he agreed to an interview on the condition that it be over dinner. Always in a rush to commit, Tidus keeps his place at her side.

Love: it seems to be a spreading disease around here. Even the reclusive Paine has managed to find her counterpart in Baralai. And with Lenne and Shuyin growing closer to their wedding every day, there is no refuge for the single, hopeless me.

"Yuna?" A thick accent collides into my train of thought, and I shift my weight, turning to address Tidus' date.

"You must be Dona?" I turn all my attention to her with the intention of maintaining eye contact. Her gaze isn't light, it isn't innocent. She wants something from me.

"Correct." She smiles, extending her hand. "I figured I'd introduce myself, since you're the only friend of Tidus' that I haven't met."

I receive her shake and try to keep myself steady as I smile back, "I've spent the last few years abroad studying. It seems I've missed out on a few things."

She smiles slowly, "Well, there is time enough to catch up."

"I guess it just depends on the situation, really."

"Hmm." She pauses placing her hand in front of her, motioning around the room, "And how do you… how do you know the host?"

"Rikku's my cousin. I went to high school with most of her guests." I answer, "And you know Tidus from blitzball, right?"

"Initially yes, are you and Tidus… close?"

"Actually, we were neighbors growing up. We used to be." I reply, glancing down into my glass, brainstorming an out from the conversation. Use to be… as in until Adrianna. One of my only regrets is that I wasn't here when 'they' ended; I had to hear it over the phone from Rikku. If I had known I might have stayed. Although Adrianna and I had never gotten along, it hurt to know Tidus was going through the toughest heartache of his life and that I could offer no help.

I had thought about writing or calling- but what condolence could I offer? Even if I felt he abandoned me, I hadn't behaved much better. It would have been unfair to offer temporary friendship.

"It seems like a long time ago." A tentative voice from behind us cuts in. Tidus approaches his girlfriend bringing his hand to rest on the small of her waist. "Shuyin and I grew up right next to Yuna."

"She mentioned that." Dona replies, without a trace of embarrassment. "You've known each other for a long time; You must have a lot of shared memories."

"Some." Tidus softens, looking at me for the first time; his gaze is heavy. "Would either of you like another drink?"

"I'll be leaving soon." I answer too quickly, although really, I don't want to leave. I don't want to go anywhere; most of all I really just want to forgive him. I don't think he ever understood why I left, and maybe I didn't either.

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"I'm staying for awhile- but it's been a long day with the flight and the party… I'm probably just a little jet lagged but I- I should get going."

"Okay," he pauses, peeling his gaze away from mine, "How about you, Babe?"

"I could use something to… wet my lips."

"Gotcha" Tidus winks, knowingly squeezing her shoulder and then glancing back at me. "Hopefully I'll see you around, Yuna."

Tidus heads upstairs to the mini-bar. His Levi's are sized perfectly, and his dark navy shirt, with a few buttons left open, advertises both the Zanarkand symbol on a white-gold chain he inherited from his grandfather, and his muscular chest beneath a black undershirt. His sleeves are rolled, exposing the tan skin of his forearms. Dona stares, knowing exactly how lucky she is.

I try to make my goodnights quick, missing out only on Lulu and her husband, Wakka. They decided not to attend, which is reasonable with their baby-sized commitment to feed, change, water, and spoil at home. Vidina will turn two next month; I've heard he has the flamboyant red hair of his father and the temperament of his mother. I hope I have a chance to see them before I head back to Luca.

Rikku placed me in the west wing of her husband's home. Gippal had bought the estate with an inheritance left behind by his great uncle. The room is of average size, painted burnt rose with matching dark mahogany furniture. The bed is queen sized, and the sheets white and gold. A picture window sits along the sidewall, where long, sheen drapes blur the outside scenery. I strain my eyes watching beyond them at snowflakes beaming in the dark.

The door to my room opens a crack, and I hear a voice, thick and disgruntled, call my name, "You in there?"

"Where else would I be…?" I turn to face Tidus. He shuts the door behind him and moves towards the window. We stand in silence for a moment. He's too close; I don't know what to do with myself.

"Are you going back to Luca after the holiday?"

"I… I think so."

"But you're done with school, aren't you?"

"Yes but..." I pause, "I haven't made up my mind yet."

"You could stay." He states quietly, his voice shying away. I wonder if he's nervous. "You know, I—We'd like you to stay."

"What would I do with myself if I lived here?"

"You could live here with Rikku, I'm sure you'd easily find a job." He justifies. "Zanarkand is the most amazing city in Spira."

"I have friends back home."

"Luca isn't your…" he pauses to compose himself, then turns to face me, "Look; I just want you to know we all missed you, alright? And I understand why you're mad at me." He leans against the window, running his fingers down the lace curtains. "I can't fix that."

"I never asked you to." I move away from him, I couldn't think standing there.

"I thought about visiting… showing up and like, surprising you…" He smiles, rubbing the back of his neck, "but I didn't know how you might react, and I haven't had a lot of time off."

"It might have shown me you cared." I reply.

"You know I care." He says quietly, "You matter a lot to me."

"Knowing you seems like a very long time ago" I say slowly, "almost like a dream."

He rubs his eyes, something I remember him doing often when frustrated. "Why?"

"I..." I pause to weigh my words, "I don't know you anymore."

"That's probably my fault." He reluctantly admits, "I was wrapped up in scholarships and girls. I was a prick... you know, but I was only a boy, right?"

"And what are you now?"

"I'd like to think I've grown up a little through the years." Tidus moves away from me and situates himself at the edge of my bed, "I've learnt a little about friendships and the people important to me. About loosing, about trusting."

"And now, do you trust Dona?" I ask, immediately wishing I hadn't. It was none of my business but instead of a flash of anger, Tidus' eyes remain clear, cerulean. He chuckles.

"No… she's a good girl. But I don't think we're working on anything serious."

"Then why indulge?"

"Because she's sexy, fun and female? It might sound a little shallow, but… I don't need to fall in love. I'd like to have married Adrianna, I loved her... but that's over. I'm not in any kind of rush to replace her, you know?"

I understand what he's saying, but I think the point is that it still hurts—and he's not ready to move on. I know he loved her but I wish he hadn't. If it had been me, I never would have hurt him. I know you can't always choose who your heart sets its sight on, and I know that it must hurt to loose that; it hurts to have never had that.

"It's late…" I bite down my bottom lip, "You should go."

He looks down, brushing his palms on the denim of his jeans, "Yuna…"

I shake my head, walking to hold the door open for him. "I'll see you, later."

He gets up, walking intently towards me. "I want you to stay." His hug isn't hesitant or careful. I can smell the musk of his cologne on his neck. Unable to resist closing my eyes I let myself imagine that he's not going to let go. He gives me a tight squeeze before excusing himself.

It's hard to fall asleep. I can feel it again, the desperation, that same, wistful pang. It seems that coming home might have been a backwards idea.


	2. Chapter 2: Where they kiss

You disembark the latest flight from paradise,  
You almost turn your ankle in the snow,  
You fall back into where you started,  
Making up songs you used to know.

Heart-_Stars_

_**January 5th, 4020**_

**Yuna**

Seymour's voice had been soft over the phone, a warm and inviting lyric, a first impression that greatly contrasts his appearance. In person, he is sharp featured with cold silver eyes. His smile does not grant me ease as he takes my hand to his lips. They are not soft; it is the coldest kiss that he presses to my skin. Still, I blush as we sit down. Despite his severity, Seymour Guado is a handsome, statuesque man.

Tidus sits with his back to me at the next table, wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses and a lopsided toque to match his grin. He thinks I'm over-reacting, that I should trust my father, either way Tidus had agreed to accompany me for my lunch meeting with Seymour, promising to keep his eyes open in case Seymour turned out to be someone of questionable personality.

…And yet, Braska had praised Seymour_. 'He's like a son to me, Yuna, and he has a room to rent… I can understand that you don't want to move back home with your old man but I would appreciate it if you could humor me on this one occasion. Just check the apartment out. It won't do you any harm.'_

Like a son… like the son he never had? It suited my father to find himself a second family; trivial connections so he won't have to feel the slight of guilt for ruining ours. I don't want a brother. I don't want to indulge Braska's fantasies.

The first time I spoke with Seymour was when he called me at Rikku's. I had been in the middle of helping my cousin cook dinner. He was quite conversational, asking me how I liked the city so far, and referring to a time when we'd met years ago. Our fathers had been friends, but although I'd met Jyscal many times, I could not recall his son.

"Your father always says such kind things about you…" He smiles. "Except, I suppose he neglected to mention how beautiful you've grown."

'_Yevon_', my face heats… and then I feel a rough nudge, someone's elbow digging into the small of my back. "Right, Seymour, I'd like to introduce you to someone…"

"Oh?" he perks in surprise.

"This is Tidus…" I point over my shoulder. He gives a little wave, tipping his glasses.

"Ah. Of course."

"I just thought-"

"It's understandable." He assures me before checking his watch. "Well, I suppose I should show you the apartment then?"

I reach for my purse and Tidus grabs my jacket. He walks forward to meet Seymour. The two exchange a look, though Tidus is much shorter in comparison, he lifts his chin, eyeing the older man. "So you know Braska, huh?"

"Yes, I do," he replies sharply, glancing down at his nails. He smiles when I approach, finding the small of my back with his palm. He leads me across the street, towards the building. Tidus audibly grumbles; I look back to find him with his eyebrows arched and arms folded over his chest. I do not think he likes Seymour.

The apartment is situated in Zanarkand: A –EAST. It is a modernized development on the edge of the downtown area, only a few blocks south of Tidus' residence. This complex is more homely than I had expected of a metropolitan apartment. A block down is a grocers market, and around the back I can see the hint of a garden.

"On the third floor there's a gym and hot tub, although outside they're building a lap-pool. It should be done next spring," Seymour commentates while leading us through the lobby, there is a guest area off to the left and a small library.

We take the elevator to the eleventh floor, Seymour's suite. It's not what I had expected; the apartment is oddly clean and smells crisp like it might right after a thunderstorm. I set my bag down by the door and remove my shoes to take a better look around. Aside from a crumpled newspaper on the living room coffee table, the apartment is pristine. I consider how this reflects on what I've seen of his personality.

"I travel a lot," he goes on to explain. "So, unfortunately, I won't be much company."

Just like my dad, I think, looking around the scarcely-furnished living room-kitchen split. White carpet, salmon colored drapes and pale-oak wood paneling, very… feminine. _Surprising_.

I set my bag down by the door and remove my shoes to take a better look around. Aside from a crumpled newspaper on the living room coffee table, the apartment is pristine. "Would you like to see the room, Yuna?"

"Thank-you."

Seymour leads Tidus and I down the hall, pointing out his room and office along the way. The first thing I notice about my perspective lodging is the balcony. Seymour slides open the door and I step out, my vision saturated by the view. "Wow. Tidus, I can see your apartment from here!"

"Do you think we could stretch one of those old tin-can telephones up?" he jokes moving forward to join me, but sticking close to the building. "Like we used to do, you know, when we were kids?"

"It would require a lot of string," I quip, gazing out over the city.

Seymour steps in front of Tidus, coming to my side and breaking our conversation. "When the sun rises and sets, it slices right through the buildings… it's quite a dramatic view."

I swallow, still uneasy.

"You said you travel a lot?" Tidus asks, "So Yuna would probably have the place to herself the majority of the time, right?"

"Yes?"

"Any house rules, regulations?"

Seymour turns back to me. "From what your father's told me, Yuna, I trust his assertion that you're responsible."

"So no ragers? Bummer." By this point the air between the two men has become thick and hot. Tidus attempts to joke but Seymour does not humor him, he is cold and churlish with his laughter. I find myself offended that he would treat a friend of mine with such low regard.

"Tidus…" I pinch his arm, trying to bring mirth to dilute the situation. "He's joking. Really."

"Ahh." Seymour nods, apparently not amused. "Well, Yuna, I trust you'll let me know as soon as you've made your decision. I'll withhold my search until you have, of course."

"I wouldn't want to put you out of your way…" I insist.

"For Braska's daughter, it's nothing."

"For Braska's daughter…" Tidus mimics, rolling his eyes. "He must think your father's the Pope or something."

"My father… I don't know. I suppose they're just close."

"Uh-huh…" he opens his car door, and leans over the seats to unlock mine, "That or he's trying to hint at something… ya' know, like your dad's trying to set you guys up, maybe."

"Like Braska would ever." I laugh at the thought, doubting my father could want any part in my love life.

"Don't be so naïve, Yuna."

"I'm not… I'm not." I swear, buckling up. "It's just kind of a ridiculous thought. When has he ever wanted anything to do with me, let alone…" I smile and shake my head. "It's just not in his character."

"I've met him a couple of times, you know?" Tidus replies sarcastically. "I don't think he's as… unaware as you think."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Tidus shrugs off my question as he shifts into gear. "Never mind. I just think this Seymour is... bad news."

To an extent I understand Tidus' concern, but he hadn't talked to Seymour on the phone and over the past few weeks the man I had been conversing with was nothing like who we encountered today. I tease myself with the notion that somehow Tidus could be feeling possessive, and perhaps even jealous.

He reaches over and squeezes my hand, still looking out through the window, focused on some spotlight in the horizon. Tidus weaves through the gears as he sews through traffic on the highway back towards Rikku and Gippal's. The drive is smooth and the sun is high; I find my eyelids growing heavy and the rest of the trip seems to pass in an instant

I wake to Tidus' releasing me from the comforting embrace of his arms as he lays me on Rikku's sunroom couch. When he realizes I've woken, he jumps back, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. "I didn't want to wake you."

I sit up, stretching my arms in front of me. "Where is everybody?"

Tidus fiddles with his earring. "We're still waiting on Lenne and Shuyin. Most of the guys are downstairs playing pool and Rikku's helping Lu in the kitchen, although I doubt she's that much help."

"You shouldn't have let me sleep."

"I really couldn't help it, you looked cute."

"Funny."

"Well, do you want to come downstairs? I'll play you at pool."

"You know I can't play pool."

"I figured maybe that was one of the many talents you picked up in Luca." He says, a hint of a smile playing against his lips.

"Nope. I'm still the same, no fancy tricks."

He smiles at a private thought, resting his chin in his hand, "Hardly."

"What does that mean?" I stand up, nudging his shoulder.

"Oh, nothing…" he rolls his eyes, backing away with a slight smile. "But you're definitely different. Definitely."

"You're full of it." I reply, crossing my arms.

"Maybe it's just me. But you seem more self-assured." He bites down on his lower lip, and then bursts into a smile before shaking his head at me. His gaze feels strange, like we no longer know each other. I don't know what to expect from him anymore, I don' think I'm the only one who's changed.

"Stop it," I tell him, uncomfortable with his stare.

His smile widens as he reaches out to ruffle my hair, a familiar gesture. "I'm going downstairs. Are you coming?"

I shake my head, deciding instead to join Lulu and Rik in the kitchen. I need a little air, a little breathing room. Tidus is as confusing as he ever has been, as charming and beautiful, and absolutely infuriating. I wait for him to leave before I fall back onto the couch in frustration. The fluctuating dance of my heart assures me that my feelings for him after two years are awake. I am tempted to say they are stronger for the person he is now, than they were for the boy I left.

I still feel uncertain, nervous to the point of making myself sick. Staying is dangerous; every second I spend in Zanarkand I feel weaker, more affected by his influence and charm. I don't want to go back to Luca; I don't want to miss Tidus. Yet, I want to feel like I'm in control of myself, and not losing my grip on reality. I want to feel like I can accept Tidus' friendship without pursuing something more.

**Tidus**

I try to focus on the game in front of me, carefully lining up my cue with the white, and thinking about the shot. I'm awful at pool and I scratch. Cursing myself, I hand the cue over to my brother, who waits for our next turn; the twins versus Gippal and Baralai. Wakka sits off to the side watching the game on the big screen with a beer in his hand, mumbling about the score.

"How's the match, Wakka?" I tease, leaving the game in favor of bugging him.

"Oh this team, ya?" he grumbles. "They're gonna have ta' get their butts in gear if they're gonna make it into the tournament."

"What's the point? If Besaid makes it in, Zanarkand will just spit em' out."

"We'll see about that, ya? I have a feelin' my team will be pickin' it up in the next half."

"And how often do these feelings of yours come true?"

He reaches back, pulling me forward by the scruff of my polo onto the ground in a headlock, grinding his rough knuckles on my scalp. I struggle to free myself from his arms. Wakka lets me go, and I stumble back onto the carpet. "You'll see, eh? Besaid will come back."

"Keep dreaming, buddy," I reply, rubbing my scalp.

"Wakka!" We both turn our heads back to the stairs, to Lulu with her arms crossed and eyebrow arched. "Haven't I taught you only to pick on boys your own size?"

"Yes, Mama," he grumbles.

"Alright, _Pops_, dinner's ready, so get on upstairs and dish up. And you-" She turns her cat eyes on me. "Let's speak for a moment."

"Am I in trouble, Mama?" I tease. Lulu hates her nickname, but her steaming glances aren't enough to deter her friends from using it; dodging her wrath is practically half the fun.

"A little bit."

"What did I do this time?" I ask, unable to help a grin tickling the corners of my lips.

Lu's only response is a tight smile as she waits for the rest of the guys to file out. "Where's Dona tonight?"

I shrug. "Around somewhere; I think she's probably covering the Aurochs game, actually."

"So she's out of town?"

"I guess."

"You're spending a lot of time with Yuna lately."

"Is that a question?"

She tucks a strand of black-silk hair behind her ear. "It's a problem."

"Oh, pray tell, why is that?"

"Skip the sarcasm, Tidus… you do know if you step on her feelings, or even consider crossing the line I will have you maimed, don't you, Dear?"

"Aw, Mama, you're a little over-protective, aren't you?"

"I'm serious," she says with fire in her eyes. "Spare her."

"Okay Lulu. I know I haven't always been..." I don't think I need to tell her that it hurt me as much as anyone when Yuna left. The two years she was gone were the worst of my life. I know I didn't appreciate her, I didn't listen to her, I didn't 'consider her feelings'. I used her.

"Been what ,Tidus?"

"—a great friend, but that was years ago, you know?" I justify, wringing a single hand against the back of my neck, a nervous habit.

"Two years ago? And what's to make me believe you've changed? Just know that you've been warned. Now, take off that stupid toque— we're indoors for Yevon's sake—and come eat."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Lulu turns her back and begins walking upstairs. I stall; favoring a moment for myself over being first in line for a dinner that Rikku had any part in cooking. I find myself a little angry about Lulu's threat. What exactly did she mean by 'spare her''? What does Lulu think I'm going to try? It had hardly crossed my mind… though I doubt any red-blooded male could help it. Seymour certainly couldn't.

It felt odd having to compete with someone for Yuna's attention. I didn't like the way Seymour looked, the way he looked at Yuna, and nearly everything else about him. I didn't appreciate his way of manhandling both her and the conversation. Seymour is exactly the type of guy Braska would set her up with, whether Yuna wants to acknowledge it or not.

"Are you that scared of Rikku's cooking?"

"I didn't know you were down here," I reply.

"What, did you think I was in the kitchen… helping?"

"I guess you're right. That doesn't sound like you at all," I tease, swiping the toque from my forehead and stuffing it into my back pocket. "Well, Paine, ready to face the concoction?"

"Just let me make a quick trip to the store to pick us all up some antacids."

"You're funny, you know that?"

She smiles, a rare occurrence. "It's nice to finally see you coming out."

I shrug. Paine almost sounds like she missed me. I was never really gone, just temporarily… busy. It was hard being part of the 'group', when our group consists of mostly pairs, and the last thing I wanted to do was think about relationships, about… _Adrianna_. And now I have Dona, but… well, she just doesn't like people much. "It's been a rough little while."

"And it has nothing to do with Yuna coming back? — I won't tell Lulu."

"Yes and no." I smile. "But it's not like that, I just missed my friend."

"You've got a lot of friends, Tidus… and we're all here for you, somewhat reluctantly, but it's in the contract."

"There's a contract?"

"Didn't you know? You're agent's paying us."

"Ouch." I feign hurt. "Come on, before Baralai starts to think you're cheating on him."

"Right, because no one can resist your charming personality and movie-star good looks."

"Least of all you."

"You got me." She rolls her eyes, giving my shoulder a rough push. "Come on."

"I'll meet you up there. I just need to wash up first."

I excuse myself, making my way into the corner washroom. I run the water for a few seconds allowing it to cool before splashing my face and running damp hands through my unruly hat hair, matted to my scalp. Regardless of Lu's opinion, I thought the toque suited me; hat hair, on the other hand, does not. I grab a bit of Gippal's gel and smooth my hair back, hoping it will stay in place.

The only empty seat left is across from Yuna, between my brother and Paine. Lulu and Lenne are still standing, balancing the dinner plates before setting them down upon hot pads and sitting down. Rikku eventually joins us, a couple of wine bottles in her arms, one merlot, and a chardonnay. The group is unusually quiet; Yuna doesn't seem entirely comfortable, staring down awkwardly at her empty plate.

"Well girls, this looks good…" Gippal leans over the table to grab the first dish, taking a quick look at it, and deciding it's at the very least edible. We all start to pass around the plates and dish up.

"I helped; Lulu put me on wine duty _and_ I set the table." Rikku announces. "You know Gippal's usually the one cooking dinner in here; this is probably one of the few times I've even used the kitchen…"

"You're not supposed to actually tell anyone that…" he rolls his eyes.

"Oops…"

Gippal and Rikku's bickering falls into the background; I switch my attentions to Lulu as she addresses Yuna. "So Yuna, how was the search this afternoon? Did you like the place your father arranged?"

"It was nice…" she answers, "but I'm not sure whether or not I want a roommate."

"And you gotta admit, Seymour's kind of a creep."

"Seymour Guado?" asks Baralai. "I worked with him a while back."

"Well, my father knows him through the office, so I guess that would make sense," Yuna replies, taking some salad and passing the dish along.

"You got a weird vibe off him, right Lai'?"

"Weird, how so?"

"The point is whether Yuna likes him or not," Lenne interrupts, addressing Yuna. "Well, did you like him?"

"Yeah, did you like, like him?" Rikku parrots.

Under their securitization Yuna sits quiet, pulling apart the meal on her plate, separating the entrees into three different mounds. I wonder if she's having second thoughts about moving back home; as soon as the thought crosses my mind I feel nauseous.

"You're not dating anyone back in Luca, are you?"

I really don't like the idea of Yuna dating. It's not that I'm jealous … I just don't want her to get hurt. She needs a certain type of guy… someone who's not out to break her heart. She should hold out for that, someone special. And Seymour—he's the last guy on earth I'd want her to date… it took me less than two minutes to figure out what he wanted… the long stares, sugary sweet gestures. Give me a break… the guy's a creep.

"No… but I don't think that Seymour's really my type… I'm not sure I have a type really, but he's a little... I don't really know how to describe him!" she blushes, "I've never really met anyone like him…"

"Well that's fine, but Rik and I should find someone for you to hook up with. I've never actually seen you with a boyfriend." Lenne gushes.

"I've never really got into dating… it's not a big deal or anything. I guess I am just okay being single."

"That's a good thing though—" Gippal comments his mouth half-full. "Enjoy it while it lasts, you know? I mean…" he glances over at his unhappy wife.

"No one forced you to marry me."

"It's not that… I mean well, technically Cid kind-of did, either way I love you and all but what I'm trying to say is that when we weren't… things seemed a lot simpler."

"I don't get it, ya? My life's been a hundred times simpler since I married Lu."

"Hasn't your life always been pretty simple, regardless of Lulu?" I state. My snarky comment is met by a narrowed pair of crimson eyes; Lulu doesn't like it when I make fun of her husband.

"It's like this, Wakka." Shuyin begins. "I definitely understand what Gippal's getting at. A relationship isn't just a cross to bear — it takes a lot of work — but it's rewarding when you're with the right person. We're just lucky we found the right person early." Shuyin adds, "I cannot wait to give up the so-called bachelor's life when I marry Lenne."

"You don't count—the two of you live together. You're practically married already!" I reply, "Baralai and I are the only 'bachelors' at this table."

"You guys both have girlfriends!" Lenne exclaims. "I'm not encouraging Yuna to go out and get married right away, not at all… but I think it would be nice if she had a little companionship, someone to pass the time with—dating is fun, and it's definitely something she needs to experience."

Suddenly I don't feel so hungry. I uncork the wine, offering it around the table after pouring myself a healthy glass. At this point the conversation lulls to near silence. I look across the table at Yuna, now pouring herself a glass; her lips meet the rim before her eyes meet mine. She holds the glance for a second while setting the glass down. It's hard to look away. I want nothing more than to know what she's thinking, how she's feeling. Constant waves of uncertainty have been rolling inside of me. I'm worried I'll drive her away again; I'm afraid of losing her.

"You know Yunie, you shouldn't let Tidus hog you so much. I think you should spend the day with Lenne and me tomorrow. We need to take you shopping; it's been awhile since you've seen the city." Rikku speaks.

Yuna tears her eyes from mine, a sincere smile graces her lips as she nods. "That would be nice."

"Just think of all the fun we'll have if you don't go back to Luca…"

"She's right, you know," Lenne replies with a smile of her own. "And if we found you someone to date, we could all double!"

"Lenne…" I interrupt.

"What?"

"Maybe you guys should let her get settled?"

"Tidus is right," my brother replies. "Let Yuna get used to the city, and once she's been here for awhile I'm sure Tidus and I can pick her out a good man, maybe one of the guys from the blitzball team."

I nearly choke on my food, quickly retrieving my drink to wash it down. "No. No one on the team."

"You look a little pale, buddy," Gippal interjects. "Maybe you should get some fresh air."

"I'm fine," I reply, setting my utensils down on my plate. "I just don't think an athlete's right for Yuna. It takes a certain type of woman…" I grab my plate and walk towards the sink. "Forget I said anything."

"A certain type of woman…" I hear Yuna repeat to herself. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I also didn't think she could understand.

I busy myself with the dishes. Usually if the women cook, the men clean. Yuna joins me momentarily after, a stack of porcelain plates in hand; she places them in a neat pile beside me. "Are you okay?"

I move the dishes from the counter into the water, withdrawing a soapy hand and flicking it at her with a smile. She gasps and backs away rubbing the suds from her face.

"Tidus!"

"What?" I smile, turning around so my back rests against the counter.

She's silent for a moment, narrowing her bi-colored eyes at me. "That wasn't very nice."

"I'm just playing," I justify, "Are you going to help me with dishes, or what? It looks like everyone else has disappeared."

"I volunteered… actually," she says. "I thought we should talk."

"About?" I hand her a dishtowel and scoot over so she has room to stand beside me.

"I don't know, really." She laughs softly. "I just thought we ought to."

I steal a sidelong glance at her smile. "Yeah?"

"I appreciate you sticking up for me."

"At dinner?"

"You were right… I don't think dating is a good idea."

"Why not? Are you afraid you won't be staying long?" I ask. My chest constricts. I'm still waiting for her to take off again.

She scratches her arm, looking up through the window out into the yard. "That's not it."

"So you do have someone back in Luca?"

"Not really. I didn't go out much."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"I'm… not sure. I just don't feel like it would be a good idea. Maybe the prospect scares me a little."

"Being with someone is supposed to excite you, Yuna, you know? Like… that person should give you butterflies. I know that's kind of corny, but it's the type of thing you should hold out for."

"I bet it's easy for you."

"Dating? I don't think it's easy for anyone," I tell her sincerely. Heartache is universal. It doesn't matter how many girls I could have, if the one I care about doesn't reciprocate.

"But you're charming, and I'm… awkward." She scrunches her nose, setting a freshly dried plate on the other side of the counter.

"But you're also cute, and funny, and incredibly thoughtful, you're selfless… you're beautiful. You're kind of a catch, Yuna."

Her smile softens, and she turns back to the dishes, leaving me in silence as I rinse and place them into her waiting hands. "You don't have to say things like that— things that you don't really mean."

I place a quick kiss on her cheek. "I speak the absolute and honest truth."

**Yuna**

Tidus settles down next to me on the couch, handing over a cooler that he's already opened for my consumption. I had forgotten how much my friends enjoyed drinking, and find myself struggling. Already the room has grown a warm, fuzzy complexion.

Rikku says something and Tidus laughs beside me. I giggle too, but I don't know what's so funny. I don't know if I care, but it feels nice to laugh. The warm tingling weight of Tidus' arm around my shoulder feels nice too. I think of Seymour, and how cold it was to touch him, and then reconsider Tidus.

Lulu and Wakka have already left, quite quickly after dinner while Tidus and I were still cleaning the kitchen. They said a quick goodbye, with quick hugs. I think I'd like to babysit Vidina. There are a lot of things I still want to do in Zanarkand. I want to stay in Zanarkand, and I want to stay on this couch with Tidus.

Lenne turns on the stereo; I think I hear her voice. This must be her new single. We all listen as she sings along with the song, but when she notices us watching she flushes with embarrassment. Shuyin kisses her, squeezing her tightly in his arms. That's where she fits best.

"I love you," he whispers and she smiles, kissing him chastely.

I want that. "Tidus." I poke him in the ribs. "Tidus."

He looks down on me with a bemused expression. "Yes Yuna?"

"Never mind."

He laughs, patting my shoulder. His phone starts vibrating and he shifts around, taking his arm off of me to look at the caller. I see that it's Dona, but he doesn't answer. I wonder if she's back in town now and if he'll stop hanging out with me because she's more important, like Adrianna was. I try not to feel jealous, but I do anyway.

It's time that I go to bed. I don't want to be up anymore. Tidus has a girlfriend. Tidus has a girlfriend and he should answer her phone call. I stand up, somewhat unsure of my footing, and place my half-empty drink on the mini-bar. "I'm going to bed," I announce, straightening my shoulders and purposely walking towards the basement stairs.

Lenne grabs my wrist lightly and pulls me into a hug. "Don't forget shopping tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I tell her, kissing her cheek. I reach for the railing.

In the background someone tells someone that they should help me up. I don't need help. I take the stairs one at a time. I really wish I hadn't had drunk so much. I don't feel queasy, but I have a headache. I want to cry, I think.

I make my way into my room, somehow. I struggle to peel off my jeans and my tee-shirt. I throw the clothes in a pile on the other side of the room and find an old shirt to wear to bed. I'm not tired; I crawl under the covers and sulk. Tidus is probably still downstairs. I wish I hadn't left. I want to cry again. I don't want Dona to ever phone him again; I want to him to really care about me.

Knock, knock, knock. Bone and flesh hit the door. Is it morning? I cock my head out from under the covers before rolling out to answer the visitor. I haven't been asleep very long, if at all.

I answer the door, and think for a second I'm dreaming. "Hey?"

"I thought you could use this," Tidus says; he holds a glass of water in his gloved hand. I'm suddenly very thirsty.

I take the cup. "Come in."

"I should probably get going," he replies. I grab his arm and pull him into the bedroom. He smiles at me, rubbing the back of his neck. "Alright."

I sit on the bed and take a long sip from the glass before setting it down on the night table. He stands in the middle of the room, looking around my belongings. "So you think you're staying then?"

I consider. "Do you think I should stay?

He moves to sit beside me on top of the duvet. "Yeah, I think you should stay."

"Why?"

"Why?" he asks, falling back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Because I don't want you to go."

"I don't really want to leave," I reply softly, lying down under his arm. He rubs the skin on my shoulder.

"You shouldn't have left."

"But I did."

He withdraws his arm and sits up, resting his weight on his wrists. "Yeah, well it wasn't a good idea."

"Yeah well," I mimic, "I needed a break."

"From me?" he asks sourly, quirking an eyebrow. "That's what you mean, right?"

"Yes,"

"Well, you're not going to leave again."

"Maybe," I don't understand why he cares. He has Dona.

"I'm serious," He replies. His eyes are dark, and his hair has fallen in loose tendrils framing his eyes. At least he looks serious. I'm not used to seeing him with such a straight face. "Please," he adds, almost as an afterthought.

I shrug. "What's going to happen when Dona comes back?"

"What do you mean?"

"What does it matter if I live here when you won't have the time for me?" I sit up, matching my expression to his. "The thing is, Tidus, you're kind of important to me—and it hurts to be ignored."

"You're important to me," he justifies. "I know things got out of hand… I-I won't let that happen again."

"Your girlfriend made my life a living hell," I tell him, "You know the kind of things she said about me? You know how she treated me—and not once did you act like it wasn't okay. Do you know how I felt?" I feel my cheeks growing hot, a stream of tears ready to fall. "You were my best friend, and I would have done anything for you."

He swallows. "I know. I regret how I treated you, every day. I wish that I had had the courage to apologize sooner. Yuna, you have to believe that I'm sorry. I love you, you know that?"

I shake my head, feeling the tears come loose and now I don't want to cry. Now I want to be strong and show him it doesn't matter anymore, that I'm over it. He reaches over to me, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs, before grabbing me around the shoulders, drawing me close to his chest. I want to hate him and I can't.

"I'm sorry." He kisses my forehead. "I'm really, really sorry."

I pull free and wipe the freshest tears away. "What do you think of me now, Tidus?"

"What do you mean?" he asks, his eyes downcast at his feet.

"You said I changed."

He glances over at me with a smirk. "You're just different."

"Yeah, but what is it? My personality, my appearance?"

"A little bit of both, but you've always been cute." He reaches over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes no longer dark. I lean forward to rest my forehead against his.

He tilts his head so our noses brush. I look up and his eyes are downcast. "Just don't leave… okay?"

I lean forward, my pulse racing. I am completely unsure of myself. I kiss him anyways.

He doesn't move, remaining statuesque before gently pulling me in. My back hits the edge of the bed and Tidus lifts me onto it. I grab his shirt, graze his stomach. He keeps kissing me, hands roaming.

He crawls on top of the bed, his weight on me. I arch my back he hikes up my shirt, his hand firm on my ribcage. I move my hands down his back, I pull his hips in tighter, he freezes. He pulls away.

"It's late. You should get some sleep. You're going shopping tomorrow, right?" his voice is curt; he looks back towards the door, muscles rigid.

I nod.

Her rolls to the side, sits up and straightens out his shirt. I watch Tidus runs his hands through his hair. "We've had a lot to drink tonight, right?

I nod.

"We're both tired, and we've been drinking…" He pauses. "I'm sorry, Yuna."

When I don't respond, he pushes himself off of the bed, moving away from me towards the door. He doesn't turn back to me; he doesn't say goodnight, or goodbye. I don't know what to think and I can't decide how I feel. There is no feeling but I'm very aware of the hot stream of tears etching their path along my cheek.


	3. Chapter 3

**January 20th, 4020**

There's a fire starting in my heart,  
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

Finally, I can see you crystal clear.  
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.  
See how I leave, with every piece of you  
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

Rolling in the Deep- _Adele_

**Yuna**

Pastel colors of morning sunlight slice through the window, falling upon my face and allying with the badgering alarm clock to interrupt my dream. I peak an eye open, shielding it from the light as I try to read the time: it is nearly noon. I drop my hand and close my eyes. I realize latently what today entails without the expected excitement and instead only apprehension.

I wrap my arms around my shins, and tuck my knees beneath my chin. The seconds on the clock tick by, I cannot move, I feel warm and comfortable and safe in the morning stillness. By accepting Seymour's offer on the apartment I had made my decision to stay. Regardless of whether or not Tidus and I are on speaking terms— I have come to realize Tidus is not the only worthy reason for staying in Zanarkand. There are other people here, people that I love and that I've neglected.

The warm wash of the shower is welcome but brief, I know I am expected and force myself to hurry. I leave the water's downpour and grab a towel to cover myself. In the mirror I inspect my appearance, losing sense of time while bound in thoughts that lack certain intention. A vibration breaks the silence and I struggle to keep my towel clasped beneath my arm while I search for the source. I find my cell in time to miss a call from Tidus, although I'm not sure I would have answered had I made it in time to answer. I drop the phone into my purse and dress quickly before taking time to canvass the room. I leave my purse on the bed and grab the first of two suitcases, taking each in turn down the carpeted staircase to the main foyer. I'm expecting my father to pick me up for lunch and then escort me to Seymour's apartment.

Braska is late as usual and as usual, he arrives in style. I watch through the picture window in Rikku's front room as his driver pulls along the curve. He moves around the car to open my father's door. Braska closes a phone call, steps out and straightens his pewter triple-button suit. This is the first time I've seen my father in six months, I feel as if I should have missed him.

I answer the door, and receive his awkward hug. "You look good, Father."

"I'm sorry I was late Yuna, I just came from the office." He leans forward and kisses my cheek before motioning his driver forward to collect my luggage. "I'm so glad you decided to come back to Zanarkand. I regret that this is the first chance I've had to take you for lunch."

"Better late than never, right Dad?" I begin to address him but his attention drifts when the phone attached to his belt begins to pulse.

"I'm sorry Yuna," Braska apologizes without a glance towards me, "I have to take this." He answers his blackberry, and begins walking away from me towards the car where the chauffer begins loading my bags into the trunk. The driver pauses to open the doors for us before closing the trunk and taking his seat behind the steering wheel.

We drive in near silence, my fathers hushed conversation melds into the background and my thoughts now take precedence. I think of how foreign home seems, it seems the city has changed more during the last two years than I have. I regret leaving when I think of the people I hurt- of Lulu and Rikku, my closest friends who I distanced for selfish reasons. Looking back, I know that I placed too much emphasis on what I couldn't have, and not enough on the people I should have valued.

"Yuna?" I hadn't noticed the car idling outside of the restaurant or my father end his call.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"You must have had a late night, huh?" He laughs, "That was Seymour. I invited him to lunch, I hope you don't mind."

"That was a good idea it might make things less awkward"

"Awkward?" the chauffer opens my father's door, and Braska slides out, holding out his palm to assist me.

"I'm a little nervous, I guess."

"You just need to give him a chance, Yuna. I have a feeling the two of you will hit it off."

"Maybe, Dad."

"Call it intuition." He winks before addressing the hostess and requesting a table for three. She gathers the menus from her stand and promptly leads the way to a private table near the back. Before we reach the table my father withdraws his phone again, checking for missed calls and distracting himself from conversation with me. I turn my attention to the menu, sifting through the dishes for something simple and light.

It isn't more than a few minutes that we're settled before Seymour arrives. My father stands to shake his hand and then both men sit, beginning a subject of dialog that leaves me feeling alienated. Our waitress, an older woman wearing a little too much make-up, comes over to fill our water glasses and ask if we're ready to order.

"Have you had a chance to look over the menu, Seymour?" Braska asks, closing his own and placing it in the waitresses waiting hands.

"Oh I think so, and you, Yuna?"

"I think I'll have the garden salad with your house dressing, please."

"Alright, I guess we're ordering then, I'll have the turkey club sandwich." Seymour hands his menu to the woman with a smile and my father follows by ordering himself a tall long island, no meal.

I listen to the two men's conversation, feigning interest and praying for the time with my father- which I once so much desired, to come to a quick end.

**Tidus**

I look down at the disconnected call, my stomach sinking to the depth of my abdomen. Donna lies in the next room, extremities and sheets a tangled mess. Last night I couldn't sleep. I haven't been sleeping much lately- my minds been full of all things Yuna. I miss her.

"Do. You. Realize. What. Time. It. Is?"

I glance back down at my phone, unfazed by Dona's sudden appearance. "Eleven forty-five."

She runs slender fingers through her hair, pulling out a kitchen chair and dropping her head against the wooden surface of the table. "Fuck."

"What?"

"My alarm didn't go off, I'm three and a half hours late for work, and I have an interview in fifteen minutes."

"That was probably me…" I admit, moving behind her and wresting my hands on her shoulders, she shakes me off. "I thought you could use the rest."

"That was you?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had such an important day planned."

"You're sorry?" she mocks, "Oh come on Tidus this could cost me my job!"

"Look—I'll call your boss, explain things, and by the end of the conversation we'll have a tee-time set for Sunday, and you'll have a promotion."

Donna looks up, her gnarled mess of hair falling down in tendrils on her shoulders, her eyes bloodshot and furious, "The thing is, _Tidus_, I bet _you_ probably could."

I crank a smile, "You know I could."

"You're not calling anyone." She says, getting up and pacing around her kitchen island. "What's going to happen is I'm going to make myself a cup of coffee—black, call Barth and get him to reschedule the client, dress, shower, and hope that my boss is still in Kilika with his mistress."

"And what about me?"

"You?" she quirks an eyebrow, and begins walking away, towards her bedroom where she disappears behind the door and returns with a pile of my clothing in her hands. Promptly she shoves the garments in my direction. "You're going home, and I'll call you when I've cooled down, alright?"

I place the pile on the table and fish out my jeans, taking no liberty with my time as I get dressed before I realize my keys are missing. "Dona?"

"You didn't drive last night." She replies curtly. "We took a cab, Gatta at Faction is holding your keys for you; he said he'll be working tonight, so if you have the time you should pick them up. What I can't understand is why you drove if your intent was to get absolutely inebriated."

"Are you really that mad at me?" I move to grab my cell phone from her counter and shove it into my pocket.

Dona ignores my question, combing her hair back into a sleek ponytail, before moving to the bathroom sink to rinse her face in cold water. The coffee machine beeps, and she pours herself a glass to take with her into the bedroom. Dona shuts the door to me. I take this as my cue to leave.

I find myself on the streets without a jacket, wondering if I left that too at Faction, or if maybe Dona was trying to punish me. Last night I took things a bit too far, ordered a few too many drinks and despite the music and the dancing and spending the night with Dona, I wake up miserable. I realize this lifestyle isn't working anymore, and that it hasn't for awhile. I can't justify my mood swings and keep dwelling on the negative.

But I'm not sure what happy is… is happy smiling and laughing? Is happy being with someone you love? I know the swell and fall of artificial happiness. I walk and think of calling Yuna. For now I'll assume she's not intentionally ignoring my calls, although doubt weighs heavily on my mind.

Lenne answers the door in her robe, looking happier than I've ever seen her before noon. "Mornin'." She greets me, standing to the side as I slip into the foyer. "You're late."

"Late?" I slip off my shoes and close the door, she leans against the railing that separates the foyer from her living room and watches me. "Is Shuyin home?"

"Yeah, he's outback with the guys." She gestures near the back of the living room at the patio door. "You look like shit, what did you do last night?"

I smirk, "The usual."

Lenne rolls her eyes, before deciding to comment. "That's great—just great, Tidus. I hope you had a lot of fun."

"I did have a lot of fun, actually." I pick up my hiking boots and take them with me to the back entrance where I re-lace and strap them on my feet. She follows me across the living room floor, arms crossed. She expects me to say more; to explain myself and confess to her my sins. "Went to faction, had a couple… you know how it goes."

She places a cool hand on my arm, brown eyes connecting with mine. She thinks I'm irresponsible, that I'm ruining my life. "What's the deal, I thought you were done with that?"

"I love you Lenne, but you worry too much." I push open the patio door and screen, leaving her in the house to fret over my well being.

"Yo Tidus!" Gippal sees me first, calling my name from across the lawn, a yellow blitzball under his arm. "Think fast." He winds up and pops the ball in the general vicinity of my direction. Shuyin snags the ball, and nails it back.

"Has he been drinking?" I ask Shuyin, referring to Gippal. "Or are his motor skills always this bad."

Shuyin shrugs, "Want a beer or something?"

"Sounds good."

I take a seat at small patio table beside Wakka. We watch for a while as Gippal tries to do repetitions bouncing the blitzball from knee to knee. He's not very good. Shuyin returns with a case of six and sits down across from me, back turned to Gippal. It's a little early to start drinking, but in my case, I think a hair of the dog might be the trick to calming my hangover.

Shuyin takes a drink for himself, popping off the cap against the wooden table surface. He takes a long draw from the beer, staring down at it. "Well?" I ask him, wondering why he's been so quiet.

"Been thinking about inviting dad to the wedding."

I stifle a laugh, for my brother's sake. Why get your hopes up? Jecht would show for the open bar, not to congratulate his son. I keep quiet, resting my eyes again at Gippal who's given up on blitzball and has started walking back towards us. "It's easier in the water dome."

"Don't worry about it, ya?" Wakka smiles, tossing him a beer, "We can't all be gifted athletes."

"Three out of four's not bad though." I grin, mocking Gippal.

The insult rolls off his shoulders. He leans his back against the deck railing. "So, you look like you had fun last night, Ti."

I shrug. "Maybe." I don't exactly remember.

"Tidus likes his fun." My brother rolls his eyes, "Did you walk over here from Dona's? Or what?"

I know what he's thinking. I need to slow down a bit, focus on blitzball and stop... having so much 'fun'. Maybe he's right, maybe I've taken it a little far lately. I feel like I'm coming out of a coma, falling back into routine. But Shuyin's concern makes me feel uncomfortable. "Don't worry so much about me."

He cocks an eyebrow, "Yuna talking to you yet?"

"No." I answer snidely.

"What'd ya do, brudda?" a serious undertone in Wakka's usual chipper dialect.

I cock my head over to Wakka, "Don't worry about it."

Wakka lowers his brow. "I'll worry 'bout what I gotta worry 'bout. Yuna's one of those things I'm gonna worry 'bout."

Feeling a sudden wave of nausea, I drop my head into my hands. I don't need this. It' s not my fault, I'm trying to fix things and… she shouldn't have kissed me. What scares me most is I think I wanted her to. And I didn't just want to kiss her either. I must be going out of my mind. I toss my beer aside. It's not helping.

"You and Yuna?" Gippal quirks an eyebrow. I look across the table at him, Gippal's not the guy I want to have around while nursing a hangover. "Can't say I blame you..." He snakes his bottom lip between his teeth. I look over to Wakka, wondering which of us wants to hurt him more. "You know what I mean?"

Yeah, I know what he means. I just don't want to think about it... I don't want anyone him thinking about it either. I let out an unsteady breath, deciding ignorance is best. Wakka however, doesn't have that much patience. "Careful." He chastises Gippal.

Gippal shrugs, moving a hand down to adjust his belt buckle. "Don't worry, I prefer Rikku, any day. Yuna's a little curvy for my tastes."

Too curvy? I shake my head. And now I'm thinking about curves, her sitting on the edge of the bed with that little night shirt that barely covered her legs, clinging to all the places I shouldn't be letting myself think about. "Shit Gippal, will you shut up?"

He smirks. "Just as I thought."

I dig my phone out and check for calls. Nothing. My gnarled stomach tightens. I wet my bottom lip and store the phone back into my pocket, trying to remember why I came over. I could have easily caught a cab home, popped two ibuprofen, and crawled back into bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Don't touch me, please,

I cannot stand the way you tease—

Tainted Love- _The Clash_

**Febuary 16****th**** 4020**

**Yuna**

"Well, you know Gippal…" Rikku chats lightly as she weaves through traffic, driving down the cobblestone roads of Old Zanarkand to Lenne and Shuyin's home. She pops her gum, casually looking out through the window at the rainy streets while navigating. "He says he's been busy. You know?"

I nod, but I don't know… not really. Rikku says she's glad that she has more free time now that he's working more on his car in the garage. But I think she misses Gippal more than she'll say. "We'll you're working too, right?"

"Right. _Right_… but it's different. I use to think that having him mope around at home all the time was the distraction, but it's worse when he's always gone. It's not that I'm lonely... just bored maybe? Anyways, work's going well now and I'm thinking I'll have my own show in a few months. Jean-Paul keeps calling me his pet-protégé- it's kind of annoying, but he's going to help me make a name for myself."

"I think that your talent speaks for itself." I tell her and she smiles.

"I'm going to make you something."

"Oh—I don't know…"

"Really." She says, "You'll love it."

"Like what?" I ask her.

"Like a dress. I'll have to take your measurements anyways when we get to Lenne's—did she tell you that I'm designing the bridesmaid's dresses? Not her dress though, I've never done a wedding dress before, but I'd like to, someday maybe. I'll have to show you the sketches. She's like, my first customer."

I smile, and she turns the corner, sliding into a parking space across the road from a quaint yellow-stucco house. The small home stands out against the tall brick buildings in surrounding lots. I walk around the car and take a casual look about the neighborhood, there's something almost whimsical about it. Rikku reaches to grab my hand and with a sharp jolt she pulls me across the street.

Rikku doesn't bother knocking, she walks right through the double oak front doors and I follow her inside, glancing around the homey entrance. Rikku closes the door quietly as I remove my flats. She walks down the hall into another room at the end of the corridor, the kitchen. I follow, not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to wait lamely until I am fetched. I feel nervous, as if I might break something by accident if I'm not careful.

"Where's Yuna? She came with you didn't she?" I hear Lenne ask Rikku before I turn the corner.

I step into the dimly lit kitchen and Lenne lights up with a smile. "Hey!"

"I told you I'd bring her." Rikku replies haughtily, Lenne ignores her as she moves around the table where the other bridesmaids are sitting and hugs me.

"I'm so glad you decided to come." She withdraws glancing around the room, "You already know Paine, and these two are Lucil and her partner Elma."

I nod curtly, smiling at the three acquaintances, "Hi." I thought she might have invited Adrianna as well, but then again, maybe not. I'm not exactly sure how events played out with their friendship after Tidus and Adrianna split. Tidus isn't the only person she hurt.

Lenne is eager to show me her home; she leaves Rikku in charge of the other bridesmaids and insists I take the grand tour. We go south down the hall back into the main foyer, to the right is the guest washroom, and another hall that leads to two bedrooms, and to the left from the foyer is her living room which curves around the wall to join with a second entrance to the kitchen. In the living room there is a door on the west wall that leads out onto the back yard patio, Lenne struggles to slide it open. Outside they have a hot tub implanted in the deck, and down on the grass Lenne has planted a small vegetable patch.

"We considered installing a pool too, but our back yard's not really big enough, and you know… the civic centers only a couple blocks away. I'd show you the basement too, but it's just storage and some of Shuyin's guy stuff, sports memorabilia, exercise equipment, stuff like that."

I rest my crossed forearms on the railing of her deck. Beside me Lenne picks at a loose piece of the peeling paint. "What's it like living with Shuyin?"

"Oh you know…" She smiles, "It's pretty great."

I smile too. "You're very lucky. I'm glad everything has worked out for you two."

"I love him." She replies as if it explains everything, like it's the only thing that could ever matter. "I can't wait to be married."

"Lenne…" I begin, turning around and digging my hands into the back pockets of my corduroy skirt. "Can I ask you something about Shuyin?"

She bites her lip, and nods, "Shoot."

"Was it hard to forgive him?"

She shakes her head. "No, I couldn't imagine my life without Shuyin. I could never have left him. I thought my career was so important, that touring was my dream. It was easy to leave him when I was on tour, probably because I was in shock—everything was so surreal. It didn't take long to sink in that my heart belonged more to Shuyin than to my music. For me it didn't matter who he'd been with— I understood it was only because Shuyin was hurt and confused. I blame myself because I never should have left him."

I don't think she's being fair to herself- If put in the same situation I'm not sure if I could have been so understanding. "Right." I drop my gaze to the wooden panels of the deck. "That's kind of how I felt when I left—but it's not the same, is it?"

"You mean when you moved to Luca?"

"I felt like I abandoned everyone." I tell her, honestly. Lenne had always been so close to Adrianna when we were in school. I imagine it must have been difficult for her to be friends with us both. There was no questioning how Adrianna felt about me. I was a nuisance, and she was never shy with her opinion. I wasn't sure what I had done to her, why she couldn't stand the sight of me. That was part of the reason I decided to start over somewhere I might be welcome, and when she finally unraveled to show the truth of her character, I still couldn't bring myself to come home.

Lenne takes a moment as we both look out over the freshly clipped lawn. She bites down on her lower lip and I can tell she's weighing her reply carefully. "I don't think that you did, I think Tidus was the only one angry with you and I think for the most part that was because he was deflecting the heat from himself, he'll never take the blame for anything, you know? I'm not sure what happened, but if it was enough to make you leave then you must have been really hurt."

"It's complicated." I say, "There were a lot of little things that influenced my decision."

"I know he's worried about whether you'll ever forgive him." She replies, sliding along the railing to move closer to me. "He's made himself sick over some fight you've had. He's bent out of shape because you won't answer his calls- he just wants a chance to apologize, Yuna."

I brush a strand of my cropped hair behind an ear, "Tidus doesn't have anything to apologize for."

"Tidus seems to think that he does. I don't want you to think I've been being nosey or anything, but I know what happened."

I feel uncomfortable and hot as I gather my thoughts. I don't want to be talking about Tidus. I ignore his calls because I don't want to hear what he has to say, I already know the point, we're friends. Right now I don't know if I can handle that conversation, I don't want to face that kind of rejection—the kind of pain that I've hid from by deciding not to tell him how I feel. Regardless of what I haven't told Tidus, by now I'm sure he knows; I'm convinced everyone knows. I feel ashamed, my cheeks burn.

Beside me Lenne smiles like she understands what I'm going through, like she feels a sort of compassion for me. I had assumed Tidus would tell his brother. I had hoped it wouldn't travel any further. "Shuyin told you?"

She nods. "He misses you."

He doesn't, not really. He doesn't know me to miss me. He's been absent from my life two years and suddenly Tidus feels like now that I'm back everything can go back to normal, like we'll resume a friendship that has steadily been deteriorating for the last six years. He doesn't want to feel guilty for giving me the slip, for hurting me. At least now he must know how I felt.

"Are you okay?" She asks me, placing a cool hand on my shoulder.

I'm not okay. I look at her as she gently smiles back at me. She can't possibly know how much pain I'm in. I feel jilted and exposed. "Have you told anyone?"

"No, and I don't plan on it either." Lenne pushes herself out of her position leaning against the fence, and moves to approach the deck door. "Shall we?"

I agree and follow Lenne back into the kitchen, hoping at the very least that can I trust her to be discreet and not to give anything away in front of Rikku.

**Tidus**

"Honey I'm home…" Shuyin calls, setting his gym bag down in the front entrance. We both slip off our sneakers and kick them off in the general vicinity of the shoe mat. Shuyin heads into the kitchen to grab us drinks, and I settle myself on the couch in the living room. He returns a moment later and passes me a bottle of Shiva—natural spring water from the lakes of mount Gagazette.

I examine the bottle, clear with printed images of the mountains, and a proud looking Ronso holding his sphere so it reaches about the tip of the lid. My gaze drifts over to the front door, and the other pairs of shoes haphazardly resting around the mat. Lenne must have company. I drink from my bottle.

"We should probably go downstairs." Shuyin says.

"Why? I ask, reaching for the remote, we had plans to watch the game. He nods in the direction of the staircase leading down from the foyer.

"Lenne and the girls are in the kitchen doing wedding stuff, we should probably stay out of their hair, you know?" he scratches the back of his neck, he sounds a little excited. "—And you know how women get—wedding fever— they'll talk your ears off."

He's acting weird, almost desperate to shuffle me into the basement. "Meet me down there." I tell him, "I'm going to use the washroom first."

He pauses as if to object, then smiles, "Yeah you do that I'm going to… grab something from the kitchen."

"The kitchen?" I repeat, moving as if I intend to go down the east hall. Shuyin follows me closely, I duck around him and sprint down the north corridor into the kitchen. "Hello ladies." I look around, "Yuna."

Yuna looks at Rikku, as if she wants expects Rikku to tell her what to say. I can hear her swallow from across the room; I can feel Lenne's brown eyes digging a hole into Shuyin behind me. The moment is thick, and Rikku laughs as if someone just told her a bad joke and she's trying to be polite.

Across the table, Rikku has displayed her sketches. I take a closer look, "This for the wedding?"

"Yeah." Rikku replies, "Those are my drawings for the bridesmaids dresses. What do you think?"

I pick up a swatch of the pale blue silk, a color that would go nice with Yuna's eyes. I feel my chest hitch, and a cool wave of apprehension washes over me. I drop the fabric, "You're pretty talented, Rik."

"It's nothing." She blushes, grabbing her books from the table and stowing them away in her portfolio. "You'll have to wait to see the final product."

"Since when are you so modest?" Lucil teases her. I don't know Lucil or Elma well, having only met them a couple times through Lenne. Elma is Lenne's cousin, and Lucil her life partner.

"Where's your sister?" I ask Lenne, helping myself to the contents of her cupboard.

"She'll be in town sometime next week." Lenne replies coolly, "Why don't you boys go watch the game downstairs."

I settle on a granola bar, peeling back the metallic wrapper and biting, "but I want to stay here and hang out with you, Lenne." I smile.

Her jaw tenses when she looks over to Yuna, "Shuyin." Her tone of voice implies he should remove me from the room. I take another bite of my snack, sweet and salty.

"Thanks for having us, Lenne… but I think we better go." Lucil, the tallest woman in the room stands up, and wipes her hands off on her jean pencil skirt, "It was so nice meeting you, Yuna. We should all do this again soon. Elma?" I realize our little argument has probably made the girls uncomfortable, but I can't bring myself to mind.

Elma stands and hugs Lenne, "Thank-you for having us."

"I'll walk you to the door." Lenne offers and then leads the two girls out through the living room, shooting an unhappy glance back in my direction.

Yuna has turned nearly white. She stares across the table at the other side of the room, maybe hoping I'll disappear. I've been trying to get a hold of her for almost a month. I knew she was upset, but I hadn't thought it would be this bad. I almost feel like she hates me.

"So, how was the gym?" Rikku cheerfully asks, "One of these times you guys should take Gippal, he could use a work out. He's been steadily gaining weight since we got married. I think he's starting to get a bit of a beer belly too."

"Anytime, let him know he's welcome to join us." I reply and then move to sit beside Yuna. She noticeably tenses, almost as if she's thinking to shift her chair away from me. I drum my hands on the table. Shuyin stands flaccidly against the wall, waiting for Lenne to come back and tell him what to do.

"Alright." Lenne announces her presence as she rejoins us, "I ordered pizza for the girls and it should be here soon, are you guys hungry?"

"Starved." I say. "How about you, are you hungry, Yuna?" I turn to face her, feigning interest.

"Not really." She doesn't look at me; she appears completely lost for words.

I need to talk to her, but she seems almost scared of me—I feel sick to my stomach thinking about how angry she must be to completely ignore me. At least she hasn't fled to Luca, I think bitterly, tracing patterns absentmindedly on the wooden table surface with the pad of my index finger. I will everyone to leave the room, so it can be just me and Yuna, that's the only way I know how to talk to her. "So did you take the apartment?" I ask her, grasping for a conversation starter.

"I moved in with Seymour almost a month ago." She replies. Part of me is glad now that she officially lives in Zanarkand, but… with Seymour? I think of Yuna spending her time with him and my jaw clenches.

"I've met him, and I think you were wrong, Tidus." Rikku bubbles from the corner of the table, "He's very handsome, I didn't get creepy at all."

Lenne shrugs, "He's a nice enough looking man, maybe a little uptight."

"When did you meet him, Lenne?" Shuyin asks, curiously eyeing his wife. "You find him attractive?"

Under the table Yuna's foot accidently brushes mine as she readjusts her position. I look over to see her staring down at her hands. Lenne and Shuyin bicker while Rikku starts setting the table. I reach over and grab Yuna's hand; she looks up at me with widened eyes. She smiles a little; it makes me feel lighter when she doesn't pull away.

The doorbell rings, and Lenne hurries from the kitchen to accept the pizza. Shuyin follows her, continuing their argument.

"You guys should go for a walk or something." Rikku states, popping her chewing gum with Lenne and Shuyin safely out of earshot. She looks down at her phone to read a text message. "It's a nice night… you could show her the neighborhood, Tidus. You haven't really seen the parks around here, have you?" she asks Yuna.

I thank Yevon for Rikku. She knows exactly what's going on without really knowing anything. Rikku checks her cell phone again, "Oh—yay!" her face brightens, closing her phone. "Hey Tidus, think you could do me a favor? I need you to drive Yunie home…" She looks over to Yuna apologetically, "That was _Gippal_…"

Yuna nods, apparently Rikku's excuse is acceptable but she doesn't look happy. With a sidelong glance at me I can see the hesitation in her dueling eyes. She turns back to her cousin. "I can catch a cab if it's out of your way, Rikku."

"Nonsense, Tidus will be heading in that direction sooner or later, you guys live like a block apart. Besides, Tidus doesn't mind... do ya?"

"Sure." I say, throwing my arm around the back of Yuna's chair. "It'll give us a chance to catch up, won't it?"

Yuna leans forward, bracing her forearms on the table. A second later Lenne is back with Shuyin. Yuna quickly retracts her arms as Lenne places the pizza boxes on the surface of the table, flipping back the lids and grabbing herself a slice of cheese.

"I'm gonna have to take one to go." Rikku apologizes, shrugging. "Gippal..."

Lenne nods. What about Gippal? I want to ask. Instead I hold my tongue. Rikku doesn't like to be asked questions, but she loves to drop secretive hints. I try the guessing game, what did Gippal say this time? Who did Rikku catch him looking at? My assumption is that she's about to rush home and make up.

Rikku snatches a napkin and a couple slices of pepperoni. She kisses Lenne on the cheek before taking a sloppy bite, "Thanks hon."

"Drive carefully, alright?"

Yuna picks at her pizza, barely eating. The strap on her tank-top keeps falling down on her shoulder, I want to reach out and adjust it for her. Feel the cream of her skin beneath my fingertips. I want to hit myself. Why did she have to kiss me? How could her lips be so soft, my blood boiled, it shouldn't have taken so much will power to pull away... I stare down at the remnants of pizza crust on my plate. Damn.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I should leave Yuna alone. She doesn't want anything to do with me. What right do I have to force this friendship. "Shuyin, beer?"

My brother tosses me a drink from the fridge. I crack the seal, letting it cool my throat. I lick the remnants from my bottom lip. Why are they all so quiet? Suddenly Yuna stands, the chair screeching against the kitchen tile. She gathers our plates and wordlessly places them beside the sink.

"I can do that later." Lenne tells her, "Would you like something to drink, We've got juice, milk, beer, water..."

"Thanks. I'm fine." Yuna assures her. "Tidus?"

I perk, "Huh?"

"Did you... did you want to show me the park?"

Hadn't Rikku said something about showing her around the district? Yuna looks terrified. I stretch, my back cracking in three places, and get up from my chair. Suddenly being alone with Yuna isn't what I want. I've been trying to get her to speak to me for a month, and now I have nothing to say. "Yeah, let's go."

I meet her out by my car, flipping the keys from hand to hand nervously. I can tell I'm not the only one, Yuna looks like she's about to pass out. It comforts me to see she's nervous. Impulsively I grab her hand and pull her forward, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"Tidus..." Yuna's voice hitches in her throat. She wraps her arms around my back, and I can feel her tears as they hit my shoulder. "I'm so sorry... I-I shouldn't have..."

I kiss her forehead, down to the tip of her nose. "Don't apologize to me. I don't deserve it. Okay?"

She shakes her head, pulling away. "I've been a jerk."

I laugh. "You're not a jerk. You're my Yuna, and we both fucked up... okay? Can we just move on? I don't want to argue with you, I don't want to fight."

"But..."

"I think I understand why you kissed me." I tell her, deciding to take a chance. "Things are different now, you know? It's overwhelming to see each other again after all this time. I don't know how to act either. It's confusing, I get it. I feel that way too."

She freezes, something unreadable glinting in her eyes. "Yeah... That must be it."

I bite my bottom lip, feeling like I've crossed the line, knowing I've only made things worse. She shivers, stiffening to reject the jolt that runs through her body. I guess it's time to go. "Do you still want to see the park?" I ask her.

She shakes her head, "Maybe some other time."

"What's wrong?" I ask. Tears are still falling from her hypo-chromatic eyes. Yuna pulls away when I try to wipe them. "Yuna!"

"I'm not confused about anything, Tidus." Her eyes glare into mine, her tears are angry. "I don't know where you're head is at. I don't know what you're doing, but don't play games with me."

"Games are supposed to be fun." I counter. "I don't get you. Why do you question me like that? You honestly think I'm trying to hurt you?"

She doesn't speak, her lips tight set. She turns her head to the side indignantly, "maybe."

"Why? Why would I do that?"

"I don't know."

I trudge across the cobblestone, walking towards my mustang and slam the door when I get in. She doesn't move an inch, but she's suppose to follow me and get in the damned car so I can drive her home. I shift to drive and pull a u-turn in the middle of the street so she's facing the passenger door. I'm ready to yell at her, she needs to stop being so dramatic and tell me what the actual problem is. She say's I'm the one playing games?

We stare at each other through the passenger window. It's a full minute before she reaches at the handle and pulls the door open and sits roughly down in the passenger seat. I can't help but smile, I've never seen her this angry. She notices me trying to hide my laughter and her eyes flare. "Are you taking me home?"

"I'm waiting for you to do up your seatbelt."

She clicks it into place. "Happy?"

"I would be very happy if you would tell me why you're so upset."

"You don't care." She replies quietly, she has her hands folded on her knees. "I was gone for two years, and you didn't care."

"You left." I remind her, pulling onto a new street. I thought we'd settled this argument. "You didn't care."

"I cared!" she sounds offended. "You would have pushed me away. I wanted to help, but to see you so worked up and upset over her… could I have done anything? Realistically?"

"Just by being there. I. Needed. You."

"How can you hold me responsible for making you feel better? What about how I felt? You know there were times when I needed a friend too."

"I wouldn't know, would I? You never talk about how you feel. Besides I never held you responsible for anything, that's just what friends do."

She shrugs, eyes connected with the shifting colors of the sky. I expect her to answer but it doesn't look like she has any intention of continuing the conversation. I'm not ready to leave this as it is, if I drop her off there is a chance I might not see her again until the wedding. I want answers. A breath filters through my chest, out my lips. A hand falls from the steering wheel; I let it sit restlessly on my thigh.

Should I take Yuna home? Or drive around the block a few times and see if I can get her angry enough to talk to me again. I sneak a glance in her direction; she's fiddling with the strings on her hooded sweatshirt. It's so hard to tell when she's upset; even if I get Yuna angry enough to say something she'll retreat quickly. It doesn't fool me; I know that she hides things, retreating into her head to brood.

"You were supposed to turn there." She speaks, gesturing towards the off ramp onto Ifirit ave. "Where are you taking me?"

I shrug. I guess I don't really know. But I'm not dropping her off so she can go home to the Guado and ignore me. If it means I have to kidnap her for an hour or so, I don't mind. She can deal with it. I follow the highway on route to the beach.

"Where are you taking me, I said." She repeats.

"So now you want to talk?"

"I want to go home." She replies. "Fine, I'll walk! Just let me out of the car."

"You'll walk?" I laugh at her, "You're not going anywhere, just calm down."

When she speaks her voice is barely audible. "I don't understand why it even matters. We went two years without exchanging so much as a phone call and suddenly you want to make things right? It doesn't make any sense."

I continue driving until we reach the boardwalk and park in an empty community lot. I walk around the car to open her door, and grab her hand to help her out. When she leaves the car I don't let go, I use the grasp to lead her out behind me onto the sand. "The suns going to set soon, it's a lot nicer out here than it is from the balcony at her apartment. "How long has it been since you've watched a real Zanarkand sunset?"

"A while." She replies, settling down into the sand. I sit down next to her, and wrap my arm around her shoulder… so she doesn't get cold.

I lean in close to her ear, "We need to talk."

"About what."

"How this is going to work, how we can be friends and move past everything that's happened. I want to move on, and I don't want to grow apart again."

She gathers sand in her hands and then lets the grains fall through her fingers. "I don't know if that can be helped, Tidus."

She doesn't get it. I'm trying to be nice; I'm trying to fix things. "I'm not willing to lose you, too."

She looks at me, scanning my features, "You mean like how you lost Adrianna? It's not the same Tidus."

"I know it's not the same." I tell her, "You're more important to me that she ever was. I just didn't realize how lucky I was to have someone like you. You're pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"But—"

"I know, two years is a long time." I break our gaze and look over the ocean, "I was confused, I was stubborn… I missed you so much but I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't know if you could ever forgive me. I feel like I've blown it again with you. I never do anything right, do I?" I feel awkward and nervous because I can't read her expression.

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

She smiles, I watch her burry her feet in the sand, "I forgive you. No more fighting."

I tackle her in a hug which I'm sure will leave remnants of sand in both our scalps for the next week. I tighten my arms around her waist, and where my head rests against her chest I can hear the healthy bubble of her laughter. I look down into her eyes, "For real, you forgive me?"

She nods. "I guess I have a weak spot for you."


	5. Chapter 5: Where Tidus is jealous

Is this more than you bargained for yet?  
Oh don't mind me— I'm watching you two

From the corner  
–wishing to be the friction

In. Your. Jeans.

& Isn't it messed up

How I'm just dying to be him

Sugar We're Going Down- _Fall Out Boy_

**Febuary 25th, 4020**

**Tidus**

It's nearly four in the early morning; my brain is pulsing against my skull. My girlfriends perfume from last night only makes the headache worse. Dona's skin sweats against mine. Her cheek is pasted to my chest and where her hair falls across our bodies, remnants of Dona's styling products irritate my skin. I'm trapped beneath her, afraid she'll react if I move, and lately I enjoy Dona's company more when she's silent.

I won't be getting any rest tonight. I'm not drunk enough to fall back asleep. I'd woken up one morning, my fingers running through long hair. I had a waking nightmare, believing for a second that I was lying next to Adrianna.

How long has it been? Nearly half a year… The time strikes me with a feeling of indifference. I realize that we never celebrated. The day came and passed as any other. What started as fun and simple, an alternative we both agreed on—no strings attached, has stretched into something more substantial, yet neither of us has acknowledge this commitment.

I adjust myself on the mattress, pulling the pillow behind my back for cushion support; Dona stirs, rattled by the sudden movement. Her eyes twitch open. Confusion is evident as she sits up to look at the clock, and then back to me. "Jesus Tidus… what's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to wake you—I just can't sleep."

Unforgiving shadows emphasize the hard edges of her face. She slides out of the covers, kicking them down the bed, sitting up to straddle me. "Can I help?"

I consider her advances, resting my hands comfortably on the narrow grove of her waist; she leans in, feathering soft kisses against my collarbone while her hands work their way along my torso. I want her to stop.

Impulsively I grab her hands, pulling them away from me. A nauseous feeling stirs in my gut. I dodge her lips, avoiding contact. She stops, "What is it?"

"I can't." I understand her confusion, the thinly veiled hurt in her expression. I feel guilty and wish I could stomach the contact.

She laughs, "What do you mean? Of course you can… you're not still drunk?"

"Dona." I sigh, about to correct myself. "I'm not in the mood."

She cocks her head to the side and narrows her eyes. "You're always in the mood, Tidus." Silence stretches between us, what does she want me to say? Slowly she rolls off, clearly angry. "Is it me?"

"I don't know." I tell her honestly.

"Maybe you should leave..."

"Is that it?" I ask her, unsure of whether or not to move. Dona doesn't look happy, she doesn't look miserable. I can't read her. "You don't want to talk about it?"

"Do we need to make this hard on ourselves?" she counters, oddly calm. "I knew the moment that girl walked into Rikku's party. The girl you spend your Friday nights taking out to dinner, calling every ten minutes on your cell phone, and you think I don't notice?"

"That's not fair Dona." I object, "You don't know anything about the situation."

Dona steps out of bed, folds of silk negligee falling down her thighs. She walks to the corner of her room, bending at the waste to adjust her tangled hair in the vanity mirror. I can't tell if she's trying to act nonchalant, or if she's actually just apathetic. "You left me alone with people you know I don't feel comfortable around, so you could go apologize to some girl you hadn't seen in two-years. And since that night..."

I push myself off of the mattress and move around the room in search of my clothing. We won't be going back to sleep tonight. "I owed her an apology. You were alright."

"I wasn't the only person who noticed. It was like all of the air in the room was sucked out … what's the saying? It was the calm before the storm." She waves her hand in a sarcastic circle, still staring at herself in the mirror. "Half of the party was staring at you, wide-eyed, open-mouthed. No one could believe it, and when you chased her up the stairs they all started talking. You can't even imagine how embarrassed I felt."

"I don't understand what you have to be jealous about Dona… we've…"

"Jealous?" She turns sharply, a bubble of laughter rises into the air, "No, no. Not jealous. It was just painfully obvious, awkwardly so."

"What was so obvious?" I sweep my jeans up from the floor, stomping into them. I feel agitated by Dona's attitude, her assumptions about my alleged relationship with someone she's doesn't even know. "I don't have feelings for her."

She passes over my collared dress-shirt, dangling from the edge of the mirror. "Who are you trying to convince? A second ago we were lying in bed and you were on the verge of breaking up with me, and the minute I make an educated guess as to why… you're trying to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about?"

I bunch the shirt in my hands. "You're wrong about me and Yuna. She's not to blame… "

"I'm not blaming her." She replies, helping me find my belongings. "And I'm not blaming you. I just want you to leave."

I pull the shirt over my head, she hands me my jewelry and I stuff it into my back pocket. All I wanted was to talk to her, to avoid wasting time on a relationship that isn't working. "Seriously. You want me to leave? Just like that?"

"What I want you to do is go talk to this girl and stop moping around. Even if the two of you are just friends, which I still doubt, you're constantly preoccupied. I'm not stupid, I know you've been calling her, and I know you're upset because of something that happened between the two of you. And, and—regardless of any of that if you're sitting up in bed because you're suddenly uncomfortable falling asleep next to me, things between us have changed."

"I'm just trying to be honest with you. Why do you have to get so angry?"

"I asked you to leave, I wanted this to be easy and now it's not. Besides, I'm not angry I'm just… tired."

"I'll go." I assure her, but this doesn't feel right, only cold. "I'm sorry."

She sniffs, the hitch in her throat disintegrating. "Don't be sorry, consider this an I.O.U."

I raise an eyebrow, "What do I owe you?"

"Seasons tickets—and maybe an exclusive when you win the cup?"

"I thought you didn't want me helping you with work?"

"I don't take help from people I'm involved with." Dona replies, smiling a little. "Now that we're done playing games, I think this could be the beginning of a wonderful professional relationship."

**Yuna**

Tendrils of steam rise from the falling water. I twist the handle and within seconds the water shifts cold. Goose bumps cover my skin. I intake a sharp breath, and run my hands over my face, wiping away the gathering water-drops. I turn, exposing my back to the stream, wrapping my arms across my chest and holing tightly onto my shoulders. It's a battle of will to stand here under the freezing cascading water. It is a therapeutic exercise, the temperature demands my attention. Every nerve in my body is excited by the stark freshness and pain brought by the cold. Water travels down my tired eyes over my lips, caressing my throat.

The water stops, I draw open the curtain exposing my skin to air that amplifies the cold. I grab a towel draped over the sink and make swift work of drying myself off and then fold it around my body, tucking the corner under my arm. I click off the fan, ready to leave the bathroom as I hear a voice filling the absence left by the white noise.

He sounds tense. I think, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. Angry even. But that's not unusual for him, I turn back into the bathroom to grab a brush, and then exit into the even colder air of the hallway. I step quietly until I get to my room and close the door carefully.

I don't want to interrupt Seymour, my father was the same way. If I had something to say to him, I'd press a sticky note to the glass pane of his French office doors. Braska would get back to me later, if he had the time— but— he made it clear to my mother and I that he did not appreciate interruptions.

I'd often find myself wandering across the street, looking for Tidus and Shuyin. During the weekends, when he might actually have had the opportunity to spend some time with us, Braska would usher me outside chirping some cliché about the weather being too beautiful to waste. The evenings I would spend time with my mother in the kitchen, she'd teach me to cook and tutor me in her native language Albehd. He joined us each night for dinner; at supper Braska would award us with a half-hour of his time.

In my dresser I dig out my favorite worn pair of jeans and match them with a light cotton sweater. My phone rings and I pick it up from on top of my jewelry box, I answer on the third ring. "Hello?"

"_Yuna! What are you doing right now?"_

"I was just thinking about you…" I muse, bracing the phone between my shoulder and my ear, my free hand dragging the comb through my hair. "About when we lived in our parents houses and you had that silly bowl cut."

" _The summer I taught you to play blitzball."_

"You tried." I correct him. "But I nearly drown."

"_I saved your life_._"_ I can hear his smile through the phone. _"So what are you doing?"_

"I don't know, Tidus. Nothing. I might go out for a bite to eat."

"_Shuyin called earlier, I think I'm going to meet him for a couple drinks in a bit, but I was thinking I'd call you first."_ Tidus sounds eager, like he has a secret. _"Just, you know, to see what you were doing and stuff."_

"Just to see what I was doing?" That's not it. Tidus never calls just to talk. He calls when he's outside the building and wants me to come down for a drive, he calls to make and break plans but he never calls just to talk. I wonder if something's wrong.

"_Hey, why not?"_

"How's Shuyin doing? Is he nervous about the wedding yet? It really is just right around the corner, Lenne told me about all the planning she's been doing, She showed me her dress… it's beautiful."

"_That's the thing about my brother."_ Tidus laughs, _"He doesn't really do nervous."_

It's true. There are only a handful of times I've seen Shuyin show emotion. "When he gets up on that alter, I bet you twenty dollars he'll tear up."

"_Maybe. Hey, you got yourself a date?"_

"Me? Well… I…" I hadn't thought about it. I don't have a date. It's quite possible I'll be the only one at the wedding without a date. And… and I'll have to see Tidus dance all night with Dona. My gut feels heavy-set with a numb feeling of panic; he'll probably look good in his suit, too. "I don't. I guess you'll be taking Dona?

"_Actually—"_

There's a large crash in the living room. Startled, I drop my phone and scramble to pick it up. "I'll call you back, alright?"

"_Wait, Yuna…?"_

I hang up the phone and rush out into the living room. The door out to the hall is ajar and a few kitchen chairs have been overturned, one broken. "Seymour?" I call out, fixing the overturned furniture back around the kitchen table. He was out here a minute ago, I just heard him talking to someone on the phone.

Where could he have left to? I think. Did he do this? Was it an angry lash out at whomever he'd been arguing with? I've seen my father react this way when his business ventures would go sour. Moments after politely saying good-bye to the source of his anger he'd take it out on his surroundings. He liked to save his self-restraint for the public. He was never violent with us, but I didn't always feel safe.

As I'm in the process of picking up the broken chair Seymour appears at the doorway, his face betraying no sign of what happened only minutes ago. Cobalt blue eyes stare straight into mine, his face doesn't twitch. He maintains his stone composure while I examine the broken chair. "Yuna, I had no idea you were here."

"I didn't want to interrupt your phone conversation," I explain, feeling inexplicably nervous. He continues staring at me and I feel like I need to keep talking to fill the silence. "Did you trip?"

He tilts his head, considering me with a bemused expression. "Something like that… Have you eaten yet, Yuna?"

"Not yet." I reply. "I was about to—"

"There's a restaurant I would like you to try." Seymour interrupts me, attempting to smile, but his eyes never crease at the corners, they never leave the penetrating stare, "If you'll allow me, I would very much like to take you out tonight.

I think of the wedding, of Tidus and Dona and sitting alone in the corner with my 1900 calorie piece of cake. I try to remember the last time I was on a date, the last man who looked at me like Seymour is now. I hesitate because I know in my situation this might not be the wisest thing to do. The two of us share an apartment, how much closer should I allow him?

His smile doesn't waver as he waits for my reply. There is no sign of nervousness and for whatever reason his confidence is reassuring. "Okay." I agree, "Alright, just… let me get ready."

"Of course, take all the time you need." He closes the hall door behind him. I excuse myself and rush back into my room, chest heavy with something akin to nervousness.

**Tidus**

The chair leg screeches against the worn wooden floor. I settle myself down and shrug off my hooded sweater. Shuyin sits next to me at the table. The phone vibrates against my leg; I pull it out and can't help the rise of disappointment that it's not her, Yuna hasn't called me back.

Shuyin taps his fingers against the table. You think being related and all would make it easier to find things to talk about. I snap our server a meaningful glance and the waitress comes over popping gum, she reaches the table and nearly chokes on it. I tug down on the beak of my hat, "Uh, Pilsner, please."

Her Cheshire smile widens, "Yeah, right away, coming up."

"A rye and coke too, thanks."

"She grabs her co-workers arm on the way to the bar, whispering something in his ear. He looks towards our table and Shuyin waves sarcastically.

"When are the guys getting here?" I gesture at his watch, "I thought we'd be late."

"Can you believe these waitresses?" He asks, "It's like you're a fucking rock star."

"I am a rock-star." I reply.

"I don't even know how they tell us apart."

"Did you and Lenne get into an argument? What's with the mood?" I ask as the waitress, her tag indicates her name is Lisa, reaches between us to place down the drinks.

"Anything else?"

"We're still waiting on some friends." Shuyin answers and she retreats. "Why would you ask if we're arguing? We're not. We're … good."

"You seem tense."

"I don't know." He rubs his neck, "Maybe I'm tired. This wedding is making us crazy."

I know what he means; I've gone through the work of planning a wedding. I've dealt with my own bat-shit crazy bride-to-never-be. Shuyin will get his happy ending; one would think he should be more excited and less temperamental. He and Lenne will get to spend the rest of their lives together and this is their chance to celebrate that commitment. I take a sip from my drink, avoiding eye-contact. Shuyin should be more appreciative, thankful for the things he has. Some of us aren't so lucky.

"Take off that stupid hat." I hear, a forceful hand on the top of my head pushes the brim over my eyes. I take the hat off and fix my hair before readjusting it. Gippal and Baralai settle down into the empty seats. "Really, we're indoors. You look like an idiot."

Shuyin smirks, "Don't you know it's his disguise? He's in hiding from the public."

"It's not working for you though, is it?" He gestures at the giggling staff, and down at my napkin, "If you don't want that number I'll take it."

"I like this hat." I reason.

Lisa comes over and writes down Baralai and Gippal's orders, Shuyin asks for a second. Gippal looks as if he's changed his mind about the number. Everyone is quiet while we wait for her to leave. She lingers for a second, still smiling until her manager calls her away.

"Does that not get annoying?" Baralai asks. "I couldn't imagine."

"He likes the attention." Shuyin says, "It's flattering, isn't it?"

"Sure... but," I brace my arm over the back of the chair, and take a sweep around the room. It's flattering yeah, but these women aren't my type. I'm not looking for anyone who spends her time waiting in a seedy bar. I wet my lips. "I don't know. This isn't where I wanna meet the girl."

"The girl?"

"His perfect woman." Gippal looks like he's about to burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I brace myself for the story he's about to tell, and remind myself that drinking until I'm blacked out is never a good idea with Gippal. "It's like this Baralai… Tidus is waiting for his meet-cute. Some situation where he's brought together with 'the one' in some unlikely, hilarious, meant-to-be kind of thing."

"It's so romantic." Shuyin laughs. "True love."

"Whatever. It'll happen."

"Why? What makes you think you'll have it so much better than the rest of us?" My brother raises his glass and polishes off the second drink before putting it down. "Why can't you just meet her on, like, a subway or at a club?"

"I'm a rock star." I repeat. "A leading-man type."

"Imagine this…" Shuyin starts, "You're locked out of your car, It's pouring rain… and you see her with a yellow umbrella standing on the side of the street and it just so happens she's also an experienced car thief who'll help you out for a ride home. Bing, bang, boom—true love."

"Nah." Gippal laughs. "Tidus needs a nice girl; a car thief would break his fragile little heart."

My phone rings and I excuse myself from the situation to answer. Finally. "Hey…"

"_You wouldn't believe the night I've had…" _She laughs_, "Tidus, you really wouldn't believe it!"_

Her smile is contagious. "Really, what did you do?"

"_I…"_ She pauses, _"I had a date, actually."_

"What?" I thought there was going to be good news. "A date, really? Who?"

"_What makes you think that you know him?"_ She teases, _"You do, know him. If I agree to tell you, can you promise me something?"_

"Sure." I mumble, pushing through the bar crowd and walking out to the street. There's a crowd milling around and sharing a cigarette amongst themselves, I turn the corner to give myself some space. "What'll it be?"

"_You can't get mad."_

"Why would I be mad?" I ask her something that I can't help asking myself. Because: I am mad. "Is he like, dreamy? Like, a total hunk?"

I smile when I hear her laugh. _"Not… well, not conventionally. It was, well… Seymour took me out tonight. It was kind of surreal. Nothing at all like you thought he would be."_

"Surreal?" I ask her. It should have been obvious, the way he always has his eyes on her. I shouldn't have let this happen. She should have listened to me. "With that pretentious prick? Tell me that you're just trying to get a rise out of me."

The phone is silent except for the barely audible sound of her swallowing. She's probably mad now. _"This isn't about you —I had fun. He wasn't all that pretentious, a little cynical maybe but not really…"_

"So you forgot to call me back because you were out on a date?" I ask. I realize I don't exactly sound thrilled for her, probably because I'm not. "You know I was actually worried about you? You know that, Yuna?"

"_I'm sorry."_ She stutters. _"You shouldn't have been worried, I just forgot."_

"Whatever." My breath rises in the air in front of me. "I have to go, anyway. Have a nice night, or whatever."

"_Wait… Tidus!"_ the sounds of her objection are drowned out as I flip my phone closed and slide it back into the pocket of my dark-wash jeans. I don't want to go back into the bar until I calm down, and I don't know if I'll be able to. I warned her, and Yuna was supposed to listen to me. He's going to ruin her.

The cigarette the group is smoking looks appealing, and I don't smoke, at least not when I'm sober. I just need to occupy myself—just forget about her. She's grown; she can do what she wants with whom she wants.

I retreat back into the bar, to our friend's hassling my brother at the table. "Sorry."

"Did she call?" Shuyin asks, I told him about our conversation earlier, I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea to take her to the wedding. I guess that's not going to happen.

"Yeah. She was out on a date. With the infamous Seymour."

He presses his lips together in thought, "Her roommate?"

"Yup."

"Who are we talking about here?" Gippal interjects, "Dona?"

"We broke up." I explain, "I wanted to ask Yuna to the wedding, but, you guys know about that roommate of hers right? I told you about him, he works for her father, anyway… I guess she's over-her head for him now. So, I'm going stag."

"This was their first date?" Baralai questions. "I suppose you could still ask her, couldn't you? Before things get serious."

"You're just pouting because you don't want to share her attention." My brother says, and he's partly right. "You should stop wasting time and tell her how you feel."

"How I feel?" I laugh, "How do I feel? We're friends, right?"

The waitress pops by to drop off more drinks. Shuyin is eager to accept his. It turns out I'll be the designated driver tonight, but I could really use a stiff drink of my own. He picks out the lemon and leaves it to dry on a napkin before drinking from the glass and setting it back down. The glass leaves a ring of condensation around the tabletop. "You'll never be just friends."

"We've always been just friends." I justify. "It doesn't change just because …"

"Just because what?" Baralai is a little too quick to pick up where I left off.

"Because maybe I find her attractive." I reluctantly admit, "She's a lot of good things, really. She shouldn't be spending her time with some creep like Seymour."

"If you asked her out, she wouldn't be." Gippal replies. "You know each other so well the only thing left is to test out whether the two of you are compatible in the bedroom."

I spit up the beer in shock, and wipe at my wet lips with the napkin, effectively smearing Lisa's phone number. If we were talking about anyone else Gippal's commentary would be perfectly fine.

"My guess is that it would be awkward as hell." He continues, "At first at least, but you never know. Maybe she's a freak… she could 'a picked up all sorts of tricks in Luca. She could have had boyfriends, maybe even girlfriends... maybe we should Google it and see what comes up."

"I think the problem is that if you go for her that could be the end of your friendship." Shuyin reasons.

"I don't even know why I said anything. It's not like it will ever happen. Right now I'm just speaking for myself; I don't know how she feels."

"You don't?" Shuyin replies statically. "Really?"

"I thought everyone knew." Baralai chuckles.

"It's so obvious. She's like this puppy that…"

"We should probably let him find out for himself." Shuyin looks over the rim of his glass at me; He drinks and sets it back down. "You should be talking to her about this, not us idiots."

"Whatever." I say swallowing down my drink. Lisa's quick to bring by another. She's mad at me, I already know that much, and I'm not too upset about it either. By going out with Seymour, she chose him over me. I'd been waiting all night for Yuna to return my call and this is the first time I've ever felt rejected by her. Maybe it's not rational, but she shouldn't be with him. She should have given me more time to figure us out.


	6. Chapter 6: Where there's a wedding

Through the years, when everything went wrong;  
Together we were strong, I know that I belong  
Right here with you ... Through the years  
I never had a doubt, we'd always work things out  
I've learned what love's about, by loving you

Through the Years- Kenny Rogers

March 27th , 4020

**Disclaimers: **_I used some quotes from for the speeches and vows. Also (as you already know), I don't own the rights to this game, I'm just in love with it._

**Tidus**

Shuyin proposed to Lenne during his second year with the Abes, they'd dated as long as anyone could remember. She took some time to think about it but eventually she'd said yes. They had agreed to a long engagement, as she needed time to jump-start her career. She confided in me once, that it seemed a little sudden; she never went as far as to say she had doubts about their relationship, but she was young and had other goals she needed to focus on first. But as they stand side by side at the alter, nothing holds back her smile.

"Lenne," Shuyin vows, before his family, his friends, his bride. "You are my best friend, and today I give myself to you, I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard," His voice cracks as he slides the white gold ring upon her finger. "These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

Lenne shakes, trying to compose herself as she holds onto his hand. "As freely, Shuyin, as God has given me life, I join my life with yours. Wherever you go, I will go; whatever you face, I will face. For good or ill, in happiness or sadness, come riches or poverty, I take you as my husband, and will give myself to no other."

The priest looks to couple and closes his book of prayer. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride," he concludes, their lips meet for the first time as man and wife. The deed is done, my brother married.

I wish I could express unwavering happiness for Shuyin, but my mood had taken a foul turn the moment Seymour walked through the door. His suit firmly pressed, his hair constrained in a well-mannered braid. His gaze lingers in my direction and his grip around Yuna's waist tightens.

The reception area is elegantly decorated. On the hard wood floors, delicate golden-clothed tables line the edges of the dance floor. At the back of the room stands the head table where the newlyweds and the wedding party are to sit. As the best man, I'll be sitting to Shuyin's right with Yuna beside me, then Gippal and Rikku; to his left Lenne, beside her, her sister Gene and Gene's husband Blake, then Lulu and Wakka.

The bridesmaids' dresses were backless with low draped necklines, in a shade of light violet. On Yuna the color brought out the vibrant blue green tones of her eyes. I glance in her direction, and she smiles at me, soon after Seymour drags her upon the dance floor where he holds her closer than necessary. I have no right to be thinking of the way she'd feel in my arms, if I had the privilege of holding against me. She is only a friend, I had told myself again and again; yet now as her head rests on another man's shoulder, I am confronted with the realities of my feelings for her.

I grab a glass of champagne from a nearby waiter before making my way over to my brother and his wife. "Hey," I say, taking my seat and interrupting their whispered conversation.

"My good man!" Shuyin says, placing his arm around me in a brotherly hug. "Have you seen our mother around here anywhere?"

"No, sorry," I reply. "So how does it feel, being married, trapped to this girl's arm for the rest of your life?" I look over to Lenne and can't help but chuckle at the sight of her face. "I'm only kidding!"

"I have no complaints." He laughs, pulling her in for a reluctant kiss. "This has been the best day of my life!"

"It better be." She replies giving him a nudge, "Cause your brother's right: you're stuck with me. Forever."

I smile, but I think how it should be me, it would've been me, if Adrianna hadn't been her, hadn't left me and started her own life with John less than a year later. There are a lot of things that should have been different, but they aren't, and I shouldn't be still thinking about her. What I should be thinking about is the meal being delivered table by table and the speech I'll have to make in a matter of minutes.

**Seymour**

I've always had a sore spot for weddings, matrimony, the illusion of happily ever after. My own was nothing more then a business affair, a meeting of old family bonds. The marriage that followed took place in similar fashion. Lexis and I had a plan, a house in New Bevelle and two children. This wedding, this marriage feels much more natural, and the romance that lingers in the room seems to have captivated Yuna as well.

"Would like me to top-off your drink?" I press, caressing her hair as she rests her head against my shoulder. She rests her eyes upwards, towards the chandelier skyline.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine." she replies before shying away from my touch. I find Yuna intriguing; she reserves herself, hiding behind modest lashes. There is an uncertainty she holds to herself that exposes an easily manipulated train of thought.

I can tell she searches for approval and teasing her with it is an easy way to gain her affection. She trusts too easily, and without reward. Her mind is clouded by a sense of whimsy. I can tell the surrealism of tonight has found its way into her thoughts, and will work in my favor once we're back at my apartment.

As a gambler, I've paved my way by reading the silent language of others. Yuna has a nasty habit of showing all her cards.

**Tidus**

We all sit to enjoy our meals, but the ringing of metal on glass signals the time for speeches. My body feels chilled with nerves. I take my place at the front of the room, before hundreds of guests expecting me to give a brilliant speech; the problem is I'm not a very brilliant man, so it's not hard to understand why I might be nervous.

However, I stand to the occasion. My brother looks at me, and on his arm Lenne glows. I open my mouth to speak, pausing briefly only to appreciate the squeeze of Yuna's hand. "Today we gather to celebrate a very special event..." I begin, nodding in my brother's direction. "Shuyin has finally admitted that I am the best man!" The crowd shuffles in laughter. "But in all seriousness, the one thing that I don't understand is if I'm really the best man, why isn't Lenne marrying me?"

I pause, wait for the crowd to die down again before continuing. "My greatest wish for you, my brother, and you my sister, is that in the years to come you will look on this day as the moment you loved each other the least, and that your love may grow with each passing day— may 'for better or for worse' be far better than worse. "

"Here's to you, the bride and groom." I raise my glass followed by others and we drink to their marriage.

Lenne's sister stands; it's her turn to be witty. Her tightly-constrained dark hair gives Gene a rather severe look, but the warmth and genuine quality of her smile supplies a contrasting impression. "Please raise your glasses while I toast my sister and her husband," she says, raising her goblet in example.

"Take each day and cherish your time together. Love one another and stand together. Take time to talk to one another. Put your love and your family first; your job and your hobbies second. May your love be like the wind, strong enough to move the clouds, soft enough to never hurt, but always never-ending." She pauses to hug her sister, "let's raise our glasses to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Cheers!" she concludes, short, sweet and well composed.

We drink again.

"Are you okay?" Yuna whispers in my ear; her touch warms my shoulder. "You've seemed a little uncomfortable all night."

"I'm fine." I turn away from her, and towards my glass of champagne. "Where's your date?"

**Yuna**

"I'm not quite sure," I reply to him, taking a look around the room and failing to spot my roommate. "I' can catch up to him later."

"Well, don't drink too much tonight," he says bitterly, "You're not yourself when you've had a few too many." He demonstrates this by tilting his empty flute at a severe angle towards his lips.

My smile falters. "And you would know."

He ignores my statement. "Did you see Adrianna tonight?" He pauses. "And her husband was invited too."

"It's been almost three years, Tidus," I reply, disappointed that he still hadn't let her memory lay. "You're just feeling a little bitter because of what happened with you and Dona."

"Really Yuna, I don't mean to offend you, but you don't know how I'm feeling." His stare drifts across the room. "You really have no clue."

"I know, of course I don't... I'm just trying to help." I feel, because of his sudden outburst, put back and insulted. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. "I care about you. I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't."

"Well maybe you should just listen," he says, sipping his drink again, "I'm having a hard day. I don't do well with weddings; you of all people should know that..." He adds in a hushed tone.

I remember the day of his engagement party. I told him I wouldn't be attending; he was so high on himself it barely fazed him. I told him I wouldn't be back for awhile, that I was leaving; he didn't seem to care. What I decided not to tell him was that it was his fault. I wrote him a letter instead but I never sent it. I hadn't the resolve, the courage. Some part of me thought he might have been hurt... it hardly mattered that he had hurt me, though I'd never told him so.

"Maybe I should just leave you alone, Tidus," I say before handing my plate off to a waitress. "You're in a really foul mood."

"Don't do me any favors," he replies, taking yet another sip of champagne.

**Tidus**

I watch her walk away. I watch the swing of her hips, the jewelry hanging from her wrist and the way with every step it sways. I don't recall what drove me to act so insensitive, but Yuna was playing with my last nerve. Maybe it was how her smile made me nervous, or how watching her in Seymour's arms turned my insides to ice, but I didn't like it. The more time I spend in her presence the harder it is not to reach out and touch her. So I suppose I feel a need to drive her away before I let my impulses take over, before I do something stupid, reckless...

I could only imagine myself hurting her. Part of me feels the reason I want her now, is because she is with someone else, someone who seems to make her happy. I wonder if I could make her happy, make her laugh, make her giddy and excited and flirty. Unfortunately I've already made her cry.

"If it isn't Tidy-bear!" I hear the familiar feather-soft voice at my back. I had made my way over to the drink stand and ordered myself a last glass of champagne.

"Hello Adrianna." I reply statically; as her hand softly touches my shoulder, my blood rises. I haven't seen her in nearly a year.

"Won't you look at me?" she asks, pulling on my shoulder. I turn to face her. Beautiful as always, she's wearing a peach dress complimented by a matching pearl jewelry set. Her mass of hair is tied back in a loose french braid. "That's better."

"What can I help you with?" I ask sarcastically, my gaze drifting into the distance where I watch Yuna and Seymour talking in the corner, his hand on her hip, her eyes focused intently on the ground. I can tell by her stance and the way she plays with her hair that he's making nervous.

"Dance with me? For old times sake?" Adrianna smiles, taking my hand.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." I reply, giving her hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. "I'm not a very good dancer."

She just smiles at me, shaking her head. "Just one dance. I promise I won't bite."

"Won't your husband be upset?" I ask, my eyes still lingering on Yuna and Seymour.

" Come on!" She laughs, pulling at my hand. I reluctantly place my unfinished drink on the bar and follow her out to the floor.

Our dance is clumsy and uncomfortable, she laughs as I barely miss stepping on her feet, and I can't help but blush when the familiar scent of her shampoo drifts past my nose whilst she twirls. I wonder if Yuna's watching us. I wonder if she's jealous.

I know I should apologize to her. I know that I'm the one in the wrong, that I shouldn't have provoked her like that. Quite honestly, I can't bear the thought of talking to her right now. Besides, she's busy with her date; that _creep _Seymour. The way he looks at her sends chills up my spine. There's something out of place when he smiles; he doesn't care about her, not the way I could.

**Yuna**

Seymour grasps my hand and declares it's time we leave; he reminds me of his morning flight. I offer to stay behind, ride with someone else, but with a disappointed smile he rejects my offer, saying he'd prefer if I went with him; too many of the other guests have been drinking, and he's already called us a cab. His thumb traces my jawline as he speaks. I'd feel guilty not accompanying him and decide accept his offer and say goodbye to the newlyweds, wishing them well thoughts for their honeymoon.

He struggles to open the door to our apartment; pressing me close against his side. When the lock connects, the silk of his hand intertwines with my own; he draws me inside along with him. Once inside, with a swift motion he presses his lips to mine; his kiss draws him to me with a passion I hesitate to reciprocate.

"You said you needed to get to bed early?" I say, pulling away to grab us both a drink, "Don't you have an early flight?"

"It's not till noon," he whispers in my ear as his fingers trace my body's outline against the silk of my dress. "I wanted to leave early. I'll miss you while I'm away. I figured tonight we could..."

"Seymour..." I mumble, feeling obligated to once again have to reject his advances, "Not tonight..."

"Yuna, you shouldn't be so shy." He smiles, moving closer to me, fingering the thin strap of my dress, allowing it to drift down my shoulder. I pull away from him. "You know, we've been together a month now."

"I'm not..." My voice wavers as I place my hand without force against his torso. "Not ready."

Pulling my hand to his lips, he kisses it. "Don't tease me. You don't need to be afraid of this Yuna... I want to be with you." He whispers, a soft threat. The blood in my veins turns to smoke; he kisses me again.

"Seymour..." I hesitate, brushing the lint off of his jacket. "When you get back maybe..."

"That's not what you really want, now is it? I can't wait that long, Yuna." he replies with a grin as he steps forward, clasping his hands around my waist. He dips lower to kiss me again...

His lips are bitter. Maybe it shouldn't matter so much that this isn't how I imagined it or whom I imagined it with. Maybe if I close my eyes and wait for it to end it will be fine. I don't necessarily need happily ever after but Seymour might even pass for prince charming. I don't need to be with Tidus.

Seymour's sand paper hands journey up my skirt, squeezing the back of my bare upper thigh as he draws me closer. I turn from him and he kisses my neck, letting his teeth graze my skin. I understand that this isn't how it's supposed to feel.

"Beautiful..." his voice wavers, his lips pressed against my collar. My heart pounds furiously, for all the wrong reasons.

It's a rushed knocking at the door that makes his hand stop in mid-motion. "Just a second!" I yell, pushing Seymour back.

**Tidus**

I knock hastily at the door. After a very rushed goodbye I had found myself giving a middle aged cab driver directions to Yuna's apartment complex. I knew what I had done was wrong: I'd purposely tried to upset her. I'd been a jackass and yet I'd managed to convince myself that all my efforts were to _prevent_ hurting her. She deserves an apology, and then maybe to hit me over the head with her purse. I knock again, this time harder.

"Tidus?" Yuna asks, pulling me into her arms after opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to talk to you," I say, reaching for her hand; while doing so I notice how it shakes. "Alone?"

"Sure." She replies, glancing over her shoulder where Seymour paces, leering at me. "Let's go for a walk, okay?" She reaches for her purse and keys before following me out into the hallway.

"What's wrong?" I ask, holding onto her hands. "Why are you scared?"

"Tidus..." She says, "Take me home please..."

Anger begins to rise in my chest as we walk down the stairs to the lobby. "What happened, Yuna? I asked you what was wrong and you never answered."

She just smiles at me. "Can't I just tell you later? I'm tired and we... we had a fight. I should have known not to get involved with a roommate."

"Here." I drape my jacket over her shoulders. "It's chilly outside... and your dress doesn't cover much."

"Thanks," Yuna replies before allowing the silence to devour us. I know she's not telling me the truth, but I decide to drop it for now.

"I wanted to apologize for being an ass earlier," I state bluntly. "I felt lonely and everyone else was having such a good time. They all had dates... even Adrianna was there."

"I saw you two dancing," she says slowly.

"I'd have danced with you if you'd asked," I smile, opening her passenger door. "But you were too busy in the corner with Seymour. So I understand you two had a fight... did you end things?"

She glances in my direction. "He can assume it's over." Her hand moves to grasp mine, and I hold onto it tightly.

"Did he try anything with you, Yuna?" I ask stalling to put the car into drive. I try not to grit my teeth or show how angry the man makes me but it's hard to disguise.

She pauses, "I'm just glad you were there. _Okay_?"

I look over to her and smile. "I'll _always_ be there for you." Her eyes brighten for a second before she leaps across the seat, embracing me in a welcome but very unexpected hug. I swerve as not to hit incoming traffic.

It hits me as I watch her beginning to falling asleep across from me: maybe it's not that I'm afraid of hurting her...

I'm afraid she could really hurt me.

Retouched 2013.


	7. Chapter 7: Where things get confusing

I chose the road of passion and pain  
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain  
Gave up my power, ceased being queen  
Addicted to love like the drug of, drug of a fiend  
See, torn and confused, wasted and used  
Reached the crossroad, which path would I choose?

I Used to Love Him- _Lauryn Hill_

* * *

**March 28th, 4020**

**Tidus' P.O.V.**

I'm sitting on the floor watching her sleep. Yuna's presence in my bed is unsettling; sure I put her there, tucked her in, but now I have nowhere to sleep— not that I'd be doing much sleeping, my nerves won't settle. I wonder briefly what would happen if she woke up and saw me... just _staring_.

The time on my alarm clock reads six-thirteen. Shuyin and Lenne's plane to Kilika leaves at twenty to seven. I want to talk to my brother, I need someone to tell me what to do, how to feel.

_"What do you want, Tidus?"_ Shuyin answers, his voice raspy. _"I was just about to have a nap."_

"I'm going out of my mind right now," I state, running shaky fingers through my hair, I pace back and forth across the kitchen floor. "Yuna's sleeping in my bed and-"

_"I saw her leave with Seymour, what is she doing in your bed?"_

"I wanted to apologize to her and they were fighting when I got there."

_"So you felt the need swoop in, right?"_ He laughs. I wonder what Lenne is thinking after hearing his side of the conversation.

"No... I just took her back here. I'm sleeping on the couch, and there has been absolutely no scandalous behavior. Now will you just_ listen_ to me?"

_"Yeah."_ Shuyin says through a yawn, _"What's the problem?"_

"I like her... kind of, I think. I was just sitting there... actually I was watching her sleep"

_"Watching her sleep?"_

"It dawned on me how creepy that would seem if she just, you know... woke up." I scratch my head, trying to reorganize my thoughts; "The point is that I think there is something between us."

_"Then take her to dinner and tell Yuna that."_

"I can't just ask her out to dinner," I reply, in an exasperated whisper; I can hear her movements from my bedroom. "We're supposed to be friends. I feel awkward about this, you know?"

_"Then go out drinking and wait for her to kiss you again, that way you can kiss her back and let it go where it wants to."_ Shuyin says, _"In the morning you can wake up and have the talk."_

_"I don't think so—"_, I hear Lenne's faded voice on the other end of the line. _"Tidus?"_

"Hey Lenne."

_"I hear you're having a sleepover?"_ she sounds tired and distressed. _"What's happening?"_

"Yuna and Seymour broke up." I reply. " I ended up interrupting some sort of argument between the two. Judging from the look on his face... he didn't seem happy I'd stopped by."

_"Okay…"_ she begins what I assume will be a long-winded speech, _"How's she taking it? Has she talked to you about what happened?"_

"She wants to leave it." I tell Lenne, "But I have half a mind—"

_"You don't know what happened, Tidus, so don't go jumping the gun."_ She's right, of course, but my gut feels differently. I walk to the kitchen window that stretches halfway across the apartment and rest my forehead against the cool surface. _"You think that you have feelings for her?"_

"I do," I reply, feeling defeated. "I don't usually have trouble with women, but she's different. I'm not even sure if it's the right move to pursue her. Assuming Yuna would be into this, what if we break up, could we be friends again?"

_"If you don't mess up, if your feelings don't change—I imagine you won't break up. Besides, Shuyin and I were friends before we started dating."_

"For like a week. You weren't as close as we were."

_"_Were,_ Tidus. The two of you haven't been on good terms since she left for Bevelle. Maybe it's time you get reacquainted?"_

"Maybe," I reply, peering across the hall. I can hear floorboards creaking in the bedroom. "Look, I have to go. I think she's up and about."

_"Well... good luck, Tidus,"_ Lenne says. _"We'll see you when we get back."_

"Yeah, okay. Later." I reply before hanging up the phone. I turn my back to the wall and peer thoughtlessly out across the apartment.

"Are you up, Tidus?" I hear Yuna's voice from the hallway.

"Hey," I answer, digging through the stainless steel fridge. "You hungry?"

She smiles before taking a seat at one of the oak stools that lined the mocha granite island. "Maybe a little."

I look at her with a smile of my own; she looks adorable in my old t-shirt. "Well, I will make you breakfast. How does that sound?"

"Surreal?" She laughs, "Tidus you can't cook... _can you_?"

"Hey, I took home economics in high school. My grade wasn't half bad either. I made a delightful strawberry tart."

"You only took that course to meet girls, and you only passed because I was your partner," she reminds me. "But sure- I invite you to dazzle me with your culinary genius."

"You're a real brat, you know that?" I reply with a smirk. "You go back to bed and in half an hour I'll surprise you, alright?"

"How about I just get back there and help you out?" she suggests, moving to reopen the fridge. "What do you feel like, crepes, scrambled eggs... pancakes?"

"Mmm..." I say, deciding on something delicious. "French toast?"

"Alright, you just relax and I'll start making the batter," she insists, opening the oak cupboards in search of a large mixing dish.

"Actually wait, hey!" I object, taking the eggs and a large bowl from her grasp. "That's not fair. I was going to dazzle you this morning."

"Then how about you make some bacon?"

"Bacon and French toast? That could work... but I'm warning you my bacon will be the best bacon you've ever had."

"I'm sure it will be," she mumbles with a smirk as she begins mixing the eggs and milk for batter.

"We could use some music," I announce, turning on the radio with my universal remote before I pull bacon from the crisper. "So... who gets the stove first?"

"I do," she replies, dancing a little as we listen to the Beach Boys. "Ladies first."

"I will not serve microwaved bacon, Yuna," I reply, growling, "It's against my beliefs."

"It is?"

"Fine, I'll make the best microwaved bacon you've ever tasted," I say, lining the bacon separator with paper towel before spreading out the slices. "I'll also make some orange juice."

_You say that you been a long time needing me_

"You mean you'll pop one of those concentrated cubes you keep in the freezer into a pitcher, add water and stir?"

_And don't you know that there's so much more to come _

"Precisely," I reply, grinning at her. "You know, I wanted to do something nice for you today."

_I got a heart that just won't stop beating for you_

Yuna blushes. "I'm sorry Tidus, I just... love to cook. If you really want, I can back off."

_I got a love I just can't stop feeling for you _

"No-no!" I say, giving her a hug from behind as she dips the toast. "I'm having fun. And as long as you are too, I don't mind the kitchen invasion."

_Aren't you glad now darling there's me and you...?_

"Really?" she says, leaning into my embrace. "Cause I have to say, this kitchen is a dream come true."

_Tell me, tell me, you know what I mean, me and you._

"The dream doesn't have to end." I smile, turning her around in my arms. "If you're not going back to that apartment, you should stay here with me."

_And I say aren't you glad with these days comes somethin' new?_

"Really? I wouldn't get in the way?" she asks, pulling a stray hair back behind her ear. "You only have one bedroom and—"

_Tell me, tell me, you know what I mean, me and you._

"Not a problem. We can convert my office into one for you. I don't even know why I have an office; it's not like I do any real work. Hey, we can even go shopping for furniture this afternoon, if you want."

_And I say aren't you glad now tell me you're so glad _

"What about my stuff, at Seymour's?" she says slowly, rubbing her hand over the smooth counter surface, refusing to meet my gaze. She pulls away as I place my hand on hers.

_me and you..._

"What _happened_ Yuna…"

She turns around to place a few slices onto the pan. "I don't really want to talk about it, if that's all right?" She pauses. "But you know, I have enough money saved up. It won't be much, but I'll be able to afford a few new outfits."

"And the furniture can be my treat," I reply, glad to be of use. "We'll move that desk into my room, and in its place you can put a dresser."

"You don't have to buy me new furniture. I can grab some from my father's."

"No," I reply. "I really want to do this; I owe you," I say while placing the bacon into the microwave and retrieve a can of juice from the freezer.

Yuna laughs. "You don't owe me anything.."

"I'd like to spend more time with you," I candidly reply. "We've lost touch over the years... and now that I'm single, and no one's staying over... I'll need you to keep me company."

Her face flushes, she backs up against the counter. "But what if there are girls staying over, won't it be awkward for you having me here?"

"Don't worry about it." I pause, "I don't see that happening, not for a while."

"No?" She squeals as I tickle her sides. "Because I really don't want to get in your way."

I tighten my arms around her collar from behind in a lingering hug. In silence we watch the batter bubble upon the stove. I rest my chin on her shoulder, comforted by the sensation of her hair pressed against my cheek. She pulls away after a few moments to place the French toast onto a round serving plate. I do the same with the bacon and grab us juice glasses.

We eat the meal in comfortable silence. Afterward I take the dishes and load the washer. "So furniture today... or maybe get you some new clothes?"

"You'd come shopping for clothing with me?"

"Why not?"

"It's just surprising." She laughs. "But seriously, I think I need to pick up a few things to wear. All I have is this bridesmaid's dress, and I've already torn it and..." She shrugs her shoulders.

"Yeah, and then we can pick up your car from downtown," I suggest; I'd seen her car left behind at the reception hall as I'd departed the night before.

"Good idea." she smiles, tugging on the end of her nightshirt. "Although, I should probably shower first."

"Yeah, it's down the hall to the right," I reply, resisting the urge to ask if I can join.

**Yuna's**

Tidus carries my dozen or so shopping bags out to the car as we joke casually about the dent in my Spiran Express. Tidus' fingers brush mine, my nerves spike as he hooks his pinky with mine. It's funny how a small, certainly meaningless gesture sends my blood rushing. He looks across at me and grins; I glance downwards at my feet, hiding the rush of blood to my cheeks.

"So dinner first, or should we pick up your car?" he asks, untangling his fingers from my own before he stows my new possessions in his trunk.

"Well... it's up to you," I remark as I place my bags into the back seat and slide into passenger side of Tidus' car.

"How do you feel about Chinese?" he suggests, starting his engine, pulling into the West Zanarkand traffic.

"I suppose. If you know a nice place," I reason. "It's hard to find a decent restaurant here."

"You're just too picky," Tidus laughs, turning the radio from sports to this week's top-forty. I hear Lenne's voice on the other end singing, _1000 Words_. I miss her already.

"Wow, it really gets to me—her voice is really something." Tidus turns up the radio, mouthing the lyrics. "She's so crazy talented.

"She really is. " I smile, "I know she's taking some time off to enjoy being newlywed, but I hope she starts writing again soon."

"I think her agents are hoping the same thing."

"Probably," I muse, sinking into the seat, "Do you ever feel pressured like that by your representatives, like you can't take the time off when you need it?"

"Sometimes, but then there's the off season so it kind of balances out."

"I guess. I just worry that it gets to you sometimes, is all."

"It does. Sometimes."

I remain silent, watching his face focus in on the road and the way his lips move as he sings along to the radio. He places his hand on top of mine where it sits on the council, sometimes he's so affectionate. I don't ask, choosing instead to watch the sun melt behind the skyscrapers as we drive further through the downtown district.

The food is greasy but Tidus enjoys it. The restaurant is a buffet-style sit-down diner. Tidus' plate is filled to the brim, and he looks at me incredulously as I pick at my chow mein. "What's wrong?" he asks between mouthfuls.

"Nothing," I smile, taking a bite of the vegetable stir-fry. "It's just funny watching you eat."

"Is not." He laughs, " I have a big appetite; I need the protein."

"You're cleaning them out."

"You don't like the food, do you?" he asks. "You've just been tossing it around with your fork."

"In case you've forgotten..." I reply, "I ate a big breakfast. You force-fed me your bacon!"

"It was good bacon," he defensively replies. "Let's just get the check and go pick up your car. Maybe rent a movie?"

"Can I pick?"

He ponders it for a moment. "Maybe. We'll compromise."

"Fine," I say. Soon enough Tidus has paid the bill. I offer but he insists and we're back in his car driving towards the reception hall.

**Tidus **

I see the car first. Mangled and beaten, the windows smashed in. I panic. The once-rusting gray exterior is littered with spray-painted obscenities.

I park and take a look at her. She's trembling. Why? I don't need to ask. I reach for my phone and start dialing the police department.

"Can I speak to someone about auto vandalism?" I request before being put on hold.

"Why_..._" she sighs, letting the word roll off the tip of her tongue followed by the dropping of her head into her hands.

After explaining the problem, I close the phone and pull her close. "Hey... Yuna, it's gonna' be alright. It was probably just a couple punk kids."

"Sure it was." She draws away from me, rubbing her eyes. "But that was my car. I don't own much else."

"Hey..." I place my finger beneath her chin, lifting it so she's forced to look into my eyes. "Are you crying?"

She doesn't look away, just blinks, I watch hot tears burning paths down her cheeks. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her. It was a big risk moving here and consequently having this new life start to disintegrate around her...

My hand finds its way to the back of her neck, I lean into kiss her, after convincing myself it can only make things better.

Bright headlights cut between us; I feel the chill of her eyes against mine, she pulls away.

Thanks to Serial Ravist & Chloe Corrona


	8. Chapter 8: Where dynamics change

I don't care if Mondays black  
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack  
Thursday, never looking back  
It's Friday, I'm in love

Friday I'm in Love- _The Cure_

* * *

**March 29th, 4020**

**Tidus **

She fingers the gentile fabric of the curtains as while peering out towards the mountain scape. Night had zippered itself tightly around the horizon, tiny holes of stars littered the sky. The moons cold glare, I notice, reflected itself upon her face, she stares back with unreadable intent. I am relieved that she didn't look sad.

The balcony doors are locked for a reason. I don't trust the man-made steel railing, or the cement hovering above oblivion. Would falling feel like the blitz sphere? Diving into the icy depths of the night, and then crashing, your head, your body, your heart hitting the pavement with force enough to destroy.

I'm unable to find words to approach her. Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should turn back now with our emotions still intact. The night's already ruined; why not wait for tomorrow, a fresh start?

Despite the numb, raw taste of hesitation in my throat, I convince myself to speak, "Hey."

She looks back at me with a tight smile, "Hello?"

"Hi."

"Hi?"

"Do you feel like... going out maybe? Like, we could call Rikku and Gippal, make it a group affair, get something to eat, go dancing or... whatever?"

She nods shortly, brushing a stray hair to rest behind her ear, "that sounds nice..." Her voice is shaky. She shifts her gaze back against the window.

"Okay... okay I'll do that then. _Call them,_ I mean. Why don't you go change into one of your new outfits, it will make you feel better, I promise." I say attempting to console her with the swift squeeze of her shoulders.

"Okay." She agrees, "I'm sorry... I guess I'll go get ready, so call Rikku. Tonight will be fun."

"Sounds like a plan." I remark as I watch her silhouette disappear down the hall. I wonder if joking around is the right way to deal with this... crisis. What if what's really upsetting her isn't just the incident with her car, but that maybe I shouldn't have tried to kiss her?

Before I take advantage of the silent apartment to call Shuyin again for some last minute advice, the phone rings. After a moment of hesitance, I answer. "Hello?"

"_Whats up Tigger_?" Rikku says gaily, "_I never had the chance to say goodbye to you at the wedding, but you looked a little down. You feeling alright_?"

"Never better, Rik. Actually, I was just about to call you." I reply, "I'm looking for something to do, you and Gippal in?"

"_I've never been one to turn down a night on the town_!" She laughs, "_Who's your date_?"

I pause, debating my answer, "I wouldn't call it a date Rik. It's just me and Yuna tonight."

"_Oh? I see_." I can hear the smirk in her voice, "_Just you and Yunie_?"

"Thats right." I reply, "Just me and Yunie, _you_, and Gippal. Of course, we could invite Paine and Baralai,Wakka and Lu maybe?"

"_Eh_..." She sighs, "_Let's keep it a foursome_."

"Perfect."

"_I'll be there in fifteen, husband in tow, kay_?"

"Sounds good." I reply, before hanging up the phone. Next, I withdraw my cell and decide to text Shuyin quickly before we leave, thinking that maybe he and Lenne can walk me through tonight.

I briefly describe the incident with the car, the kiss and shove the phone back into my pocket before making my way down to the master bedroom, knocking before I enter, "I'm just going to change my shirt, alright?" I remark, savoring the opportunity to inspect Yuna's attire.

"How do I look?" She asks, crossing her arms above her head with a shy smile. Before my tongue slips and I make a remark about how the jade mini-dress brings out all her best qualities, it occurs to me that other men will be noticing this as well.

Despite the rising panic in my throat I lend her a smile, "You look great, what about me... blue shirt, black shirt, red shirt?" I ask, pulling the cotton fabric of my current shirt over my head, purposely exposing the bare length of my torso.

"Uhm... how about..." to my disapproval, she withdraws her eyes quickly, nervously, before rummaging through my closet. She picks a black dress shirt. I throw on an undershirt before taking the shirt from her hands.

"Thanks."

"Anytime." She pauses, "You know you should roll the sleeves up to your elbows, I love it when you do that."

"You love it?" I say, smirking as I attempt to maintain the connection of our eyes. I slide the shirt onto my back, looking straight into her gaze as I fasten the shirts buttons.

"Well... you look nice that way. You have strong… forearms. Not that you don't look nice when you wear other things, or dress shirts in other ways, I just think that- well, yeah. I need shoes, what shoes should I wear?" She blushes, turning her back to me.

"Your black boots." I point them out with one hand, fasten my watch with the other, and the chain around my neck, before grabbing a silver Zanarkand symbol stud to place in my ear.

"Did you call Rik?" She asks, while fixing her makeup in our bedroom mirror.

"They should be here any minute." I reply, taking note of the buzzing in the pocket of my blue jeans.

"_Help her forget about it_." Shuyin writes, "_make her laugh and feel comfortable around you_."

I reply, "_I need to make something happen tonight_."

"Who are you messaging?" Yuna asks. I feel the weight of her hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, just... asking my brother when the next practice is." I say, hastily shoving the phone back into its holster. "Is that the door?" I listen to the faint chime ring again.

"Better get that." Yuna smirks as I make my way back into the entrance-living room to answer the door.

Rikku stands, impatiently leaning against the door frame, beside her Gippal wears his signature grin, holding tightly onto a six pack. "Sup?" He says nudging my shoulder, "You ladies ready to go or what?"

"Yeah, I'll just grab Yuna and we'll be on our way." I reply, setting the sixer on the door side table. "uha susahd."

I make my way back to the master suit, peering in to see Yuna making the final adjustments to her outfit. I whistle at her, obviously startled, she clutches her chest and glares at me, "Tidus, you scared me!"

"Ready?" I chuckle, grabbing onto her hand, pulling her towards the door, "Rikku's getting impatient."

"Wait!" She yelps, digging her heals into the pristine white carpeting, "I need my purse, it's just on the bed, I'll meet you out there, okay?" She pulls away from me and seconds later meets me, Rik and Gippal back in the living area where we've already started on his case of beer.

"I think..." Rikku states, pointing her finger up in the air, "we should start at Faction, and club our way down electric avenue to Second Chances casino!"

"I don't really have the money to drink or gamble away, Rikky." Yuna states as she picks at her nails. "I should be saving."

"Here." I hand her some gil for the casino, "We'll leave once you've used that up, who knows you might get lucky?"

She looks up at me with a wry smile, "Alright, but I'm going to leave my purse here for the night so I don't spend any more than this."

"Let's just hope there's a hottie at the bar to buy ya drinks." Rikku winks, wearing a bemused expression. I don't find this funny; unfortunately I lack the gull to express my disapproval.

"Come on Rik, don't pressure her." Gippal says, grabbing his wifes arm, "If she doesn't want to have fun, we can't make her."

"Guys..." I squeeze Yuna's shoulder to assure her, "Come on, we don't need to drink to have fun. If you change your mind, Yuna, I'll buy you a couple, how does that sound?"

"I guess." She says, thanking me with her eyes, "That is if I feel up to it. Are we ready to go?"

"Abso-posi-you better believe it." Gippal replies, finishing off the rest of his beer, extending his arm to his wife, "Shall we?

"We shall!" she smiles, taking his arm. We follow them out into the hall, the four of us crowd into the elevator. Yuna's mood seems to lighten as she watches the scenery melt through the glass elevator doors. I pin my ass against the back wall and secure my gaze on the floor. The elevator comes to a startling halt at the lobby. Dizzily, I follow the other three out of the building and onto the street.

"I always thought it was cute how you get so queasy in elevators." Yuna whispers into my ear. "I never figured you to be the afraid-of-heights type."

"I'm not afraid of heights, I am afraid of falling." I reply, squeezing her shoulders, "what are _you_ afraid of?"

She looks up at me and smiles, "I'll tell you later."

"Later?" I wine, "why later?"

"What are you two babbling about?" Rikku asks, turning to inspect us as she walks backwards. I wonder how she manages to keep her balance.

"Oh, n-nothing." Yuna smiles, squeezing my arm, "Tidus is just being a pain!"

I grin at Yuna, but she ignores me. The girls walk on ahead of us linking arms and chatting secretively. I'd kill to know what they're saying. "If Rikku were wearing a skirt that short man... I wouldn't let her go out in public."

"It's not that short..." I grit my teeth, "Besides, that's not my place."

Gippal pats my back, "When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" I ask, reaching to grab my phone

_"Don't rush it Tidus." Shuyin writes_

"You know, that thing you're texting your brother about."

"Mind your own business, okay?"

"When it comes to women…"

I smirk, "You're not as charming as you think you are."

"Sure." Gippal nudges my arm, "But I don't know maybe what Yuna needs is a little—."

"Shut it." I seethe, the man has a knack for bringing out the worst in me. He's talking too loudly.

Something about Gippal has always irked me, maybe it was the way he was always checking out other women, or they way he pretends to be everyone's best friend; I'd never want to go as far as telling him off... but some nights—tonight being one of them, he pushes a few too many nerves. "Are you mad at me or something?" He asked, nudging me _again_.

"Huh?" I smirk, "No, it's fine."

I try to keep my gaze ahead for the rest of our walk to the club, but it's hard not to notice Gippal's eying the hem of Yuna's skirt. When we arrive at the club, I'll have to grab her and pull her into a dark corner before anyone else gets the chance.

"Look at the line..." Yuna mumbles, running a hand through her wavy, tawny locks. "We'll be waiting for at least an hour."

"Yuna, do you realize who you're with?" Rikku laughs as I grab both their arms and motion Gippal to follow me to the front of the line.

"Hey nineteen!" The large bouncer at the front of the line raises his hand with enthusiasm to slap mine, "How you doin' Tidus?"

"Just fine, just fine. How are the kids, it's looking like Trish's cooking keeps getting better, huh?"

"Oh, ya know..." He pats his stomach with a laugh, "Kids are good, the wife's cooking is better than ever, now introduce me to this little lady you have on your arm. How ya doin', honey?"

"This here is Yuna."

"Hey Yuna, pretty name, I'm Gatta." I smile as they shake hands.

"You must have really won his heart, the way he's smiling tonight." Gatta chuckles, I flush. "Come on through, kids, I'll tell Jerry you're here, drinks on the house tonight." Gatta motions us through the velvet rope and into the club.

"Does he think I'm your girlfriend?" Yuna whispers in my ear as my hand rests on the small of her back. I pretend not to hear her, and motion Vicky, the bartender, to come take our orders.

"What can I get for you?"

"Well?" I ask Yuna after ordering myself a shot of Jack Daniels, "What is your flavor, Yuna?"

"Cherry whiskey and coke." She replies without hesitation, "Double."

"Alright, just gimme a second you two." Vicky says, busying herself with various bottles and tricks as she pours our, "Here ya are, enjoy."

"Vicky winked at you..." Yuna states, with a smile that seems not all there, "Do you two have a..."

"No." I take a shot, "We dated, like two weeks... She's dating another one of the waitresses here now though."

"Oh. Well, good for her."

"What about me?" I say in mock agony, "And my poor, poor broken heart!"

"We'll, you can have your pick."

I grab her arm, "Come on, let's dance darling, you can be my rebound fling."

"Your rebound fling?" She asks, turning away from me, "Really?"

"Hey..." I say grabbing her shoulder, feeling extremely stupid, "I didn't mean it like that..."

"It's odd..." She says, "Watching all my friends date, get married... is that ever going to be me? Am I ever going to mean something real to someone?" I don't know how to answer. The vulnerability in her eyes breaks me.

"Hey! There you guys are!" Rikku comes bounding towards us, green slime in one hand, bottle cap drop-shot in the other, "Definitely liking this place, free drinks! So, tell Vick to pour me a couple shots!"

"Rikku..." Yuna starts,

"No, no no no. Mrs. sensible, rational, perfect Yuna. Grab a shot and have some fun."

Yuna takes a shot, tequila, scrunches her face.

"Dance?" A tall stranger with dark hair, and green eyes approaches Yuna from behind, "Promise I won't bite."

"Uhm..." Yuna looks at Rikku, and then back me for only a moment before accepting, "Sure, why not." She takes off, and again I find myself very, very irritated.

"Now that's what I'm talking about, fryd y lydlr..."

"Rikku, I have the worst luck." I say, pulling on my hair. "I had the perfect opportunity, but it just..." I separate my hands for dramatic effect, "Slipped through my fingers, and then that douche bag..."

"Douche bag?" Rikku laughs, "You don't know him. Sure, he's handsome, and built like a rock with that mysterious dark hair and those green, green eyes..." She stops mid sentence to look wistfully in their direction, my stomach continues to drop, "But I think Yuna loves you."

"Nothing phases her." I lean my head against Rikku's shoulder, "Nothing."

"You're always flirting, how is she supposed to tell the difference?" Rikku laughs, finishing off one of her three drinks, "How about you try being honest?"

I sigh, "Look... I just, don't want to see her with him."

"Of course you don't, for the same reason you don't want to see her with Seymour. I bet he's not even a bad guy. You just got yourself so worked-up that Yuna wasn't hanging on your every word, and you didn't have a girl that you decided you would just be miserable and rain on her parade." Rikku turns on her stool to look me straight in the eyes, "Look, are you even sure you want to be with Yuna, or are you just attracted to her because you can't have her? Before you go playing games, maybe you should really figure it out."

"I broke up with Dona because I couldn't stop thinking about Yuna I don't know what this is, Rik, but believe me. I want Yuna, like I have never wanted anything in my life." I confess, feeling anger bubble, "I have been friends with Yuna as long as you have, longer even— you may be her family, but we grew up together. I don't want to hurt her."

"You grew up with her, sure." Rikku says, rising to her feet, "But where were you before she left, where were you in high school? Where were you whenever she needed something? Oh yeah, that's right!" She says, placing a manicured nail against my chest, "you were always too busy thinking about yourself!"

Before I know it, my face, my shirt, my hair, is dripping wet and the sound of Rikku's footsteps are fading fast. I feel like a jackass.

**Yuna **

* * *

After excusing myself from Kory and his sickeningly strong cologne, I look around the club only to find Gippal chatting up some "pretty little thing" at the bar. Interrupting the conversation is Rikku's job. I make my way to the womans bathroom.

"Yuna!" The disturbingly familiar accent rings in my ears, I turn to see the not so elegant Dona, smelling of cigarette butts and stumbling out of the stall towards me, "Hello!"

"Dona?" I'm surprised to see her; "I haven't seen you around lately."

"It's been awhile since me and Tidus broke up…" She taps her head, "Tell me, is he here tonight?"

"Well we came here with a couple friends." I reply, adjusting my lip gloss.

"I might have to find him and say hi." Dona says, stumbling towards the door, "Good seeing you."

"You too." I reply, watching her leave the washroom, holding onto the walls for balance. I envied her, for being Tidus', for her long, tanned legs, and her dark skin. Tonight she looks awful, having the time of her life. I still envy everything she had with him.

I'd love to kiss him. Just remembering his lips, the roughness of his hands on my skin, grabbing me, pulling away.

I should stop thinking about these things.

But, instead, _I'm moving in_. the thought panic's me, I'm just feeding this stupid obsession, tempting myself. I run my hands through my hair, gripping it, feeling disgusted. He could never love me.

I leave the washroom, after successfully making sure Kory's not still waiting and run across Tidus back at the bar, dress shirt tucked in his back pocket, looking all the more masculine in his wife beater. "Hey..." I say, slipping in beside him, "I was looking for you."

"Oh?" He says, "I got into it a bit with Rikku, sorry."

"Did they leave?"

"Yeah. Well, at least she did. I don't' know where Gippal is." He shrugs, "I think I want to skip the casino and go home, maybe watch a movie or something, Gippal's been getting on my nerves."

"Oh." I gesturing to a corner where he's talking to a couple girls, "Yeah, lets go back to your place..." the sooner we leave, the less chance Dona has to sink her claws into him.

"Our place." I wink. "Come'on Yuna, we're roommates now."

"Roommates..." I smile, enjoying the sound of it on my tongue. I follow him out into the street. We wave good-bye to Gatta, who looks rather busy escorting a certain bulky gentleman out of the club.

After walking awhile in comfortable silence, Tidus turns to me, "Do you think, that we should, uh, tell Rikku?"

" Rikku knows. She's been married to him for years now, this behavior isn't really anything... new."

"I know, I just feel bad for her." he says, opening the door to our building for me, "That's not how a husband should act."

" I wouldn't know." I reply as we enter the elevator, "How a boyfriend, or husband is suppose to act."

"You didn't date much in Luca?" He asks, looking at me with an incredulous expression on his face, "Why not?" Again he closes his eyes and counts to himself as we rise.

"School." I hesitate, "I was busy with my studies." I don't want to tell him the truth, which is that I couldn't look at anyone else without thinking about him. I felt too guilty, wishing they were him.

"If you had met the right person school wouldn't have been a problem."

"Well I guess," I pause, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

He grins, "So you hardly dated back in Luca? I'm sure you had plenty of offers."

"Well I went on a couple, and there was Seymour. I guess nothing turned out."

"You didn't really like Seymour though." he asks, his voice rising. "Did you? Have you ever felt, you know, love?"

"Love?" I reply, feeling the bitter taste of the word on my tongue. I follow him into our apartment.

"Home sweet home." He yawns, "What do you want watch?"

"Anything. I'll probably just fall asleep."

"Well we could just watch a movie in my room then, that way if you fall asleep..."

"Maybe I've been in love." I reply, surprising myself with the suddenness of the answer, an indescribable need to continue the previous conversation overcomes my better judgment "It was one sided I guess."

"Did you ever tell him?" He asks, something unreadable in his eyes. I watch him closely as he hangs up his coat.

"No." I say, feeling a warm flush creeping up my neck, "I'd be embarrassed, and I doubt he'd ever want to talk to me again."

"You don't know that for sure." he replies, throwing his dress shirt down the laundry shoot before peeling off the wife beater, "Maybe he feels the same."

"Well, if he felt the same way I'm sure he'd tell me." I pause, "You know, sometimes it seems like he might, it's just confusing."

"Why?"

"He's a flirt." I say, turning away from him.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks, his voice raw, as he leans against the wall, looking at me, looking into me.

"What?"

"Hearing you talk about this person, seeing you with Seymour…" He starts, I feel my temperature rising, he walks towards me, closing the space between us. "I have to admit I'm kind of jealous, I've been feeling something the last while…I've got this feeling that maybe you should give me a chance."

"A chance? But you said we were just friends and—" I reply, looking down at my shoes.

"Yuna, I was confused." He tells me, I feel his fingers brushing a hair from my eyes, they linger a second too long against my neck, I can feel my breath shorten, my heartbeat begin to rise. I wonder why he's doing this to me.

"Don't play with me, Tidus."

"I'm not." he speaks, grabbing my hand in his.

"I hope you don't think this is funny." I say, turning away from him, "It's not, you know. Funny."

"I know." he replies, pulling me forward. I can feel the hard outline of his body against my chest. I can't answer, I don't have the words, I don't know the words. I shut my eyes, and he kisses their lids, pulling me closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. My body involuntarily shakes; he tightens his arms around my shoulders. I look up at him; I try to look through him, through this act.

"Stop it..." I say, my breath coming in short gasps as I pull away, "Don't do this to me!" I demand this time, my hands on my chest, trying to suppress the beat of a heart that threatens to break through me.

"Why would I want to hurt you?" He says, trying, yet again, to close the space between us, "I've been trying to keep my cool for months now, but every time you're around me, I loose it and I act like an idiot. I don't know what to say to you, or how to say it. When I see you sad or that look in your eyes, you know, like the one right now... I feel like it's my job to make it better. I'd be happy to make it better for you Yuna, whatever bothers you, I want you to be happy." He says, straining his voice as he runs his hands through my hair, running his thumb against my temple "I just want a chance to make you happy..."

I take his chain in my hands, pulling him closer, fingering over the cold metal beads. I look at him, feeling naked beneath the heat of his stare. I watch closely as he bites down hard on his bottom lip. I barely manage to hold back. I force his head down, pressing my forehead against his. "Don't make me regret this." I whisper.

He kisses me and I taste the firmness of his lips as he pulls me close, pining me beneath his weight against the wall. His arms squeeze my chest closer to his. The heat in my chest rises, but he kisses me slowly, softly.

"Let's take this slow," he whispers, placing a small kiss against my lips, "I want to try and make it work."


	9. Chapter 9: Where the honeymoon ends

_And now all your love is wasted  
And then who the hell was I?  
And I'm breaking at the britches  
And at the end of all your lines_

Skinny Love_- Bon Iver_

**April 12th, 4020**

**Seymour**

"Where are you travelling this time?" My wife, Lexus, asks. She narrows her eyes at me, my suitcases by the door. "Is it just that you can't stand to be around me? Our children?"

My disdain only increases with each word from her lips. She's right, of course.

"We need you at home." She says, I pull my belongings away from her.

"I'll be back soon." I touch my lips to her forehead. "I have business affairs to attend to."

"Affairs, I can only imagine." She spits, her long, blond hair falling over her shoulders as she takes her stand. She looks as if she could slap me. As if she has the nerve, the _resolve_.

"I'll see you in a month." I reply coldly as I motion my driver to grab the bags. "It's better this way." I say. She lets me kiss her; she still closes her eyes when I do. She grasps me, but it doesn't matter. I'll still go, I'll still pull away.

"Our kids..." She starts, as I turn my back to her, "They've grown up without you. They don't know their father..."

I don't need to slam the door, or spit a retort back at her, the point has been made. She knows how I feel, she knows about the other women, the other lives. She loves me but it's impossible. Our marriage is nothing but political convenience.

Lexus tries too hard, laughs too loud, asking too many questions. A woman should be quiet, demure...

Yuna...

I think of her soft hair, her hesitant smile and those full lips. I frown, she's made her intentions clear.

"Sir." The driver opens the door for me, my assistant Liza waits inside, her clipboard in hand, her skirt riding up, exposing a tanned, smooth thigh. She motions me to join her, before promptly reading the days schedule.

Talk bores me, her perfume however, does not. I close the screen between the two of us and our driver. She discards her clipboard.

**Lenne**

The airplane stutters to a stop, Shuyin grips my hand. I wince. The airplane lights blink, I sheltered my eyes from the glare, "We're home." My husband whispers, releasing my hand.

I smile at him, stretching out as he reaches for our bags stored under the seat. Outside I can see the airport employees loading luggage onto their carts. "It's nice to be back." I say, turning to him. "Although... I can't help but wonder, if Tidus has messed things up yet."

"What makes you think he's messed anything up?" Shuyin asks, following me off the plane, and down the long winding hallway to baggage claim.

I shrug, "He just has a knack. But, maybe things will be okay... I don't know. Forget I said anything." I kiss him gently, "I love you."

"Love you too..." He replies, piercing his eyebrows, "My brother isn't a bad guy, you should know that by now. It's almost Like you have no faith in him..."

"It's not that." I reply, guarding myself. "I'm just worried about Yuna."

His arms wrap around my waste as we wait for the rest of our luggage to make it's way around the carousel, "Don't be, babe. Tidus is _really_ over his head this time. Yuna can take care of herself, she's an adult."

I smirk, "Maybe."

Our bags come around the corner; Shuyin leans forward to grab them. "Let's concentrate on each other, let Tidus worry about her."

"You're right." I say, walking beside him out towards the car waiting for us. My brother-in-law smiles at us from the front seat, waving erratically.

"Hey!" Shuyin laughs "Get your ass out here and help me load these bags."

"You just had a week of rest!" He wines, " I just got back from practice. Do it yourself."

"Just pop the trunk, Tidus." I say, yawning, "It's cold."

He complies and without enthusiasm, unlocks the trunk; I slide into the front seat as Shuyin loads our luggage. "Bring me any souvenirs?" He asks, turning down the radio.

"Nope. How's my girl? You treating her right?" I ask while searching for the heated seat button.

"I'm trying, really trying. I think she's happy, did I tell you we're living together now?" he says, obviously gloating, "No lectures needed, separate rooms. She needed a place to stay, and we'll..."

"You don't have to explain yourself." Shuyin states, as he enters the back seat, "Don't encourage her."

"Hey!" I say, wanting to smack him. The truth is, though Tidus may claim he loves her, or he's never been this happy... he's said the same thing about many, many, other women. Tidus likes to believe in love, likes to feel the nerves, and the drama of fresh romance. He likes his relationships to be high profile, and overly affectionate. Yuna, on the other hand is a romantic, she believes in love, but doesn't need the world to know to make it feel real.

"I don't mind..." Tidus smiles, "Really. I don't."

"So I can question you all I want?" I ask

"All you want."

"Do you love her? Have you told her you love her yet?"

He shifts uncomfortably, "We've been together, like... a week, Lenne."

"You told Adrianna..."

"I was fourteen when me and Adrianna first got together. This is different."

"So you're being smart then?" I ask.

"I'm trying."

Shuyin leans towards the front, turning up the volume on the radio. We listen in a sweltering silence to the jazz. The sky around us is dark, and only getting darker as Tidus turns onto our street. "Wanna come in for a beer?"

"Thought you'd never ask." He parks the car and turns off the engine before following Shuyin around to the trunk. This time he helps with the luggage.

"Our lights are on..." I remark, walking up the stone pathway to our door, the curtains are closed, but it's evident that someone is inside.

"Shit..." Tidus mumbles, "Just open the door, Lenne."

Warily, I do as he tells me and am greeted by our friends and a few dozen bottles of wine. "Holy shit you guys!" I gasp, clutching my chest, "You shouldn't have."

"How was the honey moon? Yevon, I missed you!" Yuna smiles as I pull her into a tight hug, "I have a lot to tell you." she whispers, pulling me aside.

"I know..." I smile, squeezing her arm, "Tell all."

She shrugs her head in the direction of the patio, I follow her outside and we sit down on the wicker furniture, "So, it happened?"

"Yeah..." I can't help but smile as I watch her cheeks flush a bright pink, "I said I'd give him a _chance_, but it's more like he's giving me one, you know? I'm afraid I'll mess up, or he'll change his mind... I just want to know that he's... he's serious about me."

"Your scared because you care so much for him." I smile. "I remember feeling the same way."

"I'm terrified." She says. "We should go hot tubbing. It's nice out tonight."

"Let's get drunk first?" I laugh, pulling her back inside the house, ignoring the vigorous shake of her head.

"Gippal's already past his limit, if you watch carefully, I believe that's a plant he's talking too..."

"Poor Gippal." I smirk while grabbing a couple coolers from the fridge, "Where's his wife when he needs discipline?"

"I hope him and Rikku don't end up fighting tonight." Yuna frowns, "She left him at the club alone a while ago. Then got mad at him for coming home late, he said he was looking for her..."

"_Right_." Lenne shrugs, "He was looking for a good time."

Yuna laughs softly, before taking the drink from my hands. "I gave up drinking, but tonight, I'll celebrate with you."

I laugh, clinking my bottle against hers. We lean against the living room wall, observing the other guests in action. "Look at our boys."

Yuna sighs, sipping tentatively from her bottle. "I have a... question for you. It's kind of embarrassing..."

"Yes?" I say, becoming increasingly interested in the conversation, "What is it?"

"I... never mind." She blushes, "Lets get into the hot tub."

"Will you tell me when we're out there?" I smile, pinching her arm.

"Who said hot tub?" I hear Gippal perk up, "Am I invited?" he asks, stumbling across the room, nearly tripping over the glass coffee table. Rikku grabs his arm just in time.

"Really, Gippal?" She hisses, pulling him down beside her.

"He'll we're all invited." Says Shuyin, "Hopefully you brought your trunks."

Tidus looks over to us, his eyes traveling over Yuna, a small smile on his attractive features. "You in, babe?" He asks while approaching us, grabbing her hand.

Yuna just nods, taking another sip of her cooler, I fail to mention drinking that in the hot tub will get her wasted, mostly because I like Yuna when she's drunk.

I make eye contact with Tidus, who also, conveniently forgets to mention this. He kisses her briefly before tearing off his shirt, "I'll meet you out there!"

I chuckle, watching Yuna as she attempts to hide her lingering gaze. "He's your boyfriend now, you're allowed to look."

"Lenne..." she smiles, "Give me a break."

I take a lingering sip of my drink, "Tidus is use to really forward women, you know?"

"No, I wouldn't know...'" she replies, "I guess Addrianna was…"

"Who cares about Adrianna? Let's never speak of her again."

I can feel Yuna's gaze on the side of my face as I finish off the contents of my bottle. I don't like talking about that woman, hearing about her, well... it hits a sore spot for me. Tidus wasn't the only one she'd hurt, we had been _friends_.

I pause, looking at Yuna again; I have always liked Yuna. I know she doesn't have the heart hurt him. Her attraction to Tidus has always worried me, if things don't work out between them, and I've had this talk with Tidus before; I just don't know how well she'd handle it.

I can tell, just looking at her, that she didn't want to put all her hope into this relationship and that she is trying not to let it show. It's obvious that she's scared.

I am scared for her.

"Hey..." I say, grabbing her arm, "Go get changed and meet us out there."

"Oh, yeah." She says, handing me her drink. "I'll be right out."

I watch her, my nerves tickling. I wish I could be happy for them, I really do. But I can't help feeling that Tidus may not be ready.

**Tidus**

I watch Yuna sleep, lately it has become a ritual of sorts for me.,I didn't realize Lenne was watching me, "What should I do, Lenne?"

"She looks pretty tired, Tidus." Lenne says, beginning to clear the bottles, "Think you can get her up to your apartment?"

I sigh, pushing a few strands of hair off her face, "No, probably not. I'll just move her to the guest room, if you'll open the door for me?"

"Sure." She replies as I take Yuna into my arms, holding her head against my shoulder. I like the feeling of her weight. Her hair is damp against my neck as she tucks her forehead into its nape. I lay her down onto the bright yellow comforter in the spare room, and remove her damp towel before spreading the covers.

"Tidus, can I talk to you for a second...?" My brother whispers from the hall, his head leaning against the oak door frame.

"Sure." I kiss Yuna's forehead before meeting him out in the hall. He slumps, back against the wall, looking up at me, his dark eyes burning through mine. He runs a rough hand through his still-damp hair, "Look, Lenne wanted me to say something else to you about this thing with Yuna..."

I play with the towel still hanging 'round my neck and pretend to listen. I can hear Yuna turning in the other room, I wonder if she'd mind waking up beside me. I suppose her and Lenne could share the room, and I could bunk with Shuyin or go home.

"Are you even listening to me, Tidus?" Shuyin asks, snapping his fingers, "Look I know I shouldn't have to tell you this, you're a grown man, she's a grown woman, you can make your own decisions." He pauses, "Be careful, take things slow, and try not to disappoint her. Even more importantly, don't do anything stupid and let her hurt you."

"What do you mean stupid?"

"Adrianna's been popping around." Shuyin remarks, glaring at me, "Don't tell me you haven't noticed?"

"Yeah at you're wedding..." I shrug, "Wasn't she invited?"

"I'm talking about your games, Ti." He nudges my shoulders, "Haven't you noticed, she sat right smack behind Luca's goalie last match."

"I like to focus on the game?" I shrug, "Look Shu, me and her are over. She's always been a blitzball fan."

"She hates blitzball, she likes watching you." Shuyin smirks, "I caught that on the other end of the line a few years ago, her and Lenne both. Didn't want to break your heart."

"Don't worry about it." I say, "She's not on my mind anymore."

I settle in for the night on a sofa in the guest room. I don't want to intimidate her by crawling into the bed, I don't want to seem too forward, and I don't want to rush things. Yes, I want to wake up beside her, I want our relationship to progress, but I don't want to scare her.

**Adrianna**

Our wine supply consisted of cheap, half empty bottles. I could use a glass, something to calm me down.

I could hear John's voice pounding as he argues within the thin walls of his office. My son, Issac, is asleep on the couch. I worry that the arguing will wake him. I continue cooking, downing my glass of cheap wine in the process. I hear the door to my husband's den slam as he makes his entrance into the kitchen. I notice he's still wearing his shoes with no respect to me, to the work I've put into scrubbing the floor. Was it only yesterday he'd witnessed me, on my knees?

"Shoes." I say, turning away from him, lending my attention to the continuous grating of cheese.

"What is the big deal, they're clean."

No...they're not, I think angrily. I slam my open palms down on the counter. "Just take them off, John."

"I've had a hard day at the office, and the last thing I need is to..."

"You... you've had a hard day? Is that right?"

"Yes, that is right! And what have you been doing, Adrianna?"

I shake my head, I look at him, and then at the child on our sofa, "Your right, John, I've done nothing. I am nothing."

I set the table, plates, food, condiments, drinks, and utensils. John retreats to the back entrance and returns without his shoes. A victory, small yet rewarding. We sit down and we eat. Our marriage is a well-oiled machine. Some might consider this a rut, or the road to divorce, but for me it's comfort. With John I can be certain, secure in a future, as unhappy as it may seem. So what if it wasn't love... so what if we'd based our home, our lives around a lie? What part of marriage requires love? We were a system, a plan, a deadlock. I couldn't have this with Tidus.

Tidus was naive, immature... he wasn't ready to get married, he had his whole life ahead of him, who was I to stand in the way, to tie him down? Every day, I attempt to convince myself that it was for the best, for the good of everyone involved.

I carry Issac to bed, lay him down and smooth back the golden hair inherited from his father.


	10. Chapter 10: Where they spend time apart

But as you sleep, and no one is listening  
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking  
Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you  
Soon I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me

As You Sleep- _Something corporate_

**May 5th, 4020**

**Seymour**

Dark hair falls against Liza's shoulders. She leans her back against the door, smiling at me; shaking her head from side to side, moving to the music in her head. She's young, perhaps too young, but willing. "Come on, James; open the door... _lets go inside_."

I return the smile, tugging on a limp strand of ebony hair. I reach past her with my key, pushing the door open and backing her inside. She wraps her arm around my neck as she laughs, the kind that would be considered infections, contagious, poison.

I let my keys and coat fall on the counter, and my eyes briefly catch sight of a past remnant, a note Yuna left me over a month ago. I stifle a bubbling frustration and let Liza draw me to her side, rest her head on my shoulder. Her perfume is putrid. I wonder what of Yuna's still sits upon the counter of the rest room. I wonder if her sheets still smell of...

Liza kisses me, whispering a false identity against my lips. It's hard to feel, to appreciate her touch. Her lips taste sweet, of vodka and sprite.

I'm in the mood for something bitter.

**Lenne**

"Shuyin call that brother of yours, and tell him to hustle." I rest my head against the soft leather of my seat. Sweating beneath the Friday afternoon sun, pouring through the roof of our SLK convertible. We park along the sidewalk in front of Tidus' apartment and wait patiently.

"You know how he gets, Lenne. He's not exactly looking forward to the plane ride," Shuyin reasons, "And I'm sure him and Yuna are making the most of their last few hours together."

"How can you say that about your brother?"

"What?" he chuckles. "Oh come, the two of them are living together; they must be going at it on the regular by now."

"Shuyin, you're pissing me off."

"Sorry?" He shrugs, leaning over to honk at a hungover Tidus dragging his suitcase as Yuna follows. "Dude, seriously?"

"Just pop the trunk."

Shuyin does as told and after loading and buckling up we're on the road. I don't like to drive, especially with my husband's brother still reeking of the night before in the back seat. "So, Tidus... what did you do last night," I ask, switching lanes and turning onto highway sixteen.

"He figured," Yuna begins, stroking Tidus' hair, "If he stayed up drinking all night, the flight would be easier drunk."

"Problem is... I passed out." He moaned, unbuckling to lay his head on Yuna's lap.

"Order some greasy airplane food, you'll be fine," I suggest as we pull up to the teams private air dock.

If there was anything I could be sure of, it was that the boys would be well taken care of. Tidus, being their '_star player_' would probably be hooked up with his own personal fan girl. She'd probably show up dressed for the occasion ready, and more than willing to baby him back to health. It's not that I believe he'll sleep around... but he likes to flirt and to be admired. I just hope this year he manages to keeps it out of the tabloids, for Yuna's sake.

"Tidus, Shuyin!" Their manager, Lucy Evans, pounces on us as we walk along the gravel path towards the ship. "I have a copy of the itinerary for both of you… oh dear, Tidus you look horrible! Last night you had a curfew! Don't let this this year be a repeat of 4017! You do remember 4017, don't you?" Tidus nods, rubbing his head wearily.

If it wasn't for her abrasive attitude, Lucy might have been attractive; however it was hard to look past her ever-present clipboard and larger-than-life plastic smile. "Okay, I'll meet you boys on the ship. You have five minutes." She passes her pen through the air, motioning the staff to grab their bags. "The team is counting on you this year, Tidus."

"Yeah, yeah." He waves her off before pulling Yuna against the airship, as Shuyin drags me back to the car.

"Well, baby, I guess I'll see you later?"

"Two weeks to be exact." Shuyin pouts, holding my hands in his. "I'll call you every day, night, morning, and text you during half time, deal?"

"Only if you throw in keeping an eye on your brother," I bargain, with a peck on his cheek. "Please, Shuyin?"

"Lenne, I can't do that. He's my brother..."

"I know but she's my best friend. And she's your friend too. Help him help himself. If he messes this up, he will regret it."

"Let's not spend our last moments here, talking about them..." He motions to the couple walking with their fingers linked towards us. "Actually, let's not talk," he reasons, pressing his lips against mine. I find myself unwilling to argue.

"Okay, get going." I pull away, bracing my palms against his chest. "Now, before I decide not to let you so that we can continue our honeymoon."

"That does sound tempting...But I guess I have to watch over this fool..." He grabs his brother by the collar. "Come on, let's board."

"Why would you be watching over me?" I hear Tidus squeak as Yuna and I lean against the convertible and watch the brothers walk across the dirt landing. I wonder, while they're away, across the Spiran globe, if either will remember to pick up the phone.

"Lenne..." Yuna's demure voice startles me. "Do you think..."

"Don't think about it," I advise her. "Let's grab Rikku, some movies and enjoy ourselves."

Yuna chews on her fingernail, watching Tidus walk off "I'm going to miss him."

"Come on," I say auto-starting my SLK Benz. "I think we should get drunk tonight."

"Lenne!" She smiles. "You're starting to sound devious."

"The boys will be having the time of their lives." I flip my shades down onto the bridge of my noes and start the engine. I don't pause to wait for the airship's engine to roar. "Don't worry, Yuna. I'll keep you busy this week."

As we merge back onto the freeway she turns to me with a sad smile. "Lenne..."

"I'll take care of you, Yuna. I promise."

**Rikku**

The butter-silk fabric beneath my fingers produces an involuntary shiver as I move my hand along the length of its surface. Every year Zanarkand is the home of Spira's largest fashion expedition; this year my company will be premiering its first collection. Without a husband to get in my way, the excess time has allowed me the opportunity to take on more responsibility within the company.

Shaking thoughts of Gippal from my head, I begin steadying the fabric through the machine, easing my foot onto the pedal. Light from overhead casts itself upon the silk, the glint of the needle dropping in and out of sight at increasing speed as I lengthen the seam. The doorbell chimes; my head snaps up and the material beneath my fingers begins to bunch. I lift my foot from the pedal and curse to myself, throwing the garment aside.

"Whatsup?" I ask, pressuring the talk button underneath my thumb. I gaze at the screen above where Lenne and Yuna are leaning against the fence. "Want me to buzz you in?"

"We are here to kidnap you, so grab your purse," Lenne states with a wry smile. "While the husbands are away, us girls are gonna play."

"Just give me a minute." I turn off my machine and grab my purse from the edge of the chair. Lenne and Yuna's appearance comes as a relief, and although I'm distressed about the garment, I can come back to it later. A night out with the girl's sounds a million times better than falling asleep at the desk.

I embrace Yuna as I meet the two girls outside. "Hey, Shuyin and Ti left yet?"

"Honey, they're long gone." Lenne unlocks the car door, and we file inside. "Couldn't wait to get rid of us."

"Whatever, we don't need 'em."

Yuna smiles politely from the passenger seat, ignoring our comments. I wonder if she realizes she has to let go of Tidus while he's away. The boy's an athlete— at the moment all that matters is his game. She'll be heartbroken when she realizes he's not going to call, text, or email her. She'll be the last thing on his mind.

"By the way, Rik," Lenne switches lanes, "I'm getting you ladies drunk tonight. So we're stopping by the liquor store; gonna get us some wine."

"Sounds good to me," I reply, leaning my head against the windowpane, the scenery blurring as I rest my eyes.

**Auron**

Like the man at his corner desk, the office is understated. The room is characterless beyond the strong scent of stale air and day-old coffee that infiltrates my senses. Baralai sits hunched over a copy of Zanarkand Weekly, with both his elbows propped up against the heavy oak of his desk; he does not alter his gaze to meet me.

"Baralai." I request his attention as he turns another page. "Has Gordan left for the night?"

"He's left for the week, Auron. Is there anything I may assist you with? Perhaps, the Kelly files?" He places his paper down, as he pushes away from his desk. "I'm not sure I have a number where you could reach him, either."

A low growl emits from deep in my throat. I needed him to be here tonight. The case we'd been gathering has hit a snag, and things aren't going smoothly as I'd predicted they would. I'd been working closely with both Seymour Kelly and Gordan Hersh over the last few months. Seymour's company, Kelly, Green, and Samson Industries had managed to keep their books clean; under the table, well... that just wasn't the case. He's specialized in weapons merchandising, and although upfront he'd kept things smooth as a whistle, his product had been turning up in unexpected lands. Gordan had been putting together evidence against him, and I, being a close friend of the late Jyscal Kelly, Seymour's father, had offered my assistance.

"Baralai..." I begin, lifting my glasses away from my face, "do you have access to his files?"

"I do, but they can't leave this office," he says, moving to a stainless steel filing cabinet sitting firmly against the wall across from his desk, beside Gordan's. I need these files to check his travel. Air Spira has been tracking his tickets, making it possible to trace Seymour's monthly travel patterns.

After withdrawing the file, Baralai hesitates before handing it over, taking a long glance inside. "This is him?" he asks, retrieving a picture of Seymour and his wife, Lexus, that had been clipped from a newspaper article several months ago.

I take the file from his hands. "It is."

"And...he has a wife?"

"Lexus," I smirk. "Beautiful, isn't she?"

Baralai fixes his gaze back on the photo for a lingering moment. "That doesn't make any sense. My friend Yuna..."

"Yuna?"

"Yes, she was living with him. I believe they were dating. That was back in March."

"Seymour's never been a loyal man; he enjoys the company of many women. Is this Yuna the daughter of Braska Shimane?"

Baralai nods, moving back to his desk and withdrawing a leather-bound notepad. After writing something down he rips the page from its bindings. "She may be of some use to you."

"I've already met her. Though, I'd prefer if I could avoid using her as a witness," I muse, thinking of the night we'd met at the scene of her vandalized car. The parking lot had reeked of Seymour's work. I would have liked to charge him, but it wasn't enough. It would have blown my cover, and possibly endangered her and my godson Tidus. Because Seymour was under the impression I was crooked, I'd manipulated situations for his legal benefit, proving false loyalty. I'd made a promise to his father, one Seymour had misunderstood. I'd assured Jyscal I'd take care of his son... in the same way his son had taken care of him.

**Yuna**

Wine, red wine swirling, tangled up within itself drifting without intent. I stare into the bloody depths of the tall-stemmed glass. My head pounds; the numbness in my chest grows with every chance encounter of liquid and lips. From the comfort of Lenne's living room the three of us sit, ranting, raving, and gossiping as the alcohol merges into our bloodstreams.

"Gippal..." Rikku throws back her head, a flock of blonde curls bouncing against the air, "Gippal doesn't care anymore." She leans against the white leather sofa, digging her toes into the carpet. "I don't think I care that he doesn't care, ya'kno. If I'd known... I wouldn't have ever..."

"Gippal loves you Rikku. With all the two of you have dealt with—I think that he's just going through a phase." Lenne offers.

"I don't appreciate his phases. Where is 'e when I need to go through a phase?"

"True." I raise my glass to her complaint. "He's off chasing skirts."

"He does like a nice, short skirt," she smirks. "But that's what's got us all tangled up anyway. If I hadn't been... you know, and then we wouldn't have ended up together. I bet you anything."

"I don't know. I think he's hurting too," Lenne theorizes with the toss of her hair.

"It's cruel," Rikku disagrees. "My child's dead and my husband's off fraternizing..." She lifts her glass to emphasize her speech, "…and I have nothing. Even my glass is empty," she complains, grabbing the bottle from Lenne's grasp.

"Hey!" she squeals. "I was about to..."

"I need it more." Rikku snaps.

"I miss Tidus." I interrupt, circling the rim of my glass with the tip of my index finger. "I know I'm supposed to forget about him for a while, but..."

"Yuna... I have to be honest here," Lenne says, bracing my thigh with her open palm. "I really don't want you thinking about him right now, because you will not last two weeks if you cannot survive the night."

"I'm surviving..." I defend. "I just miss him... how can you expect me not to?"

"You don't see us wailing over our husbands, do ya?" Rikku begins, "You know with all Gippal's skirt chasing you think he'd be chasing me around a lil more. It's not like I don't wear skirts. I have plenty of skirts, I wear them constantly! Do I just not count because we're married?"

"Shuyin and I have a very healthy sex life." Lenne smirks, throwing a silky gold throw cushion at me. "How about you, Yuna?"

"Me?" I say, staring at the carpet. "I don't really have any experience to contribute to this conversation."

"What do you mean?" Rikku asks, leaning forward. Her face turns red as she looks past me at Lenne. "Yuna do you mean you don't really have anything to say about you and Blondie... or you don't really have anything to say at all when it comes to sex?"

I shift my gaze to the roof. "Sex." The wine I'd been sipping slowly all night is becoming more tempting each passing second.

"Really?" Lenne grabs one of the couch pillows and holds it to her chest. "I would have thought that you and Seymour.. ."

The two of them huddle around me like vultures circling a fresh corpse, eyes beady and teeth bared. "This is so unusual." Rikku begins, taking my hand in hers, "Because Tidus is so…Well, he's experienced, and he's like the love of your life—"

"Rikku!" Lenne laughs. "If she wants to wait then she should wait."

"I don't want to wait."

"Then what's holding you back, kid?" Rik refills my glass with wine. "Are you scared?"

"I'm not scared," I reply, taking the freshened drink and wetting my tongue. "I want him to make the move... and he hasn't."

"He can't," Lenne interrupts. "I imagine he's trying to take things slow."

"So what do you expect me to do, jump him the moment he's back from the tournament?"

"Not quite." Lenne stands up to grab us another bottle of wine. "Leave him some hints, you know... like leave your drawers open a little, let a few lacy pieces hang out to catch his attention. Buy a box of condoms and leave them on the nightstand!"

"Offer to give him a massage in the nude...?"

"Whoa," I laugh, taking another sip of my drink. "I've never done this before. I don't think anyone's ever seen me naked..."

"I have!" Rikku laughs. "Lots."

"When we were kids," I sigh. "It's not like I'm not ready... I want to be with him. But he's probably been with..." I look down at my fingers, "…a lot of women. I don't want to be just another notch."

"I shoulda' been a notch." Rikku smirks. "Maybe that would have been better... if Gippal hadn't knocked me up."

"Are you okay, Rikku?" I ask, leaning my head against her shoulder as Lenne returns with another bottle.

"Of course I'm not." She sighs, grabbing the bottle, once again, from Lenne's grasp. "Maybe after another glass I will be."

**Tidus**

A flash of bronzed honey eyes...

My concentration interrupted if only for a moment.

And the next she's gone.

Adrianna...

The name is sour on my lips.

I have to be dreaming.

The icy depths of the water provide little comfort

For a heart that won't stop beating

A heart that won't stop aching

I shake my head

Play the game.

Let the water cleanse the wound


	11. Chapter 11: Where they mix signals

**My how you have grown,  
Cast my memory back there, Lord  
Sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout  
Making love in the green grass  
Behind the stadium with you**

**Brown Eyed Girl- **_Van Morrison**  
**_

**May 5th, 4020  
**

**Shuyin**

Tidus enters the room, still damp from practice. He throws his bag down on one of the double beds, falls back against it and lets out an audible groan. He drags his hands down his face and the silence settles.

We'd almost lost— he easily could have blown it for us. We pulled away with a 3-2 point lead.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles.

"You're entitled to an off game." I assure him, pulling my own damp shirt off and throwing it on top of my luggage. "If every one in a hundred games you trip up like that, no one should hold it against you."

"I saw her." His voice is barely audible. "Adrianna was in the stands, behind the goal."

It had given me shivers catching her eye through the water, looking almost ethereal, her long blond hair loose and her almond eyes wide. She mouthed something interrupted by a hard break.

Tidus had seen a ghost and I'd seen a nightmare.

"At least I think… I think I saw her."

"You need to try and forget about that woman."

Tidus lies down on his mattress, grabs a pillow and buries his face into it. "I'm on it." He mumbles.

"Is this because she was at the game… or do you still think about her often? You've got someone who's ready and willing to love you back in Zanarkand. I bet she's missing you over a bottle of wine with the girls right now."

"I'm not forgetting about Yuna. It's just hard seeing Adrianna." He breathes, "Yuna's great— she's everything I could ask for. But…"

He pauses, silence settles back in. "You're confused right now… it's really new but you've known each other for so long already that it feels like it should be easier."

"I don't know what to do with her. I'm worried I'm taking things too fast and yet it's crazy how attractive I find her. In the mornings I'll wake up next to Yuna and have to stop myself from getting carried away, you know?"

"So you don't feel like just friends."

"No. But Adrianna… Why was she here?"

I look up at the stucco on the ceiling thinking the same thing. She wants something, Adrianna always wants something. "She must have had money on the other team."

Tidus throws a pillow over at me, "Take out?"

"Chinese. The greasier the better."

He picks up the menu to make the order and I grab my phone to text Lenne. I find that I was right, Adrianna always wants something.

**Gippal**

I slam the hood of my '67 Dodge Challenger. The car is a classic that I paid a small fortune to have sit in my garage. In Rikku's absence, I've had more time to myself to work on forgotten projects like this old car. I remember the day I bought it; we were fresh out of high school and Rikku was pissed. She nagged constantly as we moved into that old two-bedroom apartment. It was located in smack-dab in the center of West Zanarkand. The slums. She didn't think we'd ever make anything of ourselves.

I guess you might say we've moved up a class or two... and into a 10-bedroom estate, with more money than she's able to spend—but she tries her best. We ran into debt pretty fast those first few months, before we learned to budget. I'd been working double shifts at the shop, while she sat on her pretty little pregnant bottom. I didn't mind so much as long as it was making her happy.

Yeah, I remember it now, back when we used to be happy.

Those days crept by, the way they say time flies when you're having fun. We didn't consider it much fun back then, but maybe that was the golden era, back when we knew everything and nothing, back when we had a future to look forward to. It was intimidating, being that we were so young, but we would've been up to it. It's not like we didn't have our friends, our families. Even her old man Cid started to get excited.

For a long time... after the "accident" – that's what she liked to call it – Rik just acted like it never happened. She wouldn't talk to me... and I guess I had nothing to say to her—not when she insisted on pretending. These days nothing fazes her, gets that old spark of anger, lucid excitement, or even jealousy going.

I guess sometimes, the people closest to you change so drastically they become nothing more than memories. She told me once, after my uncle died, that: "_memories are nice, but that's all they are..."_

**Adrianna**

The hotel bar is quaint, the tender probably 27, cute. He serves me my first two drinks but has little time to chat. I missed my first opportunity after the game; the guy's left, trailed by the press. I got caught up in the fans. I should be more nervous. I should feel something aside from this mild, numb trepidation.

I prop my elbows on the bar, trying not to pay too much attention to the overpaid, overzealous sportscasters on television

Tidus is tonight's big topic. "What exactly was he thinking out there?" one man asks the other, exaggerating the lift of his arms into the air.

His partner slams a fist down against the desk in disgusted reply. "Joe, you're absolutely right. Tonight, he wasn't a leader. I've never seen him choke the way he did. Usually I'm not all that interested in his after-game commentary, but tonight I was hoping he'd give us a few words; an _explanation_."

"He's being paid to do a job, and tonight it just wasn't being done." _'Joe_' replies.

"I wonder why." A familiar voice drifts through the air. "Guess he must have been a little _distracted_."

I turn in my barstool to face the culprit himself standing behind me, grasping a grease-stained brown sack bag_._ "Distracted? By what, I wonder…" He grins. "What are you doing here Anna?

I swivel to face him. "Work in the city. Thought I'd catch a game—thought I might run into you and your brother."

"You thought so?"

"I hoped I would." I place a few bills on the bar and stand up to face him. The familiar features, sun-threaded hair and a pare of questioning eyes I can't remember ever seeing look quite so intense.

"Save it, please."

"I know we aren't exactly on speaking terms, but I'd appreciate it if you'd let me buy you guys dinner."

"It's covered." He holds up the bag, walking back towards the elevator. "Shuyin's waiting for me back in the room, have a nice business trip."

"Meet me later—" I call to him, "I'll text you my room number, just come up and talk."

He shakes his head, "We don't need to talk."

I let him leave. I let him walk away and I shoot myself for it. There is a lot left to be said, a lot he should know. A lot that I think he'd want to know, or at least this is what I tell myself. That might just be another excuse.

**May 6th, 4020**

**Yuna**

I find my footing on the stairs down to Lenne's kitchen. My head is a mess of tangled braids and the fuzzy afterglow of one too many drinks. Bright light intrudes through the window in the kitchen, above the sink. I close the wooden blinds before helping myself to a glass of orange juice.

I was so proud of myself for not calling him last night, but I missed Tidus terribly. I've gotten use to having him around. I woke up this morning with Lenne's arms around me and no missed messages on my phone.

"Yunie, what time is it?" Rikku asks from the couch, "I have a splitting headache."

"Almost eleven."

She takes a moment, paces around the room, grabs her phone. "I haven't heard from Gippal. Not a word." I hand her some juice; she puts it down on the table. "I'm going crazy."

I feel like hangovers always make me feel crazy—and maybe Rikku's going through the same thing. "I haven't heard from Tidus, either."

"Is Lenne still sleeping?"

"Yeah."

"Are you still a virgin?" She asks cheekily, my face heats.

"Rikku!"

"Sorry… but it just seems kind of wacky. I can hardly remember ever having my virginity… and you, you're still in tact."

"In tact?" I don't like the way she puts it, like somehow having sex breaks you. It makes me nervous.

"Don't worry so much about it, Yunie. I'll help you out— we can go shopping today and buy you something exciting."

"I know just the place." Lenne joins in, coming down the stairs, "There's no mixed messages with lingerie."

"And if he doesn't get the message?"

Rikku and Lenne look at each other.

**Shuyin**

Between twenty-second and twenty-third Street, at the end of a long ally are the rotted wood doors of Garbies Pub and Grill. The joint has become a regular post-game drinking hole. After downing a few beers and dodging the fans crowded in the lobby, we decided to head over and meet the team. Tonight, being our first big win after annihilating the Goers in a 7-2 lead, is due time for a celebration. We push through the doors, and join our team table.

"Good game, Tidus!" our goaltender Mercedes leaps from her seat to congratulate him. She hugs my brother briefly as I pull a few abandoned chairs towards the team table. "Definitely an improvement… for a moment there I thought you'd lost it… that thing that you do."

"Well, you know I couldn't have you thinking like that!" He winks, nudging her arm. "Seriously though, it's always a team effort."

"Aye, we owe it to you, man; this is about to be your fourth year, isn't it?" our teammate Gavin muses, counting down on his fingers. "We haven't lost more than a handful of games since you brothers joined the team."

"And you won't until we retire!" My brother raises the pitcher and pours us a couple classes.

I clink his glass in agreement. "What would you do without us?"

"You know, we didn't do too bad the other night..." Mercedes points, leaning over the table to poke my brothers nose "I don't mean to bust your chops or anything, but I'm surprised coach didn't bench you and put old Jeff on center."

Jeff smirks, shaking his head and adjusting his well-worn cap. "Uncalled for, Mercedes…" Jeff shoves her halfheartedly. "I'm not as young as I once was. You boys know how that goes; your ol' man went through the same thing. It ain't _my _fault."

"Maybe if you didn't drink so much," Tidus teases, leaning casually against the back of his wooden chair. "You're getting a bit of a gut there."

"Guess that's just another thing I have in common with your old man, isn't it, boys?"

Jeff's arrogant attitude warms my blood. I tentatively take a sip of my drink and through the corner of my eye I can see Tidus nodding his head in agreement. "You know that's the great _Jecht_ you're talking about. Heck, even in those glory days that you keep rehashing he outplayed you."

"Jecht was a stunt man, nothin' more." Jeff laughs, standing up from his seat, swaying a little as he speaks. "He was a ladies' man, a drunk and a fool."

"Come on Jeffery..." Gavin grabs his arm. "How bout we don't get into this right now? We got a jukebox, some lovely ladies over at the counter that have been eyeing us up and the company of friends. There's no need to cause a ruckus."

"Well I think it's a little too late for that," I reply, stiffening my shoulders. "It seems like Jeff has something on his mind... he might as well come out with it."

"Shuyin, he isn't worth it. Let's just leave before this gets out of hand," Tidus suggests, before standing up to grab our coats. "We have another game left to play tomorrow. This isn't the time, or the place."

"Figures." Jeff chuckles, grabbing his drink and draining it with the sway of his arm. "Right now you think you're on the top of the world, making headlines, collecting numbers... just wait a few years. _You'll _see what happens. Your old man may still have a reputation, but you're just living in his shadow." He spreads his arms wide. "Son of Jecht, what a hero."

Mercedes begins snapping her fingers in front of Jeff's face "You're making an ass of yourself." She's right: people have begun to gather and speculate, camera phones ready. "We're a _team_..."

"You're a joke, Robinson..." Tidus shakes his head incredulously as he backs away. "Pathetic. Really."

It's my turn to step up. Tidus was right: this isn't the time to fight, but if Jeffery has his way that might not be the case. "Come on, let's get out of here." I urge, pulling him back.

"Yeah... at least your father had gonads!" Jeff calls out to our backs. The crash of his mug shattering against the floor sounds across the room as we slip through the door. A slap of cold air hits us as we back into the ally.

"Just keep walking," I plead, pulling Tidus forward.

He breaks from my grasp and starts walking violently forward. "Fuck it!"

"Yeah, I know..."

"You're only mad about him trashing Jecht's name... but you know... what if everything he said is true, what if we're just living in his shadow... like, I'll never be good enough."

"Well, you're better than me..." I shrug. "Come on, you're a starter. In a few years they'll be calling you captain and you'll make Dad proud."

"You think that's what I'm worried about?" He laughs. "Making Jecht proud?" A stiffening silence mixes with the cool, sharp air; he turns away from me and quickens his forward pace, "That's not it at all... Shuyin, I don't want to live in the background of his reputation, notorious for being a washout's son reclaiming... whatever glory it's rumored he once had."

"Rumored..."

"Dad was a loser, a drunk... I don't want to turn out like that."

"He's made his mistakes, but he's still our father, you understand that. You can't hate him forever."

"I don't hate him."

"Right."

He turns to me with narrowed eyes. "We're not kids anymore. Do you understand that... you don't know everything, and you have no right to assume..."

"Assume what?" I ask in disbelief. "I'm not assuming anything."

"You think I'm stupid... don't you?"

"Tidus..."

"Even this thing with Yuna, she's my girlfriend... and you and Lenne think it's okay to just pry into everything, but it's really not."

"You asked me for help, remember?"

"Well I don't need it anymore!"

"Have you even called her? Have you picked up your phone to ask how she's been doing these last few days because according to Lenne..."

"It's between Yuna and I."

"You're chasing a ghost," I call, as he quickens his stride ahead of me. "Adrianna and you aren't getting back together. I don't know what she wants with you, or why she came here... but you have to let her go before you ruin what you have now."

He begins jogging, step by step disappearing into the darkness ahead. Still young, still stupid, and more like our father than he'd care to admit. That's what Jecht did: bottle in hand, he ran. He ran far enough that we could never quite catch up.

LEAVE A REVIEW. _Retouched 02/2013._


	12. Chapter 12: Where there are apologies

It's easy to forget,

When you choke on the regrets,

Who the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy

And all these thoughts you stole from me

And I'm not sure where I belong

And nowhere is home and no more is wrong

Sympathy- _Goo Goo Dolls_

**May 17TH & 18TH, 4020**

**Tidus**

At four A.M. the plane descends. Its steel wings surf across the dawn, rounding about the tarmac before docking. The lights blink on. Moments later the loudspeaker begins to crack and our manager, Lucy, rises from her seat in an attempt to catch our attention:

"Good morning boys, and welcome home," Lucy greets us, clearing her throat. "Congratulations! We have had a very successful week! Because of this year's triumph, tomorrow we will be holding a press conference to follow up the tournament; attendance is mandatory. I'll be expecting the team to meet at the back entrance of the Hanson-Green Union Hall on 51st and Yearly Avenue around eight, no later." She says, "I suggest you all head home and get some rest. Practice will resume after the long weekend as scheduled and—"

"The team will sneak in the back, and after taking role we'll sneak out the front." I nudge my brother. "The press will be inside, anyway."

"On a final note:" she continues, "I would greatly appreciate if the twins would hang back for a moment as we have a few matters to discuss." She pauses to toss me a scowl. "Thank-you"

"This must be about Jeff," Shuyin reasons, watching as our teammates file out. With his cap tipped low Jeffery is at the front of the line.

A moment later Lucy makes her way back. "Get up boys and come with me." All the previous flavor has abandoned her now expression.

"Yeah, of course," I mutter, following her forth.

"So is this about the bar?" my brother asks. "I'm not used to seeing you so serious, Lucy."

She smirks, pausing momentarily. "Don't worry, Shuyin. _You're_ not in trouble."

We follow her across the runway and back into the main building where she spots and makes a bee-line towards the nearest tabloid stand. My face is splattered across the bulk of its selection, something regarded as a bad omen.

She turns to us, article open and ready, "Blondes, Bars, and… wait for it, Bail!" She seethes. "How did you pull it off this year, Tidus? I was under the impression your brother was looking out for you."

"I thought I wasn't in trouble?"

"Compared to your brother, you're not."

"I have no clue what that's about."

"Then I suggest you take a gander," she begins, flipping manically to the center, "Where did these photographs turn up? I understand you boys like to meet up at that hole-in-the-wall joint after games; but I'm going to have to start enforcing curfews if you can't be grownups after hours...

"Humph," she sneers, finding what she'd been looking for. "Not only does this magazine feature pictures of Jeff and your getting into it, there is also a very fresh photo of you relieving yourself on a cop cruiser… so how did you wrestle your way out of that one, and why shouldn't I bench you?"

"First of all, those cops were cool about it; they gave me a ride back to the hotel… and second, I'm your best player. You need me." I smile, stretching my arm around her shoulder.

She shoves me away in disgust. "I believe your charm's needed elsewhere. You have a girl waiting around here somewhere, don't you?"

"Her name's Yuna. She was here to drop him off…" Shuyin interjects. "And I'm sure you recognize Adrianna as the blonde in the article."

"I never liked her…" Lucy folds the magazine under her arm. "But, since I'm sure you'll be disciplined once you get home, I'll make this relatively painless."

"Great," I reply, crossing my fingers. "Are you going to bench me for a few practices? Do I get an extra long, long weekend?"

"Just don't show your face at the press conference, either of you. I don't want this getting any bigger than it already is." Turning to my twin, she runs a tired hand through her thin blonde hair. "Shuyin, I'm sorry but as his bunkmate and brother your presence at the conference might promote uncomfortable questions. I'm not prepared to deal with this… again."

"I'm sorry, Lucy." I flinch, hearing the words coming from _his_ mouth. "Sometimes these things just happen, but give it a week and it'll cool off. I promise. You should go home to your husband; it's been a long night."

"I know, you're right." She shrugs. "I'll see you boys after the holiday. Try and avoid any more drama, alright Tidus?"

"Yeah," I agree, scratching my shoulder, feeling cramped and disagreeable. "Sorry, Luce."

"Lucy," she corrected, and then proceeds to leave us alone with the headline.

As expected it takes my brother a few drawn-out moments before addressing the issue, which is, of course: "Blondes? Seriously, Tidus…"

"Well, Adrianna, she just… showed up, you know… it's not like I did anything. She wanted to talk and..."

"OK. Sure," he grumbles, before grabbing the issue for purchase. "You never cease to amaze me. She's married. You know that, right?"

"I guess."

"You guess." He retorts, "That's great."

"I hardly gave her the time of day… I brushed her off."

"I bet."

"It's not like it was easy."

With this he stops. "Oh really? Not easy, you say…"

"I told you nothing happened."

"Something happened." He raises the magazine opened to a picture of Adrianna writing on my arm, beginning to wrinkle beneath his grip. "You must be some sort of masochist, right? Is that it? Because none of this will help you. It's like you're sitting there with a flush and you fold. I'm sick of standing up for you."

"Yeah, that's it." I throw up my arms, tired of the lecture. "I'm playing a game of poker, and betting against myself."

"I'm just confused, Tidus. I don't know what's going on with you, and I'm worried."

"I'm fine."

"Maybe it's not all about _you_." He exhales deeply, turning away from me. "It's not like you're rushing home; Yuna's a great girl… I'm starting to think you're just not ready. Hell, I'm starting to sound like my wife."

"She's a grown-up, okay? You and '_your wife_' need to understand that," I reason, feeling put off by the idea that without actively doing anything I've become a villain.

The morning sun has heated the air heavy. I feel like shit, and despite the desolate hour, cabs are scarce. Originally the girls were going to come for us. I imagine Lenne is waiting outside the east exit for Shuyin. Where Yuna is at… I wouldn't know. We haven't exactly 'kept in touch'. We were supposed to coming back tomorrow, however Gagazet's dropping out resulted in a shorter stay.

A cab pulls up to the curb and the driver, a young punk with longer hair and a few unhealthy-looking piercings tells me he's about to clock out but he could use another toll. I accept and slide into the backseat bench.

The cab smells of urine, or maybe it's him… either way the air conditioning isn't on and his music insistently pecks at my last nerve. He's a talker too, which doesn't help.

In retrospect I consider that walking might have been a better idea. What would a few blisters hurt? Surely my prolonged absence at the apartment would buy some time. I feel the need for an excuse. '_Hey, honey, I know I'm a dick but…_' doesn't seem to cut it.

"Dude… this is your stop… right?" the driver, David, asks. He turns his greasy head around after parking. "That'll be like, a twenty… and keep in mind man, tips are like always appreciated."

"Yeah, sure. Go get your ride cleaned up." I hand him a fifty before sliding out. "Seriously."

"Thanks, guy!"

I figure he'll probably waste it on pot.

**May 18th, 4020 **

**Rikku**

I shift uncomfortably on the hot leather couch, sticky and clinging to the back of my knees, where my skirt has ridden up. I should have predicted Gippal would be running late, leaving me alone with '_the shrink_'. I would have pictured her older though, not exotic, and thin, and beautiful.

I glance around the room, feeling obligated to make conversation, however the space holds little of interest. A few certificates and her degrees decorate the wall. I imagine her as a private person keeping photos of her family and friends in an album perhaps locked within the heavy cherry drawers of the desk that sits abandoned in the far corner of the room.

"I think it's quite possible… that I, uhm… well, that I'm starting to hate him." I laugh uncomfortably, checking my watch for the third time this second. "Or actually, maybe I'm past that whole starting stage. I definitely hate him."

_For leaving me here alone, with you, _I privately add, staring at my shoes as she watches me with a clipboard and pen in hand. Age and beauty aside, she's how I might have imagined my first shrink; sharp-featured and humorless.

"And how do you _feel _about that?" she asks, leaning back into her chair. I get the impression that she doesn't like me.

In the irritating aftermath of her stare I wonder whether or not it's proper to be threatened by your psychiatrist… it's probably not. I was under the impression they were obligated to make you feel welcomed; it's what I expected. On the other hand, Dr. Graff, or Anne as she insists I call her, is more than a little intimidating.

"Let's not discuss it until he gets here. I wouldn't feel right starting without giving him a chance to defend himself."

She chuckles lightly, marking down a brief note on her legal pad. "As you wish."

Ten minutes stretch by and I have to remind myself to breathe as they hang between us listlessly in the artificially scented air. My smile feels awkward, misplaced upon tense lips as we wait.

With a "Hey, am I late?" Gippal greets us moments later.

"I didn't think you would show," I muse, shifting over to leave him enough room beside me.

"Don't be mad," he jokes, pulling me close for a short and awkward hug. "It was traffic, but now that I'm here let's get to it."

"Get to what, exactly?" I ask, turning to the shrink. "Like, what are we suppose to do here?"

"Just talk, mainly." The other woman replies as she adjusts her glasses. Her ebony hair is pulled back in a loose French braid.

"About?"

"Our marriage, of course." Gippal smiles, snaking his arm back around my shoulders. "Basically, doc, I figure we need some guidance."

I shove him over. "You need some guidance… like away from the bars, and pretty young women."

"Well, we all have our faults, Rikku…" He pauses, resting his arms above his head, completely unfazed by my obvious annoyance. "It's just that after what happened… things are different."

"And what exactly was that?" Ms. Anne probes. Now she's intrigued.

"We were pregnant in high school, so, our wedding was a little rushed, you know what I mean? Of course I loved her, though." He recovers, squeezing my hand. "I mean, I married her because I love her, not just because her father held a shotgun to my throat. I guess when we lost the baby…" Gippal trails off, leaving room for someone else to keep the pace.

"So you miscarried?" the woman concludes, glancing above her glasses. "Is it safe to suggest you may still be carrying stress from this turn of fate?"

"I would hardly call it fate…" I withdraw, feeling irritated and hot. "Could we maybe talk about something else, something lighter?"

"I feel it's important, Rikku, for our growth as a couple, to get to the real heart of the issue. Don't you agree, Doctor?" Gippal leans forward, grinning at her.

Oh something's growing, alright.

The size of knife I'll use to murder him whilst he sleeps.

….

_Heh-heh-heh-heh…_

**May 17th, 4020**

**Tidus**

A feeling one might call guilt greets me as I push open the door to Yuna's newly-furnished room. The apartment is cold. She's kept the covers tucked up beneath her chin, as she curls around her pillow. I notice her bags on the floor, half-packed, and my chest plunges realizing what she must be doing and that I can't blame her. I wonder whether this is about the magazine, or the cell-phone I've left '_uncharged_' all week.

Or maybe it's not about me.

I hear her seven-thirty alarm ring as I sift through the refrigerator. Unfortunately the milk has gone bad, and without it cereal has lost its appeal.

It takes her all of ten seconds to shut off the insistent noise. I count. I hear her footsteps against the hardwood traveling away from me towards the bathroom. She looked at me; I could feel the heat of her stare against my back. She said nothing.

So it must be about me. What now, do I chase her down and apologize? How do you express remorse when the cause of hurt is your inaction? It's a pattern I don't know how to break.

Apparently, neither does she. She moves past me with ease, still in her nightshirt, her hair pinned up, a few loose strands fallen against the pale skin at the nape of her neck. Her lip twitches involuntarily as she faces me.

I need to say something. "I don't know what to say."

"Of course," she replies, sitting down at the table where not too long ago we shared breakfast. It was a good start. Promising. "Tidus, I don't expect you to say anything. You've left me with so much silence that I'm beginning to think I understand what it means."

"So you're leaving then, you're leaving me."

"What am I leaving?" she contemplates. "Not so much as a phone call... I thought you'd miss me; that you cared... I _waited_ for you to call. I don't understand, if you don't care, if you can just forget about me..."

"Look. I did not forget about you. I don't want you to leave."

"I don't have a choice!" she cries.

"Stay?"

"Why?"

"I don't want you to go."

"That's not good enough." She stands, pushing back her chair. "You don't know what you want. What you need is to figure it out before you think it's okay to just string me along."

"I know what I want; don't treat me like a child, Yuna. I'm tired of being brushed off. You have no clue what I have to deal with every day just to be with you."

"Why? Because I'm high-maintenance?" She retorts.

"I didn't say that… there's just so much _fucking_ pressure, Yuna. And they're all waiting for me to screw it up! I can't deal with this!" I yell, tightly lacing my fingers in my hair. "This should be about me and you."

I don't like the way she looks at me, like she's as shocked as I am. I'm horrified that I yelled at her and now that my blood has chilled I need her to react. She stares. "You think that you can't talk to me, that I won't understand?"

"Well, you were packed and ready to leave before I'd be back. So maybe it's not just me..."

"I never wanted to leave; I felt like that's what you wanted." Now that it's her turn to be honest she withdraws, lowering her eyelids and turning away from me.

"Why would you think that?" I ask, moving forward and grabbing her hand because I need her to look at me. "Because I didn't call?"

"Yes." She pauses before meeting my gaze. "Because you just don't seem all that interested."

"I think we need to communicate better." I smile, grabbing her hips and tugging her towards me. "I am _definitely_ interested in you."

She draws away, turning to move behind the kitchen counter. "Well you need to find a better way of showing it."

I follow, bracing her between the fridge and my body, "I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. Her eyes close, her lips inviting. She doesn't move as I let my hand cup the jut of her chin, my thumb trailing across her cheek. "But you're really not…" her voice is barely a whisper.

"Just tell me that you'll stay."

"Cats only have nine lives." She breathes.

"I'm not a cat, Yuna. That's a very silly phrase."

"It means you only get so many opportunities," she hums, allowing my free hand to move, brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear.

I kiss the lobe of her ear, lowering the volume of my voice. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."


	13. Chapter 12 and a half: Intermission

Sittin' here _resting_ my **bones**  
and this loneliness won't leave me _alone_  
It's _two thousand_ miles I roamed  
Just to make this dock my **home**

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay- _Otis Redding_

**Thursday May 20****th****, 4020**

**Rikku**

"She thinks we should go…_camping_…" I mutter to myself, stalking across the pathway that leads to Ridge Studios where I'd agreed to meet Lenne for lunch. The record label is located near the far north edge of town, fronted by a large coastline property and the home of her friend, producer, mentor, and the powerful vocalist, Nikki Ridge.

Nikki keeps the place clean, white walls, unscratched hardwood floors; the scarce furniture she owns is quite obviously from the post-modern movement. The recording studio had been renovated from what was once her pool house.

I didn't bother to ring the doorbell; she usually keeps it unlocked. This neighborhood isn't high on crime. I find Lenne sun bathing on Nikki's back porch, sipping a drink that looks… fruity.

Lenne looks up at me, putting down her drink to wipe her mouth. "Hey, you're early!"

I look at my watch, verifying the opposite. "You look hard at work."

"Nik buggered off." She shrugs. "I thought I'd stick around and enjoy the weather."

"This place is beautiful," I agree. "But it doesn't compare to Macalania this time of year…"

"Awe, Macalania…" her voice and face soften. "Do you remember our senior break?"

I fight to hold back my smile; if I could get her to agree it would be perfect. "Maybe this weekend a bunch of us should get together and relive some of those memories."

"It's a little short notice…" she wavers, getting up and gesturing for me to follow her across the lawn of sand to the studio.

"It could be good for all of us," I push, waiting as she slides the screen door open. "Our shrink has been suggesting me and Gippal take a trip…"

Ignoring my comment, she twists the dimmer, illuminating the room and all its mystical gadgets. Afraid to touch anything, I opt to stick close to the wall. Lenne knows her way around, shoving against the door leading to the sound room and searching for her purse. She slings the strap over her shoulder before ushering me out, careful to lock up.

"So a shrink, huh?" She chuckles. "How long has this been going on?"

I swallow. Hard. "Not long."

She shakes her head. "It's hard to imagine the two of you listening to anything a psychiatrist has to say."

The diner we frequent is a convenient five-minute walking distance, a little structure on the boardwalk jumbled up cozy next to a couple mid-class clothing and souvenir shops. This time of year blitzball lessons will be starting up along the coast. People from all over Spira send their kids to attend Zanarkand's prestigious training camp, where both Tidus and Shuyin spent many summers, staying on as counselors during high school.

"So I guess things are pretty rough for you right now." She shifts the uncomfortable weight of her purse to her other shoulder. "And you think a trip to Macalania will help?"

"Anne thinks so… but I'm reluctant to be alone with him."

Her eyes dim with understanding. "I know what he's like, Rikku. I get it…"

"It sucks because I know once we're out there… we'll get down to the fundamentals, the people we used to be… and then it won't last." She doesn't say anything, fixating on the road ahead of us. "This sucks, you know?"

"I wish I could help."

"You can… just say you'll come and bring Shuyin."

"That's not really giving it your all then, is it Rik?"

"I can't… afford that."

"So the four of us?"

"I was thinking more like six…"

Her face loses all elasticity before suddenly crumpling in laughter. "That's _rich_."

"Gippal and I aren't the only couple in need of a little… _alone_ time…"

"I'll agree to go, but only because I know you'll manage to convince Tidus and Yuna, and I have a feeling that without adequate babysitting someone could get hurt."

I smile at her. "Awesome."

* * *

**~Finally a deadline I didn't blow off! As I said: this is a half chapter, mostly because i didn't think it fit with ch 12, or ch 13... and it's kind of like an intermission.**

**Enjoy**

**R&R**

**A.L.F.**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: As much as I hate to do this at the beginning of a chapter, I feel it's probably important to warn some of you that this update will be a little racy, nothing vulgar- per se', but I just want to provide fair WARNING.**

**If you wish to skip over this section, feel free to bypass the last scene in Yuna's P.O.V, and first in Seymour's, though Seymour's contains some elements that, left unread, may confuse you in later chapters.**

**Also, I was planning on posting this on Valentines Day, cheesy… I know, but my flight plans to Vegas/Hawaii conflict with that, so ya'll get it a day early, which I figure is better than a day late, right? Also, it's Friday the thirteenth, and this will be thirteenth *official chapter… which kind of tripped me out a bit just now… not that I'm superstitious or anything.**

**I hope you're all happy with the more frequent updates (**_**I'm quite proud of myself, actually**_**), and enjoy spring break/reading break, or just the weekend!**

**Enjoy, and please review!**

**

* * *

**

I'm a high school lover, and you're my favorite flavor  
Love is all, all my soul  
You're my playground love  
Yet my hands are shaking  
I feel my body remains, themes no matter, I'm on fire  
On the playground, love.  
You're the piece of gold the flushes all my soul.  
Extra time, on the ground.  
You're my playground love.  
Anytime, anyway,  
You're my playground love.

Playground Love- Air

**Saturday May 22****nd****, 4020**

**Tidus**

The road through Gagazet is calm for this time of year; the ice has relaxed, revealing broken gravel pathways instead of the black ice that supplies the road with its treacherous reputation. Rikku conned her father, Old Man Cid, into lending us his "hippie" van for the weekend, and somehow Yuna and I had won the bench seat in the back. It hadn't been an hour into the trip before she fell asleep against my chest.

She's remained that way since, at rest in my arms. I notice the other couples, Rikku with her vision transfixed out the window as Gippal drives, keeping the radio to a dull hum, while Lenne and Shuyin debate over a book of puzzles. This isn't how it used to be, when the nine of us would jumble into this same van during our high school summers. We'd pry off the back bench where Yuna and I sit now and lounge on the base. Gippal would blast the radio and we'd sing along with our air guitars and get baked while Lulu drove.

With a bitter rush of nostalgia, I remember another girl's head on my lap, and Yuna reading her book in the passenger seat.

"Looks like we're almost there," Rikku pipes, rising from her seat to point across the lonely lands of Calm. "I can see the edge of Macalania."

"Shouldn't be more than ten minutes," Gippal replies from the driver seat. "I'll pull up to a lot on the ledge. It should be a nice view."

The sky has dissolved into shades of smoke by the time our tents are set, wood gathered, drinks passed around. Rikku and Lenne whisked Yuna behind them into the woods for 'girl talk'. I always hated girl talk, and how it so frequently results in a rally against me.

"I've talked to Lenne… and they're not going to say anything about Adrianna," Shuyin answers, reading my mind. "I mean, none of us are exactly thrilled with you, but don't worry about it, kiddo."

"I'm not," I bluff, the air between us is still thick as it had been in the airport. "Nothing happened in Luca."

Gippal laughs, agitating the embers of our flame with a stray branch. "Nobody buys that."

My head ticks as I fight to ignore the accusation. "I'm better than that, Gippal."

"I'm just saying…" he shrugs. "It's not like you're married."

"Yeah, not like you," I challenge, turning a hard stare in his direction.

Shuyin stands up to toss an empty bottle into the bush. "...Watch it, guys."

I consider shooting them both and blaming it on a bandit, and I might have followed through if I had a gun, and if it weren't for the girls' heavy footsteps trudging back to the campsite. They emerge with arms full of twigs. Smiling ear to ear, Rikku drops them in front of the fire pit. "We thought we'd make ourselves useful; find some food for the fire."

I chuckle, "Uh, Rik, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but all those are going to be useful for is roasting marshmallows and 'dogs."

"I guess we're having 'dogs, then." Shuyin stretches and leaves the picnic table. "I'll grab the cooler."

"Need any help?" I think again of how maybe I can push him off the cliff and say he tripped.

"He can handle it," Lenne replies, brushing debris off the aged wooden table and taking her husband's seat next to me. "Tidus, can I talk to you for a second, please?"

I don't look at her, knowing she'll continue anyway. "Yeah, whatever. Sure."

"I think…" She considers. "This weekend is really important to Rikku… I know you and I have been having some… disagreements lately but we all need to take a sort-of drama vacation for a little bit."

"Just say it, Lenne." I kick the dirt in frustration, knowing the real point she's trying to make is more than likely to be about Yuna and me, or this whole tabloid mess with Adrianna.

"We need to establish a truce… for now, that's all I want to say." She bites down on her lower lip. "Okay, right, that's all I'm going to say."

"I haven't been misbehaving, Lenne," I mock, lowering my voice to match hers. "I know you guys are trying to look out for Yuna… but if we're going to make this work, you have to stop trying to spoon feed her your opinions."

"I know that… and it's your relationship, but honestly, Tidus…" she turns to me in a whisper, her gaze darting across at Yuna who is helping Rikku strip the bark off her twigs. "If you can't handle this..."

"I can handle it."

"Hey, whatever you say, but just don't string her along," she concludes, a small smile spreading across her lips. "Contrary to what you may want to believe Tidus, I want you to be happy again, so if it's not going to work with Yuna it's probably best that…"

"I'm going to make it work." I slosh the remains of my drink around the bottle before tossing it next to Shuyin's in the woods. "Maybe I don't show it but…"

"Are you guys gonna eat or what?" Rikku interrupts, threatening to whip us with one of her twigs. "Go on, get cookin'!"

"But Rik, You're such a great chef! Why don't you do it for me?" I whine, rolling back my head.

"I said get going!" She teasingly pokes me with a branch.

"Ahh, alright, just don't hurt me!" I joke before grabbing one of the sticks and heading over to Yuna beside the fire. "Hey, Pretty Lady."

She blushes, handing me a hotdog. "If you really don't want to cook I can…"

"I was just bugging Rik," I explain. "Besides, this gives me the perfect excuse to come over and sit with you."

She smiles lightly, concentrating on cooking her supper. "This whole trip is kind of an excuse to get you to finally spend some time with me."

I chuckle, reaching behind us to grab a couple drinks. "Why? So you can try to seduce me?"

"So what if she is?" Rikku hints with a wink from across the fire where she's overtly been eavesdropping. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"What man doesn't love to be seduced?" Gippal laughs, joining in on the 'fun'.

"Guys, shut up," I reach for Yuna's hand where she's becoming visibly uncomfortable.

"No. I get it. It was a… joke," she replies with a weak smile before standing up to brush the dirt from the back of her legs. "You know what: I'll be back in a bit. I just need some air. The smoke's been bothering my eyes." Her voice falters as she explains. "Excuse me."

"Do you want some company?" I ask, getting up to follow her.

"No, really, I'm good," she reasons, wrapping her sweater around her shoulders. "I won't be long."

In her absence they all look at me expectantly, as I figured they would.

**Yuna**

_Pathetic, _I chastise myself, idly snapping a twig in my hands. There is no reason to cry, to get so stupid and emotional and upset, because what… their joke was dangerously close to the truth? It's just that I'm not any good at this 'relationship' nonsense. But maybe it's because this isn't how it's supposed to be; they accuse me of trying to seduce him and maybe I am, but…

My throat closes again, another wave tearing through. Doubt, its horrible intensity reaches my knees. I find my refuge in the dirt, leaning against a log situated by the water's edge. This can't be good for me, not when I feel like dying.

I look around the clearing of this unusual forest, searching for a distraction. Though it is summer, these trees appear to be enclosed in some sort of permafrost, their diamond shells reflected, dancing against the cool Macalania spring. I'd seen pictures, but I regret that in all our years coming to the Calm Ledge, I'd never before taken the time to explore.

-- And yet the pictures never showed the vandalism, empty beer cans that wash against the pale sand, names of lovers trying to immortalize their passion by carving it into the bark of these mythical saplings. I think I'll cry for the forest as well.

I hear the cracking of twigs behind me, and quickly wipe my eyes. I don't turn, but it's easy to recognize the warm weight of his arms when he crouches and grasps me from behind.

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head, he shouldn't be apologizing when he hasn't done anything wrong, and really it was my fault… all of this. I do not want his pity. "Tidus…"

"Hey..."

"I said I wanted to be alone for awhile…"

Promptly he lets go of me, and I hear him stumbling to stand back up. "Okay, well… I'll just go back to camp, then. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Sit down, please."

He pauses, contemplating this. "I'm confused…"

I grab his hands, pulling him roughly down beside me into the thin dirt, "I'm sorry; I don't mean to puzzle you."

His lips quirk into a lopsided grin. "It's not like it's hard…"

"Tidus!" I glare. "Don't make fun of my boyfriend."

"But…"

"Are you confused again?"

"Yeah, a little. Like I said, right, it's not hard." He smiles, slipping his arm around me. "So what's eating you?"

"It's silly, really…" I lean in against his chest. "So I don't think I want to tell you."

"Mind if I guess, then?" he asks, running his hands absentmindedly through my hair. I close my eyes to appreciate the attention. "You don't think it's such a great idea to share a tent, maybe you think we're taking things too fast."

"… _No_." I reply. "I'm… oh, I just feel so stupid."

"So I was totally off base just now?"

"Completely… I'm sort of _glad_ we're sharing a tent…"

"Really?" he asks, sounding taken aback. "How about sharing sleeping bags then! Kidding, kidding, kidding! Oh I'm sorry, that wasn't very funny…" He laughs anyways, trying to make a quick recovery. "Seriously Yuna, nothing has to happen, like I totally understand you wanting to take our relationship slow, and like…"

He continues to mumble, unable to grasp his original point, perhaps unsure if he even had one. I leave the warmth of his arms, hoisting myself up to walk towards the water's edge. "Tidus, what do you want…?"

"What? Do… I want?" He runs a hand through his already-dishelved hair, his eyes quizzical. "I don't understand, Yuna. What do I want with what?"

"With me?"

He hoists himself up from the ground. "How am I supposed to answer that? Are you _testing_ me?"

"Okay." I pause, looking over him as he awaits my answer, bending at the waist with hands on his hips. "Can't you just guess, please?"

He walks over to me, and leans in close enough so that I can feel his warm breath as he speaks. "No, Yuna. I already tried to '_guess_.'"

When I back up, he moves forward. "Tidus, really… it's, it's stupid!" I continue to move until I find myself tripping over the log at which we were previously situated; he grabs my arm before I hit the ground. "You're going to think I'm a nutcase."

"I'm already kind of starting to think you're a little…" He makes a gesture with his free hand as he pulls me up, twirling it in mid air. "Crazy."

"About you, maybe." I speak slowly as I eye the ground; his arm has now moved around my waist and drawn me up against him… close against him. I step back, over the log and escape his hold. "Tidus, I don't think, well I do think that we should… really what I'm trying to say is…"

"Why are you so nervous?" He laughs lightly, but it's not his usual reassured chuckle. Suddenly he stops mid-breath, his eyes darkening. "Yuna… are you trying to break up with me?"

I nearly shout, shocked by the accusation. "No! Tidus I, I lo… I just think that I don't want to take this relationship so slow and I need to know how you feel on the subject because really it just seems logical to me… but maybe you won't agree but I hope you agree unless I'm completely off base and you're not ready or you've realized you don't think of me that way but I …"

This time when he laughs, it's hard and drawn out. "God, Yuna, your cheeks are so red. Just slow down, okay… breathe…" He pulls towards him again, placing a hand on each side of my face. "Talk to me… in English."

I knock my head against his collarbone, the feeling completely overwhelming. "Do I have to tell you? Why can't you just guess… why can't you just know! Tidus, I feel like an idiot for bringing this up…"

He smoothes back my hair; I feel the weight of his chin on my forehead. "Don't put down my girlfriend. She's the smartest, most beautiful, charming, adorable, amazing…" I interrupt, softly kissing him, consciously moving my hands around his neck and stepping forward, backing us both around the log and closer to the water. He responds by moving his arms to my waist but stops mid-path to break the kiss. "I need some air Yuna…"

"You think I'm beautiful?"

"And intelligent…" he begins trailing his lips down my neck, across my collarbone, his mouth never leaving my skin. "Patient, creative, understanding. _Beautiful_…"

"You already… said that," I reply, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," he says with a grin that clearly implies otherwise. "I still think you're a little crazy… but a good kind of crazy." He squeezes me close, kissing me chastely. "Yuna, please, just tell me what's on your mind?"

I grit my teeth; he can be so stubborn. "Tidus do you… think I'm attractive?"

"Yep, definitely crazy." He exaggerates the last word, walking away from me and laughing to himself. "Yuna, out with it! And don't forget to talk slowly."

"You should be the one speaking your mind!" I retaliate with outward frustration. He was always stopping things so suddenly, pulling away from me… that was supposed to be my job! He was supposed to be the one with the come-on's, being bugged by all his guys about this sort of thing, not me!

"Yuna, I don't get it. What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say that you want me, I want you to flirt with me! I hate it when you pull away, avoiding the possibility of anything ever progressing past a kiss, of us progressing! Why the _hell_ don't you make a move!"

He stops. Frozen. I feel… scared witless. Now he really must think I'm crazy. I've never yelled at someone like that before. Should I apologize? Would that be the right thing to do? Did I come on too strong? I bury my head in my hands and consider leaving him like this in the woods. I decidedly do not want to know what he's thinking; I don't want to be rejected. "I'll… I'll go switch tents with Shuyin…" I say, holding back my tears before pushing through the woods.

"Don't you dare," I hear him call, followed by urgent hands grabbing my shirt and pulling my back against his chest. "Really… you've got it all wrong, Yuna. Everything," he whispers against my ear, his left hand moving my hair aside as he kisses the lobe. "But… this isn't the right time..." I hear him swallow, hard, feeling the pressure my own heart banging against my ribcage.

"What are you guys doing?" Lenne breaks through the thicket with her flashlight, stumbling through the tall grass. "Come on, Gippal brought out his acoustic, and he's actually going to play a song for Rikku!" She grabs my hand, pulling me away from Tidus as he mouths the word 'tonight'.

**Tidus**

Usually I love this part of camping, trying to remember what I'd learnt of the guitar in high school, telling our ghost stories for the hundred thousandth time, this time with Yuna's arms clinging to me. Lord, tonight I can't think straight, think casual, act casual. Breathe; I'm having a hard time remembering to do that.

"Do you want a beer?" Yuna asks leaning forward to grab a few from the cooler.

I shake my head; it wouldn't be a good idea to try and go about this half-cut. "No thanks…"

"Could ya' toss me one of em'?" Gippal requests, stopping mid-riff. "I wanna show you how my playin' improves my drinkin'."

"Maybe if we all drank as much as you we'd agree," Shuyin quips, grabbing the cooler from beside my girlfriend. "Did you want one, Yuna?"

She looks at me as if for approval; I squeeze her hand. "I think I've had enough. I don't want a hangover tomorrow..."

"A'ight…" Gippal raises his bottle, pointing in a random direction. "Let's toast, let us toast to, friends and music and booze, especially booze!" He drags his hand lazily against the six strings, a silly grin spreading itself across his face.

"Aye and to drinkin!" Rikku slurs in response, before grabbing his guitar and throwing it behind them to sit on his lap and clink bottles. "I love you when I'm drunk!"

"I love you when I'm drunk!" He agrees, kissing her sloppily.

"Do you see now why I turned down that last beer?" I mumble to Yuna, pressing into the nape of her neck, "but the plus side, is they'll sleep like rocks…" I kiss the smooth skin of her neck and pull away. She moves closer to me on the bench, draping her left leg over my right. The heat of her skin against mine spreads along my body.

"Well…" Lenne stands up, brushing off her khaki capris, "You guys have fun. Put out the fire before you go to sleep… Shuyin… I'll be expecting your company shortly."

"Yes, ma'am," he salutes. "Gimme ten minutes to finish this, and don't fall asleep."

"Too much information, guy," I shout across the fire, shaking my head in mock disgust. "You guys are married; shouldn't you be sick of each other yet?"

"You'd think…" He muses, tilting his bottle backwards. "But no, but we'll make an effort to try and be quiet."

"Yeah, thanks." I sneer, getting up to grab water for the dwindling fire. "I don't trust you two to put this out." I point to Rikku and Gippal who don't show the slightest interest in what I'm saying.

"Tidus…" Yuna comes to me, grabbing my arm. "I'll wait for you in the tent, alright?"

"Yeah, I'll hurry," I say, biting down on my lip. When she kisses me I consider dragging her along into the woods.

"Be quick."

_I will_.

**Yuna**

My hands shake as I rearrange our tent, throwing our duffel bags outside. He said he'd be quick. Time is moving slower than it should, taunting me. I smooth back my hair, wishing I had a mirror, and some lipstick, or perfume, or… I can't help losing my mind. I hear Rikku and Gippal giggle outside the tent. I suppose the trip has done what it was supposed to: they seem to be getting along great, but they're also drunk out of their minds. For a second I wish I was drunk, or tipsy at the very least, enough to calm these nerves.

Breathe.

I hear him outside, the dying breath of the fire, his boots hitting the ground, his shadow against the tent. He crawls in, zipping up behind him. "Yuna…" I feel his hands, pulling me to him. His breath is hard, his kiss tender, too tender. My nerve falters for a moment. Sensing this he pulls away cautiously. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah… yeah, yeah, I'm fine… continue." I pull him back to me, his shirt over his head, and he unbuttons mine slowly, too slowly.

"Seriously, are you sure?" he asks. I don't want to think about it, I don't want time to change my mind; I just want him to kiss me again.

"Yeah, seriously… I'm good. Stop talking." I kiss him again, shrugging off my blouse, grateful for the dark.

He pulls away. "Yuna… you haven't… you haven't done this before, have you?" His voice is soft, concern obvious. My pulse continues to race.

Is my inexperience so evident? What does he want me to say? Why does he have to keep questioning me? "Tidus…"

"It's okay." He kisses me, starting a trail down the center of my chest, "but I need you to promise me something."

"Anything…" I reach up, running my fingers through his hair, cupping the back of his neck; even in the dark I can see his cerulean eyes tearing into mine.

"Don't let me hurt you." His voice is low, ragged. "Tell me if you're uncomfortable, or in pain, or if you need me to stop, okay?"

I nod, my hands roaming to his waist band. "You won't hurt me…"

He closes his eyes for a moment, his hesitation still lingering. "It's going to hurt a little, Yuna."

I brace his face in my hands. "I know… but _you_ won't hurt me."

"No…I won't," he grins, he promises.

*

The pain was what it was expected to be. I'd been warned and grateful when it faded away. He was generous, with his lips, with his praise, with his patience and affection. In the end, every tear he'd soothe away, unfazed by my emotion, but silent when I put it in words.

He rolls away onto his back, his limbs lying akimbo as he stares at the peak of our tent. Is he counting the dim stars that glimmer through the translucent plastic? I turn to mask the disappointment, rejection-laced tears. I said it… because it was what I expected to hear, because my mouth had opened before I had time to think. But I was so used to thinking, mapping every word…

The warmth evaporates too quickly, and whatever had built itself inside of me with it. Say anything… I think. It wouldn't have to be I love you… or maybe he didn't hear me? I won't be able to say it again; I don't want to say it again.

"Yuna…" He rolls, his body behind mine in a likewise position. He kisses my shoulder; I feel him shift against me as he wraps me tightly into his folded arms. "You're shaking…"

"I'm cold." I'm lying.

"You're…" He exhales with heavy breath, "_Crying_. Aren't you?"

I reach up to wipe my eyes but agilely Tidus grabs my wrist. "I'm _not_ crying." He moves above me, our chests still clammy, still bare.

He closes his eyes, as if to wince in pain. "Yuna! _Please_. You have to start being honest with me."

"I'm just… I am just trying to get a grip on myself, okay? I really… I didn't expect… to feel so…" I rub my eyes, trying to pull away the intangible block of words. "For me it was… and you just…"

His eyebrow raise in sync while a chuckle escapes his well-formed lips. "I'm sorry… I should have known you'd want to cuddle."

**Seymour**

She smiles at me from across the room; her glasses fall to the bridge of her nose when she does so. On the bar sits her laptop and beside that a stiff drink. She has a round face and mousey tresses styled into a sophisticated bob. Her features are familiar, as is her awkward manner when she struggles to arrange her documents in one hand while taking a drip from her whiskey sour. Her resemblance to Yuna is striking, but her eyes, a deep hazel, glint maroon when they hit the dim lighting.

I turn back to the drink cupped in the palm of both hands and bring it to my parched mouth. I've never lost before, not to another man. And, she wasn't like the rest; she'd nod politely at the sound of my voice, but her eyes never glazed with want or desire. She was cold in reaction to my touch, but always brushing away with a smile.

The liquid before me is dwindling down, merging too slowly into my system. "Send him over another drink, Jake." Her smooth voice sifts into the air, carried in the silence. She's forthcoming… something I'm not sure I admire, but nonetheless I accept and tilt the pressed scotch in her direction. She doesn't watch as I do this; instead her focus remains on the keyboard.

An odd woman… if my mood were better, one I might consider. But then again, the familiarity of that face… almond eyes, and the ambrosial appeal of her ample lower lip. Are you reconsidering? I ask myself with a slight grin.

"Why are you staring at me?" she turns, uncrossing her satin legs, legs long and equipped with a dangling pair of stilettos. The slit of her pencil skirt parts across her thigh, all dressed up but she forgot her stockings? It's clear the woman doesn't mind my attention.

"Thanks for the drink." I throw a couple bills before the bartender. "I didn't mean to offend you. My apologies." I fish for my cigarettes. She pays attention; it's her turn to stare, size me up… though I'm reluctant to give her the time, and instead push my way through the double doors and wait in the stale spring air.

The moments are brief before she joins me. "To my friends I'm Lize, but I don't want to be your friend." She extends a hand. "You can call me Eliza."

*

"Any left, James?" she asks, letting the sheets fall. She's unabashed as they expose her.

I toss her the pack, feeling nauseous. "Take one for the road."

"Right." She pockets the carton. "So… who's Yuna?"

I grin, letting my legs roll off the bed and reach for the lamp, and then into the nightstand for a bottle of Ibuprofen, cigarette hanging limply from my lips. "You said you didn't want to get personal." I lean over and retrieve my jeans from the floor, fishing out a couple bills. "Let's call this business."

She takes the bills and with a smirk stuffs them into her brassiere. "Business… alright then, let me grab my briefcase." She does so, drawing out a couple papers before snapping it shut. She flings them towards me. "Have a happy divorce, Seymour, or whatever you're going by these days."

* * *

**A/N:**

12 PGS, 4514 WRDS LATER: My longest chapter... EVER!

Happy Valentines Day! Hope it wasn't too racy? ;)

Also, for anyone posing a question in their review, it would be really helpful for me if you signed in, so I could answer! :)

~Thanks to Serial Ravist, and Devon/Deajei- my beta readers.

* * *

**R&R**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: **well as you all know… I generally do not write flashbacks, I'm not exactly a fan of adding random italics in the middle of a scene for whatever reason, and I definitely don't like mingling past and present… but… I had to write this, and because it deserved more than a casual mention in the present I made a chapter out of it. It's pretty juicy… and will probably change how ya'll have seen things thus far… with a nice little twist at the end. Heh… don't hate me. Read and review. ;)

* * *

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets  
You're not alone and you're not discreet.  
You make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again,  
There's not a word that I comprehend,  
Except when you signed it:  
"I'll love you always and forever"

**June, 4017…**

**Flashback…**

**Everyone.

* * *

**

Yuna sat with her back to the hut's opening carefully bundling Vidina in her arms and bracing his head with the palm of her hand. He was so unbelievably tiny, so breakable. She smiled when he grasped her finger in his palm. He even had little nails, she noted in awe. "He's adorable, guys."

Lulu was glowing as she watched Yuna fawn over her son. Motherhood suited her, even when Yuna had first met her; Lulu had always had a certain instinct for watching over her friends. But, it was Yuna that she loved the most, two years her junior, Lu' felt an impulse to protect her from the harsher realities of their world, notably the blonde-haired blitzer that younger girl often gushed about when they talked in private. Regardless, Yuna had learnt in time and in stride… and now she liked to believe she could take care of herself.

Then again, she didn't really have a choice anymore… people were moving on; it was inevitable. Even her parents had separated, spreading an ocean between them. Yuna had always believed they were happy… but then again her father was a _politician_.

"Yuna..." Lulu reached out for the child, sensing its needs and with a single arm she stabilized her son close to her breast, "Could you grab that box for me..." She gestured past Yuna's shoulder and towards the dresser where there was a small parcel wrapped in simple black paper with a golden bow. Lulu took it in her free hand and braced it against her knee. "Did you think I would forget?"

Of course she hadn't, she wouldn't. Lulu held the box out for Yuna to receive. "This is for you. Happy birthday."

With a tentative smile she peeled back the paper, careful to pick at the tape and not rip the delicate wrapping. Lulu smiled, understanding the younger girl's sentimentality. Yuna was aware that this was likely the only gift, the only acknowledgement she would receive tonight. Inside the parcel, upon a bead of silk, lay a single pearl necklace embedded in a simple gold setting. Yuna ran her thumb and forefinger around the stone in awe, unaware of the evident emotion in her always-expressive eyes.

"We wanted you to take a little bit of the island home with you." Wakka's accent seemed to grow thicker when they visited Besaid. He gently took the necklace and draped it around her neck.

Yuna wasn't used to the attention, and bowed her head gratefully. This really wasn't her day. She couldn't understand why she wanted to cry, but the tears came despite silent protest, and soon Wakka had her wrapped in his strong embrace. He was as close as a brother to her and she sobbed into his shoulder. Understanding that her husband and Yuna needed to talk, Lulu excused herself to put the infant to rest.

"Ahh girl, why dya' have to cry?" Wakka reached up to wipe away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "You're suppos' to smile, like this ya?" Yuna laughed as he demonstrated with an exaggerated grin. "That's the spirit."

"I'm sorry Wakka…" She shook her head, "I just wasn't expecting anything, and it's your day, Lulu's day, Vidina's day…"

She broke down again and Wakka caught her. "Sit down for a moment. Let's talk."

Nodding, she complied. "Wakka… I have something to tell you."

The new father could see that she was nervous, that this wasn't just about her birthday or Vidina, but something more important. "I've already told Lulu, but in a couple of weeks, after we get back to Zanarkand… I'm going to be moving in with my mother."

He scratched the back of his neck. Why did she want to move? She was in the middle of pursuing a humanities degree; she had friends and family… Zanarkand was their home. He stared back at her, unsure what to say.

"Luca…" it sounded strange on her tongue. "I'm going to be happy there."

"You're not happy here?" He still couldn't understand. "I'll support you in anything… but, girl, what are you going to do in Luca of all places?"

Move on, she thought with a bitter smile. "I just… I need a change of pace."

He noticed Lulu reappearing at the door, her arms folded and a bemused expression graced her too often severe features. "So you finally told him. Who's next?"

Yuna laughed at the private joke. "I'll write… I promise."

Wakka still wasn't convinced, but smiled and held her hand. "You come back and see us, understand? As soon as you got everything figured out."

She wasn't sure she'd ever have anything figured out; her life seemed like such a mess, she was lost and confused, and most noticeably hurt. It wasn't their fault, and she would miss her friends, but Luca held a foreign appeal, something new and undiscovered. She needed a little bit of excitement in her life, sick of just going through the motions.

"Could you watch Vidina, please Wakka?" Lulu moved forward and placed a soft hand on her companion's shoulders. "I think Yuna could use some air."

"Anythin' for you, Lu." He kissed her temple gently and the two women made their exit into the balmy night air.

"Aren't you exhausted?" Yuna asked, wary of her friend's current condition.

"I'm fine," she replied, leading the younger girl on a path outside the village. Despite her assurance her footing was slow and calculated. "This may be the last time we'll talk like this, for a while anyways."

Yuna understood Lulu and Wakka would take the news to heart; they were family, closer even than her blood relations. "I'm sorry."

Lulu brushed away her apology. "Don't be sorry. This is for the best. What is right for you; the rest of us will survive."

"I've been so naïve to think…" She swallowed. "Things change, I guess. He definitely has. I don't know what I expected."

"You were optimistic," Lulu provided. She knew Yuna was talking about Tidus; she knew Tidus brought her pain, and that although they had once been close, he was driving Yuna away. He couldn't care about her they way she did for him; he was still a child, more so than Yuna who had grown drastically in the last year.

Once they reached the beach Yuna paused to drop down into the sand. Although she'd never resided in a permanent Besaid residence, it felt like home. It was where Wakka had grown up, and where the young couple had chosen to give birth. There were parties, bonfires, and love. Yuna believed the island held a spiritual presence that united its people.

"I'm not going to miss him."

"You already miss him." Lulu saw right through her words, and didn't appreciate the dishonesty. "It's okay to long, but… you're too strong for denial, Yuna."

Yuna would have never used the word 'strong' to describe herself. "Well then… I'll miss you most."

The older woman smiled warmly. "In time, Yuna, you will adapt."

She nodded. "I hope that you're right."

A few moments passed in silence between the two friends as they watched the water lap against the sand. In the daylight it would remind Yuna of Tidus' eyes, and the light blonde highlights in his hair. At night however, it was the darkness she attributed to his twin, the serious navy of his gaze. Even their personalities were like night and day, she mused. Tidus was her sun.

_No…_ she thought,_ I can't give him so much credit!_ She looked back to find Lulu gone, footprints in the sand the only reminder that she had a friend, someone who understood, but still… it never felt like enough. She wanted _him_.

He had a grip on her that was almost sick, and it wasn't his fault… he didn't encourage her; he was friendly, sure… but she wasn't dumb enough to believe for even a second that he had eyes for anyone but Adrianna. And she would be happy for him; she had to be happy for Tidus, because being bitter felt even worse.

Yuna refused to believe, through her senseless pride and devotion, that she would ever recover from his silent rejection. He had been her best friend at one point, and it was foolish of her mind to have drifted elsewhere, where it didn't belong. She walked forward, approaching the water, and stared down at her reflection, flashing back at her with each wave.

"Yuna!!!" she recognized that voice… she wanted to retreat, but remained frozen, masochistically attracted. "Oi, what are you doin' out here? It's late and the forest is overwhelmed with fiends." He smiled sheepishly. "I suppose since I'm here though, I could be your guardian."

He was joking, obviously sarcastic with his wide grin and both hands occupying beverages of alcoholic nature. "Why aren't you in the village celebrating?"

"You're celebrating enough for the both of us, I think," she mused, turning back to the ocean. "Why are you here?"

"Felt like goin' for a skinny," he joked again, falling into the sand and finishing one of his bottles. "I love the ocean at night."

Yuna nodded. "Yes."

"Why don't you sit down, are you afraid of getting a little messy?" he laughed. "Ah, course' you are. Why so proper, Yuna? Let a little loose…" She turned to him then, pursing her lips and ready to leave, or at the very least say something. "Calm down, I'm kidding. I just want you to sit and talk to me. I feel like we never hang out anymore. I could use a friend."

"You have plenty of friends…"

"But you're my favorite," he teased and grabbed her hand; he didn't have to pull very hard and she wasn't exactly unwilling, but when he removed his touch the temporary warmth disappeared. "What happened… with us?"

Of course he knew what happened, Adrianna happened, his libido happened, sports happened, life happened… for him, at least. "Nothing, Tidus. We're still friends."

He dismissed her. "Whatever." It was as if he blamed her, but how could he… he knew he was being unfair but he hadn't enjoyed being ignored. He'd… he missed her. It was selfish but he wanted her all to himself, he wanted her to laugh at his stupid jokes, and come to all his games and just be there. She was always there… he liked that about her.

"You're… mad… at…me…?"

"No." He propped himself up on one elbow, and cracked open the second bottle with the opener built into the bottom of his sandal. "Just bugging." He liked to bug her.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she dared to ask.

Tidus noticed that she sounded bitter. He didn't really care; it wasn't his fault if she and Adrianna had problems, and it really didn't have much of anything to do with him. Tidus wasn't a real fan of gossip and drama; they'd graduated high school two years ago, damnit. "Not for long." He smiled.

"Excuse me…" Her heart pounded. What did he mean? Were they breaking up?

His smile grew wider. "Yeah, take a look at this baby…" Tidus braced his drink in the sand and reached into the right pocket of his cargo shorts. It wasn't his mother's ring… but Adrianna wasn't into any of that sentimental crap. She liked glamour.

Yuna didn't know what to say and was afraid her eyes, as always, would express her shock, her hurt, her anger… she had no right to feel anything but, she did. She couldn't help it…

"Hah, yeah it's really something." He confused her silence for admiration. "Now all she's got to do is say yes."

Yuna willed to unclench her jaw. "I'm… really… happy for you. Congratulations."

"So ya gonna be my best man, or what?"

She rolled her eyes, and used the palms of her hands to push herself up from the sand. "You have Shuyin for that. I'm sorry Tidus… I won't be here."

"What the--- hey Yuna what'dya mean?" he called but she was briskly walking into the forest, where she could lose him, where she could break down and cry.

* * *

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.  
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.  
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,  
And sit alone and wonder...  
How you're making out.  
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...  
Making out

*

He watched from the hostel. His brother was showboating, again, showing the kids how to balance a blitzball on their puny little heads and assuring the Aurochs that he'd teach them a little something as well. They all idolized Tidus, the 'gifted' one. He took after their father like that, talented, charming and maybe a little reckless. Shuyin was the responsible one, the smart one, he thought with a grin.

Sure, when it came to sports Shuyin wasn't exactly a lost cause, and even with women he could hold his own… but he wasn't a real people pleaser. When the Abes had offered the boys a package deal scholarship to Zanarkand U, Shuyin had already been accepted, but figured what the hell. He soon realized it was nothing more than a gimmick, _'Jecht's twin sons steal the show…_' but it was really Tidus. It was always Tidus.

He shot a glance at Adrianna… she was obviously bored of trying to get his attention and had begun to braid her silky blonde hair. She looked up at him; her honey brown eyes reminded him of Lenne.

She'd taken a hiatus, gone on tour and told him to just… 'Relax for awhile…' Apparently this was something she needed to do; she needed to leave him, and she needed a career. She couldn't just settle for being loved more than anything in the world? He'd buy her anything, dote on her, foot massages, roses, fancy dinners… hell playing for the Abes had its perks, even for a second stringer. It wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

He glared back at his brother. Adrianna loved him; she wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't fair. He had everything… the prodigal child. Actually, it seemed lately everyone was happier than him, everyone had someone. Well, except maybe Yuna… she always looked sad, Lenne was always talking about how she wished she could help her, she wished she could understand, she wished they could be as close as her and Lu'. He didn't understand why Lenne cared so much, but she was right… Yuna kind of reminded him of a kicked puppy.

"Lenne…" he breathed, and ran a hand through his dark blonde locks. They were trimmed shorter than his brothers', making him appear more mature. Besides he was older… barely, but still. That wasn't the point.

He crossed the road with a purpose, walking past Lu's tent and straight into the pub. _It's five o'clock somewhere_, he hummed, settling down and starting with a shot of whiskey. At least it was private, at least he didn't have to watch them all fawn over his brother. "Another," he requested.

Shuyin spent the remainder of the afternoon drinking, until night fell and the celebrations moved indoors. He purchased a mickey of Jack, and a six pack from Botta, and stumbled out into the village, leaving a baffled Tidus in his wake.

Tidus wasn't sure what he'd done… why Shuyin had brushed passed him with a sneer. Tidus knew his brother and Lenne were having problems, and he knew Shuyin was upset that he'd been passed up for the starting line… but what did he expect with all the practices he'd missed? Besides, he and Lenne would work things out. They were like him and Adrianna, he mused, soul mates.

If Shuyin had been a girl he wouldn't feel ashamed by the gathering moisture in his eyes, as he sat under a column of the Besaid temple and nursed his bottle. He missed her, he needed her… she wouldn't pick up her phone; she didn't care anymore. Heck, he was even considering dropping out and joining her on tour, not that she'd have him.

He felt pathetic… like he should just move on… she was obviously just a lost cause.

"You look impossibly sad." Her soft voice drifted in the heavy air. He recognized the tone, and handed her a beer.

Adrianna was a man's girl; she'd pound them back with the boys, always eager for adventure. She was an avid surfer, she loved to hike, travel, to experience life… he woulda' thought she was far less stable then Lenne, with her long, wild hair and bright eyes. But Tidus… he guessed she must love his brother, to follow him.

"Thanks." She replied, dragging a long, hard swallow. There wasn't anything casual about the way she tipped the bottle back. "You know, Shuyin… you're lucky."

"I'm lucky…" he laughed, bitter.

"Yeah. You're lucky… you don't have to deal with this bullshit." She gestured over to the tent. "Not like your brother, but I guess maybe Tidus doesn't really mind… I guess he kind of likes it."

"He loves it," Shuyin agreed, grabbing a second bottle for himself and tossing her the hard stuff. "He's an attention whore… I feel sorry for you."

"Don't." She laughed, and took a swig, shook it off and dipped in again. "I don't want you to."

He grabbed the bottle from her, determined to match pace. "Sometimes I don't think he deserves you, really."

"Then who does?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "Did you know that I use to have a crush on you, before I met Tidus?"

"So you settled?" he joked, letting the alcohol waterfall before she roughly grabbed it from his hand. "Hey…"

"My turn." She was starting to feel it already, and not about to slow. She was sick of everything, sick of the fans, the paparazzi… sick of competing with that stupid girl for her boyfriend. She didn't like the way he looked at her or his exaggerated replies when he tried to explain that they were just friends. She knew there were no platonic relationships between the sexes, no matter what his intentions were… no matter how much she claimed to trust Tidus, it didn't sit right. "Yeah… well, you were taken."

"Yeah. I _was_." He knew he shouldn't edge her on; he knew she was off-limits. Maybe that was why he found her so appealing, maybe that was why, under the hazy blue moon, he felt a little crazy.

"So you and Lenne are on the out's then?"

"We're… yeah, something like that." Shuyin didn't want to talk to Adrianna about Lenne; he wanted her to help him forget.

"Come on…" She said, rising from her spot on the edge of the temple walkway. She grabbed the case of beer and squeezed his shoulder. "I want to show you somethin'."

He grabbed the bottle back and finished off the last two shots before following her into the woods. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous; his head pounded whether it was from the alcohol or… she grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, encouraging him to follow faster into the thicket. They were walking in the direction of the beach.

"What did you want to show me?" he asked with a smirk. He knew Besaid well enough, and they didn't seem to be heading anywhere specific.

"I just wanted to get outta' there," she admitted, squatting down in the dirt. "The towns too noisy, I wanna talk to you. You listen… you don't brush me off."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Paradise? Who said anything 'bout that… we're only human."

"We all sin," he replied, looking her over and grabbing a beer, but she caught his wrist in her hand. "What…"

And there it was… the look. He cracked the drink and took a hard draw, never breaking the stare. There was electricity… he supposed there had always been a spark, a connection that he ignored because of what he had had with Lenne… it was more important. But she didn't fucking care anymore.

"Well?" he asked, mocking her.

She shook her head, she smirked, she kissed him. As soon as their lips touched Adrianna withdrew, eyeing him with her coy intentions. "I think we should play make-believe and pretend that this is okay, and that no one will get hurt."

"And if they do?"

"We'll blame it on the full moon." She smirked, raking her teeth over the flesh of her bottom lip. She lowered her hands to his waist, tracing invisible patterns over the fabric. Her left hand snaked upward to his neck, pulling his lips to her own and he eagerly replied. It was imprecise and messy and she moved too fast… but for once he didn't have to think, just do. And right then he needed something. She wasn't Lenne… but she was close enough and she didn't stop him.

Soon they were in the dirt. For Adrianna, It had always been Shuyin, he was reserved and smart and dark and… she couldn't have him. She said his name and responded to every callous touch. She was alright with being used; this was what she wanted. She wouldn't miss her chance, and they were just drunk enough for it to be justifiable… so she wouldn't have to feel guilty, because Adrianna knew Tidus loved her, too much.

It had to end too soon… and he had to pull away without a word. He rested his head on her collarbone for only a second before rolling onto his back. He could feel the dirt sticking to his salty skin. He could feel Adrianna still looking at him.

She wanted to touch him again, but he was stiff and silent, looking up to where the leaves grew thin, and tiny scraps of moonlight showered down on them. Adrianna already knew that even if Tidus never found out, there couldn't be a happy ending. He didn't shower her with false promises or practiced praise. Shuyin didn't pretend to like her, never mind loving her. Ultimately, Adrianna knew she would settle with second best, and thought she might grow to be content.

They heard her coming, crashing through the woods… and the unmistakable bi-colored eyes flashing in the dark… Shuyin had to chase after her.

He had to explain.

He caught her arm and she tried to pull it away in repulsion. "I don't want to talk to you; I don't want to know what I just saw."

Shuyin was serious, more so than she'd ever seen him. His grasp on her arm hurt, it was too tight, too controlling. "You're not going to tell him. Anything."

"Why would I?" She shook her head, stepping back, walking towards the village. Shuyin shrugged on his t-shirt and sandals and continued to follow. "I'm not going to destroy him."

His cell-phone vibrated and he paused to check the caller id. "Lenne…"

Yuna stopped walking ahead of him, and turned back. "But I think she'll deserve an explanation."

He ignored the call. "You don't understand."

"Of course I don't understand…" Yuna said slowly. "I don't want to understand." There was fear in her eyes, and even in the dark shade of the trees he could see her tears. He thought he understood.

"I always respected you, Shuyin. I thought… I thought you and Lenne had it made. I thought that you were smart and that…I thought if there was hope for anyone it was the two of you."

"You don't understand. She left me."

"She didn't leave you."

"She said she had better things to do."

"That's not what she said."

"She's not here, is she?"

"All she wanted was time…" Yuna shook her head, "Lenne loves you… you're so, _so lucky_."

The phone rang again and this time he stopped to watch it ring, dropping Yuna's arm, allowing her to leave in peace. He trusted she wouldn't say anything; she meant him no harm. Lenne's voice would be reality, the cold backlash of guilt. Nothing he felt for her had changed, but now everything was different.

He ignored the call again, cursing silently to himself. He'd… '_Fuck_'. He'd really fucked things up. His hands found his hair and he ripped at the roots in frustration.

"Shuyin…" She was half dressed, carrying the beer, her top, and sandals in one hand. She reached out to touch him and he shook her off.

"I want to blame you."

"For what?" she flinched, tilting her head to the side. "Nobody needs to know, we can pretend that nothing…"

He wanted to hurt her, but instead his fist connected with the bark of a nearby tree. "Damnit, Adrianna! This is fucked up."

"You're fucked up," she countered shoving his chest back.

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you, Shuyin." He was walking now and she was close at his heels. "You wanted me… I know you wanted me."

"Shut up!" He yelled, whipping around to face her, hot tears in his eyes. "Don't you get it? Don't you fucking understand what we did?"

"I understand, but…"

He couldn't believe her. Did she think it was funny? She looked like she'd accomplished something, like she was proud of herself. He quickened his pace and she matched him. "Shuyin… I don't understand why you're so upset? Because that little bitch Yuna—"

"She's not a bitch…" he replied. "She's our friend… she's important to me, she's important to Tidus."

Adrianna scoffed, and fell into silence. She stared at him for a long moment before shoving the case of mostly empty bottles in his arms. "You don't think I know she's important to Tidus? I _know_."

She was near tears, the closest expression to genuine emotion he'd ever seen her wear, but she looked up to the moon and blinked them away. "Whatever, do what you want. Tell him if you must. I know he'll forgive me."

She turned her back to him; he could hear the humor returning in her voice. She sounded as if she was reprimanding him. "But… _You're his brother_. "

She left him seething in the woods. In his rage he grabbed the last bottle, chugged it and whipped it ahead at the temple. It connected with a resounding smash; it felt satisfying, a release. He drew back another of the empty bottles and slung it forward. Smash. He heard shouting in the distance but ignored it, letting loose a third.

"Stop! You're defacing the sanctuary!" It was a temple boy, young and fit but no match for Shuyin. Shuyin threw another bottle; this time it crashed next to the boy's feet. The boy screamed again, attracting the attention of the Aurochs who bounded into the woods. Shuyin wasn't in the mood to run. He laughed… this night couldn't possibly get any worse.

He was still giggling and hiccupping in the jail cell, at the peak of his delusional high. He'd lost everything. Lucy, his manager, definitely wouldn't like this; she'd probably drop him before it hit the news stands. He wasn't Tidus; he didn't have the natural talent. But maybe it was better this way. He could go back to University; he'd always wanted to study law.

"Tidus!" He heard the familiar voice and cocked his head. Was he seeing things?

The matching blonde approached a security guard. "I'm here to bail my brother out. How much is it going to cost me this time?" He feigned annoyance, digging through his wallet. "He's a nitwit sometimes… but I know he doesn't mean any harm."

"Tidus…?" the guard asked in confusion. "He told me his name was…"

"He's obviously drunk, and a compulsive liar at that." Tidus was overacting; Shuyin wondered if that was how he looked through his brother's eyes. He winked and withdrew the contents of his money clip to offer to the guard.

"He defaced the temple," the burly guard replied stoically. "It's going to cost more than that."

"Hand me his wallet," Tidus, pretending to be Shuyin, demanded. The guard complied and watched greedily as Tidus flipped through and grabbed his bills.

'_Damnit…_' Shuyin thought, he had nearly two-hundred gill in there… and soon he'd be out of a job.

The guard was overtly pleased with the sum. He had a big smirk on his face when he unlocked the cage and released him to his brother's care. Outside, in the village, the sun was rising, they could hear the morning ambience, and feel their hangovers seeping though the buzz. "Who woulda thunk it," Tidus smirked, wrapping his arm around Shuyin's shoulders. "That I'd ever be bailing you out."

"Technically you bailed yourself out." He tried hard to sound grateful.

"I'm your brother… and really I kind of owed you." Tidus was definitely happy to help, but he didn't owe Shuyin a thing.

"Well, thanks." he replied, looking out into the paling sky, and then doubling over at the side of the road to puke.

"You know… I heard the funniest joke tonight." Tidus chuckled, squatting next to his brother. "Yuna told me she's moving."

Shuyin didn't think it was funny. He spat and wiped his mouth. "What are you going to do about it?"

Tidus laughed, running an uneasy hand through his hair. "Wait…" his face fell. "You think she could have been serious?"

Shuyin shook his head, opting to bite his tongue. Tidus could be incredibly dense. He followed Shuyin back to the tent, scratching his neck. "Well… fuck. She was, wasn't she?"

"No." Shuyin meant to be sarcastic, and instantly felt guilty for mocking his brother.

"Yeah, you're right. Yuna can't leave. She knows I'd miss her too much." He laughed, drawing his arm back around Shuyin as they stumbled into their hut. "She's my best friend, ya' know? I need her to stick around."

* * *

**P.S:** I'm looking for some help revamping earlier chapters, if you're interested in side-betaing, give me a shout.

**& As Always**

Thank you Serial Ravist for helping out and being an AMAZING beta. I most definitely couldn't do it without you.

Thank you to Devon, Deajei, for lending me an extra set of eyes.

Enjoy, and please leave a review.


	16. Chapter 15

**_Heads-UP! Next update this story will belong to the ffx-2 category._**

Old pale memories of someone you knew  
Keep crawling through the back of your mind-- _stealing time_  
In the daylight you're crossing all your wires  
You never knew just how to put out a fire  
And-- The closet's been shaking with bones  
Little reminders that you're out on your own

Today Will Be Better, I Sware!- _Stars_

**June 3rd, 4020**

**Rikku**

I sink my heels into the course gravel, leaning back against the fence so that its diamond-patterned wiring digs into my flesh. Patiently I wait while Tidus and Gippal are busy touring the glorified parking lot**,** inspecting the rusty, over-priced used vehicles. There are a lot of things Tidus and Gippal don't see eye-to-eye on, but they've always shared a passion for cars; for this reason it hadn't surprised me when Tidus called this morning, gushed to me about his plan to sweep Yuna off her feet, and asked to speak to my husband. Tidus has decided it's time Yuna got a new car and that he's given her a fair enough grace period for mourning the deceased Volvo that she's driven since high school. Although the idea's sweet—I've never really been a fan of Yuna operating machinery; there's something about the way she handles a car that has always seemed unnatural and awkward.

At the far end of the lot, Gippal stalks a green Camaro. The car is bitten with rust and looks far from safe. I highly doubt this is something Tidus would consider for Yuna, but I know the look in my husband's eye, the soundless whistle drifting from his lips as he runs his hands evenly over the chassis. Gippal has fallen in love.

I shove myself away from the fence and trek towards Tidus, now eyeing an equally-elaborate car, also probably not suitable for Yuna. I take his arm and gently pull Tidus away. "I don't think she knows how to drive stick-shift."

He uses the palm of his gloved hand to rub the back of his neck before quickly glancing back to what I can now tell is a Mustang, similar to the one he already owns. "I was just looking."

"Come on, I saw an old BMW close to the entrance." He seems reluctant to follow but I pull tightly on his bicep and lead him back to the gate of the dealership.

The vehicle that caught my eye is a dusty shade of midnight blue with classic lining of its antique body, and taupe-leather seating. It's Ancient technology, but Yuna wouldn't want anything fancy.

"It kind of smells apple juice," He scrunches his nose, but opens the door to slide into the driver seat. "But you're right: she'd probably buy something like this for herself."

"And you're right about the smell," I reply. "But maybe it, you know, adds character?"

"I could get it detailed," he reasons, softening to the idea. "But I still wish I could get her something new…"

"I think she'll like this better," I reply softly, knowing Tidus' intentions are well placed but my cousin would feel guilty accepting a costly gift.

"I know," He grunts. "I just want to make her birthday special this year."

I nod, and leave him to an inspection of the car. My husband, 'the mechanic', is no help. Gippal drifts amongst the rusty classics—as if I'd let him buy another one. He licks his lips with indecision as he meanders back over to the Camaro. I know what comes next: begging, pleading, promises… and if that doesn't work he'll return tomorrow and hide it from me at his workshop. I remember his first purchase, The Dodge. Although he's bought many cars since, when he heads for the garage, he always ends up working on his first love.

Bringing my thumb and forefinger to my lips in a loop, I whistle. Gippal nearly falls over himself when he turns to follow the sound. He shades his eyes against the sun, striking up one finger to tell me he'll be over in a minute.

"I like this car," Tidus decides, thumbing the steering wheel.

"I think that it's kind of perfect. Isn't it?" I agree, feeling pleased with myself.

"This it?" Gippal says, as he saunters towards us, checking out the car in a glance that I've seen him use on women. He bends at the waist, placing his hands on his hips as he leers through the windows and into the interior. He motions for Tidus to get out of the driver's seat and takes his position behind the wheel, reaching beneath it to pop the hood. The auto top lifts from in front of the windshield wipers. Gippal grabs the cover and pulls it open to expose the engine. He meanders through its mechanics, plucking around the heart of the car before reinstating the hood. "Not much work needed here, maybe a tune-up, a little elbow grease, and something to get rid of this smell..."

"Think we should keep looking?"

"Nah, Tidus, this baby's gold. I can probably get Dave to hook us up with a good price on her," Gippal knows the salesman on first-name basis. He takes another walk around the body. "What do you think?"

"How long would you need to fix it up?" Tidus asks, I notice him rocking on the back of his heels. "I need something that can be ready in like, a week?"

"Give me two days," Gippal replies with a self-satisfied grin.

I nudge Tidus, sharing a wink with him. "She'll love it."

He smiles, looking down at his boots. "I think she will. Unless she hates it…"

"Tidus…" I start, weighing my words. "I think she'll be pleasantly surprised. You're putting a lot of thought into this, and that's kind of…you know, not like you." I watch him furrow his brow, slightly offended. I burst into a mild fit of giggles. "It's just that I seem to remember you forgetting a couple birthdays over the years."

"I've never forgotten your birthday, Rikku. I don't think I've forgotten Yuna's either."

I raise my brow, and decide to dismiss the subject. He has, of course, missed plenty of birthdays. I look back over to the car and my mind flashes back to those automotive year-end sale commercials, where the husband brings his wife home a new sports-utility-vehicle with a big bow. Tidus should get Yuna a big bow.

I look to Gippal, currently on his phone, and back to Tidus. We wait in an awkward kind of silence as Gippal brings his conversation to an end. "Well?" I ask him, wondering who was on the other line.

He ignores my question, instead turning to Tidus. "What do you have planned for the afternoon? 'Lai could use our help moving."

"Where's he moving?" Tidus asks, obviously clueless.

"Biting the bullet," Gippal replies matter-of-factly. "He's shacking up with Paine."

"I guess I could spare an afternoon." Tidus says. "I don't feel like going to the gym, anyway."

"Great." Gippal grins and confirms with Baralai before excusing himself to go find Dave.

Biting the bullet is right. Paine… I don't think I'd ever want to live with her. We don't really get on. She's very strict, but surprisingly kind of a pig. Gippal likes to spend time with her and 'Lai, but I'd rather go out with Shuyin and Lenne, or Tidus and Yuna. Baralai and Paine don't talk much, they just kind of sit and listen, and Paine stares. I feel kind of nervous around her, which usually results in me rambling and by the end of the night I wind up feeling stupid. I think she dislikes me more every time we meet.

It doesn't take long to find Dave, the sleazy, balding Guado who runs the dealership. I've only ever seen him wear colorful three-button suits; today his is bright green and doesn't really match his chocobo-patterned dress shirt. He talks with a mixed accent and overzealous hand gestures, insistent we're trying to 'rob him'. The car ends up costing Tidus around 7,000 gil, but Dave throws in a spare tire and a palm-tree shaped coconut air conditioner because apparently Dave, 'values his customers'. I think the coconut might smell worse than the apple.

Tidus drives the car off the lot, following us to Baralai's apartment. It's not too far from his high-rise in the metropolitan Zanarkand area. We park across the street. The weather's warmed up a bit. I remove my peach sweater and tie it around the waist line of my denim skirt.

Baralai's apartment isn't really anything special. He lives on the fifth floor of a building without an elevator. Six years of college yet he can't really afford anything fancy, not while he's working as an intern for the governor's research team. Baralai's always been interested in politics, and in high school he even worked a bit with Yuna's father. I kind of thought that 'Lai and Yunie would eventually hook up, but I guess she always had eyes for Tidus, and Paine … well maybe she scared him into dating her?

The boys race up the stairs, taking them two at a time as I trudge behind. I wish I had asked Gippal to drop me off at home. Tidus waits for me, holding open the door to Lai's apartment. I had hoped Paine wouldn't be here, but I spot a pair of lace-up, knee-high, black leather boots-- and I don't know anyone else who they could possibly belong to.

Lai nods us in from the living room, looking frustrated and a little sweaty. The apartment is a furnace without any air conditioning. The only operable window is over the sink in his small kitchen and looks down out into the alley without much of a draft.

"Sorry it's such a mess," he apologizes, wiping sweat from his tanned brow. "I really appreciate the help, guys."

"It's no problem," I smile. "Where do you want me?"

"Actually Rikku, if you wouldn't mind helping Paine in the bedroom… she's organizing and boxing up my wardrobe. I thought that might be right up your alley."

He's right, but I'm reluctant to work with Paine... I smile and nod. "You know me well."

"Thanks." He smiles a sweet but fleeting grin before turning back to scratching his head at what I think was once his entertainment center.

I knock on the door tentatively and it swings open slightly under the weight of my fist. "Hey."

"Hey," Paine replies in her alto monotone without glancing up at me.

I step into the room. Like the living area, it's pretty much a mess. Clothes draped over all surfaces in no particular order as Paine labels boxes with a thick, black marker.

I don't ask Paine what to do next; I figure she doesn't really know what she's doing here. I've seen Paine's closet and have struggled to figure out how she manages to dress herself in the morning. I start with Baralai's suits, placing them gently in a fold-over garment bag. Lai keeps his shoes organized in a stack of small boxes at the back of his closet; I stack them in a larger cardboard box. I then move on to his jeans, not that he owns many, and fold them along the seams and then twice along the length of the leg and stack them in a box Paine has labeled in her surprisingly feminine cursive; 'jeans'.

"I need a break," Paine announces, halfway through a debate of why long-sleeved dress shirts can't be folded up with t-shirts, and polo shirts.

I let her leave, figuring I'll probably finish up here before she gets back. I kind of hope she doesn't come back. I'd rather work alone. Paine doesn't talk much, and she doesn't much like to be talked at either. I've always been surprised by her relationship with Gippal and Baralai. I guess the three had parents that were good friends and all, but she's so… different. Dark and sardonic, nothing like Gippal, but for whatever reason I think he's closer to her that he is with 'Lai. It's not like Tidus and me; I don't think they think the same way we do, not really. Sometimes I think it's because they're opposites, and I wonder if she interests him, or vice-versa and that's why they're so close. When I think about it, I can't help but feel jealous of their friendship.

When I finish with the clothes, I start bringing the boxes out into the living room, stacking the luggage and cardboard boxes next to the entranceway,flush against the wall. This is something I would actually appreciate Paine's help with. So, of course I can't find her.

Tidus cracks open a beer and then hands it to me. "It looks like you've been working."

I laugh. "Believe me, I have." I take the beer, forgetting that I don't really like beer. I drink it anyway. At least it's cold.

"You haven't seen Gippal, have you?" he asks, drinking from his own. "He took off about a half hour ago to load a couple boxes in 'Lai's trunk. I'm surprised he's not back."

"Well, you know him," I reply with a shrug. The apartment has darkened considerably. Through the picture window we watch the sun sitting on the horizon, ready to sink into oblivion. "Something probably caught his eye…"

"Well, when he finds his way back we should probably get going. I was kind of hoping I could beat Yuna home tonight."

"Aren't you cute," I reply. "Do you have something planned…?"

"You guys can't go yet," Baralai interrupts almost desperately, I'd almost forgotten he was here. "I ordered us pizza. I was hoping we could finish the front room by night fall—if you are up to it?"

I rub my neck, feeling moderately guilty for wanting to ditch. "Of course 'Lai, we'll stay as long as you want us."

"I really appreciate it guys," he says with a mild smile.

"Do either of you know where Gippal and Paine are coming back?" I ask them, feeling irritated that we've been doing all the work when this was Gippal's idea, and Paine is Baralai's girlfriend.

"Paine told me she was going out for cigarettes. I don't know why she's not back yet."

"It's okay. I'm going to go find Gippal and make sure he's not napping in the back of the car," I announce after setting down the last box from the bedroom. "I'll try to make it back before the pizza gets here. I'm starved."

It takes me longer than I had originally thought to find Gippal. I figured I'd run into him in the stairwell, and if not there than in the parking lot, or out front. I eventually find him lounging around the building in the alley, near the dumpsters and talking with Paine. So they'd ventured off together? Maybe they had been texting and decided to meet up while the rest of us were busy actually working? Maybe they're having an affair? I think spitefully. I open my ears, trying to quiet raving thoughts in order to figure out what's going on.

"Well, if it works for you," Paine says, her voice hoarse after taking a drag on her cigarette. "It's kind of lame though—therapy. You'd be better off just telling Rikku to grow up and get over it."

Gippal shakes his head, taking Paine's cigarette and bringing it to his lips. When did he start smoking? He hands it back to her and breathes out a fountain of grey into the night. "I don't think I'm such a bad guy, Paine. I've never cheated on her or anything…"

"Okay."Even from my somewhat skewed position peeking over the garbage bin I can see the disbelieving arch in Paine's eyebrow. She doesn't believe him. Why doesn't she believe him?

"Really," he insists. "Did you know Yuna and Tidus are hooking up now?"

"Okay," she says again, this time slightly more sarcastically. "And when did this happen?"

"I don't know, maybe a little over a month or two ago? I never really figured they'd get together, but don't mention it to Baralai or we'll both owe him money."

Paine chuckles, dropping her fag to the pavement and crushing it with the pad of her foot. "I don't think he remembers."

"Maybe not," Gippal agrees, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "…Paine?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't say anything about -- you know-- to Rik. She'll take it the wrong way."

"I try not to talk to Rikku," Paine smirks. "So you don't have a problem."

I swallow, somewhat hurt. At least I'm not surprised. I always kind of figured she had something against me. I notice that they're about to get going and decide that I better leave first. When I figure out what Gippal's been talking about I don't want him having any sliver of evidence so he can give me a guilt trip for eavesdropping. I know it's wrong, really I do… but I can't feel guilty, not when I know now that he goes to _her_ to complain about me.

*

I meet the pizza guy at the door, narrowly beating Paine and Gippal. I pretend to have just answered, and call Baralai. I try to look nonchalant, though my face must appear flushed from running up the stairs, and I suppose so do Baralai and Tidus' after spending most of the day without air conditioning. I smile at my husband, quirking my head to the side, when I ask him what took so long.

**Omniscient**

"_So what, you were spying on me?" Gippal had taken her outside by the elbow after dinner. She'd spent the entire time making a deliberate effort not to talk to him, grinding her teeth and shoving around the food on her plate. The issue had been backed by so much pressure that free from the constraining company of their friends she couldn't help yelling at him. She wanted him to feel her anger. He imagined Rikku had sat through the entire dinner working herself into a fit. _

"_No," she said with indignation at the audacity of his accusations, although she knew he was right. "Not spying. I was just… Whatever! This isn't about me anyways. It's about you and—and Paine. If you trust her so much, and value her so—so much more than me you should just be with her!"_

"_Look, Rikku… you obviously have it wrong."_

"_Oh, I have it wrong?" Rikku said, crossing her arms, leaning forward to glare at her disgruntled husband._

"_Yeah, all wrong. You're going fucking crazy and it's nothing."_

_She snorts. "Now that's just illogical. No one goes crazy over nothing. You're obviously, like, in love with her."_

"_You can be a real bitch sometimes, Rikku." _

"_So I guess that's how you really feel about me. Was that what you were doing? Telling Paine, how much of a 'bitch' I am?" Rikku knew their voices would carry into the apartment;__ she thought of Paine and how she'd probably laugh and call her immature. She'd side with Gippal, she was the enemy, and _she_ was the bitch. "Maybe next time you want to talk about our relationship you should try coming to me."_

"_Talk to you?" He laughs, wildly running his hands through his hair as he turns, looking for something to kick. "You have no idea how difficult you are to talk to."_

"_Try me."_

"_Maybe that's just it… I'm done trying, Rikku, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do..."The silence thickened, leaving little room for her rebuttal. "I don't have a plan Z…"_

_Gippal took the first step, surprised by how easily he could leave her behind._

**Rikku**

The bathroom door separates me from everything, everyone else. Gippal took off, treating me like I had no right to be angry. But I do, I honestly believe that I have every right to be angry. I drink my beer, inspecting the details of the small room, the stitches of my outfit, the throbbing of my feet. I could sit in here forever, rot and starve to death until the apartment is abandoned, my skeleton turned to dust wrapped in silk and designer heels. How _Fabulous_.

I brace my shoes against the door, and lean my head back against the cupboard, staring up at the lines of ceiling tile. My drink is almost empty, my marriage is almost over, but I don't know which upsets me more. I thought we were working on things and with the help of a therapist Gippal could change. But really, nobody changes, do they? Least of all Gippal… this was something I once absolutely loved about him, his unwavering charm and spirit. Gippal always tried to make me laugh, no matter how inappropriate laughter might be. I'm starting to think that he lacks the ability to take anything seriously— not me, not fixing this relationship.

I slip the back straps of my shoes off my ankles and peel them from my feet, piling them at the base of the shower. I use the wall to help myself into a standing position. My eyes connect with the bathroom mirror. Unaware that I had been crying,I grab a piece of tissue and dab at my running makeup. It's late and the time shows beneath my eyes. I wonder who's still here and if I can sneak out unnoticed.

A spark of noise intrudes the room and the door is pushed open. My eyes connect with his as Tidus slides into the bathroom, blue eyes alight in curiosity. "Sorry, are you busy in here or something?"

"Kind of…" I reply, turning the tap off after splashing my face with cool water. "Do you need the washroom?"

"I was looking for you."

"You were?" I turn to face him, bracing myself on the bathroom counter. "What? Were you worried?"

"Funny," he quips, sipping from his beer. "It's not like you to just disappear."

"I guess you're right," I reply, grabbing a hand towel to dry my face.

"I thought maybe you left with Gippal." He quirks his brow. "So what are you doing hiding out in here?"

"I'm not hiding out. I'm… I'm just taking a break."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, shut up." I draw back the shower curtain and settle myself in the tub, dramatically closing it after me. "And leave me alone."

I can still see him through the curtain, inspecting his reflection in the mirror, twirling the ends of his perfectly tousled hair. "Do you think I need a haircut, Rik?"

"Ask Yuna."

"I don't think she cares much about my hair."

I pull the curtain back so I can face him. "So … Gippal really left, huh?"

"Sorry."

"And he didn't, you know… say anything?"

"No… is something happening with you two lately?" He comes to sit beside me on the floor. "I thought therapy was working out?"

"Gippal doesn't take it seriously. He spends half of the session chatting up the shrink… I even feel kind of like the two of them are siding against me. Gippal pretends to be so open and ready to discuss everything in session, and he comes home with this big, cheesy grin on his face, talking about how great it was to get everything off his chest—and then he sits down on the sofa, cracks open a beer, and starts watching blitzball."

"How do you know he's 'pretending'?"

"He just wants to look good for her, because she's pretty and sophisticated."

"Come on Rik, you don't actually believe that," he replies, placing a tentative hand on my knee. "I'm usually the last person to stand up for Gippal… but we've all known him for a long time. I don't believe he's ready to give up on you yet."

I can't help my sneer. "Gippal give up on me? He's the one gallivanting around town, drinking and women and… it's like he just doesn't care anymore. It's like I don't know him anymore." I throw up my hands, and then sink farther into the bathtub.

Tidus rests his head back on the wall, giving me a look I just can't accept. He doesn't know Gippal like I do, or at least the new detached man who's inhabited my late husband's body.

"You know, Gippal wanted to try again." I tell him.

"What do you mean, try again?" Tidus asks.

"He wants to have a baby," I reply sarcastically. "Can you believe that?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah, he brought it up in therapy… metaphorically speaking."

"What kind of things do you guys talk about in therapy?"

I rub my sweaty palms on my thighs, and look up at the showerhead. "I don't do much of the talking. Gippal wants me to trust him more."

"Is that why he left?"

"It's just that… him and Paine have a history, you know? And he was talking to her about me. I don't like that. He should talk to me about me. When it's just us he's so light-hearted and … but like she gets to see this whole other side of him. He never shows me that."

Tidus nods, drinking from his can. "Do you talk to him about it at all?"

"He'd just make fun of me—say I'm being jealous, make a joke out of it. It just pisses me off so much! He'll discuss our personal issues with her, anyone but me. There's obviously something between them."

"Rikku, don't cry."

"I'm sorry," I say, wiping my eyes with the back of my forearm. "I'm just so angry."

**Yuna**

A bright flash of light slaps across the window pane, illuminating the living room. My heartbeat catches in my chest; for a moment I forget to breathe-- A far-off rumble and another strike of light flashes across the sky while rain pelts down against the city. I mute the volume on the television and gather the duvet from my room around my shoulders, shuddering. I'm not afraid but I wish Tidus was here.

He should be home by now, sitting here with me on the couch watching scary movies like we'd planned: just us. But right now it's just me and the storm, me and an empty apartment. I think that any moment he'll walk through the door and come to apologize, kiss me and tell me he's missed me all day. I miss Tidus so much I don't know what to do with myself.

The kettle whistles. I remember setting it on the stove with the intention of boiling water for tea. I drag the duvet with me to the stove and calm the whistling pot, removing it from the stove's heat. I reach up for a cup. Thunder flashes again.

Startled, the glass slips through my fingers and shatters against the floor. It's just a mug, I tell myself and bend down to carefully pick out the bigger shards. One at a time I place them into a plastic shopping bag. My nerves are frayed; I'm sick of being alone.

I tie the straps of the bag securely into a knot and discard it in the trash bin. I grab another cup and drop in a tea bag before adding water, leaving it on the counter to soak while I look for the vacuum. Does Tidus own a vacuum? I check the hall closet—linens, towels…

And,

My eye catches at a box sitting out of my reach on the top shelf. The name, marked in messy cursive, is one I recognize, fear.

Adrianna: is this how he remembers her? Preserving his emotions, locking away stale feelings in something as harmless as a cardboard box at the top of his linen closet? Bile rises in my throat. Why would he keep her alive here, after everything she's put him through?

I hear the click of the door, and struggle to quickly close the closet. I feel guilty; I hadn't meant to snoop.

"I broke a mug," I explain, involuntarily shaking.

He smiles, knitting his eyebrows as if he's confused by my confession. "That's okay. I'll help you clean up." Tidus comes to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Over his shoulder I notice a very wet, shivering girl standing in the doorway, suitcase in one hand, eyes large and alarmed.

Lightning strikes. Rikku drops the suitcase, glassy eyes shifting towards the window. "Y-Yunie?"

Tidus lets go of me, brushing back my hair. I move around him to Rikku, taking her hand and guiding her to the sofa. My cousin, a dripping mess, stares down at where I crouch at her feet, massaging her hand in mine. I look up to Tidus, who shakes his head.

He looks lost for words, unable to explain. "She just kind of broke down."

"She's drunk," I say, smelling beer and tequila seep through her skin.

Tidus smiles half-guiltily. "Uhm, well, we stopped at the bar on the way home from 'Lai's."

Rikku gathers her limbs into her chest, turning her gaze out of the window. She fiddles with her fingers, softly humming to herself. Why were Tidus and Rikku at Baralai's when he told me he was at work? "I thought you had practice?"

He shuffles a bit, color coming to his cheek. "We were helping him move. Rikku, Gippal and—"

"Gippal." Rikku hiccups, moaning into her hands.

"I guess they had a fight."

"You guess?" I sit down beside Rikku on the couch, rubbing the palm of my hand in slow circles against her back. She rests her head on my shoulder.

"He doesn't love me anymore, y-you know?"

"I'm sure it was just… a misunderstanding?" I try, hoping to calm her.

"He left us there after we ate. I didn't know what else to do so we swung by her house to get some clothing and I was gonna bring her right back here, but…"

Rikku shifts, pressing her cold cheek to the bare stretch of skin on my thigh where my cotton shorts have ridden up. "I wanted to get… d—drunk. I'm sorry Yunie. Will you forgive me?"

*

It doesn't take long to put Rikku to bed. I help her undress, digging out a cotton pair of pajamas, and unraveling the braids in her hair. Rikku tries to tell me what occurred between her and Gippal, yawning and fidgeting beneath the covers. I remain in the room, listening and playing with her hair until after she's fallen asleep.

Adrianna… I think she'll be in my nightmares tonight. "He'll never forget about her, will he?" I ask Rikku as she rests. "He loved her a lot. Tidus will probably never love me like that. But I—"

I wish he would. If only I knew for certain how Tidus felt I could relax and stop questioning him. All that should matter is that he's with me now. Still, I'm trying my hardest to not feel intimidated by the people who've come before me, the one person I fear Tidus might still prefer. I don't want to feel like a fraud, a substitute for the woman he let break his heart.

The bedroom door creeks open, light spills in from the hall. Tidus stands at the entrance, holding my tea which has probably grown cold and bitter by now. "Is she sleeping?" he asks in a quiet voice.

I readjust myself, sitting up and leaning back on my elbows. "Yeah, she's out."

"Well, now maybe you could let me put you to bed, huh?" He smiles, leaning against the doorframe.

I shuffle off of the mattress and follow him out into the hall, careful to close the door quietly. I take the tea from his hand. We walk out into the kitchen, where I empty the mug and place it into the dishwasher. Tidus waits for me on the couch, flipping though the channels. I settle down beside him and he pulls me close and kisses my shoulder. "I didn't mean to make you wait."

I watch the television, images flashing across the screen and I don't know what's happening. Something is missing, something is off. I nestle into him, waiting for my fitful nerves to settle, worrying my bottom lip, unsuccessfully trying to void my thoughts of negativity.

Tidus turns the volume down on the screen. He shifts himself to face me. "Can we talk for a minute?"He proceeds without reply, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression about today. I know that I probably should have called…"

"But, you didn't call."

He grimaces. "Yeah, but I missed you. I'm really sorry things didn't work out, like we planned, "He gestures towards my room. "But I figure tomorrow's a new day, right?"

"Right," I say, not understanding his point. "And tomorrow you have practice and that meeting with your agent, and…"

"I'll skip it," he tells me with a wide smile. "I'll skip all week, so it will be just you and me. We can head to Kilika."

"Won't the team fine you?"

Tidus ignores my question, excitement growing in his tone. "I'll rent us a suite, and we'll finally be able to spend some quality time together."

"I've never been to Kilika…" I say, tempted by the idea, although I already know it's not possible.

"I'll book the tickets right now. Just say you forgive me?"

"Rikku," I justify.

He smirks. "We'll…Can't we just ask Lenne to babysit her?"

"No! We can't do that!" I laugh, kissing his forehead. "I'm her family, and I think she needs us right now."

"You're probably right," Tidus admits reluctantly. "But there has to be something I can do to make it up to you."

"There is one thing, something I know you won't like."

"It can't be that bad..." He encourages me with a small smile.

I swallow, thinking that maybe he's right—it's not all that bad. "Would you consider coming with me to my father's retirement banquet?"

"As …your date?"

"That's the idea…" I say, lowering my eyes.

"I guess he doesn't know about us yet, does he?" Tidus looks up at the ceiling, running a hand through his hair. I wonder if he's asking himself if it's worth it, if I'm worth it. Tidus and my father have not always seen eye to eye. "Will it make you happy?"

I nod, attempting timid smile. "It would."

He kisses the tip of my nose. "Then I'll do it."

I can't help but smile as an overwhelming rush of relief washes over me. I kiss Tidus, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He chuckles, masterfully maneuvering me onto my back, beneath him. "You know Yuna… This will kind of make us official."

"Official?" I ask, feeling somewhat offended.

"Like… now everyone will know. You won't be able to keep me your dirty little secret anymore." He jokes, touching his lips briefly to mine.

"You're not something I want to keep a secret." I tell him, "I really don't mind what Braska thinks. You make me happy."

Rikku is in the next room, Adrianna is in the closet, Tidus is here with me.

* * *

**A/N:**

Yes… it has taken me a long time

Yes… this is the longest chapter to date

Yes… this chapter still leaves things a little unconcluded from chapter 13, but I'm getting to it

Yes… I'm still alive, kicking, and already working on ch 16

This chapter was difficult; I'm not going to lie. Continuing on from chapter 13 definitely put me in a blocked stand-still, I didn't want everything to avalanche quickly from there. I know it must bug a lot of you that my story progression is a little slow, but I feel there are a lot of little things that will end up helping me build the characters and plot that I need to include. I know some people might want a flashback/reflection on Tidus and Yuna's emotions at this point. But, for Tidus especially he's at a point here where his feelings are building and I really don't want to rush things (even though there was an extremely momentous occurrence… but I'm going to handle it, in a different way). So I really hope no one is disappointed, I'm getting to the juicy bits, real soon, right now I just need to squeeze on some secondary characters for your drama-lemonade.

Oh…

No… I didn't lie about updating 3 or more times this summer, check out the new (by that I mean rewritten, not just edited) versions of chapter 2/3 (four and five are written, in limbo atm. It will be out soon.)

Yes… I would very much appreciate it if you review!

**Thank you to my Beta Readers**

Serial Ravist

&

Devon

* * *

**Recommendations**

Fumbling Towards Ecstacy- _Mayonaka No Ame_

What's Done in the Dark- _Seashell110_

Only Time Will Tell- _Anrixan_


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N:**_ This story is now in the ffx-2 category._

Sometimes I think about the time

that we broke up before the prom  
and you told everyone that I was gay "ok"  
sometimes I walk around the town  
for hours just to settle down  
but I take you back  
and you kick me down

Cause that's the way—uhhu uhhu—I like it

Every Other Time- _LFO_

**June 27th,****4020

* * *

**

**Tidus**

The garage smells of gasoline and dirt. Gippal props open the hood of Yuna's BMW easily with one hand, in the other he holds a plastic Abes memorabilia cup filled with rye and coke. Taking a long draw from his beverage, he looks over the engine with a little frown and sets his drink down on top of the car. "It looks like Rikku's been around here."

"She took care of most of the work, yeah."

"Yeah, I guess she did." He replies, "So why'd you need me?"

"Well, I figured I'd swing by and see if you needed a ride."

Gippal avoids my offer, gnawing on his knuckle while inspecting the mechanics. "I don't need a ride."

"Right." I reply, "You're not coming? Why?"

"You have to ask?" He says, "Hand me that oil rag." Gippal gestures towards a workbench sitting in the corner of the garage behind us. "I thought maybe you showed up to withdraw the invitation; but here you are offering me a ride."

I do what he asks, curious. "So, you don't miss her?"

"Miss her? Who, Rikku?" He rolls the word around on his tongue. "I'm still at that place where I don't know whether I want to call and apologize, or strangle her. It's probably not a good thing, when you want to strangle your spouse— ever feel that way 'bout Yuna?"

I can feel the stupid smile on my face. "Not at all."

"Honeymooners," He sniffs. "Well, how 'bout Annie?"

"Adrianna." I correct him, trying not to sound testy. I know he's only trying to change the subject. "I don't remember." Maybe that's not the truth.

"Sure you do." He presses. "If I remember, you remember. _Adrianna_ was a raving bitch." Gippal inspects the dipstick then secures the cap back on the engine, apathetic towards the trash that escapes his lips.

I exhale a heavy breath. "She had her moments."

"Yeah, at least she was good looking enough. Maybe even the best I've seen you with." He slams the hood, barely missing my fingers, and then leans his back against the grill of the car. "But then there's you and Miss. Yuna." He quips suggestively.

"Yeah."

"Slick move, kid." He shakes his head. "I can't say I'm not confused though. It's obvious she's had a thing for you for a while now, but you could be with anyone. And here you are…" He wipes the oil from his fingers, one by one.

"You mean models? Actresses? That kind of thing?" I quirk my eyebrow.

"Yeah, that kind of thing. And why stop at one…?" He laughs, tilting his head in my direction. "You're a star, you're a stud. Tidus, my friend, you are a heartbreaker. I know women, _personally_, who'd kill to meet you. _Star player of the Zanarkand Abes_… women who probably wouldn't mind sharing."

"That's how you feel?" I cross him, curious about his current situation. "Why stop at Rikku when you could have had the smorgasbord?"

"Well, I'm not you, am I? I got lucky with Rik." A pensive expression crosses his face, which he quickly corrects, turning back to the car. "This baby's good to go," and down to his watch. "You even have a few hours to spare. Just long enough to buy your girl some birthday flowers."

"Rikku suggested a bow," I tell him, steering the conversation back on course. "Like, in the commercials?"

"Cute." He bites out. Emphasizing the 'Cue'. "Hey, man, make sure to wish her a happy birthday for me. Alright?"

"Do it yourself." I encourage. "Seriously, you're more than welcome to join us."

"You think that would be a good idea?" he arches his brow, looking like the very suggestion is about to make him laugh.

"So you're going to hide out here in here with a glass of rye and your tools?" I ask. "Sounds like a lot of fun, but—"

"—You're forgetting my Dodge. She's good company, too."

"And this is what makes you happy?"

"Absolutely not."By now it must starting to sting the back of his throat when he laughs. At least he's honest. "But you know as well as anyone how it goes; sometimes things just don't work out. This is one of those times. Rikku is one of those things."

"You're playing me."

"Things used to be a lot easier." He smirks, but it's not in his eyes. It's not like Gippal to open up like this, especially to me. He stuffs the rag into his back pocket and turns away to finish the rest of his drink. "What it comes down to is that she isn't happy anymore."

"She's miserable without you, buddy."

"Buddy." He lifts his face to look at me. "Yeah, really? No," he chuckles, scratching his jaw, "I know what you guys think. I know you're not exactly on my side here… It's probably a lot like how you felt a couple months ago when you're picture showed up in that skanky magazine, huh?"

I try to shrug off Gippal's undertone. He's not making it easy for me to sympathize with him. For Rikku's sake, I'm really trying. "You don't want to fix things?"

"How do you feel?" He shakes his head, "When they saw that picture of you and Adrianna in the tabloid. They just assumed you must be fucking her. Nice, right?"

"You should try to talk to Rikku. It's not about what people think." I sidestep his outburst, feigning indifference.

He sighs. "Of course I'd talk to her. I'll talk to her about anything she wants and I might even listen. But she doesn't want to talk. " He passes me the car key and hit the garage door opener. "If she did, she'd know where to find me."

There's a moment of silence as we watch the mechanical door rise, "Come tonight." I tell him, a final shot. "Seriously."

"We'll see." He replies.

"I never touched Adrianna."

"Yup." He says in his flat voice. "I think there's a good reason you're with Yuna. You don't want to mess that up. She makes you happy, right?"

"She does." I stop, reconsidering. "She always has."

"Well, I guess you're lucky then."

**Yuna**

With a highlighter wedged between my teeth I browse through a week's worth of news papers spread out across the living room. Behind me the TV is on mute, white noise and empty thoughts filter through the apartment. I study with Tidus' laptop perched on the coffee table and the City database open. An ache settles in my brow, I rub at it, annoyed by the small print and florescent computer screen. It's all a headache, pulsing in my skull, echoing and telling me nothing. Hinted in the recycled pages of the classifieds—in margins and text are options and opportunities. I just need to find mine.

A deep breath gathers in the back of my throat, slowly traveling through my lips. I glance at the clock on the computer, reminding myself that I should clean this mess up and start getting ready; it reminds me that it's my birthday, 'Happy twenty-second birthday, Yuna.'

In the bedroom I inspect ashy skin and try to fix problem areas with cosmetics and an unsteady hand. My hairs a mess, there is nothing in the closet to wear. Tidus will be home any second and he'll see me on the verge of having a panic attack. He'll be upset because I'm upset and I'm not supposed to be upset on my birthday. This year I'm supposed to be excited, everyone else is looking forward to tonight and they expect the same of me. They're right. I should be excited.

I place an earring next to my lobe, acrylic gems that sparkle and reflect off the boudoir mirror, bouncing off the glass surfaces in the room. I put Rikku's earring down on top of the dresser surface. I know they'll make my ears sore after an hour, and if I take them off they'll get lost.

I miss my favorite pair of faded jeans and University of Luca sweat-shirt, still in the apartment I shared with Seymour—that is if he hasn't thrown all of my things out. A life-time of possessions I will never have back. Seymour had been condescending and demanding. I felt like I was obligated to make him happy, to adjust myself according to his expectations. If I'm honest with myself it's painfully obvious that my relationship with Seymour was how I back shelved feelings for Tidus.

I pull out a pair of dark washed, boot-cut jeans— new and a little too tight around the thighs and start looking through the dresser for a blouse. I've thrown three off and onto the bed by the time Tidus comes home. Nothing fits, nothing looks right but I feel better when I hear him walk through the door.

I listen to Tidus kick off his boots, and the thunk of his gym-bag tossed into the corner. He whistles a little while he walks around the front room. I smile to myself, practice must have gone well. His footsteps and his whistling louden as he approaches the bedroom. He enters with a slick grin on his face as his eyes sweep over me.

"I can't pick out a shirt…" I tell him, gesturing towards the mattress, "see?"

"You look fine to me."

I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my bare stomach. "Help me. Please?"

"We're just going to the beach with some friends, Yuna. Just put on a t-shirt over your bikini-top." He suggests, closing the space between us. "and maybe a pair of shorts, or a skirt instead of those jeans."

"You do it." I lean forward and brush his lips, "Dress me."

"Alright, sit down and take off your pants." I ignore the innuendo and struggle to shuffle out of my jeans. He throws me a black tank-top with a square neckline and then starts looking through the lower drawers for something for my bottom half.

I sit on the edge of the bed, holding a pillow over top of my thighs while I wait. "I'm thinking about getting a job."

"Doing what?" he throws over a pair of Rikku's jean shorts that must have gotten mixed in with the laundry, "Is that what all those papers are for?"

"I found a couple places to apply, but I don't know. Maybe serving tables or there's this youth center I'm thinking of dropping a resume off at. There's a bunch of things I'll have to check out later this week." I pick up the shorts and throw them at his head. "These don't fit me."

He throws a jean skirt back. "Then, wear this."

"Deal."

"You know you don't need a job, right?" He says, crossing his legs as the ankles where he stands, leaning against our dresser, "I mean, if it's something you want to do I can understand. But you don't need…"

"I know. Are Shuyin and Lenne coming?" I ask, pulling on the skirt. It's one I'd bought on a shopping trip with Rikku a couple weeks ago.

"Of course." He comes over to sit next to be on the bed, "and they all got you presents."

"And what did you get me?" I look over at him, trying to hide his smile. He's definitely excited about something.

"Stay right here. Okay?"

"I won't move an inch." I promise.

"Close your eyes." He tells me before running out of the room. I place my hands over my eyes and wait for him to come back. I hear Tidus reenter the room and feel him sliding some sort of plastic band over my hairline.

"What are you doing?" I say, peeking through my fingers.

"You need your birthday hat."

I drop my hands and turn to look into the mirror, and bring my fingers up to feel the little bedazzled crown. "Where did you find this?" I laugh.

"That's not all." He grabs my wrist and with his other hand digs into a small gift bag beside me on the bed. "I know this is a little corny…" He takes out a long velvet box and pops it open with his thumb. Inside is a small white-gold bracelet with hooks for charms. There are three charms attached, a tiny golden heart, his jersey number 17, and the Zanarkand Abes symbol. "For when you come to my games, I want them all to know you're my girl." He grins.

His girl, I smile. I like being Tidus' girl. "It's perfect…"

"Yeah, but that's still not all…"

"It's not?"

"Go look out the window."

I walk across the room, curious, and open the balcony door. "What am I looking at?"

"Lower, parked in front of the corner-store."

"Parked, you mean? You're kidding me…" I freeze, staring down at the little blue car, with what I think is a tiny red ribbon on the windshield. "Are you? Kidding me?"

"What, you don't like it?"

"Tidus…" I think I might cry. "You bought me a car?"

"Not just me." He corrects, moving over to me. "Rikku and Gippal helped pick it out, and with some of the engine work…"

I look back down onto the street. It's gorgeous, exactly something I would pick out for myself. I feel the heat of his arms wrapped around my waste, his chin resting lightly on my shoulder. This is something he had to have put a lot of thought into, to make me happy. Is this how he's been spending his time, while I've been worrying? I turn around in his arms and press my head into the nape of his neck. It's perfect, he's perfect.

"You're not supposed to cry, Yuna." He lifts my chin and crouches lower to look into my eyes. "You're supposed to kiss me."

"Right." I agree, leaning forward to touch his lips. I do love him. _A lot_.

**Lenne**

"Did you remember the present?"

"Did you remember the booze?"

"You think I'd forget the booze?"

"On purpose maybe."

"Just tell me you remembered the present, Shuyin." I say, urgently pressing the red pad of my Christian-Louboutin to the brake as a moron in a blue pick-up truck cuts me off. I let out a shaky breath, and remember that I'm still on the phone. "Shuyin?"

"Yeah, it's all packed and ready to go, babe. Are you going to be here soon?"

"I'll see you in three." I hang up the phone, and toss it into my purse. Rikku's already at the beach setting up, and I still have to pick up Shuyin who's probably not ready and probably going to be in a bad mood, which doesn't do much for my mood. I don't need the extra stress while my record is only a week away from release and his regular season's about to start.

I pull in front of the house and double-tap the horn. My husband takes his time, throwing our beach bag and Yuna's present into the trunk before insisting I give him my seat so he can drive. It bothers me that he thinks he's the better driver. I maneuver awkwardly over the council into the passenger seat and he slides in, adjusts the radio and speeds out onto the otherwise quiet street.

He makes the fifteen minute drive in five. I count the cars that he cuts off, the beeping horns the one-finger solutes. He likes to think that he's a stud on the road but I worry one day his road rage could cause a serious accent.

The beach is busy as it usually is this time of year. A couple other patrons have set up bon-fires along the coast; mostly teens on group dates drinking booze that they've stolen from their parents liquor cabinets disguised oh-so-cleverly in plastic water bottles. I miss high school, I miss the feeling of absolute freedom on a Friday night, getting a kick out of the fact that my parents were at home worried to death because my phone was dead and I didn't have the decency to leave a note. I drove mom and dad through hell, but I'm sure they did the same to their parents.

It probably had a lot to do with Shuyin's influence, I think looking over at my husband. It took a long time for my parents to warm up to him. They'd heard about his father often enough in the news to know more than I would have liked about his family. In the end it was the other twin my parents fell in love with, but Tidus was always more charming, really. He's always easily been able to win people over. It was just another reason Shuyin had to envy his brother.

The competition between them was always almost silent. But it's there, just as the womb connection, constantly they're trying to out-do each other. Shuyin excels at studies, Tidus at women. They both had an uncanny ability in the sphere pool, although Tidus was always marginally better. Shuyin has always been the more logical of the two, more down to earth; I fell in love with him because of his sharp intelligence and rationality. Tidus' idealism and romantic notions were always better suited for someone like Yuna.

We park by the boardwalk and pull out our things from the back seat. I can't see Rikku's car, but I assume she'll have set up in our old spot on the cove. I call her, and wait while it rings. "Where are you?

"Did you remember the booze?"

Right. I think, looking back at the vehicle. We need the booze. "It's on its way. Are you at the spot?"

"Right by the cove. I had to chase off some kids for it. And now I'm lonely, it's getting dark, and I don't have a flashlight. Hurry, will ya?"

"We'll start a fire when we get there." I tell her and close the phone. "Shuyin, I forgot the booze back at the car. I'll meet you at the cove in five, okay?"

"I'll wait for you." He says. "The crazies will be out soon."

"In that case Rikku needs you more than I do!" I kiss his cheek, "Hurry up, she says she's lonely."

He makes a half hearted fuss about not wanting me going off on my own but I push him in the right direction and hurry back to the car. I transfer my vodka, Crown Royal, Rikku's Breezers and a bottle of the cheap strawberry wine Yuna always buys for herself into my slouch-style purse. I close the door and auto-lock the car.

Across the lot I see a mother and her child climb into their car. She lifts the blonde haired boy into his car seat, and fastens him in hastily. I recognize her even though she's lost weight and her hair is shorter; cut into a chin length bob. Adrianna always swore she would never cut it. I guess this is part of her new look: wife, mother, chronic liar. The similarities between the child and his father are uncanny. I'm curious whether or not her husband has noticed.

I turn my back on the scene and hike the bag over my shoulder. The polite thing to do would be to say hi, share an artificial kiss and ask her how her day at the beach was. I would gush to her about how tall Isaac is getting, and suggest we meet for lunch later this week. All while wishing she'd drop dead, of course. It's nauseating how she plays mother to a child that was never supposed to be hers.

**Yuna**

I follow behind Tidus, who excitedly pulls me along by the hand. The stars have begun to pop out behind the slowly darkening pastel sky. I pause to take off my shoes and feel the cold sand on my feet, an experience I've always loved but Tidus stops me.

"Don't do that around here, there's probably broken glass."

"Probably." I say, shrugging the thongs back between my toes. "Nothing's safe anymore."

"That's not true." He throws an arm over my shoulder, "Just not this beach."

We pass through a thin stretch of woods, along a barren path of dirt leading to the cove on the other side. I hold Tidus close as we walk, not because I'm scared of the deep dark bushes but because it feels nice and his skin is warm and basically because I can. Eventually we come to an opening where I can see a couple figures sitting around the fire, and hear their wispy voices in the crisp night air.

"You've started drinking without us?" Tidus exclaims, dropping his hand and moving to meet the others. There's an old crochet blanket spread beneath them, Shuyin and Lenne are cuddled together in a loose embrace. I feel sorry for Rikku; the only thing she has to hold tonight is her liquor.

I grab Tidus' arm and pull him back towards me, "Is Gippal going to show up?"

He looks over to Rikku and leans in to my ear, "Let's not remind her." He kisses me quickly on the cheek and I follow him out towards our friends. Lenne fumbles over Shuyin to stand up and hug me. She kisses me on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, Yuna!"

"Thank you." I blush, she pulls me down on the blanket close to where she and Shuyin are sitting; Tidus drops down next to Rikku. I watch as he places an arm around her shoulder in a friendly squeeze. She pushes his arm away with a small smile, but I can tell she appreciates the gesture.

As the sun slowly sinks towards the ocean, we consume our beverages in scarce conversation. The scene is unnaturally quiet. Things have been tense between Tidus and his brother recently. Tidus says he has no idea why, although I'm sure he knows more than he'll tell me. It is increasingly obvious that there are lines surrounding each of us that should be regarded with a careful step. I wonder why this all started, what changed so suddenly?

Rikku stands up, peels her calf-length yellow sweater from her body, and turns sharply towards the ocean. Discarding her shoes along the way she meets with the shoreline and without hesitation runs to greet the ocean. Lenne stifles a giggle, watching the small girl be engulfed and thrown back towards us by a hungry wave.

Tidus shuffles on the blanket, "He said he might show up."

I stop watching my cousin. "Gippal? Really…"

"It's not a for sure thing."

Lenne also tears her eyes from Rikku, "He should come. Did you tell him he's more than welcome?"

"I guess we'll see what happens." Shuyin stifles his train of thought with a raw drink from the whiskey bottle, "They shouldn't be fighting like this, dragging everyone into it."

I think Shuyin is being insensitive. Not all relationships are as calm as his marriage. I'm surprised he's said anything, really. It's not like Shuyin to comment on the problems of his friends. I nervously reply, "She needs someone to talk to. They both do."

"No, I agree with Shuyin." Coming from Tidus, I'm surprised. "I was over at Gippal's earlier…" He stiffens, "earlier this week. He seems to think we're choosing between the two of them. If they could at least humor each other it wouldn't be so complicated."

It wasn't so long ago that we were playing those games, I think wryly. "It doesn't have to be complicated. I could just call him and ask. He'd show up if I asked, right?"

"You're the birthday girl." Shuyin hands me his phone, "Give it a try."

I take the phone and look at it for a moment. I've never called Gippal before in my life, not for any reason. There's a chance this will only make things worse, or that he'll think I'm talking on the behalf of someone else. I suppose I'll have to sound convincing then. I smile, browsing though Shuyin's contacts. My eyes don't miss Adrianna's listing on the way to finding Gippal's number.

The phone rings. when he answers I can hear the sound of an open window on the freeway. "Hey Gippal… are you in the car? Good, you must be on your way to the beach?"

"Who is this?" He replies slantedly, "Yuna? Happy birthday… I was uhm…"

"Just on your way to the beach." I reply hopefully. Rikku's still out of earshot, but she looks as if she's done with the water. She sits on the beach staring out at the infinite blue. "Right?"

"Well, I…" His tone drops, "Yeah, I was just going to pick up a six pack. I guess I'll be there soon."

Tidus scoots closer to me and gently removes the phone from my hand, "So you're coming?" I can't hear Gippal's reply but Tidus' smiles. "Alright. I'll see you in a few."

Tidus tosses the phone over to his brother who catches it and drops it into Lenne's purse. "That was easy. Did he say why he changed his mind?"

"I think he just didn't want to ruin Yuna's birthday." Lenne laughs.

"Well then he's giving himself too much credit…" Tidus glowers. "You guys are only here as a formality, later Yuna and I will have the real party… privately."

My hand shoots to my mouth, what did he just say?

"Awe look at her cheeks!" Shuyin laughs. "She's so embarrassed…"

"I'm not… I'm… we're not… _Tidus_!"

"Hey… don't bug her." Lenne hits her husband lightly over the head, "That's not nice."

At least the two of them are finding something to joke about, I think, ruefully avoiding eye-contact with Tidus. What does he mean a 'private party'? I reach for the bottle of sweet strawberry wine and tip it back. I need to keep my mouth busy since I don't have a reply for their little joke.

Pulling me closer with an arm around my waist, Tidus' whisper chills against my ear, "You know, you're cute when you blush." He kisses my cheek and I rest my head back comfortably against his shoulder.

"Towel… p-please." Rikku chatters, rubbing her arms rapidly, Lenne throws a beach blanket in her direction and she hurries to wrap it around her shoulders.

"How was your swim?" I ask.

"Cold." She replies, "I need a drink, gimme that." She takes the bottle from my grasp and pours it down her throat. She wipes her lips with the back of her knuckles before handing it back to me. "You know, it's nice out here this time of year. Kind of sad though… when you think back to all the time we use to spend on this beach. You remember that time I convinced you to let us take out Braska's boat, Yunie?"

I remember, of course. Being grounded for the next two weeks and an extensive lecture from my mom about allowing people under the influence to steer a 200,000 gil yacht. I was lucky Braska hadn't been home that weekend. Extremely lucky, I can only imagine how he would have exploded.

"You think your dad would ever lend it to us again?" Tidus asks, tightening his arm around my shoulder, "for a weekend, or something."

"Maybe." I reply.

"It's amazing how many nights we all spent out here." Lenne says. "It will never be the same again, we're old now… time to start pumping out babies, right Shuyin?"

It's his turn to blush, I think with a small smile. "Lenne, I never knew you were so eager to start a family."

"One of these days." She replies coyly, nudging her husband. "You free next week?"

"If you need help making babies…" we all turn to the disembodied voice coming from the woods, "I'm free all month."

"Yeah, but I want my children to be attractive." Lenne shoots back, Gippal feigns insult. "and… smart."

Rikku watches the two with a bored disposition, and motions towards the wine with a come hither gesture. I pass it to her and she has a hearty pull before handing it back for me to take a drink. I notice there's not a lot of choices for where Gippal can sit. Rikku, realizing the problem, hesitates before she gently pats the blanket beside her.

Gippal sits down, being careful that their skin doesn't touch. As if to spite the situation, he gives her a little push on the shoulder, something you might expect in a locker room full of athletes. She braces herself against the sand, turning her head slowly to glare at him securing his jaw against the threatening laughter.

Beside me Tidus loses it, Lenne across from him starts laughing too. Rikku looks utterly helpless. "What the hell, Gippal?"

"Oh, hey I didn't notice you there." He turns to her with comically raised eyebrows, "So, how you been?"

She pushes herself up and starts stalking off towards the wood, grumbling, "Asshole, Jerk, _so full of himself I could just… therapy, he needs therapy… professional help…_."

"Nice one." Shuyin chuckles, "You gonna go get her or wait until she gets lost in the woods?"

"I hadn't given it much thought." Gippal replies. "I thought she'd be happy to see me."

"Thrilled." Tidus replies, "Is this your idea of foreplay or something?"

"We should probably build a fire." He changes the subject. "It's getting dark."

"Yeah, I bet Rikku just went off to gather firewood." Lenne counters, "You should go help her."

This is why Gippal didn't want to come. He didn't want people to interfere. Regardless of what Shuyin says about them putting their problems out in the open I think the rest of us are just too glad to meddle. I'm still unsure exactly what happened between him and Rikku, what caused their fight. Neither Tidus or Rikku told me anything. The two of them have a close friendship now, maybe it's because they use to date, or that she was there for him when I was in Luca… does he feel like he should repay the favor? I shouldn't be threatened… I'm not—_threatened_, just… I feel a little left out sometimes.

"Good idea." Gippal rolls his eyes and gets up from the blanket, "We'll be back in a jiffy."

"Twenty gil he finds her, they make up and we don't even have a fire tonight." Tidus stakes once Gippal is out of earshot. "Seriously. Twenty Gil."

"No takers." Shuyin replies. "Maybe Yuna should open her presents?"

"Presents?" I remember Tidus mentioning something. I smile, even though gifts make me nervous. I never know how I should react. "You didn't have to…"

"Of course we did." Shuyin replies roughly. "Tidus was practically down our throats, making sure we all.."

Lenne nudges him, "We all wanted to make tonight memorable." Reaching forward she grabs my hand, "So you're going to love what we got you, alright?"

"Of course she will." Tidus says for me, teetering in his spot.

Lenne smiles shortly before reaching behind her into her slouch purse. From it she withdraws a small package wrapped in metallic pink paper, with a little card folded out of the same material attached. "I really have a feeling you're going to love this." She hands it over to me, "So open it."

Everyone's staring at me as I pick at the tape that keeps the folds of paper closed. I worry my bottom lip, careful not to tear any of the wrapping—an old habit, something I learned from my mother, I think. Inside is a small box, with the picture of a small digital camera. "I needed one of these." I say, and it really is perfect. "We should have more pictures together, all of us."

"Here." Lenne reaches forward taking the box from me and opening it to grab the camera. "You two need to snuggle up. Tidus, kiss her forehead." She directs. Tidus laughs, pulling me against his chest. I smile as he presses his lips to me. The camera flashes twice, Lenne examines the picture.

"Crossed-eyes? Really Tidus? Grow-up." Shuyin says, looking over his wife's shoulder at the shot, "One more time and be natural."

"Fine." Tidus scoops me even closer. "How's this?"

"Perfect." Lenne snaps the photo and passes the camera back to me.

"Awe, don't we look cute?" He rests his head on my shoulder to look at the picture of us. We do look cute, kind of perfect. "Later this week we'll go pick out a frame for that one, and print out one for my wallet, of course."

"One for your wallet?"

"Of course, I want to show off my girl."

I twist around and kiss him, suppressing an urge to express just how much I love him. Shuyin grunts in the background, "How about one with you girls, and then one of us?"

We take pictures of each other, of the beach and the woods and the night, occupying our time until Gippal stumbles back into the scene, holding firewood. Rikku is nowhere in sight. From the expression on his usually upbeat features, its obvious things did not go well.

"So, Rikku said to tell you guys that she'll be back at the apartment."

"I should have made that bet." Shuyin grumbles under his breath. "You guys didn't work anything out, huh?"

He shrugs, dropping the wood into a metal bin a few feet away from the blanket. "She's drunk, got mad when I took her keys."

"Is this before or after she decided to go home?" I ask.

He bends down to tend to the fire. The sun's almost completely gone now. "After. I think she knew she wanted to leave as soon as I arrived." He chuckles, "I guess I kind of ruined your birthday, huh?"

"I asked you here." I say, "You didn't ruin anything… Rikku's just Rikku. She'll calm down eventually."

He looks over his shoulder back at me, "You're a smart girl, Yuna. I am sorry, even if you don't want to blame me."

"No one is blaming you." Tidus gently unwraps his arms from me and grabs a magazine from over where Rikku was sitting. He moves towards Gippal to help him with the fire, crumpling the paper so Gippal can light it in hopes that the wood will catch. "She'll come around." I hear him say, a little under his breath. "This isn't anything you two haven't been through before."

"Thanks." Gippal murmurs, a little awkwardly. "I guess we'll see what happens."

"You know Rikku forgot her clothes, right?" I point out, my eyes catching on her yellow sweater still lying on the sand. "Is she planning on taking a cab home in her bathing suit?"

"She took my sweater." Gippal tells us, "And my wallet."

I look down at the camera still in my hands. Gippal needs to be in one of these pictures, he needs to feel like he belongs here with us, not just as Rikku's husband but like one of the guys. I know what it feels like to be left out, and I know he's probably worried that we're all picking sides. "You guys need to go stand by the water." I tell them, pointing towards the beach. "I want another picture."

"How about I take one of you four?" Gippal offers.

"After." I give him and Tidus both a little shove with each of my palms.

Shuyin joins the lineup with their backs to the ocean, one brother on either side of Gippal. I tell them not to forget to smile as I click the button. I think I'll get a lot of use out of this camera, out of all my presents. I guess my friends know me better than I thought. I think of the bracelet from Tidus and how it's going to bring me good luck, the cold of the metal pricks against my skin in the rapidly decreasing temperature.

"Before I go…" Gippal says, returning my camera after taking a picture of the rest of us, "I got you a present too. It's not much, but…" He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a little envelope, "I thought you guys might enjoy this."

"You guys?" I curiously open the small manila package. Inside is a dinner card for the restaurant on top of Zanark tower. "It takes months to get a reservation here…" I'd only been once, on my first date with Seymour. He said a friend owed him a favor. The view was spectacular.

"Zanark?" Tidus peeks at the gift, "Well I guess I'll have to wear a suit, then."

"Thanks." I whisper into Gippal's ear as I give him a one-armed hug. The gift card was obviously meant to be for him and Rikku.

We say our goodbyes at the parking lot, and Lenne and I make plans to grab lunch later this week. Tidus leaves me at the car for a minute to say goodbye to Gippal. I'm glad he came, and a little angry that Rikku took off so suddenly. I don't know what their fight is about, but their past disagreements have never lasted as long as this. I listen patiently as the guys talk, but, guiltily, I can't wait to have Tidus to myself.

"Are you ready for one more surprise?" He asks, walking over to me with a silly little grin, "You know I wasn't kidding about us having a little…"

"I didn't think you were." I reply, haughtily. "But you didn't have to…"

"I told you, you're cute when you blush." He says, twirling my keys in his hand. "Besides, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, I mean, we all know what Lenne and Shuyin are up to behind closed doors."

"Right. Baby-making." I reply, moving towards the passenger door. He's not going to let me drive. I've probably had too much to drink. "You think they'll start breeding soon?"

"I don't know if I'm ready to be an uncle." He jokes, opening his door. We slide into our seats, and he charms the engine to life. "I think I'd rather have kids first." I don't know if I'm surprised by his confession. Shuyin has always been more serious and zealous to grow up, but Tidus was always on the more romantic side of that notion. I think they want the same things, for completely different reasons.

He drives and I think about how long it will be before they actually go through with it. "Is it a competition, Tidus?"

He looks over at me, then back at the road. "Of course not. I just don't want his little brats picking on mine."

I laugh. "You're calling your unborn children brats?"

"I'm calling our unborn children brats." He corrects me, with a small smirk, "Unless they take after their mother."

I can't help but color. He's thinking ahead now, towards a future that could one day include children. Our children. I want to call him on it, ask whether he's serious or not, but if he is joking it might make things awkward. What if sometimes he actually contemplates marrying me, starting a family?

* * *

**A/N**: So this chapter took a while, but chapter 17 is already finished, and chapter 18 is 1/3 finished. I had a little difficulty in the editing room for this, but here it is finally and nice and long for you guys… somewhere around 15 pages, and 6500 words! I'm still considering changing the title for this so heads up if I do so you don't get confused.

I want to thank my friend Devon for beta-reading for me.

Enjoy and please leave a review!


	18. Chapter 17

I watch you spin around in your highest heels  
you are the best one, of the best ones  
we all look like we feel.

You have stolen my…  
you have stolen my _heart_

**Stolen- Dashboard Confessionals

* * *

**

**July 25th, 4020**

**Gippal**

For the first time we both arrive at therapy on time, early even. The lobby of Dr. Schwartz's office is cold, but it looks like she's gone a little overboard trying to make it more pleasant. There are a lot of plants in here, one hanging above our heads, on the receptionist's desk, in the corner, by the door. I was surprised to find that they were real, I never really pinned Anne as the nurturing type. The receptionist must be the one responsible; I glance over to his position behind the small cherry desk, reading an issue of Men's Health, I'm strangely annoyed by all of his piercings.

I scan the cover, it's a new issue. The captain of the Luca Goers stares at me from the cover. Tidus would hate that. I keep my eyes occupied, looking at all the details around the room until my gaze rests on the unraveling stitching of Rikku's old sneakers. Why does she keep those stupid things when she has hundreds of pairs of expensive, really expensive heels? I guess they suit her, at least as much as they ever did.

She pretends not to see me looking at her, chewing on her bottom lip with her eyes purposely pointed forward at the sign on the door. I'm nervous too; I don't know what to say to her. But I don't want to '_break up_'. "Rikku—"

The door to Anne's office opens and Rikku stands up from the bench immediately. Her eyes follow the small girl that leaves the room and then swing over to our therapist. Rikku walks ahead of me into the office.

I follow behind, I remind myself that I'm lucky she even agreed to come to after everything. I wonder if she even intends to listen to me or if it is another one of her games. Does Rikku think this is the only way to get me to listen to her?

We take our familiar positions. I don't feel like joking today, so I give Rikku her space and strictly stick to my side of the couch. I think Anne notices this, her throat emits a low 'hmm', and she crosses her legs. "Who would like to begin our session today?" she asks, providing us each with an uncomfortable stare as neither Rikku nor I offer, "Well. This is different."

"I don't know if this is working." Rikku offers. She holds her arms across the chest, like she's cold.

"It's not? Everything seemed to be improving before I left for Kilika. Have the two of you been keeping up with your practices?" We avoid her question, "It's important for you to take what we talk about home."

I turn to the window, thin slices of light peering through the blinds. Is Rikku going to tell her that she moved out? Or is she going to find another way to blame this all on me? '_You said you were done trying'_, I remind myself guiltily.

"We have trust problems." I register Rikku's voice. I trust her. She doesn't trust me, that's the problem. Her problem. "He'll go and talk to other women about things that he should be bringing up with me. I tried to talk to him about this, I brought it straight to his attention and you know what he said?"

"I'm done trying." The words echo in my head again. I want to spit back that she shouldn't have been spying on me, or that she ran straight to her friends to talk about the fight. I want to poke a finger right in her face and remind her that I tried to talk at Yuna's birthday, that I was there and more than willing to apologize if she would have let me.

"What's your take on the situation?" Anne addresses me with another of her unreadable stares. I use to find this woman attractive, in a naughty librarian kind of way.

"No comment."

"That's not even an acceptable response." Rikku hits me, "You're not even trying!"

Remaining calm, I glance sideways at her heated cheeks. "I know you're upset about Paine. But what if I react like that every time you wonder off with Tidus…"

"Tidus is dating—"

"No dispute." I interrupt. "Baralai is my best friend, right? What's the difference, where did I cross the line?"

"I didn't know you smoked." She rapidly changes the topic, "Another lie, right Miss. Shwartz?"

The woman stares at us both, and then turns to her notepad. "I suggest you move back home Mrs. Csedr1, otherwise there is no point wasting my time."

**Yuna**

Maybe if I take the freeway I can cut back on some travel time, I scheme while waiting to be interviewed. I'm not even sure if Tidus is ready, he could still be at the gym, what if the coaches kept him late? Braska said he'd send the limo for seven forty-five, but it will wait, won't it? I'll need time to get ready. I woke up with what felts like an onset of the flu that came and went all afternoon, leaving me a little worse for wear. I wish I could have spent all day in bed. I think, cursing my heels and the tight waistband of the grey pencil skirt of my one good suit.

I straighten my back, and run my palms down the front folds of my blouse. Am I sweating? Horrified, I realize that I am. I put my blazer back on, despite the lack of air-conditioning. I like this place. I look around the small office, not flashy or pretentious, a large stack of haphazard papers spread all over the small metal desk, the wall is decorated with posters and pictures of the kids that have filtered through the system. There's a small frame on the desk, I turn it to look at the figure, a familiar man with dark hair letting a small girl ride on his shoulders.

"That's my sister…" I turn around to find the man from the picture staring back at me. Where do I know him from?

"Hello, I'm Yuna." I stand up, offering my hand and momentarily forgetting my clammy palms.

"Kory." He gestures for me to sit down before circling the desk, his green eyes connecting with mine, "I remember you… that night at Faction, right? It must be fate." He remarks offhandedly.

I blush, a little uncomfortable with his comment. I didn't click when he first walked in but I can remember him now, though I was occupied with other things that night. I smile.

"So why do you want to work at the youth center, _Yuna?_"

*

**Tidus**

"Stay…" I warn my cowlick, using my pinky to fold it back in place. I keep it pinned to the spot as I search through the bathroom cabinet, unpleasantly surprised that my stuff has disappeared. Rikku, I think, looking through the cosmetics and facial products. Yuna's not this high-maintenance, and if she was, she'd hide it from me. Having female roommates. I can't find my cologne and it's time to play Romeo.

Time to face Capulet, impress the old lord so he won't object to me courting his only daughter. Oh Juliet, where are you? My phone hasn't made a sound since this morning, and I have a feeling getting ready won't be a matter of just throwing on her outfit. What a dress… I examine it, spilling out in a half-open garment bag hanging from the closet door. I don't think this is what Yuna expected when Rikku promised to make her something special. I'll have to remember to thank her later.

I pick out a black game-day suit with a matching black shirt and my only pale-yellowish neck-tie. My pants are a little snug, but I haven't done a press junket in a while, and I probably haven't worn this suit since rookie-season. I look sharp though, with my hair slicked back and fancy get up, even if I'm not really feeling it. Last I recall, Braska didn't want Yuna having anything to do with me, I was bad for her studies, bad for her reputation, a bad influence, a bad seed, but a good thing for the Zanarkand's sports-based economy. I bet he'd like to pretend I'd never seen him at any games.

I wonder what he'll think now that we're going together; I pause looking over my knot in my tie. I loosen and slip it around my neck, under the collar of my shirt, adjusting it until it sits straight. It's not like she'll leave me if he doesn't approve, she thinks she loves me, right? I can't speak for her, but that's not something I'd ever throw around. It means something. What, I'm not sure. That's the problem, 'I love you' is only three words and only the stigma is symbolic.2 Anyone can say three words.

But, I know she thinks she means it. As much as I had wanted to take my time in the beginning, to warm into getting serious and to keep my feet on the firm and straight track, I'm tripping. Lines are blurring and I'm not sure how to keep myself from losing restraint. When we were just friends, not considering her was a problem… but now it's like, well… she's factored into everything. The way things are with Shuyin right now… sometimes it feels like Yuna's the only person I have.

She walks into the room, brushing her hair back out of her face and falling down onto the bed. Waves of guilt and relief wash over me. Shuyin can think what he wants, that doesn't mean it's true.

She opens her eyes, "Hey."

"Tired?"

"Exhausted." She replies, kicking off her left heel with the toe of her right shoe, and vice versa. She closes her eyes again, and I hate to be the one to remind her that we're late. "I know… I wish this bed weren't so comfy so I could worry more about it."

"If you don't want to go we could always order some food, pay-per-view, we could stay in and…" Her eyes shoot open.

"You're not getting out of this."

"You know Braska will blame me if we're late."

She gets off the bed and begins pushing me towards the door, "I'll take full responsibility. Give me… fourty-five minutes. Alright?"

I walk into the kitchen, I'm not hungry but I don't know what else to do so I make myself a sandwich that I won't eat, and pour myself a cold glass of water just so I can keep my hands busy and my throat wet. I've never known a woman to take less than a solid hour getting ready for these things. Yuna surprises me, taking less time than she allotted.

She took out the braids Rikku styled last night when her hair was wet, loose strands frame her face where it's not pinned back in tight curls. The dress is long with a loose skirt, a tight bodice and an empire cut waistline. She worries her bottom lip, as if there's any question in my mind how amazing she looks right now. But I know I have to tell her because these are the things women worry about. I tell her she's beautiful so she feels more confident.

*

Yuna grabs my hand as we walk up the grand staircase of Mangus Memorial Hall. When she squeezes I don't know who it's meant to reassure. We're both nervous, she's having a hard time walking in her shoes and the steps seem to go on forever. From every wall I can see my reflection, the cowlick that decided not to behave after all. I don't really belong here, here where the men are clean-cut and never loosen their ties. I already feel like I'm choking.

"Our table's over there." She says, taking my arm and turning me in the direction of her father. I follow her and try not to drag my feet. I know this is an impression already biased.

Braska stands to reach out to his daughter with a formal embrace, and holds out his hand to meet mine. I meet his gaze and offer my hand in return. We all sit, the remaining seats unfilled. I look over to the open-bar, my fingers twitching from their place on my bouncing knee.

"It's been a while, hasn't it, Tidus?"

"Yes, sir." I reply.

His eyes flicker over us with slight amusement, "Sir? How interesting."

I look over to Yuna. Did I say something wrong, or just too different? She looks over to her father, "Have you been watching the sphere lately?"

He chuckles, "No, no… I hardly have the time, though talk at the water-cooler has been favorable. Aren't the Abes doing well this year? I heard your brother made assistant."

"Tidus actually…" Yuna hesitates, "Tidus is an assistant. He's an amazing left field."

"Is that right?" Braska adjusts his position. "Your father must be so proud."

I resist the urge to correct him. This is Braska's territory, next time he uses the presidential box at the sphere I'll be sure to send him a drink.

"I'm proud of him…" Yuna's voice is quiet, she turns to me, "You know you're amazing when you play."

"I suppose we all have our skill sets." Braska replies and rises suddenly. I look up to the new face of his companion with cold shock. Yuna grabs my hand and pulls me up into a standing position. I wasn't expecting this; I should have been expecting this. I can't help notice the way his date looks at Yuna, her gaze set as a peculiar slant as she inspects my girlfriend.

She plays with a chain around her neck and then lets it settle on her chest, exposed by the deep v-cut of her crimson silk dress."I wouldn't suppose you'd be Yuna, would you?" She sits down next to Seymour who begins a conversation with Braska. Leaning up against the table, she examines Yuna carefully, "My name is Eliza, I've heard so much about you."

"You work with my father?" Yuna asks, and the woman laughs airily.

She turns towards her date, placing a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't acknowledge her. "No, no… from Seymour, of course."

**Yuna**

Nausea crept up on me suddenly and I made my way somewhat rudely to the washroom3. I stand in front of the mirror with a sweat breaking through my foundation. My head and stomach reel with the threat of sickness. My shoulders lurch forward and I gag, throwing myself into the nearest bathroom stall before dry heaves engulf my chest. It comes in a burning stream; I can feel it in my nose.

A washroom attendant assists me out of the stall. There are little baskets filled with mouthwash and lotions, fancy perfumes that assault my sensitive stomach are lined up on silver trays beside the sinks. Though the woman is helping me, I feel as though she thinks I've done this to myself. I thank her but try to clean up quickly on my own.

I hesitate when I consider leaving the washroom, a mild panic has settled in my chest. I can survive this; he's only a man, after all. He can't touch me here. I feel like I've seen something that Seymour tries to hide. A part of him that is fully realized and completely dangerous.

Unsteady on my feet I leave the room. I jump when I see Tidus who waits on a bench beside the payphones. I had half expected Seymour to follow me here with his slick grin and cold stare. I lower myself next to him. "We should leave after the speeches."

"Did you know Seymour would be here?"

I shake my head, I can understand why he'd be upset. "It's not that. I didn't think so, but…"

"You're not feeling well?" he places the back of his hand against my temple. "You're burning up."

"I'm sorry… I made you get all dressed up and now—"

"It's okay." he laughs and I think it's because Tidus never really wanted to come, and certainly not when forced to be civil in this situation; I know he'd like nothing more than to deck Seymour. I understand now that it wasn't only jealousy that effected Tidus' opinion of Seymour, I admit that at the time I wanted Tidus to be wrong; I wanted someone to care about me. "I don't mind. Are you sure you want to stay for the speeches?"

"It would be rude to…" I am distracted by the threatening turn of my stomach, "—Leave so early. He would think that …"

"Yuna—" Tidus tries to object.

"We'll stay." I reply, bracing myself on his shoulder and standing up. "Just as long as we have to."

"As soon as you want to leave I can go and get us a cab. You know that you can tell me if they make you uncomfortable."

"Who?" I ask, gathering my head. I think need to run back into the room and grab an Advil. I probably look awful; I hardly took enough time to get ready, I don't need this right now.

"Seymour and that girl he brought, she looks just like you…" he glowers, "It's uncanny."

"Excuse me." I don't mean to offend him but it's as if the room is tilting, everything aches. I move past Tidus and walk back into the washroom to look for a bottle of pills. I take two with a Dixie cup of tap-water and swallow them whole. It will only take an hour, two at most before we can leave.

Tidus is still waiting for me outside the washroom, standing with his hands deep into his pockets "Yevon Yuna…" he grabs my arm, "I think I should take you to see a doctor."

"I didn't get enough sleep last night...but I'll be fine," I tell him. "Let's go back to the table, okay?"

He follows me but I think he's upset. If we left now my father would be offended, and… Seymour would think it was because of him. I think he'd get satisfaction seeing me like this. So far he's completely disregarded my presence but his date— Eliza won't stop smiling at me.

"It must have been nice to grow up with such an influential father." Eliza begins once we resettle at the table. She sips casually on her drink. "Braska has made so much headroom for the Al Behd and the Guado cultures in this state; I think that there's been a lot more acceptances in Zanarkand this term. Right, Seymour?" When he doesn't reply she continues without seeming to mind. "You're half Al Behd, aren't you? I would guess as much from your coloring."

"Her mother is Al Behd." Tidus says, my father tenses. "I don't know if there is so much prejudice these days. I like to think that we can all get along."

"And isn't that a slightly daft observation?" Seymour turns slowly away from my father, an indication that he's been listening all along. "Yuna, as someone in a situation similar to my own, would you disagree?"

So now he wants to talk to me. "I don't know that I've encountered prejudice…"

"Of course you do." He retaliates. "Are you saying you were never teased because of your heritage?"

I look to my father and over into steel eyes, "By children, but..."

"Children learn from their parents, Yuna." He leans back into his chair, and his attention shifts towards Tidus, "A perfect example, You're father was at one point in time the captain of the Abes, and mine a politician… It's curious, the theory of nature versus nurture, I wonder how far you'll follow in Jecht's footsteps."

"I wonder." Tidus bites out, realizes his temper and loosens his shoulders, "He was an exceptional blitzball player."

"He'll surpass Jecht in Blitzball." Eliza says to Seymour, clearly a fan. "What was your average last season, three points a game? That's more than impressive."

"Is that right?" Braska asks, more interested in his glass of champagne. "That is something..."

"Two-point-three, actually." Tidus replies to my father. "Three sounds like a goal for this year."

"More than manageable for you, I'm sure." Eliza cajoles him. A small girl in uniform pushes a tray towards our table. Once we finish the food there will be speeches, and then Tidus and I can leave before the dance.

She lays each plate in front of us, "Chicken cordon blue, in a white-wine and cheese sauce, asparagus and a cup of __ soup." She bows to my father, "Enjoy your meal. Sir."

Braska nods her away and picks up his utensils. He takes his first taste, and around the table the others follow suit. I hesitate, smoothing the folds in the table cloth under the palm of my hand and then reach forward for my sweating glass of water and let it cool my throat. . I don't know if I can handle eating anything right now, I don't want to risk making myself sick again.

I pull the food around on my plate, it's tempting, and I will not deny that I am hungry. I swallow emptily and put down my fork to watch as the others eat. Silenced by the food and wine conversation has quieted to a minimum around the room. "Are you enjoying your meal?" I ask Tidus who lowers his gaze to my plate.

He swallows. "Top notch."4

"The chicken is a little dry." My father disagrees, and Seymour nods his head in response to Braska's observation.

"It's nothing to compare your daughters cooking to, Sir." Tidus replies.

"She learnt well from her mother." Braska replies coolly. "You should be coming over to my estate for dinner more often. A home cooked meal now and then is always appreciated."

Absentmindedly I place a bite of food to my lips and lower it back to the plate. "Yes."I reply though I have no intention of visiting Braska at his home. He has a full staff and he has his cook to keep him company.5

I excuse myself from the table again because I don't feel quite right. There is a place to find fresh air to the left of the podium, grand doors that lead to a balcony that wraps around the building. The landing is populated with lone individuals, milling about with their glasses of champagne, singles and couples all either lonely or otherwise occupied. Located so near to the ocean, the air is salty and a welcome freshness.

"It's a little chilly out." I turn at once, surprised by the unwelcome follower. Eliza presses her fingers around an oval pendant on her necklace. A locket, I think. She tilts her heart-shaped face up to the sky, "For this time of year, anyway. Aren't you cold, Yuna?"

"I'm fine, thank you." I say to her, cautious. "Did you come here to look out at the stars?"

"I wanted to find you." She replies, "It was so curious, to see you in person. Entirely shocking, I would think."

"Excuse me?"

"I already knew we would look alike, of course." She takes a step towards me, and I brace my hand on the cold metal railing. "But…

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand just what you're—"

"No I guess you might not." She replies sharply and clears her throat. "Never mind that, anyway. Seymour would like to speak with you in private, would that be alright?"

I have a feeling that she doesn't want to be here. Eliza is more angular and sharper featured than I am, but I wonder if our similarities motivated Seymour to choose her for his companion. Is he worried now that I might go to my father? That I could be a threat to his career, or is it something else entirely? The question is can I talk to him? "I don't think that's a good idea, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me." She moves to rest her back against the railing, "It's none of my concern. I just thought you should know."

"What is it that he wants to say?" I ask.

"I'm just a messenger." She replies and then casts off her saddened disposition. "But either way I'd think you'd like your things back? Wouldn't you, Yuna?"

"My things." The articles I left back at the apartment, some clothes, some cosmetics… are easily replaceable. But I can't pretend I'm not curious, nervous maybe, about what might be on his mind. "I don't need my anything. If he wants… he can just get rid of it all."

"I don't think he will." She says quietly, looking down at her hands then shallowly into my eyes. In nearly a whisper Eliza asks, "I just can't understand what it is about you."

What does she mean? I don't ask because Eliza turns her back to me and slowly walks off the deck. My heart beats at a successively increasing pressure as she leaves, I shouldn't panic; everything will be alright. Everything will be fine. But, what could Seymour want with me now? It was clear our relationship had everything to do with my father and an unreciprocated attraction he held for me. I don't want or need an apology.

"I want to forget it ever happened." I say aloud though there is no one around me to listen. The balcony is quieter now the other patrons have filed back into the auditorium room. If the speeches have begun, I should make my way back as well. Tidus will not appreciate have being left behind with my father and ex-boyfriend.

The keynote speaker has already taken the podium; I'm not surprised to see Sir Auron, in his haphazard suit. I pause at the gate and listen for a spell. "To Braska…a great.." his words drift in and out, unprepared. I feel sympathy as he stumbles upon his tongue. Sir. Auron has been my father's long time guardian… a different breed of man and yet they found a companionship I could never quite understand. Maybe in Braska's youth he had been different. He had even been friends with Jecht.

Before the next speaker I retake my seat at the table. My father sits with his chair turned towards the stage, a quiet smile playing on his lips. Tidus looks uncomfortable. He's trying too hard; I think my father might prefer him as a smart-ass. It's really his father who Braska finds unfavorable. Although I've seen team pictures of Jecht, Braska, and Auron in high school, it was hard to believe my father had ever played blitzball.

"Thanks for that." Tidus whispers in my ear, covering with a kiss on the cheek. I adjust the folds of my skirt as I sit down.

I mouth, "I'm sorry." and he shakes his head shortly at me.

Seymour and Eliza have both left the table, I don't know where she went after we talked, and he is up by the stage, leaning against the wall. When He catches me looking at him the color rises to my neck and cheeks. I chance a look back and see him smirking, with his gaze locked down on his blazer.

I feel… angry. Angry that he's here and that he's so close with my father. I'm angry that Braska can't feel this way about Tidus, the one person that I desperately want him to approve of. I lace my fingers with Tidus', and pull him close into me so I can rest my head on his shoulder. He lets go of my hand and places his arm around my back.

It's Seymour's turn to speak. He looks a lot more at home up at the podium then Auron had. He leans his elbows on the wooden stand, and with complete admiration directs his attention to my father. "It is with a great sadness and respect that we gather here today to celebrate the career and the retirement of—"

When Seymour kissed me his lips were always cold, and his hands, his voice, his intentions. I can hardly bear to hear his voice. I would like to leave now. Right away before he gets back to the table. I keep thinking about the nails on his hands, his teeth, all of his calcium deposits and the way they would dig into my skin. Somehow not even having Tidus here helps me feel safe.

I grab his knee under the table, and realize it's been shaking. He turns over to me and away from Seymour. "You really don't look so hot." He says in a small voice that my father doesn't notice.

"That's not exactly what a girl wants to hear."

He reaches forward and tugs on a piece of my hair, "You know what I mean… are you okay?"

I shake my head. My father tears his eyes away from the stage reluctantly, "What's wrong?"

"She's not feeling well." Tidus says for me, "I'm sorry sir, but if you wouldn't mind I think she needs some rest."

Applause surrounds us as Seymour finishes his speech. My father takes a short drink from his glass and adjusts his tie, "Stay a moment, will you?" Braska asks before leaving the table to say his piece.

My head starts to swim again; I grab the edge of the table when my vision starts to tunnel. "Tidus…"

**Tidus**

Yuna falls limply into my chest. I grab her shoulders and see that she's lost consciousness.

"Lay her on the floor." A voice commands from behind me. He moves the chairs and I place her onto the ground, a group of people have already gathered around us. As reluctant as I am to accept Seymour's help I back off and let him listen to her.

"She said she hasn't been feeling well." I tell him. I don't know what to do, I feel helpless. I hold onto her hand as Seymour dips a napkin into a water glass with ice and then lays it across her forehead. He tilts her head to the side, her cheek facing up. I know it's not the time to object but my teeth grind every time he touches her.

"There's something going around…" I hear a woman behind me say to her companion, "Poor girl."

"— That's Senate Braska's daughter."

The first sign of consciousness is when her eyes begin to flutter. She withdraws her hand from mine to bring it to her face, and slowly lets her eyes open.

"You need to stay down." Seymour says to her, "Don't try to sit up too quickly."

She blinks and looks up at me.

"Hey…" I take her hand again, "How do you feel?"

She shakes her head, "Tidus…"

"Seymour, will you go hail a cab?" Her father asks him once he reaches the scene. "Tidus, you'll take her to the clinic and make sure every thing's in order."

"Yes." I reply, his almost indifferent tone startles me. Braska handles all things as business affairs. I wonder if he ever took care of her skinned knees. Maybe our fathers were more alike than I thought. I take the wet cloth from her forehead, and place it on top of the table. I help Yuna sit up and rest in a chair. The people file back into their seats and Braska walks back to the podium without another word.

"Drink some water." I tell Yuna, offering her my glass, "You might be dehydrated."

She takes it from my hands, drinks and then holds it in front of herself, inspecting the condensation on the outside of the glass. "Can we just go home?" She asks, looking up at me.

I shake my head, "We're just going to see if you're alright. It won't take long."

She tells me that she's tired and that she'll be fine. She just wants to go home. I say that she needs to drink her water, and that we're going to the hospital. She doesn't have a choice, I worry about her.

*

In the cab I hold Yuna's hand and press her shoulders into myself. Her skin is cold and a little clammy. I take off my suit coat and put it around her shoulders. "I just want to go home." She says absently.

I run my hand over her hair, and gather her tighter into my chest. The cab driver is quiet, and the radio is a low hum. Two men talk about health scares in Zanarkand, a case of food poisoning, 3 deaths because of a common bout of influenza. I lower my eyes to Yuna; this is probably the beginnings of the flu. I can already imagine myself taking her hot soup in bed. I don't think I'd mind taking care of her for a while.

I wish the hospital was closer. Braska said he'd call ahead and see what he could do to make this go quickly but chances are we'll still be stuck in the waiting room, I'm sure this doesn't exactly classify as an emergency. I got the impression he was angry to be interrupted in the middle of his speech, instead of being concerned about his daughter. I felt so incapable, and then Seymour stepped in, taking complete control. I must have looked pathetic. I want to be the kind of person that she can rely on.

"You don't need to fuss so much over me." Yuna says, although I know most girls appreciate this kind of attention.

"Sure I do." I kiss her forehead, "If you're coming down with something it's because I haven't been taking enough care of you."

She laughs, "It's probably because I don't drink enough orange juice and I haven't been sleeping well."

"Because I take all the covers." I joke, "For all I know, I might even snore."

She giggles. "You don't snore."

"Now you're just being nice."

She presses her lips to my cheek. "No, you don't. I like sleeping with you, you're always warm."

"How did your interviews go today?" I ask, "You think you got a job?"

She pauses, pulling her lip in between her teeth. "I hope so."

The cab pulls out in front of Zanarkand State University Hospital, and I pay him while Yuna gets out of the car unassisted. It looks like a quiet night for the hospital. I shove my wallet back into my suit pocket and meet Yuna on the sidewalk. I support her into the waiting room where a woman in loose nurses scrubs greets us and without a moment of hesitance take's Yuna away from me.

*

I guess Braska must have some pull around here. I grab an issue of Highlights from the corner table, not at all concerned that the magazine is marketed to young children. I don't feel like reading my horoscope, or hint's about how to lose 20 pounds, tone my gluts, or even about learning to cook a killer parmesan chicken. I'd rather play puzzles, part of my usual hospital routine. My mom use to drag Shuyin and me here too often when we were younger, when my dad would wind up in one of the beds after a night of binge-drinking and bar fights, or a nasty injury during the rougher games between Zanarkand and Luca in a rivalry that even then was epic. We'd fall asleep on these benches waiting to find out what happened, Jecht would come out laughing it off, either still half cut or loopy from the pain medication.

It feels different being in this position and waiting for someone that I care about. I believed Yuna when she told me that she didn't think it was that serious, that she didn't need to come here. Now that we're actually at the hospital, I'm not so sure. It shouldn't have taken this long to check her out, especially since she was rushed in. Maybe I'm overreacting; they wouldn't take any chances with Braska's daughter, think of the bad press…

I stand up when a nurse approaches me… but she only wants an autograph. Reluctantly I sign the notepad, "Thank you so much!"

She pauses, she wants me to say something. "I'm here with my girlfriend… do you think you could check on her for me?"

Her expression darkens slightly, "Her name?"

"Yuna—"

"Oh. Right, of course. Senate Braska's daughter." She walks over to the desk and I follow her. She picks up the phone and dials an extension, "Yeah, hey… I'm looking for an update on Braska's daughter?.... …. …. Right… Interesting. Okay. Thanks."

"Well?" I ask, growing impatient.

She purses her lips, "I'm sorry but I can't really tell you anything. She'll be fine though. Don't you worry..." I don't like the way she tells me to be calm, like there's some hidden joke. I don't understand how anything can be funny in a hospital.

"You should feel relieved, we just announced the fourth death due to the influenza outbreak a moment or two ago… It's dangerous. But your girls going to be fine, well… considering."

"Considering?" I repeat, regretting giving her the autograph.

"That's what you wanted to know right, that she didn't drop dead or wasn't rushed into surgery, you know that she wasn't in any danger. I can't really tell you anything else."

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Samantha, Samantha Lisa Reeves. Why?"

"What if I offered you prime seats to a playoff game?"

"I might consider if you offered me a date."

I run a hand through my hair. Ridiculous. "So what, I go sit down and wait?"

"Pretty much."

"How long is this going to take?"

She gestures towards the seating area, "A few minutes, the doc said he'd be sending her right out after she--- well my guess is that she's on her way by now."

I move back to my seating place, picking up my cell when it begins to vibrate. "Hello?"

"Hey man…" My brother's voice is barely recognizable, "Where are you right now, Can you come over?"

"No, no… I'm at the hospital…"

"Really?" he pauses, "I guess you know then…"

"Know what?"

"Adrianna… wait, why are you at the hospital?"

"Adrianna? No… I'm here with Yuna, she wasn't feeling great, what is it that you called to tell me?"

"Look, Adrianna's brother just called… I don't know what to tell you, but… Tidus, look I'm really sorry…"

"Shuyin?"

"She passed away this morning. Whitney asked me to be the one to call you. It was sudden; they didn't really have a clue that anything was wrong but she had an aneurysm, there wasn't anything they could do… It's just one of those things."

"Yeah. I guess." I say before hanging up the phone.

Adrianna… Is dead.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, I guess there you have it! Not quite as fast as i had planned, but still speedy right? Anyways, since it was a little late I decided to make everyone a little 'treat', well ... kind of? I got a lot of people saying they thought that the picture was cute from the last chapter. I haven't finished it yet but you can check out the WIP my 'artistic' interpretation of that picture.

JennaM dot deviantart dot com/art/CH-17-WIP-153778547

Enjoy the chapter, and please review!

Thanks,

ALF


	19. Chapter 18

Stand in the shade of me  
Things are now made of me  
The weather vane will say  
It smells like rain today

Green Grass- Cibelle

**Tidus**

I thought death meant the effects of the deceased would dissolve from me and this change would be present in the hollow of my gut. I feel emptiness, confusion. I don't know what this means. Even as we pause in passing of the casket I stop, delicately looking over her corpse, unable to appreciate Adrianna's death.

I crumble into my seat beside Shuyin, surprised to find his eyes red. Jecht called me a crybaby and right now I wish I could. It's probably expected, that I should be more visually upset. I broke down when she left me, again when I heard of her wedding and the pregnancy. I can't cry now, it's over.

We stand for the hymn of the fayth. In the row before mine her mother is supported by Whitney, one of Adrianna's two brothers. Her display of emotion is violent, wrenching, her cry's echo throughout the temple, haunting and terrible.

The maester tells us to "Remember Adrianna though our experiences in love and our fayth in Yevon, the strength in the almighty above us." Would Annie agree? She was never religious.

I remember Adrianna surfing on the Zanarkand coast, I remember her getting drunk and breaking into my bedroom, I remember making out, getting take out, staying out until the sky turned pink and the sun began to peak over the water. I remember Adrianna's laugh.

And though I've never seen Adrianna cry I remember all her faces. I never saw her cry. Adrianna didn't dye her hair, eat un-skinned grapes, or steal on Sunday's. On Monday's she liked to lift five-cent bubble gum candies from the corner-store where she picked up her families mail and bought milk. Adrianna liked to make jewelry by folding the bubblegum wrappers and attaching them at the creases. I still have a necklace that she made for me out of semi-metallic juicy-fruit.

"There will be a light lunch and coffee available in the main hall. Yevon be with you." We are excused and the watery eyed masses migrate slowly from the pews of the temple back into the modestly decorated foyer. Colorful images reflect from stained glass windows and leisurely dance across the floor in the shifting mid-morning sun. There are tables full of crustless sandwiches, coffee pots with small Styrofoam cups and little decorated china dishes filled with cream and sugar cubes.

People I barely remember knowing tell me how sorry they are for my loss. I feel guilty because I don't know what I've lost, exactly. They should be talking to her husband Jonathan, her son, and all of the people that she loved.

I spot Jonathan amongst the crowd, a small boy struggles to walk behind him, the rolled pant legs of his miniature suit tripping him every second step. Is this their son? He looks so much like her and he has my eyes. Curious, striking blue, child-like eyes… I double-take. He really doesn't look a thing like John. And… my eyes?

I pull Lenne away from her conversation with Adrianna's brother. "Can I ask you something…?"

"Excuse me…" she apologizes to Whitney and I follow her to the side of the crowd. "About what?" she takes a deep breath in response when I point out the child, "Tidus…." She sucks on her lower lip. I've heard people play with their mouths when their lying. "Tidus we'll have to talk about this later."

"Lenne do you remember, you were her best friend…" I feel the whirring in my chest, my senses turning to smoke. "You need to explain this to me. Tell me that there's no way?"

She kisses my cheek and turns to look at the child. "Not now Tidus." She nervously looks back at the boy, "It's not... Think rationally. Okay?" Lenne squeezes my shoulder tightly before escaping to continue talking with Whitney.

I stare at her, not exactly sure how she could blow me off. This is important, and it's apparent that she knows something. If she knows something that means there's something to know, which means that … which means that it's probably what I think weather I'm being rational or not.

I help myself to the lunch items laid out before us. Watching the child in the corner of the room, being entertained by his grandfather. I doubt Isaac knows what's going on, why so many people are crying, why we're all wearing black, why they all keep hugging him. When I was younger, I hated being touched by strangers. I wonder if he's confused.

I try to do mathematical problems I learnt in high school biology, the gene graphs, and accounting for probability factors. John is dark, and this child is fair skinned like his mother. Both of them have almond colored eyes, Isaac's are blue like Adrianna's fathers or mine. I don't know about John's family, but dark hair is a dominant trait. Isaac's hair is a rusty shade of blonde, like his uncle or his grandmothers. I was born with dark auburn colored hair.

I weigh all things into consideration, my conclusions settle in a pit of nausea. I can feel the angry adrenaline heating my ears. I realize I'll never be satisfied and that I'll never understand. This is not the right place to be angry and allow these feelings to fester. I have to be O.K. with the situation when I feel as if I can't swallow my impulses. She had no right to die and leave me with this.

Rikku finds me, and I submerge my temperament quickly. "Hey, how are you holding up?" She speaks slow and nervously. Fiddling with the strap of her purse. She's conservatively in a knee-length olive dress. "Gosh, this is sad."

I mentally shake myself in an attempt to rattle loose the words to speak. "How are you?"

"I'm sad." She says, eyeing me. "You alright?"

I nod. "Yeah… I—" My gaze wonders back across the room, she follows the glance. "I'm just feeling a little off."

"Off?" she examines the child. What does she think, what does she notice. "That's understandable."

I nod my chin towards the young boy who's now sitting alone at one of the tables, "Do you see it? That boy..."

"Is that Isaac?" She asks.

"Well?"

"Well what?" She says and then looks back over at him. "Ohh… okay. I see what the issue here is."Rikku grabs hold of my arm and as fast as a woman wearing four inch heals can attempt to walk, she drags me outside of the temple. "Tidus, have you realized that boy looks just like you?"

"I know."

"I know!" She smacks my chest with her open palm. "Holy shit. What do you think? I always thought Adrianna must have been sleeping with someone while you were together to announce she was expecting so soon after hooking up with Jonathan… but, wow Tidus, you don't think?"

I ignore the ragged spike of pain. "I don't know what to think." I tell her running a hand through my hair, jittering. I can't keep my appendages still. "What do I do?"

"Well—I don't really know."

"Rikku…" I say, feeling an increasing weight. "Adrianna is dead. And look—" I swallow what feels like a growing thickness in my throat. "She's really… She's really… fuck." A terrible thought crosses my mind, "dead."

Hotness stains my cheeks. I hear the word crybaby rolling off my father's tongue. "Fuck." I turn away from Rikku and start stalking across the temple courtyard.

"I know, I know." She catches up and hugs me. "She's gone."

"I hate her so fucking much right now." I pull away, feeling violent. "It's not suppose to happen just like that."

"Just like that." She repeats, holding her arms across her chest.

"There's so many things I could have asked her, things I'll never know now. We weren't finished."

"You want closure… I get that." Rikku says, "I get it but… you had time for closure, Tidus. You had years to figure it out. Are you saying that right now you're upset because of what could have been, and not that she's gone?"

"She's not gone. She's obviously still here- lurking." I bite.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you don't really know anything yet." She says. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way but it just seems like you're looking for something to get… upset about."

"I don't need a reason to be upset." I assure her. "I just wish..."

"Whatever her reasons were, for the things she did… Tidus, they were her reasons, who's to say she would have explained anything, if she could?"

She might have tried. I think, remembering Luca. I brushed her off; I thought she'd heard about Yuna. I thought it was one of her games. "I would have made her… If I had known." I answer. I could have given her the chance to talk to me, I didn't want to listen, I thought it would jeopardize my relationship. It almost did, regardless of what wasn't said. "Have you talked to Yuna at all today?"

"You're changing the subject."

"Yeah… well. I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, I talked to her for a bit, I'm actually going over there to take her for lunch when we're done all this. You can come if you want to?"

I shake my head; I don't feel like seeing her right now. "No, that's okay. I'll need to go to the bar with the rest of the family and friends. There will be an open mike; they'll expect me to say something."

"Well okay… but you should try to talk to her."

"How are things with Gippal?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I think I need to focus on other things right now."

"I like that dress, you know… the one you made for Braska's dinner."

"I thought you would, I had you in mind when I designed it." She replies with a sly smile.

I grin. "Yuna's one of the best things… she's one of the best parts of my life right now. I don't know what I would do if I was alone. I love that I have her."

"You love that you have her?" Rikku raises her brow, "Don't you love her yet?"

**Yuna**

The first thing I learnt working for Kory Ellis, about Kory, was that he lacked any organizational skills. My job would make this my problem. The stacks of paper I had found charming and characteristic when I came into interview, became intimidating the moment I learnt it would be my first responsibility to file them. He didn't even have a system, he just told me to "go at it, and have fun!"

Fun, right. It's hard to have fun when you're stomach won't stay still, hungry one moment, ready to vomit the next. When your mind can't rest and everyone around you is in pain—and you're confused, overwhelmed, restless. It wouldn't have been right to call in sick, not on the day I'm due to start. It has taken my strictest efforts to remain calm and in control of myself. The night it all happened… and the night Adrianna died—I don't know how I've kept myself together.

"Look at you in your cute little suit." I glance over from the files and the first thing I see are Rikku's impossible heels. "Oh—yeah well your boss let me in. He seems so familiar. What's his name?"

"He is." I set the pile of papers I had been sorting aside, and push myself from the chair. "You've met him before."

"I don't know if I would forget that face."

"You might..."

"High school?"

"It was a couple months ago, you were with me." I laugh. "He came up to us at the bar and you convinced me to dance with him?"

"Oh yeah… I think I liked him…. But I like Tidus more, of course."

"Me too." I agree, glancing over the papers in my hand before setting them back down on Kory's desk.

"But still…"

"Rikku." I roll my eyes.

Kory knocks on the doorframe, carrying in another stack of disarrayed file folders. "Ladies?"

"Hey." Rikku says, nodding in his direction, "I see you've put my cousin right to work."

He humors her with a small smile and places the files on top of the nearly clean desk. "Well, I have to push her a bit on the first day, don't I? Otherwise she might not respect me."

I brush a strand of hair behind my ear and pick up Kory's files to put them on top of the cabinet I had been working at. Is Rikku really flirting with him?

"I'd say she's more than capable. And since she's doing such a great job, you should consider lending her to me for a bit? I'll bring her back fed and ready to work, hmm?"

"Alright, alright, quit pulling my arm." Kory exaggerates, chuckling, "Of course. You two have fun." He scratches his neck in an oddly familiar gesture, jumping on his words as we're about to leave. "Oh and Yuna, there is going to be a workshop this afternoon that I'd like you to sit in on. You'll get to meet some of the regular kids and staff."

"Great." I nod. "I'll see you after lunch, then." Rikku pulls my arm and waves goodbye to Kory. Where barely out of earshot when I see her smile widen, she glances over her shoulder through the office at Kory and an exaggerated shiver runs through her body.

"So cute."

I release my breath. I hope Rikku won't be too distracted over lunch. "What do you feel like?" I ask.

"We should pick something up for your boss on the way back. What do you think he likes?"

"I don't know, but-." I begin, fishing for my keys.

"Yuna, I'm parked over here."

"Right." I mutter, dropping my purse. "Let's just get something small. I haven't been feeling so great."

"No?"

"No. It's been kind of a rough week." I say, testing the waters while following her across the parking lot. The weather has rapidly cooled since this morning; it looks like it might rain later this afternoon. "How was the funeral?"

"The funeral?" She opens her door and leans across the seats to unlock mine. I open the door and sit down. "The funeral was…"

"How was Tidus?" I rephrase my question even if I'm not sure that I really want to know. "Is he okay?"

She looks swiftly from me down to the shift stick. "Yeah, well… you know. He didn't really say much."

I understand. Tidus has barely talked to me since the news. It's something I am trying to deal with; I know he loved her. I know that I shouldn't try to get involved and that I should give him the space he needs for a while. But… I feel like I need him; that this is just another time Adrianna has taken him from me. I feel awful that even now I can be so cruel to resent her.

Rikku doesn't continue. She starts to drive down the street, tapping her palm against the steering wheel, listing off the different restaurants we cross. "Fast food, fast food, fast food… what kind of cologne do you think boss-man wears?"

"Not sure…" I avoid elaborating, I'm afraid that if I feed into this she'll develop an obsession. I count the buildings as they pass. Side-street stores, restaurants, run-down motels and bars. I've always avoided this part of town: The area my father warned me to stay away from, where the boys from high school would come to find cheap looking women or buy booze where they knew they wouldn't be asked for their identification.

"The Yunalesca Street café'?" Rikku gestures across the street, "looks half-decent."

"Sure." I agree and she makes a u-turn at the next intersection and pulls sharply into the parking lot. She makes sure to lock her car twice.

"I can't believe you're working over here, Yuna. Couldn't you find a job closer to Tidus'?"

I shrug, and open the door for her. It isn't lost on me that she say's Tidus', not 'home'. I brush it off because she's right, it's his apartment. "I don't mind the drive. It's a good opportunity for me."

"A good opportunity to do what?"

" I feel… like I'm going to be doing something—something good."

"You're basically just working a daycare center for irresponsible parents, aren't you?" We take a seat at a nearby booth upholstered in red vinyl. There are menus and rolled cutlery already placed on the table. Rikku opens her menu and immediately starts scanning the options.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, my mom would drop Brother and me off at those places as an alternative to day care. I don't know if it ever did any good for me. I bet we got in more trouble at with the other kids than anywhere else, those years."

"Kory seems to be really ambitious with all the projects he's taking on, I think that he's passionate enough to follow through."

"Maybe." She replies, "You never know if that excitement will catch on."

"Hopefully." I open my menu and look over the salads section, deciding to close the topic. Rikku didn't have a lot of opportunities growing up; it was the same for a lot of the Al Behd. It was less than two decades ago that they were ostracized by then president Mika. Rikku's parents didn't have the same options Yevonites had had. It wasn't fair, but it was the standard.

"How's the meat here?" She asks the waitress.

"How's the meat anywhere?" The waitress replies, popping her gum and leaning over to look at the small print. "It says 'Grade-A', doesn't it?"

"I guess I'll have the cheeseburger." She hands the girl her menu.

"Fries?" she takes my menu too, "Or salad?"

"Fries."

"How bout' you, hun?"

"Can I get the garden salad with house dressing on the side."

"Yeah I can do that." She tucks the menus under her arm. "Alright girls, this'll just be a few minutes."

"How much you want to bet that by 'Grade-A' they mean the brand of the packaging company?" Rikku slumps a little in her seat, mulling over other conversation topics. "I heard you went to the hospital the other night, everything okay?"

I tense and she looks up at me, "I…"

"I guess that's a no?" She follows up, "You what?"

"I don't know." I avoid eye contact; I have been talking myself in and out of telling her all week. I thought she might understand, but with everything else that's been happening I feel like my situation isn't so important that it can wait for a little while. I rub my eyes, thinking that might help, not wanting her to see them water.

"So there's a reason you wanted to go for lunch, huh?" she reaches across the table and grabs my forearm, "are you dying?"

I choke on unexpected laughter, though I know the question's not funny, and that she's probably not joking. "No… I'm not dying."

She slaps my hand, "well then it can't be that bad."

"I'm not even sure if it's bad persea…" I withdraw, "It's not bad, like—me dying bad. It's definitely, unexpected, complicated…"

"But Yunie," She lowers her voice, "you're crying."

"I'm just frustrated." I explain a half truth, wiping again at my watering eyes with an apologetic smile, "Everything has been stressful, I'm worried about Tidus and… Rikku I'm worried about you."

She chortles, "About me? Why? I'm fine; I'm in a good place right now. _ is really happy with the work I've been doing and I'll be—"

"You know that that's not what I mean."

"You don't need to worry about me." She adjusts the salt and pepper shakers, "You're always worrying about other people, you know? You need to start being more selfish, Yunie. What were you doing in the hospital, like what's the prognosis? Are you okay?"

"It was… well, I fainted due to dehydration and I was dehydrated because I had been sick and it turns out I was slightly anemic which was also a contributing factor to the fainting episode." I explain what the doctor said to me, before explaining the cause, what I had paraphrased to Tidus who hadn't asked anymore questions. He was in his own head, going through the motions—as long as I was alright I don't think he was really equipped to care.

"So what exactly were you sick with then?" she narrows her eyes.

The waitress comes back and drops down our plates before promptly abandoning us to continue a conversation with a group of young men at another table. I dry my eyes as Rikku picks apart her burger, removing the pickles and globing on ketchup. I think she's almost forgotten about our conversation until she puts the burger down on the second bite. "Are you going to make me guess?"

"Rikku—"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'd prefer it actually, if you just… guessed."

She rolls her eyes, "No, I want to hear it from you." She takes a bite from her burger, and with her mouth half full she begins to understand that I'm not just going to tell her, that saying it somehow makes everything a lot more… real. "Are you pregnant?" I feed myself a bite of salad, hoping she'll keep guessing. When she doesn't I take another fork full, and another, avoiding eye contact as her jaw slowly drops. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Don't swear Rikku."

She snorts. "I need a yes or no answer." Rikku waits for my reply but I'm still not sure what I want to tell her. "Yuna?"

"Yes." I reply.

The waitress comes back, interrupting us again, "So It's the end of my shift, and I was thinking I could just transfer you girls over to my co-worker, unless you want to take care of the bill now?" Rikku curtly hands over her credit card. "Thanks."

"Is there any chance Kory might give you the rest of the day off?" Rikku asks me.

"I should be getting back." I reply, pulling my purse onto my lap. "It's my first day, cutting out early would leave the wrong impression.

"You've barely touched your salad."

I focus on the contents of my purse so I don't have to reply. I find and reach into my coin satchel, digging out a few gil to leave as a tip.

"You're not tipping that girl." Rikku snatches my purse, "Come on, let's go talk in the car."

I drop a couple gil on the table when Rikku's back is turned and follow her out to the vehicle. We get in the car and sit in strained silence. "So you're not just pulling my leg?"

I shake my head. "I haven't told anyone yet. You're the only person who knows."

"How far along are you?"

"A little over five weeks." I notice Rikku's car is cleaner than I've ever seen it before.

"I didn't even know you two were… like… doing that? You haven't told Tidus?"

I don't know how Tidus will react but I know this isn't something he's ready for. He has a career, a whole lifetime to look forward to. He's not ready. "He's going to be upset."

"Don't think of it that way." She turns to me, "He's just… going through a lot right now, you know?"

"Yeah, well. He loved her a lot."

"He loves you too, you know."

"He was crazy about her. I can't live up to that."

"I'm sure he loves you." She says quieter this time, "And everything is going to work out just fine for you two. You'll see. I'm sure of it."

I nod, but I just want her to drive me back to work. If anything, I feel worse. Rikku's been through this, so I knew she wouldn't be falsely optimistic. I watch the same unkempt buildings pass on the way back. She pulls outside the doors, and she tells me to try and enjoy the rest of the day. I feel guilty that I promised her I'd try when I won't.

**Tidus**

I think this is one of the only handful of situations where drinking before dinner is acceptable. No one would bat an eyelash at our empty glasses and the room full of red-eyed afternoon patrons. Adrianna's father, Burke, keeps my glass full.

"I always liked you, kid." Burke leans much of his weight on the hand he rests on my back, "I preferred you to the suit. Her mother, she always liked the uptight type. I liked you and I know you would have been good to her."

I feel like I'm intruding. He should be talking to John, not me. "I gotta girl now." I tell him. I don't want him to feel sorry for me. I'm doing alright.

"Good for you, son. Good for you."

"She's a good girl."

"My Annie was never much of a good girl, was she?" He asks, leaving his bar untended as he pulls out a stool and situates himself beside me. "She was kind of a nut."

"What kind of nut?" Lenne asks curiously from my other side.

"A pistachio." I tell her.

"I always thought of her more as an almond, with those eyes of hers..." Burke says. "But you say she's a pistachio?"

"I don't know why she's a pistachio."

"Makes sense."

A bottle crashes and I look up to see the culprit fumbling through the drink shelving unit. Whitney's the type to sweat when he drinks; his face and arms are all flushing red. I guess tonight he fancies himself a bartender. He takes a handful of shot glasses from down below the counter and drops them in front of us. "I'm going to show you a trick."

"Whitney." Burke snatches the bottle from his hand and pours each shot evenly, "Get out from there. You have your mother's bad hands."

"Mum don't got bad hands." He replies, taking a shot and wiping his mouth. "An I can do just fine."

"He says he can do just fine, eh?"Burke leans in so I can feel his hot breath on my ear, "And it's all from his mother. That woman's clumsier than a shoopuf on ice."

"Don't talk bout' my mum." Whitney snatches the bottle back, and walks around the bar with it in hand and in mouth. He lowers the tequila, "She's a good woman."

"Right, right…" He grumbles, swerving the chair so that his back faces Whitney and begins mumbling under his breath. "She was a... nothing but a fruna. Nothing but a whore."

Whitney points a finger at his father, wavering slightly. He drops his hand and starts drinking again."I'll tell you… One day…." He trails off, leaving the bar counter to go meet with other grievers at a table across the room.

Beside me Lenne starts giggling. Burke pokes me; he wants to know what's so funny. Lenne say's nothings funny and I don't believe her.

When burke decides to meander away from us Lenne takes the opportunity to indulge me. She grabs my arm, giggling and hiccupping and pulling my head down so her lips are close to my ear, "Adrianna was a Fruna!"

I take my shot. "You don't say?"

"You have no idea." She bumps her head into mine.

I think I have an idea. I take burke's shot. I hadn't intended on getting drunk, I know it'll get me into trouble later. It's been a long time since Yuna's seen me this way. I wonder if she'll mind. Adrianna use to hate it, she hated most things. I rub my hand through my hair; I can't balance my thoughts right now.

Isaac. That's where they keep trailing back. Like it or not, I can't help it. A part of myself wants to forget about it, I can't afford to go back there, to let myself think even for a second that there could still be unfinished business between us. A child is a pretty big roadblock. What would happen with Yuna, if Isaac is mine? Would she leave me?

I don't know if I could handle it. It would mean that the way Adrianna and I left things was a lie, all the lies were lies. There really is no such thing as the truth, not here, not for us.

"Doesn't this feel a little weird?" Lenne asks, tracing her finger around the rim of her empty shot glass. "Surreal."

I nod.

"Everything is going to get so complicated now." she hums. "You have no idea."

"What do you know about Isaac?" I ask.

She settles into her stool. "I can't tell you."

"Sure you can."

"Nope."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"Tidus…" She scowls, "Why would you accuse me of such a thing?"

"You're not telling me the truth." I say, "What's the truth Lenne?"

"He's not your kid, Tidus. That's all I'm gonna tell you."

"Why didn't you just say that in the beginning then?"

"Well…" she looks at the counter. "It's complicated, I guess."

I leave my seat to find myself another bottle, and get carried away by a group of people and their bleary-eyed condolences. I find myself involved in a conversation with aquaintances I've lost touch with from high school. All the story's they have to tell involve an 'us' that makes me uncomfortable, nostalgic, and … and even a little sad.

"Never thought she would have ended up with anyone but you, man." One of the guys tips his pint towards me, "In high school you two were…"

"Two pea's in a pod." His friend finishes, "It's been what, five years? "

"Four." I correct him, "It's been four years."

"It seems like a life time ago, doesn't it?"

**Yuna**

I was prepared to come home to an empty apartment. Dark as it is, walking into from the hall, I don't think Tidus is home yet. Relieved, I set down my bag on the kitchen counter, and flip the light switch. The apartment is a mess, but he's not here. I discard my jacket and my heels and place them in the hall closet.

I feel nauseous again and I barely make it to the sink. I need to remember to fill my prescription for morning sickness. I need to start taking vitamins, drinking water, and making sure I rest. I've never felt so alone in my life.

I run the water and rinse the sink. I turn the tap to cold and splash my face. How am I supposed to go to sleep when I don't know where you are? How am I supposed to rest knowing you could be anywhere, knowing that you're hurt and dealing with it on your own because you don't want to talk to me? You don't think I'd understand.

Despite everything… I slide down against the counter, to rest on the kitchen floor, I want to be here for you. If you're upset I feel like I should fix it. I've always been the one you came to, the friend you could talk to. But not like this…

Things changed, so much is better now… I have you to fall asleep next to at night, but I wish we could still talk the way we did when we were just friends.

**Tidus**

"Lenne went off looking for you." I address Shuyin, finding him at one of the back tables, playing with his car keys—the soberest man in the bar. "She looked pissed."

"Yeah. I know." He replies somberly. "I should probably just let her cool off."

"You doing alright?"

He sets down his keys. "I should be asking you that question."

"I'm fine." It feels like I've been saying that a lot today.

"I think you're in shock. How can you say your fine? Adrianna is…"

"Maybe I'm just over it." I pull out a chair, straddling it. "Maybe I don't need to come here and be reminded all over again."

"Be reminded?"

"Yeah. Reminded." I tell him. "Reminded that she's gone. My life was so close to being good again. This close." I demonstrate with my fingers. "And now I don't know where I stand."

"Tidus—"

"I'm sorry." I run my hand down my neck, "I'm sorry… I have… I shouldn't talk like this. I don't know. I'm just confused." I don't know what I feel, or how to react to the anger, nostalgia, the heartbreak and all of the perpetually unanswered questions.

"Shuyin!" Lenne approaches our table, her eyes narrowed and smelling of all the drinks she's been ungratuiously pouring down her throat. "I need to talk to you and unless you want this to get out of hand I suggest you follow me outside. Right now."

"Are you ready to go pretty soon?" My brother asks, palming his keys. Calm and prepared for her habitual after the tequila tantrum.

"I'll meet you out there in five."

"Make it three—I might need your help." He jokes.

I tell him that he's on his own. I kind of envy him. Shuyin's always had it all figured out, he fell in love and it worked out. This is about as bad as things will ever get for him and Lenne—nothing but a road bump. His life worked out exactly according to the grand plan.

I finish the beer, wipe my mouth, and discard my chair. It hasn't been more than two minutes but I'm eager to leave, chill at my brothers a bit with a couple drinks and pass out on the couch with a hangover so rocky that I'll forget today ever happened.

I don't know where my coat is, my wallet is in my back pocket and… should I say goodbye to Burke? I might never see him again. This could be it. But what could I say to him? He's not my father, he's just the man who answered the door the first time I picked Adrianna up and asked me to promise him I wouldn't let her get us into too much trouble.

Leaving the coat and Burke, I head out after my brother and Lenne. I stop in my tracks catching sight of them across the lot. Shuyin's holding one of her wrists but she slaps him with her open hand. I start walking through the car lanes, picking up speed as she starts to push him into another car.

"You think you can just lie and hurt people, and get away with it?" She backs away, "You don't think he'll ever find out and you're just happy to go on without taking any fucking responsibility? He's you're fucking brother!"

What..?

"Yeah and what am I supposed to fucking do about it? It was a mistake… Lenne you need to realize saying something now wouldn't make it okay, it would only hurt him."

"You should have thought of all that when you FUCKED her." She grabs his keys and heads towards their car.

"Seriously, you think that you're fucking driving? Do you realize how drunk you are?" He grabs her arm and forces the keys away.

"Then I'll walk. I'm sick of you. I can't stand you!"

Who'd you fuck, Shuyin?

"Why don't you head back into the bar and mourn your little girlfriend."

"Lenne… You've know about this since it happened."

"I didn't know shit. I didn't know about any fucking kid until he shows up on our fucking doorstep—she told me it was Tidus'! But he's yours… and you just want to hand him off. But I bet you knew all along, didn't you?"

"Get in the car." He grabs her by the shoulder, walking her to the other side of the car. "We'll talk about this at home."

"Get your hands off of me." She pushes him back, opening her own door. He travels around to the other side of the car. They burn off.

Shuyin…

"Is this your son?"

"Huh…?"

"Is this yours, son?"

I turn around, I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. Burke hands me my jacket. "I need another drink."

"What was that?"

I clear my throat. "I think I'll have another drink."

"Come on back in and sit down."

**Yuna**

The door slams and it would have woken me if I had fallen asleep instead of spending consequent hours staring at the ceiling. Did I forget to lock the front door? I hear someone trip and string angry curses together as they make their way into the apartment. Tepid and quietly I step out of bed and move towards the light creeping in from under the crack of the door. I twist the cool silver handle and slowly push it open.

He's in the hall, inspecting the closet. I breathe, it's just Tidus. I freely step into the hall and move to approach him. He notices me and doesn't react. He turns back to looking through the shelves.

"What are you trying to find?"

"Nothing… Go—Go back to bed."

"I'm sorry…" I run my hands over goosebumps that have covered my arms "I can understand if you want to be alone…"

He grabs a box and tucks it under his arm, ignoring me while he walks back into the living room. "Just go back to bed. I don't want to talk to you right now."

I try to tell myself that it's understandable… and that he needs his space but I can't move. I can't stop staring at him. He's so calm. There are no tears. I move to close the closet door and from the hallway I can see him on the couch sorting through Adrianna's things.

He leaves the box and I watch him cross into the kitchen where he grabs himself a bottle before returning to his activity. I hear the contents shifting before he picks up the box and empties it on to the coffee table.

"Do you want some coffee?" I ask, stepping into the central living room. I want to help him, not go back to bed.

"I'm fine." He replies turning an old sphere over in his hands. A second later it smashes against the opposite wall, my breath catches and he starts laughing, shaking his head and mumbling things I can't hear.

"What are you doing?" I ask, moving forward to pick up the larger shards of glass, "Why would you just…?"

He chuckles shortly. "Because I guess I can. Right? What does it matter anyway. You shouldn't care, I'm throwing away all this old shit, everything to do with her. You should be happy."

"Why would I be happy… Tidus… what are you doing?"

He digs his hand into a stack of notes and pictures, creasing them violently in his grasp. "Forget it."

I move forward and start putting the contents back into the box.

"Don't." He grabs it from me.

"You're going to regret this tomorrow." I say, continuing to place the discarded items in the box. He picks up a necklace made from old gum wrappers and starts wrapping it around his wrist. "Do you want some coffee, Tidus?"

"Why would I want coffee I don't drink coffee. Please Yuna—just go back to sleep."

"I wouldn't be able to fall asleep." I tell him, "Aren't you tired? Are you sure you don't want some water or…"

"I don't want anything." He replies staring down at the bracelet. "I just want … I just. Ahh… fuck."

I think I'm going to be sick. He starts picking apart the bracelet in front of me and dropping the pieces onto the carpet.

"You're going to regret this…" I say, trying to reason with him, "All these things… you held on to them for a reason and I know that if you give it some time that you'll realize this isn't want you want to do."

"Do you love me?" He says, looking up past his bangs and straight towards me, "You do, don't you? How would you feel… If I did this to you? If I just didn't give a fuck and just strung you along as I acted on every impulse… every fucking urge? If I didn't care if I hurt you?"

"Is that how you feel about her? You love her and she hurt you."

"You have no idea."

"You cared so much about her…" I say quietly. He'll never really be able to be the same, or able to open up that way to me. She hurt him and he'll always owe her for that. Am I masochistic—because I knew, I always knew that he had this inside of him.

Another crash and glass shards spray across the carpet. I watch his hiccupping laughter and his shaking hands as they part the strands of his hair. He's losing it. A warm sensation travels down the palm of my hand trickling onto my forearm. I catch a falling drop of blood springing from a wound caused by the sphere shards I'd picked up from the carpet. My knuckles had turned white with apprehension. I move into the kitchen and drop the glass into the trash bin. It's not too bad, just a scratch, just a flesh wound. Cold water helps calm the pulsing.

I never asked Tidus about the tabloid, I never found out what happened in Luca at the tournament, or why he was meeting her… why he couldn't call me or answer the phone. He came home and it was as if nothing had ever happened, I ignored all the signs. I put it to the back of my mind because I didn't want to doubt him, I didn't want to fight.

Tidus doesn't love me, he probably never will.

I wrap my hand with a clean dishcloth and knot it. I need to leave, I can't inhale, I can't breathe… I'm panicking. I try to tell him but he doesn't respond. He starts tearing apart more memorabilia and with each act of destruction I grow a little sicker.

Did I want this; did I want him to destroy her? I wasn't happy while she sat in the closet as a marked and undiscovered box. I wasn't happy when he loved her, I wasn't happy when she hurt him! Are we capable of happiness? Of even being content…

Tidus doesn't love me. He never will.

Authors Note: I'm not entirely satisfied, but I've used up all the wiggle room I can ask for this, seeing as it's been written and ready for nearly a year. Please let me know what your thoughts are on the chapter, I always appreciate feedback—and this chapter is, as you can see—especially trying.

Also, this chapter was not thoroughly beta read—so it's just me. Hopefully it's still alright—half dece, you know?

My year in a nutshell—I don't know what you've all been up to but I ended my three year (unstable)relationship last January/February when this was being written. I've had a crazy summer, a crazy, eventful, wonderful 10 months, done a lot of learning and haven't been quite so absorbed in this world of fiction. I hope now that I'm a little more settled—and in another relationship—although that really shouldn't have much to do with it but I wanted to brag a little about my amazing bf, who wouldn't like this because it probably boarders on inappropriate pda which he doesn't appreciate, and anyways—hopefully I'll be making a little more progress over the holidays. Happy holidays!


	20. Chapter 19

Dig deeper  
Daylight dreamer  
I'll try to dream of you  
When you're  
Far away  
When you seem further every day  
I'll drink my rivers, drag my feet, and drown in my dreams  
It's not as bad as it seems.

Drink My Rivers- Andy Shauf

* * *

**Shuyin**

At our third meeting, John sits across the table in a straight-backed chair. He communicates impersonally without gesturing; his eyes seem tired. Before I knew about Isaac I couldn't understand Adrianna's reasons to leave Tidus and marry John. I thought it was because of me and though I already regretted our past**, **seeing how she had injured Tidus was a surmounting guilt. Now a question of ownership lies between John and I that fundamentally has nothing to do with my brother and yet he's at the heart of this decision and never far from my subconscious.

"As the biological father…" John starts.

"We can't really be sure."

"They tested you, the doctors were sure."

"Tidus and Shuyin are identical twins." Lenne clarifies while giving us an illusion of space from the kitchen. "We can't know anything—identical strands of genetic material—even if Shuyin were willing to ask Tidus… it would only further complicate the situation."

It's true that the dates line up. We didn't use protection. Lenne was always on the pill— and I just assumed Adrianna would have said something. The pill, the patch, the ring, the shot, she excused that they all made her crazy. She didn't mean, she didn't intend, she didn't want to ruin anyone's life. And she was 100% sure that the boy was mine.

"He doesn't know me."

"I sincerely believe that your home is the right choice for him. I have always hated to admit failure," John professes, leaning forward placing his folded forearms on the table. "But**,** I can't do this. Adrianna was an amazing mother. She wanted a family for Isaac."

"I don't know**…**"

"Shuyin." Lenne walks into the room and solidifies herself in the conversation, "This isn't something you have the luxury of taking your time with. Isaac can't be shuffled back and forth while you make up your mind."

"But we need to consider all our options."

"We need to do the right thing." She sits down gently beside me and reaches for my hand. I know she wants to do this. "What do you need to think about? No Shuyin, no- no, no..." she gets up, "John, I think we should proceed as swiftly as possible, would the two of you join us for dinner?"

"Are you cooking?" I ask.

"Take-out." She replies to me curtly, "Does Isaac like pizza?"

"He's not picky."

"And what about you, John? You seem like the ham and pineapple type."

"Whatever you order will be fine. Shuyin, I know that under the circumstances…"

"If we eat around six… that should be alright." I cut him off and excuse myself from the table with a short apology to pursue a tall glass of water. We talked about having kids but Isaac isn't a baby, he walks and talks- he's house trained, fuck.

Lenne's ready for this, but what do I know about being a father? Jecht was always too absent, too drunk, too egocentric to learn from. This isn't something I was sure I'd even want but Lenne needs this—I can see it in those soft eyes. I've never said no to those eyes.

But I'm not worried about her right now— and my brother… I don't know if I can even claim that relationship anymore. I was stupid to think this could be forgotten. Tidus has always had a hard time with forgiveness and as far as family is concerned, his relationship with our father was worse than mine. I was all he had. Now Lenne wants to start a family of our own and this can't include him.

"Thanks John, thank you so much." Lenne's voice drifts from the foyer, and I hear the click of the closing door.

"You're so determined…" I call out to her, "To work through this—to make it all right."

"That's not my place." She replies, coming into the room. "I can't make this right. That's not possible. It's all so, so wrong."

"Have you thought this through at all? How can you just make up your mind for us?"

"There isn't a choice. He's your son." She takes the empty glass from my hand and roughly opens up the dishwasher. "You just have to deal with it."

"He's going to look at that boy—"I fight against the catch in my throat, the anxiety choking my chest

"And he's always going to be reminded of what you did. I know because I see the same thing. And it hurts Shuyin, it eats me alive—it's not okay but we have to—" She breathes, "We have to try. This is your mess but we're strong enough that we're going to make it work.

"How?" I search her.

"You just need to work with me Shuyin because Yevon-willing, I'm really—really trying."

"How can you still stand me?" I look out the sink top window and she places her hands across my chest and softly presses a kiss to the back of my neck.

"I'm not going anywhere." She quietly reassures me. "I promise you."

I kiss her knuckles, her fingertips, the pads of her palms and turn her around in my arms. "You're not scared?"

"Please!" She laughs through her nerves, "I'm terrified."

**Yuna**

It was during lunch, and the man hadn't looked like him at all, it was the cologne that did it. It was the first time a scent had caused such a reaction from me, not resulting in nausea but instead in a nostalgic sickness that has hovered over me since. I wanted to grab hold of the strange man and press myself against his chest. It's not that my thoughts of Tidus have become any less frequent; it is just that this makes the pain more pronounced.

Too easily affected, I surrendered my place in the lunch line when appetite abandoned me. Lately I've had to force myself to eat, the quality of the meals resting as deadweight in my stomach or coming up with the waves of sickness caused by my condition. I haven't been able to experience hunger for food, while everything else has felt so unfulfilled.

"Yuna, good you're back early." Kory steps in, breaking my reverie. "If you're not busy can I ask you for a favor this afternoon?"

"Of course" I respond placing my belongings in the staff bunker.

Looking through his paperwork, his reading glasses fall from his forehead to his brow. Kory pulls out a profile, browses its contents and hands it over to me. "Her name is Isabeal. She's had a little bit of trouble fitting in at another center. I've had an interview with her and her mother this morning, but I need you to show her around and try to help her integrate herself."

"Wasn't there's another girl, Renea? She came in yesterday" I remind him of our last transfer, "If I could get her to show Isabeal around it might be easier to facilitate a friendship."

"Great if you could start with the tour… and then we've got a gym activity planned for one-thirty. I think you could use that as your opportunity to introduce Renea and Isabeal?"

"Of course." I take his suggestion and make my move to leave the room.

"And Yuna—" He stops me, "We're going to have to talk eventually."

I don't need to ask for clarification. I know that I haven't been hiding my pregnancy as well as I might need to. "I know." I say quietly, hugging the girl's folder closer to the area, "and we will…"

"Alright, great. Good luck this afternoon then."

"Thanks." I find a place in the next room to sit with Isabeal's folder. I wonder if this is how my child will grow up, parented by a single mother raising a child as socially queer as myself. I question if he or she will take after their father and live an easy life with easy talents and natural charm. I'll look at this baby, and I'll be reminded every day of him. Reminded that I couldn't make it work, that being with me didn't come as easily as everything else.

In the flesh Isabeal looks young for her age, with hard features of an ethereal quality. Her medical profile marked her at one quarter Guado. Her heredity is apparent in the coloring of her blue-black hair and the slightly translucent quality of her skin. Her steel grey eyes look unfavorably over me.

"My name is Yuna." I try, approaching her outside the doors to the gymnasium. Renea is inside with the others as the teams have begun to be picked. Isabeal seems reluctant to speak to me. "Would you like to come inside with me, do you like dodge ball?"

"I like blitzball better." She states. "I'm not too good at it though. I probably won't be at Dodge ball **too**."

"Let's just give it a try?" I crack the door open with the palm of my hand. "I was never good at blitzball either."

She follows me wordlessly into the gymnasium where Renea and the other kids are waiting. Another worker, Anna, begins organizing them. I walk with her across the polished floor to Renea who curiously holds her vision on us.

"Renea this is Isabeal. She's new to this game so I was thinking you could help her?"

"Don't worry. I'm super good!" The twelve year old looks beyond me and walks over to the other girl. Renea isn't tentative. She is not shy or easily embarrassed. But—I don't know if at twelve you experience the same anxieties. At twelve you can't realize all the small factors of developing human relationships. These friendships that form so easily when you're young, I think we all take them for granted.

I let the game progress and the time passes slowly as it has been lately. I'm glad to be here, though. I'd rather be here than alone in Lulu's basement suite faced with the reality of my isolation. I dread those long hours that force reflection and deny my escape. And even so, they've wanted to talk to me and I want to be able to explain— but I don't know what to say and who to say it to first.

After dodge ball the girls do crafts and supervised free-time until parents start arriving around 5:30. Renea's father is one of the first to come by and the last pick-ups usually happen around 7. Isabeal is one of a small number of stragglers waiting on their over-worked or forgetful parents. Around seven thirty we raid the lunch cupboard and I make her a sandwich to eat. She situates herself at the little staff table and picks at the plastic wrapper of her juice-box straw.

"She's late sometimes**,** but she doesn't mean to be."

I smile, and cut the crusts off of the simple sandwich I make her. I remember how embarrassing it was waiting when my dad was supposed to pick me up after school. He gave very little regard for other people's time and I know they must have resented me for it. I sit the plate down in front of her and claim the empty seat across the table. She eats mostly in silence.

It's just me and Kory here now; he's in the other room finishing up paperwork while waiting to lock up. It's almost eight thirty and the sky is adjusting accordingly when her mother arrives. Miss. Greystone is a beautiful half-guado woman with silvery skin and long, slender limbs. She's surprisingly dishelved, despite her graceful form. Her hair is pinned back with various instruments, her clothes are oversized and she's trying to carry too much at once.

"Isabeal, where's your coat? Why aren't your things on?" She cries, catching sight of her daughter. "I'm sorry miss for running so late, I'm sure you have to be getting home. Isabeal—please hurry and get your things together."

"It is perfectly fine; would you like me to ask our supervisor to walk you to your car?"

"No, no. I wouldn't want to put anyone out of their way. We'll be catching the bus, that's part of the reason—Isabeal don't forget your book bag—that I've been running so late. I'm sorry, my car's in the shop and we've had a tough time bargaining with the Albehd—you know how they can be."

This type of off-handed racism isn't unfamiliar to me. I smile, but make short of the rest of our conversation. Kory joins me to see the two out the door, and we lock up together.

"I know you must be tired but would you mind sticking around for a couple minutes, I'll walk you to your car when we're done here."

"Sure." I apprehensively agree.

Kory leads me back to his office, most of the other lights in the building have been shut off and his room glows with artificial color. He leaves the door open and gestures for me to sit down. He lowers himself onto the edge of his desk. "I'm sorry if I was presumptuous, but am I right to assume that you are expecting?"

"It's a recent development, I didn't know when I had applied—"

"Look, Yuna, your job isn't on the line. I just want to make sure that you know what working on this side of town can be like. I have to prepare you for the realities of our job." He taps his pen on the side of the desk a few times, choosing his words, "We implement a buddy system. You are never to walk out of this building without another worker after five. There are a couple parents that we've had issues within the past, domestic disagreements aren't an uncommon occurrence. As hard as it is we try to stay out of these situations, there are times when the center has had to get the police involved. We try to provide a safe environment for these kids, but it's important to always be on the defense. I don't want anything to happen to you, or any of my employees. I want to make sure that you're aware of all the risks." He reaches forward and squeezes my arm, "That being said, I believe congratulations are in order?"

I try to smile but I can feel it wavering. I remember I'm supposed to be happy about this, and there were moments in that first week that I had been—that I even thought once things settled this might turn out alright. "Thank you." I say to him.

"I don't know you well… but I have this feeling that you're going to do great. Not just here, I think you've got a lot of potential Yuna. I want you to try and keep your head up, and let me know what I can do for you if the workloads ever getting to be too much."

"I will." I promise him. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

"Well if you ever want to talk about anything else…" He gets up from the desk, "I'm usually willing to listen."

"I'll keep that in mind." I reply, helping myself out of the chair.

Kory flips off the office light and locks up behind us. We exit through the back making small talk as he walks me to my car. "Kory…" I say, unlocking the driver's side, "If you haven't eaten yet, do you want to stop somewhere to grab a bite?"

"Sure, my nights wide open. What were you thinking?"

"Anything—really I haven't eaten all day."

**Rikku**

It's never been this hard to design. I look over the paper raw with erased lines, and dusted with rubber particles. I can't concentrate**:** Tidus and Yunie are having a baby. Thinking of them makes it seem a little too lonely around this house. Gippal's in his garage, or in the living room or in the kitchen—I don't even know if he's home. I don't like this big empty house.

I toss my pencil and sketchbook aside onto the desk. Despite deadlines I don't know if I have the mind to work tonight. I want to be sewing onesies and bonnets and booties. I can't help living vicariously through her. I know it may be unhealthy for me and I know it might be wrong but I can't let this be another tragedy. I'm so, so sick of sad stories.

I'm motivated to make things better and I have not felt this determined in a long time. I wasn't happy at first, but now I feel like I have to be. . Everyone, everyone is falling apart, and I can't be one of them. I feel almost like Gippal and I've started this chain reaction, that our problems have manifested themselves in our friends. If I hadn't been so stubborn and hadn't stayed with them while we were fighting, maybe they would have been able to work this out.

I feel a little stir-crazy sitting here while I know that there's something I could be doing. The best place to start has to be with Gippal. At the very least things haven't been getting any worse. We've been talking a little more, chatting really, nothing serious. I feel like we need to get to know each other all over again and it's rough 'cause it's not like I can go up to him, tap him from behind and make an indecent proposal. But I can offer him coffee and a late night snack, I decide, heading out into the kitchen to make something simple and unlikely to burn. It's easy enough to slap together two slices of bread with a little peanut butter and jam. Gippal's not picky, but more often than not he's hungry.

He likes his coffee black, and I know it might not be brewed just to his tastes, but I carry them out to the garage where I can hear him talking on his cell. "Hey you."

He looks over at me, smiles and gestures for me to come in before continuing his conversation. "Well, why don't you just come over for a bit—yeah, yeah I know it's getting late, but Rik and I aren't planning on heading to bed anytime soon. I'll order some take-out."

"I really think you should consider it, we'll be expecting you. Yeah, okay. See you soon." He closes the call, "What do you have there?" I hand him the plate and coffee, he sits them down on his work bench, "Thanks, That was Tidus."

"Really?" It's chilly out in the garage, I work and rubbing away the Goosebumps on my bare arms. "I gotta tell you something…"

He knits together his eyebrows, "Oh yeah?"

"I haven't told anyone else… but you're my husband." I tease with a small smile, "You can keep my secret, right?"

"Nothing leaves this room, Kid."

"She's pregnant."

"You mean Yuna?" He says wiping his hand through his hair and then swearing to himself as he realizes it was caked in dirt and dark engine oil. "You're kidding?" I don't care how dirty Gippal is right now, I have an overwhelming urge to be next to him.

I step forward tentatively and he roughly closes the rest of the gap by pulling me into his arms, "Are you okay?"

I laugh against his neck, "I think it's amazing."

"Really?" He breathes heavily, "Don't laugh it off if you're not."

I wrap my arms around his chest, "I'm not going to let myself take it personally. Yunie needs me now, you know?"

He brushes back my hair, "How long have you known? Have you talked to Tidus?

"Well," I place my hand against Gippal's chest and draw a little away from him, "He doesn't exactly know."

"So she's only told you… before Tidus? Shit." He drops his arms from around me. "I don't know what to…"

I give him a look and decide to sit down next to the plate with the sandwich. "She told me at the funeral. She's gonna keep it too. Well have it at least—I don't know if she has considered adoption."

"Yeah." He drinks from the mug, "That figures. Are you gonna tell him?"

"I—you know I can't. It's… personal—"

"And is she going to, are you sure Yuna's going to tell him?"

I look down to my nails, this isn't the kind of secret she can hide. If she chose to**,** she could just leave again. "I don't know."

"Rikku… you tell me this now, and he's on his way over?" Gippal rubs his jaw, "I'm not supposed to say anything?"

"I know… But, I told her to wait… I'm just worried that she'll lose her nerve now they're not even together anymore." I catch his eyes, realizing this is the longest conversation we've had outside therapy. I pause before continuing. "And then it's like kind of on me right? Because I'm the only person who Yunie wanted to know. She's family and I can't just go behind her back…"

"Yeah I know—and you owe Tidus too. I've been talking to him a bit. You know he must be pretty fucking lonely to be coming to me." Gippal chuckles and catches sight of his dirty tank and jeans in the mirror, "Fuck, I need a shower."

"What's he saying?" I stand up and start help Gippal's pick up his tools. "Does he miss her?"

"We don't really talk about that stuff. I mean he bitches but…" Gippal appears severely uncomfortable. He grabs his toolbox and puts it away in his workbench, "We're guys."

"So you're saying there's nothing you can tell me?"

"Not if you're planning on running back to her with it." He glances back at me with a pointed look. "You said it yourself. It's personal, right'?"

"You know that they're going to wind up together anyways." I cry as he moves to exit the garage. "And if you don't want me to say anything—you know I wouldn't."

He pauses, "It's not that I don't trust you, and I don't mean to be a jackass but—how can you think we're in any position to help them?"

While Gippal showered I ordered our dinner. Standing in the empty kitchen my mind wanders to our conversation in the garage. We can't say we worked it out or even that it all turned out alright. We're surviving and it's awkward and messy and uncomfortable—but we are surviving. Gippal is right, we shouldn't try to help them. So many of our friends are still single, still partying and drinking with their small worlds and concerns while my husband and me, everyday, are just trying to heal.

When Tidus arrives he looks better than I'd pictured**;** the first few months of summer have touched his skin. Tidus helps himself to a glass of orange juice, sheds his leather jacket and Abes hoodie, and then sits down across from me at the island. He asks how work is, how my day's been, why I haven't come to any of his games yet this season.

"I'll come to your next one." I tell him, I promise. "As long as you guarantee Gippal and I good seats."

"Of course, I'll have you up in the press box for next Friday."

"I'll be there." I grab myself a cooler from the pantry. "I hear you're doing good this season."

"Yeah. Definitely."

"You've got a lot on your plate right now—what with being captain and all that press junket stuff they'll have you lined up for this year." I twist off the cap and enjoy the cool carbonation as it reaches the back of my throat.

"It's been keeping me busy enough." He shrugs, "Which is good."

"You ever figure things out with that kid?" I change the subject. I take another short sip.

"It wasn't what I thought." Tidus replies.

"I hoped it wouldn't be. " I smile, "But now you and Yuna are…"

"Over." He replies. "She is having a hard time forgiving me. She doesn't want to talk about it."

"I know but… is that it?"

"I don't know how to answer that question. I don't really know." He pauses. "Where's Gippal?"

"Showering… well, probably drying off by now. He'll be down in a minute. Anyhow. You seem like you're doing alright… so that's good. I don't really understand what happened with you two though." He drinks from his juice and we fall into an uncharacteristic silence. "I hear your brother has decided to take some time off from work."

"A stress leave is what they're calling it."

"What does Shuyin have to be stressed about?"

Tidus shakes his head with a little grin, "Oh I don't know. It must be some kind of—secret."

"Must be."

"And Yuna's doing alright, right?" He returns to the subject. I think he wants information but he's afraid of what he might hear.

"She's dealing with a lot right now."

He runs a hand through his hair and looks down at the counter. I watch him mindlessly trace patterns on its surface. "Can you just let me know if you hear anything?" He shrugs, "I had that reservation Gippal gave us for her birthday, I went and everything—just hoping that she'd show up. She didn't though. You know? I felt like such an idiot sitting there, trying to justify every minute I stayed."

"Do you want me to tell her that you're worried?"

"Don't say anything about me." He half grins, "I'm sure she doesn't want to hear it."

"Well ideally what do you want to happen?" I start picking at the damp label of my drink, "You know, in a perfect world?"

He looks up at me and back at the counter. His eyes are kind of red and watery and although his isn't the first time I've seen Tidus on the verge of tears I feel like I know his hopelessness. "I want to know if it would have made a difference if I could have said the right thing."

"That's your issue though—you're always hanging onto the past what you could have done or should have said. It was like that with you and Annie too."

Gippal enters the kitchen and heads for the refrigerator. "Where's dinner?"

"It should be here soon. I ordered like a half hour ago." I check the time on the microwave. It's almost nine.

"Hey man." Gippal acknowledges Tidus.

Tidus shrugs."What's going on?"

"Not a whole lot." Gippal closes the door to the fridge without picking anything. "Hungry."

The door rings. Gippal excuses himself to grab his wallet and pay for the delivery. Tidus turns his attention away from me and plays with the rim of his glass. The edge of the granite counter is cool against my midriff as I lean forward to inspect Tidus. "Did you love her?"

He nods. "I never said it."

"You're going to have to go see her if you're serious about wanting to work it out."

"And say what? If I couldn't tell Yuna I loved her while we were together I have no right saying it now."

"Have you talked to Shuyin? Or even Lenne? They'd probably know what to tell you."

"It turns out that he's the kid's dad."

"What do you mean?" I have to be sure that I haven't misunderstood. "Annie's son?"

"Yes."

I hadn't been able to develop a personal relationship with Shuyin in the same way as my relationship with Tidus. Still, it's almost incomprehensible to imagine Shuyin capable of cheating on Lenne. A cold fear of saying the wrong thing rises in my throat. Tidus would give Shuyin the benefit of the doubt if he was at all apprehensive.

"You gonna say something Rik?"

"It doesn't seem possible." I hold myself around the shoulders."How long have you known?"

"Since the day after the funeral, I guess." He continues, "I sat down with her dad. Shuyin's known for almost a year, Lenne too."

"I wish I knew what to say." I feel useless. "Or how I could help."

Tidus reaches across the counter and grabs my hand with a little squeeze. "You're always making the effort to be as optimistic as possible and it's motivated me to try harder. Shuyin will always be my brother—but that doesn't mean we'll be able to have a relationship."

He draws his hand away and uses it to sweep back his hair. "I have to focus on the right things right now, blitzball and my team. If I can I want to make it work with Yuna.

"You're going to have to show her that there's no more dicking around." Gippal says evidently having overheard part of the conversation. He enters the room and places the takeout bags on the counter. "That girl's not getting over you anytime soon. I've told you man, If you want her you're just going to have to get serious."

"Isn't Gippal romantic?" I remove one of items smelling headily of grease from a bag. My husband doesn't understand sensitivity and understanding. Gippal likes to think of himself as practical. I know what he's thinking, that there's no use talking bout' it if he's not prepared to fix it.

"Tidus, if you could choose between your relationship with Yuna three and a half months ago or back when you were still friends what would you do?" I ask him, picking apart the dish with my plastic fork.

"He'd be with her." Gippal answers for Tidus. "You would, right?"

"Can I change anything? I wish I could have made her happy, done the right thing, you know?" His eyebrows raise and he swipes a forkful from a noodle box in Gippal's grasps. "Or fix how I fucked up? I know you guys were waiting for it. But she expected more from me."

"I didn't think you'd mess it up." Gippal replies. "I was a huge fan of you two**;** we knew you would get together." He gestures to me, stuffs his mouth, swallows whole and continues, "We knew before you did. I figured you would make it work. Besides, just to play the devil's advocate—are you sure you're entirely in the wrong? What were her reasons for leaving?"

"I wish I could be sure. I blacked out that night. Even if she's over reacting to whatever I did I would rather give in than loose her." He says. "She doesn't want to talk to me and I've been trying not to think about it. I've asked around but she hasn't been speaking to anyone."

I wish I could tell him everything I know. I know Gippal was right. He's looking at me right now telling me that this isn't our problem with his poignant stare. Let them work it out; let them do it without us. Don't get involved. I dig out my cell-phone and go through my messages. "She's staying at Lu's. If you want to find her, check with Wakka."

I can see a trace of confusion in his brow. He'd been keeping her a secret and Tidus had already checked with Wakka'. Yuna trusted me never to betray her situation, and I hadn't. Now I question what never means. I'm beginning to realize the measure of length she's taken to hide herself and detach from Tidus. "Thanks Rik… but maybe she just needs her space." Tidus pauses, "Whatever I did it must have broken her heart."

"It's not just you Tidus…" I put down what I'd been picking at and move around the island to come beside him. "I think Yuna has some of her own issues. And maybe it's taking so long because she wants to give herself space to figure it out. She's scared of being hurt. What Yuna doesn't understand, and this is what you need to convince her **of**, is that this kind of space only creates more problems."

"Well the way I see it you're both lonely and miserable and one of you has to fix it. Rikku and I aren't going to get any more involved in this than we have to… Talk to Wakka, figure it out." Gippal breaks our conversation, refusing to hear any more about the situation. I could keep talking, but I can see Tidus agrees with him. He wants a solution, he needs a game plan.

I let Gippal sleep in bed with me tonight, he tells me the couch is more comfortable and I threaten to kick him out. Then he kisses my shoulder and gently assures me that he was kidding. He wraps his arms around my chest and listened to me talk until my anxieties wane and I can fall asleep. I warn myself against the surge of emotion when I start to believe we might have another chance.

* * *

A/N: It's been awhile. My life has been more dramatic than this story. Enjoy & Review.

~Thank-you to MisaHoshi for beta-reading.


	21. Chapter 20: Where secrets are revealed

I have been planning out

All that I'd say to you

Since you slipped away

Know that I still remain true

I've been wishing out the days

Come Back- _Pearl Jam_

**November 29th **

**Tidus**

In a moment reality had dissolved around me. In the hallways of Zanarkand Prep, where I played ball for the Behemoths, I reflect upon the respect I won playing a position that I've taken to a bigger field. Wasn't it all just in my mind? I felt a power when the ball hit my foot, collided against the net, rocked with the blitz and the current of the sphere pool. My ego rose and the pool swelled. The people would stand and cheer— for me! Wakka rocked in those same waves and now he coaches the dreams of the next generation. We're all replaceable.

I had a passion for the game and a hatred for the man who taught me the shot. Jecht hated to watch me score. I badly wanted to take away from my father the thing he loved. He dedicated his life to Blitzball above family.

It became about more than upstaging my father. I found that I loved the attention; I loved feeling like nothing could penetrate me. I felt the motion of the wave in my sleep. I was rocking—but now I wait for the next ripple on the surface—my surroundings have calmed to a standstill. I can't sit still. I adjust myself on the edge of the bench and I wait for the nostalgia like nausea to settle in the pit of my stomach.

Wakka joins me in the hallway after practice breaks out. A silver whistle on a black shoelace hangs underneath the collar of his white-pressed polo. I stand up and brush my palms against the fabric of my jeans.

We hug, "It's nice to see ya!"

"Is practice out?

"Yeah, the guys are just getting changed."

I ask him if he's ready to grab something to eat and we decide on stopping for a couple drinks at a sports bar fifteen minutes away. It's a dive filled with asinine chatter over locally brewed draught. When the conversation begins to lull, a broadcast of last night's Aurochs game highlights fills in the spaces. It's hard to concentrate on the conversation when there's so much I'd rather be saying. It's hard not to be angry, not to attack him with all my hurt and frustration.

He orders a drink and asks me what I feel like eating. I decide on an avocado club sandwich. More instant replays of last night's game, chocobo racing, a small script runs across one the bottom of the screen: tragedy in downtown Zanarkand.

Wakka invited me to lunch but it feels like little more than a formality. I want him to speak up. And wasn't that shooting just a couple blocks from the community center?

"You've been a little off—it must be trying with Shuyin on leave. He was a good support-player for you." Wakka's been watching me play, taking notes, using my inattention to the game as a tool, an example for his students. Focus, focus, focus, keep your eye on the blitz, interact with the play—don't get distracted by those girls up there on the bleachers: this isn't just a game—it's a culture, its religion, you know? The mentality is that If you don't succeed here you might as well drown in the pool because you'll never love anything as much as the blitz.

"I'm not sure he'll come back to the team." I reply. I wish there was a drink in front of me, so that I could do something with my hands. "Any promising athletes on the Behemoths this year?"

"Our center's been drafted to the Goers— we won't really know what happens until the end of the season but things are looking good."

"Great, you do a good job with those boys." I reply. The waitress comes back with our drinks.

"I do what I can." Wakka drinks.

I drink.

I still check my phone more than I should and spend empty moments wondering what she's doing. Underneath the bar top I scan old messages while Wakka watches the plays and our food cooks in the back of the kitchen and cools under the heat lamp. We wait in tense seconds as our waitress manages a full section. I look through the small things pointless things she would tell me about her day. I look through my unanswered questions, apologies.

I drink, I swallow, drink again—this time deeper, I take in more, I feel my chest trembling as it accepts full swigs of the draught. It isn't helping to cool me down. I realize it might be too early to want to drown. "When you go home tonight, Wakka, are you going to mention this?"

Wakka's drink doesn't quite make it to his lip. "I doubt that'd be a good idea, Tidus."

"Right." I say, "You tell them you saw me—or tell Yuna how well I'm doing?"

"This doesn't have to affect our friendship." He fixes straight ahead at those screens, at those games. "Would you expect Lu to turn her away?"

"Do you know what she's thinking?" I ask, "I just want to know where I stand." The waitress sets down our meals, Wakka thanks her and orders us both another drink, "I wouldn't expect you to lie to me."

"Well I guess that's just tough, Tidus. I guess—" he picks up the drink, sharply deciding not to finish his sentence. "She won't be staying with us much longer."

"Is she heading back to Luca?"

"No, she's settling here. Her mother's cosigned on a house in Zanarkand East."

"A house in Shuyin's neighborhood?"

"Three bedrooms, an unfinished basement. Two bathrooms. It's about 40 years old, modern enough—nice back yard but she'll need to have a few things fixed up. I thought Gippal might be able to work on the electric a bit, and during summer break I'll get to the basement. They got a great deal, about 55,000 gil, I'd say."

"Her mother?"

"She's going to be flying in on Monday." Wakka drinks.

"Really?" Yuna's mother moved shortly after her and Braska's separation. "I didn't think she'd ever consider coming back to Zanarkand." The harassment had become too trying. The media painted an entirely unsympathetic portrait of Braska's ex-wife.

"I don't know how long she'll be in town—look Tidus, I agree that the two of you need to talk—I think that she's just as confused as you are—you coming home all wrapped up tightly in the past like you were."

"Is she at your place right now?"

"What kind of question is that?"

I feel indignant. Rhetorical. "You know what Rikku and Gippal think—right?"

"What do they think?"

"They don't think I should be so patient with her."

"No, huh?"

"No." I smile, "They don't."

Wakka purses his bottom lip, he drinks, I drink.

"Will you tell her you saw me?"

"It'll only make her feel sick. Do you want me to do that to Yuna?"

Kind of. We watch the rest of the game and I treat him to dinner. Wakka drops me off at my car. There was more I could have asked but I'm too exhausted.

I drive to the arena, back to the blitz, and an empty Thursday afternoon locker room. Sphere practice has been closed for the week while they treat the water and, while the gym's been fairly busy in the mornings, after lunch things cool down. When I stop in to check with coach the building's almost deserted.

"Sit down." He says without looking up from his research. "What can I do you for, Tidus?"

**Yuna**

I cross the gymnasium floor on a manhunt. The boy I need to find is in the back supply room, looking through crates of gym supplies. I spot Danny without him noticing me, "Your dad's here, Daniel." I coax him lightly but he shrugs off my hand and makes a break for it, running out to the rest of the kids in the gym.

"Tell him I ran away!" I turn on my heels and glance back at Mr. Rogers and his daughter in the next room saying their goodbyes to Kory.

Kory makes eye contact and excuses himself from the conversation. He walks in and all six feet of him breeze over to grab the kid. It takes Kory a few minutes of roughhousing before he throws Danny over his shoulder in a fit of laughing hysterics. A couple of the boys chase after them and I watch bewildered by his natural talent with children.

Our intern calls all the kids back to calm down, resorting to her whistle where vocal chords fall short. The boys come back to her and I excuse myself to say goodbye to the family.

The family will be moving to Bevell at the end of the week and it's one of Danny's last days with us. He's been here 3 years, but his mother's been transferred for her medical internship. It's been just Mr. Rogers and the kids for the last few months.

"Are you all packed up?" I ask.

"We're getting there." Jeremy laughs, "The kids keep rummaging through the boxes and taking out all their stuff."

"That must be because Danny doesn't think he's actually going anywhere." Kory jokes.

"Well you can stay here if you want," Jeremy addresses his son, "but I don't know where you'll live."

"We'll clear an area for him in the boot room and make him do our paperwork." Kory suggests.

Kory's close with the Rogers family and most of the families here. He makes an effort to connect with the people who leave their kids with us. He's known the Rogers since before they had kids, before Jennifer and Jeremy had even met. Five years ago, Jennifer job-shared my position while she was still taking classes in med-school.

Kory hugs Danny and Jeremy goodbye and promises that Danny can come back anytime when they're visiting the city.

"Danny would be lousy at paperwork. No attention span to speak of."

"Well, we'd be paying him in sandwiches, cereal and bedtime stories."

"Can I be paid in sandwiches, cereal and bedtime stories?" I joke. In the distance I hear the Rogers engine.

"Let me guess: turkey on rye, mini-wheats, and the velveteen rabbit?"

"You read me like a book."

"I just listen." Kory smiles, "What are your plans this fine evening?"

"Take out and television." I offer. We start walking towards Kory's office. "Maybe a little bit of organization."

He opens the door for me, "You should let me help you with some of that, or I could come over and cook for you while you're packing, feed you a real meal."

"Turkey on rye?"

"I make a mean baked spaghetti." He leans back against the desk with a small smile.

"Kory—"

"I just want to help take your mind off things, Yuna. You've had a rough go of it and my feeling is that you could use a friend," He loosens his tie, "Someone not so connected to the situation, a fresh outlook. I can be an objective listener."

I press my temple. "I'd like that..."

He reaches forward for my other hand and pulls me closer, "Seriously. We're friends."

Yet, something in my gut tells me it's more than that, that I should be wary... that even though coming to work with this man has been the highlight of my day for the past few months, I should be careful.

A copy of the _Zanarkand Rail_ sits on his desk. The Abes are on the cover. It's been 10 years since Jecht's retirement. Tidus, gorgeous as ever, wears half a smile and a baggy black beanie that matches his button up waffle-print shirt. I grab the issue, rub my free thumb over his photo and even while doing this I feel—something. A jolt in the nape of my neck. "Are you a Blitz fan, Kory?"

"Was rubbish at it, so not really." He shifts and his knee briefly brushes my right upper thigh.

"My ex-boyfriend plays for the Abes," I turn the cover so he can see it, "The blonde." Kory takes the magazine and drops my hand. I back away a few paces. "Tidus and I have known each other for a very long time."

"You're going to hate me." He pauses for a moment, his face void of expression. "I've made arrangements for a couple of the Zanarkand Abes to come by later this week to do a workshop with the kids— I don't think that he had anything to do with it, it was all booked through management, but I didn't know..."

Does that mean Tidus would be coming here? To my work? My heart cowers at the possibility. I'm not sure if I'm excited or terrified. He can't see me, not yet. "Kory, things are really complicated between us. I don't want to be making this into a big issue but is it at all possible that I could get the day off?"

"Yuna, I'll need your help. The press will be here to interview me— you know that we're short staffed as it is."

"I don't want to put you in this position, I'm sorry. It's just that, I don't mean to get personal but, I haven't told him yet." It sounds ridiculous to put it into words. I'm almost six months pregnant.

"And he's the—" Kory gestures towards my womb.

I nod, my throat dry.

"Well if he's one of the players they're sending over he's going to find out. If any of the other players know you—he'll probably find out."

"I know."

"Why haven't you told him?"

I have no '_why'_. I know this isn't the right way for him to find out. The news looms overhead as I finish my workday. I find a reason to cancel dinner and by the time I settle in behind the steering wheel of my car and open the center counsel, I've made a decision.

I never threw away my keys to Tidus' place. Right now he's probably at practice... but if I go home first I'll have to explain myself to Lulu and Wakka, they'd want to get involved, be there to support me—Tidus. I need this to come from me, alone. I knew that once I decided to tell him, I wouldn't be able put it off longer, and now I don't have that choice.

I drive to his apartment, taking the longest route. I park outside the building, my heart thunders, the phone is heavy in my hand, the clicking of each digit echoes. Tidus picks up on the second ring but dead, stale air sits between us. He's the first to speak.

"Yuna?"

"Are you at home?" I cut through it, forget the small talk— just tell him facts. I'm not going to pretend like there's anything to salvage between us.

"I'm just finishing at the Gym."

I pause, he doesn't sound pleased to hear from me. "I'm outside your building and I want to talk to you."

"We can talk like this..."

"I think it would be better if we could do this in person..."

"I don't know what this is. You packed all your stuff up months ago and left... I tried texting, calling and you wouldn't answer." He breathes, "No one wanted to tell me where you were or what, what happened to you... so now you're calling me out of nowhere and I don't know what to make of it."

"I could explain better if I could see you..."

"You don't feel like, maybe I needed an explanation a long time ago?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry because you think that's what I want to hear."

"I know that I've handled things really poorly but if you could just hear me out—"

He pauses, my heart continues to pound but I don't think I can breathe. He's angry and I don't know why I didn't expect him to be.

"I'll be there in ten minutes, I'll call and let the doorman know to let you up."

I drop the key back into the console but I don't leave my car until I see his pull alongside the building and park. He looks freshly showered; he waits in the car, staring at the steering wheel. If I get out of the vehicle he'll see me and know before I have a chance to tell him.

He gets out of the Vehicle and walks rigidly towards the front doors of his complex.

I open my car door and call him. I stand on the cement, shielding myself with the door, a poor disguise. He turns and looks at me. He walks over. We're meters apart, feet, I'm waiting for the inches and centimeters. He stops and it kills me that I can't touch him.

"I shouldn't have been short with you on the phone."

"It's okay." I reply.

"Yuna— if you're here to make up I don't think I can go back to being your friend."

"I'm not asking you to."

He looks at me with unyielding eye contact.

"I'm happy to see you." It's not the truth. It's partially the truth. This is painful.

"Should we go inside?"

I realize I'm shivering. "I just have this one thing I need tell you..."

"Why did you leave?"

"You never would have loved me like you loved her." It's easier to say than I expected, almost a knee-jerk reaction. Like I've been waiting too long to let it out. Tidus and I are over, I'm not trying to salvage our relationship anymore or draw him back, I just want to keep this from getting any worse. "But that's not why I'm here."

"You don't know that."

I feel like I do. I feel like it's the only thing I know. He never said he loved me, he'd make love to me and its absence would ring in the silence.

"Yuna, you don't know that. You never talked to me—you never gave me a chance to fix this, or explain what happened that night."

"You lost the love of your life."

"The love of my life? Adrianna had a little boy with my brother, that I spent most of the day of her funeral convincing myself the kid was my own— I thought it was going to tear us—you and me apart." He grabs the edge of the car door, "I found out it was Shuyin's and I was drunk, and I acted emotionally. I'm sorry if that scared you. I would have made it up to you, Yuna. I would have done what it took to reassure you."

"You still refer to her as the love of your life."

"Because you did." he runs a hand through his hair, "I really feel like I'm saying all the wrong things. I have missed you, but I'm mad as hell at you and it doesn't change how much I love you," He grimaces, bowing his head, "I have this pillow on my bed that doesn't even really smell like you anymore, but I don't wash it because once it did. I haven't even gotten rid of any of your things... you absolutely broke my heart."

"I'm pregnant. I just—didn't want you to hear it from someone else."

**Tidus**

"Pregnant?" Still reeling from everything I'd just said, that one word tastes awful in my mouth. "You're with someone?"

"No. Tidus, I'm about six months along."

I'm not sure I understand, but she doesn't wait for me to react before making a move to get back into the vehicle. I hold onto the car door to keep her from closing the last strand of communication between us. "My kid?"

"Your kid." I see now the subtle ways her body has changed, the loose fitting navy dress, the contrast between the dark tones and her stark-white skin. Her eyes look forward, past me, out into the street. Should I be angry? I feel guilty.

"Can you come with me inside, I'll cook us something, we can talk..."

She continues to look out at the street. "I just wanted you to know. This doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Yuna. Do you really think you should just leave right now? You don't want to hear what I have to say?"

"The longer I sit here with you now the more painful it's going to be for me to drive away."

"I don't want you to go anywhere— this affects me too. You can't just do what you want with no regard to..." I trip on my sentence, I don't want to get angry with her. If the kid is mine, and clearly she's decided to keep it, I'm going to be in the picture. "Please come inside."

I take her hand and coax her out of the car. I draw her into me and feel my chest cave, the need to cry. She shutters and I choke it down. I brace her head against my shoulder, smell her hair and swallow hard.

She's breathing heavy, the winds picking up; I need to take her inside.

Yuna lets me hold her hand as we make our way to my apartment, my tenth-floor penthouse, my bachelor pad. Suddenly I'm self-conscious about my environment, the sparse furnishing. The room feels empty. I sit her down on the couch and move to make some tea. She feels reluctant to drop my hand.

She picks up a call while I'm in the kitchen. It must be Lulu because she lies about where she is and ends the conversation abruptly.

"I heard you bought a place, by Shuyin and Lenne."

"It's a small house, it needs a lot of work but Wakka helped me find a good price."

"He told me about it, I saw him at lunch. Your mom's coming in?"

"She wanted to be here for this. My dad doesn't know."

I place the kettle on the burner and come back to the couch, choosing to sit on an armchair facing her, rather than beside her. "Well, at least I'm not the last person you told."

Yuna flinches. "I know that I deserve that... I was always going to tell you but I found it so hard— knowing that we're over. I didn't want to think about how you'd react. I didn't want you to be angry with me."

"You think I'd be angry? I'm not angry with you," I pause, I don't want to lie to her, either. "I am confused about a lot of things. I still don't really understand why you left."

She closes her eyes. "I can't compete."

"You never had to."

"Outside, by the car... you said that you loved me. You never said that to me before, but I know you loved her. Because of our history— and my history with Adrianna, I couldn't deal with it— I had just found out I was pregnant. If I had stayed with you, you would always be somewhere else."

"So are you closing the doors on us?"

She squeezes her palms together, "I can't do that."

"Then let's take things slow and figure it out. I want to be around for this."

"That's not what I want, for you to stay with me because of—"

"It's not." I breathe, "I haven't forgiven myself for how things ended. I still really care about you."

I know it sounds desperate as I say it, I hear my own voice crack. Am I supposed to be trying to save face right now? Can I afford to? Can I afford not to? Yuna doesn't react to me, the tea kettle whistles and she gets up, moving through the space like we still share it, to pour our hot water.

"But you should think about it. I'm not holding you to anything."

"I don't have anything to think about."

"What's your answer, Tidus?" Yuna asks, working from the kitchen. "We have too many things unsettled between us to go back to how things were. We're going to... " She stops, adjusts, "I'm going to have a baby and since you want to be a part of this we need to find a way to handle it."

"And we will, everything's going to be okay, I'm going to be better."

"You're not understanding me." She braces herself against the counter, "We're not going to get back together anytime soon."

"But we should work on it."

"I wouldn't know where to start."

The tea bags steep, "I have some ideas. I think it's important that we try. Rikku and Gippal are doing the therapy thing— "

"Counseling is a good idea, we should talk to someone about co-parenting." She brings the mugs in, and sets them down on the glass-surface coffee table.

Slivers of steam rise from our cups, dissipating into fumes. Yuna's phone rings and she ignores the call. She sends a text, curls her legs underneath her body on the couch. She closes the phone and reaches for her drink, cooling it with her breath.

"Exactly how far along are you?"

"Six and a half months..."

"Shit."

She flinches, recovers, returns her attention to the tea. "I didn't know until I was pretty far along... I found out the same night she died."

She told me it was the stomach flu, avoided me for the week leading up to the funeral, and let me deal with my confusion and grief without saying a word. And then Yuna packed. And then Yuna left.

I watch her with trepidation; amazed that she's an arm-reach away.

"I'm sorry."

"I should have told you sooner."

"I should have known it wasn't the stomach flu."

"I can't do this alone..." she confesses suddenly.

I bring myself next to her, hand on cheek, kiss her forehead. "I think that we've got two and a half months... and we'll figure it out along the way. It's okay."

"I'm terrified."

"You're going to be great."

She pulls away, eyes wide and focused on me, "aren't you scared, aren't you—"

"I'm fine. Just let me be a part of this. Let's work on it, okay?"

With a closed mouth and wide eyes she seems to be fighting with herself. She blinks, reaches for the tea, looking for a tool to break the moment, I grab her hand because I want her focus.

"We can try." She says.

"I'll find us someone to talk to." I tell her.

"Do you want to see the house?" She asks, I can tell she's on the verge of tears; her voice is hard, faltering.

"Let's go." I ask her to wait and grab one of the heavier jackets from her stuff that I'd packed away. Clothes, make-up, all things I held onto.

I lock up the apartment behind us and help her into my car. I'm unsure of how delicately I should be treating her, what she needs.

The sky starts to turn. I merge onto the highway, a familiar route. I let myself think about Shuyin and Lenne, Wakka and Lulu, Rikku and Gippal. Me and Yuna.

"Are you in shock?" She asks.

"I might be." I tell her with a grin.

"Are you happy, are you nervous? What are you thinking?"

"I don't know," I run one hand through my hair and then promptly put it back on the wheel, safety conscious. "Nervous, definitely nervous."

"Do you think I made the right decision?"

"I think that it was the only option—I think that you're more than capable of being a fantastic mother and that we can give this child a happy life."

"Will you love it?"

"Yuna, of course I will."

I lose her again to the silence. She points me in the right direction. Two blocks east of Shuyin and Lenne's. We stop at an overgrown garden, on a paved driveway where weeds poke through the brick and the charming red stucco is two stories high. White paned windows line the walls, a white garage and blue front door with a half-moon window.

Charming and curious. She unlocks the door, her small frame drowning in the heavy coat. The rooms are nearly empty; a few pieces of furniture covered in old sheets sit in the front foyer. The wooden floors are worn but have potential. She switches on the lights and dust settles.

"There is a lot we can do here." I say, removing one of the sheets and sitting down with her on an old loveseat.

"Gippal is going to work on the electricity when he has the time… some of the furniture should arrive next week."

"Are you still working?"

She nods, "For as long as possible."

"And—"

"Kory knows."

"Kory…" I recognize a little bit of a pit in my stomach, pulling, weighted. I let it sit. "Can I help you with this?"

"I have money saved up."

"I can get this place ready in a jiffy, Yuna." I say, getting up. "Give me the grand tour!"

She laughs, getting up from the chair, addressing me. "I know—you are very capable but…"

"You're nesting, I understand. I just want to help."

"What do you see?"

"I see a couple coats of paint, refinished floors. Lots of baby-proofing." I step near her, "I see linen curtains and overstuffed couches. I see a four poster bed and a yellow nursery."

I see coming home, parking my car in the driveway and I smell chicken cooking on the stove, a child napping on the couch. I look around the ill-lit room and I see all the things I can turn it into.

* * *

Hello? Is this thing still on? Sometimes I go through and edit this story to warm up for other projects. All the chapters with proper titles have been edited within the last week, somewhat. I think I did the one during the tournament half asleep. I'm a journalist now, Culture Editor for the Sheaf. You can check out my articles at: /author/jennamann/

This took a while for me to write because I'm currently working and working on my novel. Reviews are appreciated, they make me feel awesome and want to continue with the story. Let me know what you think, all things considered this is a pretty big chapter, I guess.

Thanks to Deajei for editing, as always! And thanks to my readers for sticking around and reviewing.

See you in a bit!

-Jenn.


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